Funny: Empire Records

  • Debra and Gina blithely observe Lucas chase shoplifter Warren around the store:
    Gina: Isn't it customary to *leave* the scene after committing the crime?
    Debra: Definitely an amateur.
    • Followed by Gina's announcement to the customers:
    Gina: Attention Rex Manning fans, to your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by night manager, Lucas. This young man will be caught, deep fried in a vat of hot oil and served to our first hundred customers. (laughs) Just another tasty treat from the gang at Empire Records.
  • Gina wearing Music Town apron. "I think Music Town is torn on the whole 'revealing clothing' issue."
    • Even funnier is Lucas trying to cover Warren's eyes while Gina is dancing, and Warren pulling away.
  • Debra and Gina's Snark-to-Snark Combat:
    Debra: No visible tattoos.
    Gina: No revealing clothing.
    Debra: We're both screwed. At least you're used to it.
    Gina: Oh now, Debra, don't be bitter, surely with your ever growing collection of flesh mutilating silver appendages and your brand new neo-nazi boot camp makeover the boys will come a-runnin'.
  • "You play a mean guitar, Mark! It's really a shame that you must...DIE!"
    • And of course, Mark's reaction to seeing himself devoured on stage.
  • "Empire Records, we're open till midnight, this is Mark... (Beat) midnight."
    • Doubly funny for anyone who has ever worked any Customer Service/Reception position involving such a canned phrase... or who has ever called such a business only needing to know the business hours.