Funny / Family Matters

  • The episode where Urkel builds an atom bomb and detonates it.
    Urkel's voice echoing, as the city is engulfed in a mushroom cloud: Did I do that?!
  • Steve's imagination sequence where he, dressed as Superman for Halloween, beats up a bank robber.
    • Right beforehand, there's this exchange:
      Steve: Laura, I think I can take this guy!
      Laura: Steve, he has a gun. He'll shoot you and you'll die. [Beat] Go for it!
  • On the first episode with Myrtle, Steve attempts to serenade Laura with his accordion. Hilarity Ensues.
    Rachel: "Well, it's more like Steve's playing caused the neighbors to throw bricks at his house."
  • In one episode, Eddie dents the car and resorts to illegal gambling with Steve (who never loses) to work up the money to pay for repairs. After he's caught and arrested, Carl gives him a long lecture about fessing up when making a mistake to prevent things from getting out of hand like that. Immediately afterward, Harriet gives Carl the exact same lecture as the second plot of the episode involved Carl accidentally throwing away the cremated ashes of Harriet's recently-deceased great aunt and trying to cover it up. Harriet even had to start her speech over because the audience was laughing so hard and she waited for it to die down.
    Urkel: Relax Eddie, there is absolutely nothing that can stop us.
    Police officer: Freeze! This is a raid!
    Urkel: Except that.
  • One episode has Carl and Estelle playing a Mortal Kombat spin-off with an elderly grandma fighting a ninja. Just hearing the "Grandma Wins!" in the deep MK voice makes the whole thing worth it.
    • Later on Waldo challenges Estelle and initially wins playing as the ninja, until Estelle changes her character to Steve Urkel and makes a comeback.
  • The three-part Disaster Dominoes building up to Steve and Myra's first kiss, with him making a mess of setting up folding chairs until he throws one into the grill, fumbling around her backyard furniture until he breaks a window, and finally struggling with her hammock.
  • Carl has a dream of being a sheriff in the Old West with Urkel as a notorious gunman. Whenever someone mentions "Two Gun Urkel," a dramatic organ music cue plays with everyone looking around in confusion. After it plays for the fifth time, Urkel declares "Let's get together a posse and track down that dang orchestra!"
    • Even better: After Carl wakes up, he and Steve have a nice talk, the soundtrack doing the usual "heartwarming theme"....and they both look around baffled "Where is that coming from?" The episode ends with them looking around for the source.
  • Richie and 3J are hiding out in the attic and Steve uses an infrared tracking device to find them. However, when he first turns it on, it picks up on Carl.
    Harriette: "What's that big blob?"
  • In the episode "Baker's Dozen", after trying Carl's secret family recipe, Lemon Tarts, Rachael thought of the idea of selling them. Carl thought it's a great idea, until he learns he has to make 12,000 tarts by the coming monday. So everyone (except Harriet) start making the tarts. But after a few hours, they only made several hundreds. Due to the stress of it all, a misunderstanding caused a food fight between Carl and Rachael. Rachael accidentally threw flour at Laura, who then tries to get back at her with more flour. Eddie yells "food fight!" and starts throwing some tarts at Carl, then he throws some back. It escalates, until they were interrupted by Urkel, who asked if there's anything to eat. Everyone throws some tarts at him before resuming their fight. When Harriet shows up to stop them...
    Harriet: Look at you people! Look at my kitchen! Have you all lost your minds!?
    Rachael: He started it!
    Carl: Did not!
    Rachael: Did too!
    Laura: (overlapping with Carl and Rachael) It wasn't me!
    Carl: Did not!
    Rachael: Did too!
    Eddie: I was minding my own business.
    Urkel: I just came over for a snack!
    Harriet: I don't care who started it! It's over! Now I'm not gonna say how you destroyed my kitchen! Or how you all act like children! Or what a dumb idea this was to begin with! I'm not gonna say that!
    Carl: I'm not gonna say she started it.
    Rachael: And I'm not gonna say I had lousy help!
    Harriet: Good. I'm glad we're all in agreement.
    Carl: (whispering) You started it.
    Rachael: (whispering) Did not.
    Carl: (whispering) Did too.
    Rachael: (whispering) Did not.
    Harriet: SHUT UP!!
    (Carl and Rachael quickly stuck their tongues out at each other.)
    Urkel: (licking some of the cream on him) Can I have a glass of milk to go with my face?
