"My name is Gregory Goyle and I smell." Written next to the entry on trolls for bonus points.
The book's intro talks about how wizardkind sought to differentiate between "beings" and "beasts", with the first classification of a "being" being anything that walks on two legs. This subsequently leads to chaos at a meeting of all these "beings": trolls smash the place up, hags look for children to eat, and Augureys make a huge din. Ultimately, the wizard in charge of opening the meeting runs cursing from the hall after slipping on some Porlock dung.
This conversation scrawled on the first page:
Harry: This book belongs to Harry Potter.
Ron: Shared by Ron Weasley because his fell apart.
Hermione: Why don't you buy a new one then?
Ron: Write on your own book, Hermione.
Hermione: You bought all those Dungbombs on Saturday, you could have bought a new book instead.
Ron: Dungbombs rule.
And of course Janus Thickey's "last words", a scribbled note saying:
"Oh no, a Lethifold's got me, I'm suffocating"
And later it turned out that he was actually having an affair with a local barmaid. Naturally, his wife was not pleased.
The Niffler. When it escapes from Newt's suitcase into a bank, Newt tracks it down to a bank vault, wallowing among the contents of a safe deposit box. He scoops it up, and it gives him a cute look — then he turns it upside down and a small mountain of coins, jewels and gold bars falls out of its storage pouch. Then Newt tickles the Niffler to get more to fall out!
Later, when it's escaped again, he and Jacob find it pilfering trinkets in a jewelry shop, made even funnier when it tries to pose as adisplay dummy — followed by Newt making a face that screams "really?" when he sees this. Newt proceeds to clamber all over the cases trying to retrieve it, smashing various articles, and at one point ends up swinging from the shop's chandelier. Meanwhile Jacob's waiting outside, getting more and more nervous as the noise level rises - and then one of the catches on Newt's suitcase flips open, and something within roars.Poor Jacob.
And then the cops show up. Jacob, covered with jewelry from the store the niffler was rummaging through, points down the street and says, "They went that way officer".
While Newt and Tina are at her desk in the Wand Permit Office, she hides behind her desk when Abernathy comes in asking her if she butted into another Investigative Team meeting. Even Newt is amused by this according to the screenplay.
When Newt and Jacob are in Tina and Queenie's apartment as the sisters prepare dinner, Newt's itching to leave and is heading for the door. Queenie curtails him by asking if he prefers pie or strudel. When he nervously says he doesn't have a preference, she turns to ask Jacob - who's already seated and tucking in a napkin, with an eager smile on his face.
This conversation between Tina and Queenie as they're setting the table, where Queenie learns what Tina had for lunch:
Queenie: Hotdog, again?
Tina: [annoyed] Don't read my mind.
Queenie: [disapprovingly] Not a very wholesome lunch...
The ending of the official teaser has Newt descend into his suitcase while Jacob watches with wide eyes, a mug halfway to his mouth. Then Newt whistles, his hand beckoning from the suitcase, and Jacob can only point at himself in bewilderment.
Even better in the movie itself: when Newt climbs into his suitcase, Jacob lets out a loud, shocked "PAHA!" before Newt calls him over.
Then as Jacob is getting in, he makes it about halfway before getting stuck and struggles to get himself the rest of the way in.
Kowalski's reaction to seeing all the magical weirdness around him and accepting it; "I ain't got the brains to make this up."
This exchange, if only for Newt's blunt way of saying it:
On a meta level, Eduardo Lima, one of the graphic designers for this series as well as the Potter series, inserted the headline "No-Maj singer is a goblin" into one of the prop newspapers.
Newt objecting to Queenie naming Ilvermorny as the best magical school in the world, and defending Hogwarts' own claim.
Jacob: Is there a school, a wizardry school, here in America?
Queenie: Of course! Ilvermorny. It's only the best wizard school in the whole world!
Newt: I think you'll find the best wizarding school in the world is Hogwarts.
When Credence's Obscurus is rampaging around New York towards the end, Newt tries to go after him, giving his bag of magical creatures over to Tina to hold it for him before apparating off to find Credence. Tina holds it for a moment before handing it off to Queenie saying she needs to hold it so she can go after Newt. Then Queeniehands it over to Jacob and starts trying to go after Tinabefore Jacob stops her.
After days of his beasts escaping his suitcase and wreaking havoc, Newt finally secures the suitcase better so none of them can escape again. By tying it up with string.