Funny / Ellery Queen

• Just about anything with Simon Brimmer
  • The time in The Adventure of Miss Aggie's Farewell Performance where his boss at the radio station tries to hire Ellery to replace Simon after he fails to name the correct culprit.
  • Simon reading a self-aggrandizing poem about himself in the climax of one episode that includes the line "Policemen snoop without a glimmer, to solve the case, call Simon Brimmer."
  • The scene from The Black Falcon where he talks about how often he's seen the police aware of how they're being Locked Out of the Loop about something and unaware of what's going on, even as a body has been discovered nearby and Simon is visibly experiencing those exact same feelings he's describing as he helplessly watches the frenzied whispering and movements from the stage.
  • Simon complains about how letters from his listeners are complaining about how unconvincing his sound effects are. His sound man says that it's just one letter, written by a nine-year-old girl.
  • Referring to a suspicious death the victim (fearing for his life) left him a message to investigate as a private murder because the police haven't taken an interest in it.
  • Making a recording of the Summation Gathering for his show in The Adventure of the Lovers Leap and irritably telling his assistant to destroy it after he turns out to be wrong and is upstaged by Ellery once again.
  • Simon calling Ellery in The Adventure of the Pharaohs Curse to say that he's solved the case but will mention his name (in passing) to the press only to find out how Ellery had solved the case and fingered a different culprit. The scene then turns into a Newhart Phonecall as Simon repeats the developments of the case Ellery is telling him (such as that Ellery's suspect has confessed), and claims that he had been considering that man as an alternate culprit but just hadn't gotten as far as describing that yet. Then Simon finds out that the reporters who he'd summoned to reveal ''his'' solution to have just arrived.
  Simon: Tell them I am indisposed.
  • Earlier in that episode, Simon declaring No ones capitalizing on this case but me!
  • His efforts to claim that he'd spotted a forged painting only for it to turn out the actual flaw which the art appraiser had spotted was something Simon had missed and Inspector Queen had commented on in passing.
  • Simon being stuck on the radio with a bunch of dead air in The Adventure of the Tyrant of Tin Pan Alley after a case has been solved and none of the other suspects are interested in bailing him out, causing him to desperately fall back on recounting his childhood to the radio listeners (having to reveal he had a teddy bear name Muffy).
• Inspector Queen being stuck dancing with Velie's wife at the New Year's Party (and a bit later having to refuse the mayor permission to leave).
• Ellery's efforts to make it to the crime scene in the second episode while also trying to make it up to his girlfriend for missing their date.
• The local obituary writer revealing that he was updating the obituary of the President (due to always keeping obituaries on standby for celebrity figures) causing his grandmother to think the president is actually dead and say she hadn't heard before going on about his poor wife.
• Ellery's poor attempts at the plumbing, and how his dad tries to keep him off the case until it's fixed.
• Frank Flanigan blowing his new TV show by smoking a cigarette on a program advertising cigars.
• The vice squad's interest in the burlesque show from The Adventure of Veronica's Veils and how the dancer has to keep being reminded not to take it all off in order to keep them from being shut down (and when she does Simon is among those who gets hauled off to the paddy wagon in the confusion).
• During The Adventure of the Sinister Scenario, the episode with the movie about Ellery, Inspector Queen's outrage at finding out how many of his characters lines have been cut.
• The mob boss from Caesar's Last Sleep pretending to be buddies with the District Attorney in order to embarrass him in front of the reporters.
• Ellery's Drives Like Crazy scenes in The Pharoh's Curse dictating while driving (Inspector Queen wisely decides not to ride with him). At one point he asks his assistant Margie where a car behind them came from and is skeptical that it was a street and not a driveway, until Margie informs him it was a big enough street for a stoplight, which he apparently ran.
  • From the same episode, Ellery's reaction whenever Margie points out a mistake in the manuscript, especially since Margie doesn't initially realize they're mistakes and is cheerfully discussing the text thinking they're clues.
  • Also in "Pharoh's Curse" - while Ellery and Magrie are at the kitchen table discussing the manuscript, Inspector Queen comes in, pours some coffee, and takes one sip before dumping it down the sink. After a beat, he picks up the coffee pot and empties that down the sink too. To keep the joke going, Ellery, still deep in conversation with Maggie, gets up, refills his cup without noticing the pot is now empty, sits back down again, and then takes a sip - only then realizing his cup is still empty.
• Actually, any of Ellery's Drives Like Crazy scenes qualify.
• In "Caesar's Last Sleep" the police claim that the eponymous mob witness died in a bombing of his house to try and keep him under wraps, only for him to be killed anyway. They visit his mistress, who comments about how first he was supposed to be dead then he was alive and if he is still alive this time she doesn't want any part of it. When they assure her that Caesar really is dead, she relies "That's what they said last time."
• In "The Mad Tea Party", actress Emmy Reinhart talking about a role she just turned down and thought poorly of, which in real life ended up winning Jane Wyman (who is specifically mentioned) a Best Actress Oscar. (The 1948 movie Johnny Belinda)
• In "The Mad Tea Party," after Spencer Lockridge disappears, Ellery says that if he's been kidnapped, then calling the police could endanger his life. Spencer's mother-in-law urges the others to call the police immediately.