Funny moments from DBZ Abridged. WARNING: You might be here a while.
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DBZ Abridged - Episodes 1- 10
Episode 1
All of the farmer's lines, despite the fact that he only has about 4 of them in the entire series.
Farmer: (notices spaceship crash on his farm in the distance) OH GOD NO, MY MARIJUANA PATCH! I mean uhhh, my carrot patch. Uh... YEAH.(approaches crashed spaceship) Guess I'll do what any sensible Middle American would do in this situation (pulls out rifle): GIT MAH GUN! (Notices Raditz getting out of his ship) HOLY CRAP, IT'S SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! Oh wait, no... Its an alien! HOLY S***, IT'S AN ALIEN!
Raditz: Now I have arrived on this dead plane-f oh wait, it's not dead. Did Kakarot screw this up again? I knew we should have sent Turles.
Farmer: (thinking) I better think of something cool to say to make him stop... (shouting) HEY YOU! (thinking again) Genius, farmer... Genius.
Raditz: Isn't that cute? He thinks he's people. What's your power level? Five, huh?
Farmer: (shoots) PROTECT ME, GUN!
Raditz: (catches the bullet) No! Bad human! Bad. (Flicks it back)
For added hilarity, this troper always thought he said "a pool." Because it seemed like something Raditz would have said, with Bardock looking frustrated and annoyed at him.
Goku meeting Raditz.
Goku: So what are you here for? The Dragon Balls?
Raditz:The...the Dragon's what?
Goku: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them? They grant you any wish you want? Like immortality.
Oolong: Or Bulma's panties.
[Cut to some alien bug planet]
Nappa: Hey Vegeta did you hear that?
Vegeta: Oh yeah, we're totally going to go to Earth to get our wish.
Nappa: Yeah we're going to get panties!... I mean immortality. Immortality is what I meant. Right Vegeta?
Raditz: Aha! Attacking an opponent up to four times your strength in a one-on-one battle. A cunning strategy... no, no, not cunning. What's the opposite of that?
Piccolo: (offscreen) Retarded?
Raditz: That's it, thank you! Now, disregarding the Namekian, I-
Goku: Ah- [he's] a Yoshi.
Piccolo: (offscreen) I'm not a goddamn Yoshi!
Goku: But you said you were!
Piccolo: (offscreen) It's called sarcasm!
Goku: What's that taste like?
Piccolo: (offscreen) DAMMIT Goku!!
"DAMN YOU, HINDSIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!"
Bleh.
Right after Goku dies:
Krillin: Holy crap. (cheerfully): I'm not the first person to die in this series!
Piccolo mentally singing Mahna Mahna while Goku "distracts" Raditz.
Episode 3
King Yemma's rant about his (Mahogany!) desk.
King Yemma: And not just any mahogany! But mahogany from the planet of Malchior 7! Where the trees are 300 feet tall and breathe fire! From these trees this desk was forged 2,000 years ago, using ancient blood rituals of the ancient Malchior people! Not only does this make my desk nigh indestructable, but it can bend the fabric of the universe itself! Also, it's a very fine material. Very expensive.
The reward of the Arlians freed by Nappa and Vegeta.
Arlian: You have freed our race! We shall erect statues of you...
Nappa: Well, isn't that nice of them, Vegeta?
Arlian: ...Out of our dung!
Nappa: (beat) Well, isn't that nice of them, Vege-
Vegeta: We're leaving, Nappa.
Nappa: 'Kay.
Absolutely anything Mr. Popo says.
Kami: Mr. Popo, where did you send them? Popo: I'll tell you where they're not: safe.
Hell, the first time he speaks:
Popo: Alright maggots, listen up. Popo's 'bout to teach you the pecking order: it goes you, the dirt, the worms inside the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami; and Popo. Any questions? Krillin: Uh, yeah, I- (cut to outside shot of lookout as sounds of fighting can be heard, followed by a black dot falling off said lookout) AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH! (Krillin Owned Count: 3) Popo: Enjoy the climb back up, bitch. Any more questions? (silence) Good. Then we can begin.
Everything he says in episode 11.
Or episode 24.
Kami: Mr.Popo, what are you watering?
Mr.Popo: Pot.
Kami: Pots of what?
Mr.Popo: Pot. (beat) I'm not getting rid of it.
Kami: Are you kidding? That shit's great for my glaucoma.