    • Rachael's grumpy face during the whole scene was hilarious.
    • Harriet: "It was everybody's fault. Except mine."
  • When Waldo is involved, there will more likely than not be one of these. For example:
    (in a courtroom)
    Urkel: State your name.
    Waldo: Illinois.
    Urkel: No Waldo, state your name, not name your state.
    Waldo: Oh. Waldo Geraldo Faldo. From Illinois.
  • In one episode concerning Eddie's virginity, he explains to Laura that girls are supposed to be virgins, not guys. Laura points out the problem in this by asking who guys are supposed to be having sex with.
  • Steve and Laura accidentally seeing each other in the buff when they unknowingly try to use the same shower at once.
  • Eddie plowing a car into the Winslow house.
  • The Christmas special where Carl and Steve are trying to set up lights to decorate the house and cause a worldwide power outage.
  • In "The Party", where Carl, Harriet, Rachel, and Carl's mother are on their way to Sheboygan.
    • After waiting for the tow truck for so long:
    Carl: I don't get it! I specifically told him we're by the 180 sign!
    Harriet: (wipes the snow from the sign) Carl, the sign has 130!
    Carl: (takes a look) Didn't I say 130?
    Harriet: No! You said 180!
    Carl: That explains the delay. Please don't tell Rachel and mama.
    Harriet: Fine! Let's just get inside the car!
    (after getting in)
    Rachel: Well, what's going on?
    Harriet: Carl got the sign wrong. We're back to square one.
    Carl: They had to beat that out of you didn't they?
    • The highway patrol officer arrives:
    Officer: What seems to be the problem?
    Carl: We have some car trouble.
    Officer: Where are you folks heading?
    Carl: We're on our way to Sheboygan.
    Officer: On this road? Nobody takes this road to Sheboygan.
    (Harriet, Rachel, and Carl's mom glare at him)
    Carl: (laughing nervously) See Harriet? I'm the only one who knows this shortcut.
  • Carl's stress relief mantra from a cheap brochure:
    Carl: the heck is bothering me? (Glances at Steve Urkel) THREE-TWO-ONE... ONE-TWO-THREE! WHAT THE HECK IS BOTHERING ME!?
    • Then he gets fed up with giving Steve driving lessons and finds the answer to the question...
    Carl: Three-two-ONE! One-two-THREE! What the HECK is bothering ME?!?.........YOU!!!
  • When Steve and Stefan traded places.
    Laura: Why didn't you ask me instead of being somebody that you're not?
    Stefan: Because I'm... Stupid.
  • Steve Urkel the sleepwalker, getting vengeance for all the times Carl has manhandled him by acting out a subconscious desire to hit him back while dead asleep.
  • A Side Bet between Richie and his new friend Little G, after the latter meets Carl for the first time.
    Little G: "OK, you win. He does look like the father on Fresh Prince!" -James Avery walks through the Winslows' front door.-
  • Steve and Laura come home from bowling and Steve's wearing a kilt and has a bowling ball stuck on his toe and he zipped his bowling bag over his foot as well because he didn't want to look ridiculous.
    Laura: First he put on that stupid kilt. Then he made a stupid bet that he could bowl a stupid strike with his stupid foot. Then he got his stupid TOE caught in the stupid ball!
    Steve: Well, it could have happened to anyone.
    Laura: Oh, don't be stupid!
    • Carl's nightmare from the same episode where he dreams he's in the future and that Steve and Laura got married and had lots of mini Urkels (with another on the way; in turn, Laura got pregnant from Steve kissing her on the cheek).
  • The sequence in "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Urkel", where Laura's guardian angel switches Steve and her's lives so they become Steve Winslow and Laura Urkel. This leads to Carl and Harriet's roles being reversed as Harriet is the one who tries to hurt Laura after she destroys Harriet's gingerbread house:
    Laura Urkel Did I do that?
    Harriet Yeah. And I'm 'bout to do this COME HERE! (lunges at her, Carl and Eddie hold her back)
  • The episode "Citizen's Court" had plenty of this. Not surprising, considering it was about Steve suing Carl after the latter killed his Peruvian stick bug. Of particular note are Carl's reaction to finding said bug on his chest during a nap, Steve's pronunciation of "bric-a-brac," and Eddie's testimony about his hamster, Mr. Fluffkins.
    • This exchange between Carl and Estelle:
    Carl: (about the bug) Did you see the size of that thing!?
