- The entire opening diatribe from Mr. Exposition, Ferris Bueller. He explains his situation, how to properly fake being sick, and even what he was supposed to be doing in school.
Ferris: I do have a test today; that wasn't bullshit. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be Fascist Anarchists, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
- "One Man's Struggle To Take It Easy"
- "Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?"
- "Anyone? Anyone?"
- Even better than Ben Stein is the incredibly boring teacher in the class that Sloan is pulled out of:
Teacher: In......... what........... way.......... does the author's......
- When Ed finds out Sloan's grandmother "died", he wants Grace to get Mr. Peterson's daytime number. But then "Peterson" (actually Cameron disguising his voice) beats Grace to the punch. Grace still asks Ed, "Do you still want Mr. Peterson's daytime number?" Ed just gives her a, "Are you kidding??" look, and Grace quickly realizes what a stupid question that was and smiles.
- "ED! Ferris Bueller's on line two!" The most epic Oh, Crap moment to ever grace the silver screen.
- "Pardon my French, but you're an asshole!"
- The slap Ferris gives Cameron out of nowhere when he makes the situation worse.
- "You have reached the Coughlin Brother's mortuary. We are DEEPLY sorry we are unable to answer your call, but if you LEEEAVE your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as is humanly possible."
- The entirety of the art gallery scene. Especially this◊.
- Jeannie to the intruder (actually Principal Rooney): "Excuse me: if whoever was in this house is still in the house, I'd like you to know that I've just called the police. I'd also like to add that I've got my father's gun and a scorching case of herpes."
- Moments prior to that, Jeannie and Rooney each think Ferris is in the house, before Jeannie jumps out to catch him and Rooney jumps out, startling her. She screams and kicks him in the face three times, followed by cutaway scenes of her running back upstairs while Rooney collapses. Jeanie actually reaches the top of the stairs before he hits the floor!
- Talking about Cameron's car.
Ferris: Cameron, I'm sorry, but we can't pick up Sloane in your car. Mr. Rooney would never believe Mr. Peterson drives that piece of shit.Cameron: It's not a piece of shit.Ferris: It is a piece of shit. Don't worry about it, I don't even have a piece of shit; I have to envy yours.
- The parking garage employees making the Ferrari fly over the camera as the Star Wars theme plays full blast.
- The cut to Ferris about to play the clarinet: "Never had ONE lesson." *plays clarinet horribly*
- Ferris disguising himself from afar as Sloane's father to get her out of school. Then tops it by making out with her in front of Rooney ("Do you have a kiss for Daddy?"), who is squicked out but walks away.
Rooney: So that's how it is in their family...
- "And here's where Cameron goes berserk."
- The telegram nurse.
I heard that you were feeling illHeadache, fever, and a chillI came to help restore your pluck'Cause I'm the nurse who likes to—(Jeannie slams the door)
- Rooney frantically running down the hallway, then slowing down to a speed-walk as he passes the classroom doors.
- When everybody but Ferris gets home:
Tom: What's wrong?
Katie: Everything. I just picked up Jeanie from the police station. (...) She got a speeding ticket, another speeding ticket, and I lost the Vermont deal because of her.
Tom: I think we should shoot her.
- When Ed Rooney is on the phone: "Grace! GRACE!! GRAAAAAACE!!!!"
- A truck honks the horn to "Shave and a haircut", and Rooney gives the finger to the beat of "two bits".
- (holding vase of flowers, heading towards Bueller's guard dog) "Look what Uncle Ed has for you, ya little fucker."
- Rooney entering the school bus at the end. The kids give him a look that just screams, "...this is the Dean of Students we're supposed to be terrified of?"
- Ferris playing "The Blue Danube" with his computer's cough sound bytes.
- Even before that, he's using the program while talking to students from school over the phone. When talking to one particular girl, Ferris skips pressing individual keys, and instead holds several down at once. At one point he says, "Uh-oh!" and leans his entire arm on the whole keyboard, producing the most God-awful noise imaginable. The smile he gives sells the scene; could be more Matthew Broderick cracking up than Ferris.
- (Jeanie on the phone) "Well where is she? This is her daughter. Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything??" (hangs up)
- "Ferris Bueller, you're my hero!" The tone in which it is said just makes it better.
- Rooney slowly peeking over the gate... only for the Bueller guard dog to bark him back down. The timing of the dog's bark is just perfect.
- When Rooney visits a pizza bar, Ferris and Cameron are on TV at a baseball game, but Rooney is looking down at that moment. The instant he looks up, the TV changes to other footage, so he just barely missed them. Also, this bit:
Rooney: What's the score?
Pizza joint owner: Nothin' nothin'.
Rooney: Who's winning?
Pizza joint owner: The Bears.
- Grace's scene with Jeannie:
Grace: Hello Jeannie, what's bothering you now?
Jeannie: Is Mr. Rooney in?
Grace: No, I'm sorry. He's not. May I help you?
Jeannie: I seriously doubt it. When's he back?
Grace: Well, I don't know. He's left the school grounds on personal business.
Jeannie: What's that supposed to mean?!
Grace: Well, I believe that it's personal and it's none of your business, young lady.
Jeannie: Nice attitude.
Grace: Isn't Mrs. Hagel expecting you in Consumer Ed. class?
Jeannie: Probably. (leaves)
Grace: Mmm-mmm-mmm, what a little asshole.
- The "pre-recorded message" scene.
(Rooney buzzes the Bueller's doorbell)
Bueller: (through intercom, weakly) Who is it?
Rooney: It's Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd like to have a word with you.
Bueller: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences.
Rooney: Save it, Ferris. Come down here.
Bueller: You can reach my parents at their places of business.
Rooney: I'm not leaving until you come down here and talk to me.
Bueller: Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being.
Rooney: You're in big trouble, buster!
Bueller: Have a nice day.
Rooney: Ferris! FERRIS!!! (bangs the door handle and tries the buzzer again)
Bueller: Who is it?
Rooney: You know damn well who it is!
Bueller: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs- (a lightbulb in Rooney's head goes off and he realizes it's a recording)
- Rooney's secretary Grace, summing up Ferris Bueller's universal acclaim as The Ace (as well as giving a nice sociological breakdown of 80s high school subculture):
Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.