Krillin: HEY! Stop treating me like a joke dammit! I've got a new technique— which I probably could've used earlier and maybe saved all of our friends' lives— but that's beside the point! (charging a disc of energy in his hand) Get ready for my destructo disc!
Picollo: (barely alive) Laaame.
Krillin: Now, take THIS! (throws the disc at an angle, where it grinds across the ground before heading towards Nappa and Vegeta)
Nappa: Oooh! A frisbee Vegeta!
Vegeta: Nappa, no! It's a trick!
Nappa: But Vegeta... tricks are for kids.
Vegeta: ... You know what, Nappa? On second thought, catch it. Catch it with your teeth.
Nappa: Yay, like a doggy! (gets cut by the disc, which rebounds towards a small mountain) Ow!
Ricola guy: Riiicola— (disc explodes, cutting off the mountain's top half) Oh goddammit! (mountain half falls and breaks into pieces)
Team Four Star presents their version of one of the most famous Memetic Mutations in anime history:
Nappa: Vegeta! What does the scouter say about his power level?! Vegeta: It's... one thousand and six. Nappa: ...Really? Vegeta: Yeah. Kick his ass, Nappa! Nappa: Yaaaaay! (Nappa gets his ass handed to him by Goku) Nappa: (while Vegeta is delivering the below lines) My arm doesn't bend that way! MY ARM DOESN'T BEND THAT WAY! *snap* Aaw, now it does! Vegeta: Hmmm... that doesn't seem right... wait, wait, wait wait! Nappa! Nappa: (collapses at Vegeta's feet) Whaaaaat?! Vegeta: I had the Scouter upside down. It's over nine thousand. (calmly crushes Scouter) Rah. Nappa: Why do you sound so bored?! Vegeta: Because he's still not a threat. Nappa: But- Vegeta: To me.
Nappa: Hey Vegeta, I'm a-firin' my BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
This episode ends with a surprisingly understated (yet hysterical) moment where Vegeta finally kills Nappa for his unrelenting stupidity at exactly nine minutes and eighteen seconds. His reaction is a simple smile.
Episode 10
Goku: Are you okay in there?
Vegeta: Yeah, I'm fan-f***ing-tastic. Nothing but gumdrops and ice cream in here.
Goku: Oh, really? Can I come in too?
Vegeta: ...I'm surrounded by idiots.
Goku: I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice cream!
How about this one when Oozaru Gohan fights Vegeta:
Goku: Gohan, this is daddy. I know you angry right now but you have to focus your anger. R-remember Icarus? (shows Icarus and explosion) He did it.
Vegeta: Well that's Bulls***! I haven't killed a damn thing since I came to this godforsaken planet. (Looks at camera) Not from lack of trying, mind you.
But the crowning moment of them all came at the very end of the first season as a throwaway gag. "GHOST NAPPA!"*
podcast, that joke was apparently planned almost from the beginning, making pretty much the entire first season a set-up to get to that punchline. Hence the name of the finale "The Punchline".]]
Vegeta, at the end of episode 10, comes across an old friend, much to his horror
Vegeta: I'm going to obliterate you, and the rest of this planet myself with my own two-
Goku: KAIO-KEN!
Vegeta: Kaio-what? (Punched repeatedly in the face, before breaking away the combo with a kick to the chin) Okay... not bad... but still nothing compared to me!
And again.
Vegeta: I told you Kakarot! There's no way you can measure up to an elite like me! You're fighting a losing battle here. You might as well just surrender this pathetic planet now and-
Goku: KAIOKEN TIMES THREE!
Vegeta: Times wha-(PUNCH) GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! (sent flying and crashes into a mountain) This... proves... nothing...
Ginyu (in Goku's body): This is absurd! His power level was a league above my own when we fought! What the blazes is going on?!
Goku (in Ginyu's body): Ha ha! You don't know any of my techniques!
Ginyu: What techniques? Tell me!
Goku: I'm not gonna tell you how to use the Kaio-ken!
Ginyu: Kaio-wha-? (Kicked by Gohan and Krillin at the same time)
Vegeta getting hit in the face with a Solar Flare.
"AAAAH. My eyes! Oh God, it's like walking in on Freeza in the shower. Wait a minute, Freeza's always naked - AAAAAAGGGGHHH!
This becomes even funnier in episode 15, when Dodoria is hit by a Solar Flare....And you can see a split second shot of Freeza's face PhotoShopped on a picture of a muscular man in the shower.
Also in general Vegeta getting hit in the eye.