    Estelle: I bet that's what the bug was thinking too.
  • In one episode, Eddie blames behavior at school on a bad home life. His teacher visits the home and finds the following: Richie is literally making meals out of junk food; Judy comments that she's sick of having only candy bars for dinner; Estelle is talking about buying men note ; and Carl is demanding where some clothing is so he can wear it to buy drugs note . The entire scene and the reaction of the teacher (who doesn't know the context of any of this) is priceless.
    • The subplot was also pretty funny; Harriet was fed up with being taken for granted, so she decided to go on strike. This is actually why half the stuff mentioned above was happening in the first place.
    • After everyone apologizes, Harriet declares her "strike" over and is ready to clean up. Carl says that "I set the bad example, I'll set the good one" and tells the family to go out for dinner. "When you get back, the place will be spic and span!" As soon as they leave, some guys from "Spic and Span Cleaners" show up.
    Cleaner: We're going to need backup.
  • The first sign that Myra may be a little bit off her rocker:
    Urkel: And last week, she signed up for my chemistry class!
    Laura: Well, what's wrong with that?
    Urkel: She doesn't go to our school!
  • At one point, Carl warns Harriet against "smothering" the kids by giving a comparison to a mother seal accidentally crushing her young while trying to protect them from a minor threat. Harriet's response?
    Harriet: Carl. Take a long look at me, then take a long look at yourself. Which one of us looks more likely to smother something?
  • Some episodes end with a deliciously-subtle implication that Harriette and Carl are about to retire to their bedroom to have make-up sex.
  • In season one Laura is having a garage sale and despite it raining she insists Judy stands outside in the rain, Judy comes inside announcing she quits. Laura asks how people will find the house without her waving her flashlight.
    Judy: I'm wet, I'm cold, and I'm cranky. Don't mess with me!
  • Steve and Carl are storing some of Steve's inventions in the police lockup when a street gang comes in looking for contraband. What happens is a conversation set to "Camptown Races".
    Steve: Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Gun, Carl. Gun, Carl. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Pull your gun right now!
    Carl: I didn't bring my gun. I don't know what to say.
    Steve: What the heck is wrong with you?
    Gang Members: Oh, dee doo dah day!
  • "The Looney Bin" finds Steve and Carl trapped in the school's old bomb shelter with janitor Alfred Looney. It's French. What's worse, they're trapped over a three-day weekend, meaning ostensibly, no one will find them until Tuesday. Ever-optimistic, Steve and Loonay decide to pass the time singing show tunes. They urge the increasingly angry Carl to join in, who does, with this:
    Carl: "I have a gun. I just might shoot you...if you don't stop...with the singing! No jury will convict me!
  • During the episode "Boom," Lt. Murtaugh decided Carl needed to lose weight, so he ordered him to work out on a specialized treadmill. It turns out that Nitro Newton, the Boston Bomber, planted a bomb inside said treadmill, thinking the person using it was Murtaugh (who had previously stopped him). Carl alerts the entire police gym to the danger; except for a female cop named Krowolski, they all run like heck. Carl tells Krowolski to call the bomb squad; she offers to get Lt. Murtaugh as well. To this, Carl says, "Krowolski, if this bomb goes off it'll kill anybody who's in the room with me! Get him in here!"
  • While a little bit of Harsher in Hindsight within the episode after revealing why Carl is in such a bad mood, his complaining about Eddie putting things off until "tomorrow" is hilariously delivered.
    Carl: Why is it always "Tomorrow" with that boy? Clean up your room, Edward. "Tomorrow, dad!" Take out the trash, Edward. "Tomorrow, dad!" Pass the salt, Edward! "Tomorrow, dad!"
  • One episode has Steve save Carl's life via CPR and Eddie offers to take Steve joyriding with him and his friends. Steve is hesitant to go along:
    Steve: I dunno about this, Eddo. Last time you invited me along you left me in the cemetery in my underpants.
  • Laura and Myra in the cafeteria arguing with each other, each taking turns smashes various types of food into the others hair and face, while Steve weakly tries to discourage them (essentially a watered down version of him enjoying a cat fight between the two). However, when they accidentally spray HIM with ketchup and mustard, he wipes off his glasses and declares:
    (Cue all the other students in the cafeteria picking up food and throwing it at others)
  • Urkel's weird recitation in class of a poem by Ernest Vincent Wright, "When Father Carves The Duck".
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