Vegeta:" Again with the f***ing eye!!"
Vegeta:" The eye! The eye! Why is always that goddamned eye!!??"
This Bit Before Vegeta's Transformation:
Vegeta: Now watch, Kakarrot, as your life becomes inconsequential, as I reveal my GIANT MONKEY-
Random Guy in Crowd: Thank god I thought he meant penis!
DBZ Abridged - Episodes 11- 20
Episode 11
Gohan's extreme calling out to his mother, Chi Chi in episode 11:
Chi Chi: Well, all I know is that my little boy isn't going anywhere.
Gohan: Actually... Mom... I'm going to Namek.
Chi Chi (strained): As... I... Said. My little boy (now angry) ISN'T... GOING... ANYWHERE!!
Gohan: But, mom! Piccolo died for me! It's my responsibility!
Chi Chi: Gohan, I am your mother! And as your mother, you will listen to me and you will do as I say!
Gohan: But that's not...
Chi Chi: Did you carry around a baby in you for nine months...WITH A MAN WHO LITERALLY THOUGHT YOU HAD CINNA-BUNS HIDDEN IN YOUR SHIRT?!
Gohan: But I...
Chi Chi: Now you are going to lay in this hospital bed! Recover like a normal boy! And then, you're going right back to your advanced trig classes, AND THAT IS THE LAST WE WILL...!
Gohan (pissed):SHUT YOUR F**KING FACE!!!
(Pause)
Gohan (calm): I'll be going to Namek now.
Chi Chi (calm, too): You best. (slams door as she leaves the hospital)
Goku's failed attempt at borrowing Popo's magic flying carpet.
Mr. Popo: "MAKIN' TOAST! [...] BUTTERIN' TOAST!"
Season 2 gives us Goku's reaction to Popo.
Episode 12
Vegeta realizing how anyone might have found out about the dragon balls.
That's impossible, my transmitter was off the entire time! Whose scouter was... (eyes focus, cuts away to him riding a space pod screaming:) GODDAMMIT NAPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Episode 13
Roshi: (On the telephone) "Could you speak up? I'm not wearing any pants."
Every line uttered by Krillin in this episode.
(After successfully hiding from the onslaught of Freeza's forces.)
(after bing asked several times if he felt Freeza and his men's power levels) Krillin: Yes Gohan, I noticed! On the bright side, I no longerhave to pee anymore.
After dealing with Bulma being a total cocktease on the ship, Krillin... 'releases some tension and takes ten whole minutes for it. When Bulma goes into the cave to set up camp...
Bulma: "Oh God, it's everywhere!!"
The final moments of the episode, narrated by LittleKuriboh:
Narrator: A new evil has revealed its face. Who are these mysterious enemies, and do Gohan and Krillen stand a chance? The answers to these questions will be revealed... right now. Zarbon, Dadoria, Freeza, and Oh My, No.
Oh, the joke goes much farther than that. Originally, in order to avoid being caught by Dodoria, Krillin pretends to be a space duck by yelling "Quack!" over and over. After being caught, he yells a parting quack as he and Gohan take Dende away. Much later on, Goku arrives on Namek. As he goes on about the planet's beauty and splendor, he hears Krillin's anguished cries of pain... and thinks it's a space duck. He only catches on to the plight when Krillin gives out a pathetic "Quack".
When Freeza appears after Porunga is summoned, Krillin tries to fool him into beleiving he is a Space Duck... While he's standing directly in front of Freeza.
Freeza: Well Vegeta, you've finally pulled it off. You've managed to dash my hopes entirely... With some help, I see...
Krillin: QUACK!
Gohan: Krillin, seriously not helping.
Krillin: I can try...
Every response from Freeza and co. when the Namekian villagers did something to anger them.
Namekian Elder: "Why are you here? Why are you killing our people?"
Freeza: "Well I was just in the neighborhood, thought this was a lovely place for a summer home- Oh what the f*** do you think I'm here for!?"
What compounds the hilarity is that the second "What" sounds like (and probably is) Lanipator's real voice.
And this:
Dodoria: And that's why I was considered the most beautiful, and fertile, woman on my home planet. Before Freeza blew it up.
Later...
Dodoria: W-w-wait! You and I... we could team up against Freeza! Rule the Universe! ... As husband and wife.
Episode 16
The beginning of episode 16. The audience knows what's about to happen, and the happy music and cheerful outlook of the Namekians make the coming slaughter of them by Vegeta all the more hilarious.
Anything Guru said in the episode 16...
Guru: "Nail, I have a bitch of an itch on my left ass cheek."
[...]
Guru: [seeing Krillin] Naaaaaail. There is an albino Namekian in here. Kill it like the rest.
Krillin: Actually sir, I'm from Earth.
Guru: ...Kill it like the rest.
[...]
Guru: [Take the Dragon Ball]. Just don't steal the TV.
Nail: Sir, we... we don't have a television.
Guru: .... Naaaaail. Gather the rest of the Dragon Balls and wish for a plasma TV.
Nail: Sir, that would be a grievous misuse of their power.
Guru: I'm about to misuse my hand upside your heeeeaaaad!
[...]
Guru: So, the son of Katat has passed. Unfortunate.
Krillin: We just called him 'Kami'.
Guru: Oh, so he calls himself 'God'. Pretentious prick. Nail.
Nail: What?
Guru: I shall henceforth be known as: Super Kami.
Nail: Yes, Super Kami.
Guru: No, wait- Super Kami Guru.
Nail: Can I just call you Guru for short?
Guru: Super Kami Guru allows this.
This exchange:
Krillin: Aw, you made a friend, Little Green? Oh, I know, I'm gonna call you "Big Green"!
Nail: Call me that again and I'll snap your neck.
Krillin: With that attitude, I don't think you should be friends with him, Little Green.
Nail: Listen, I don't care where you come from or who you are, I will not put up with such disrespe-
Guru: BIG GREEEEN! Get in here...
Nail Big Green (irritated): Oh, good... goddamnit!
Episode 17
From episode 17:
Vegeta: I've got a lovely bunch of dragon balls, dodododoodo, here they are all sitting in a bunch, do doo do. One Star, Two Star, all as big as my head! Give em a toss, a planet across, that's how Vegeta wins BU-BYE!
And after that, him hiding in the water, complete with submarine noises:
Vegeta: Later, bitches. *awoooga! awoooga!*
The glorious return of Ghost Nappa:
'Ghost Nappa: (whistles) Is this thing on? Is it on? (tuning noises) OK, there we go! A-HA-HEM!! You are now thinking about what Zarbon did to you while you were unconscious. Have fun with that.
Vegeta's final words to Zarbon as he prepares to shoot a hole through his stomach. Doubly funny due to Zarbon's confused expression:
Vegeta: Let me put this in a way you'll understand; I'm about to blow my load all over your insides.
Zarbon: What the-
Vegeta: -No homo. [Va-VOOM].
And then what he says after he dies:
Vegeta: Freaky Alien Genotype.
This scene, especially the expressions Zarbon and Freeza have at the end of it.
Freeza: APPULE?! You left Appule here?!
Zarbon: Well I thought he could handle it!
Freeza: Appule couldn't handle a shot of raspberry schnapps, much less Vegeta!
King Kai's telepathic "call" to Goku.
King Kai: Hello Goku? Do you hear me? I swear to God, if this is George Takei again, I'm gonna shove a brick up the Verizon guy's ass!
Goku: King Kai?
King Kai then proceeds to order Goku to stay away from Freeza, warning him about his incredible power. Goku gets more and more excited about the prospect of fighting him until King Kai makes Goku promise not to do so.
Goku: Oh all right. I absolutely promise not to...click beeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
King Kai: What the-
Goku:...eeeeeeee *gasp* eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-
King Kai: He... he hung up on me! How the hell did he even do that?!? Damn it, I'll call him back! *dialing sounds* Goku, I swear to god I will ride your ass on this one!
Zarbon: In the healing tank. I always thought you needed to be nude.
Appule: Wh-... why would you think that?
Zarbon: You know, to... absorb all the healing... juices.
Appule: ...
Zarbon: ...Well, it looks like you have everything under control here! (quickly takes his leave)
Appule: ...Freaks me the f*** out.
Guru telling Dende how old he is in the stinger:
Dende: Guru sir, I have a question.
Guru: Ask away.
Dende: You've been around for so long. Just how old are you?
Guru: I am this many. [doesn't move]
Dende: You didn't raise your hand.
Guru: THAT'S HOW OLD I AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!
Episode 18
In episode 18: Vegeta discovers the Dragonball he hid away is missing. This irritates him.
On that same note, the fact that his scream can be heard by Goku in space, King Yemma in the afterlife (who mistakes it for his ex-wife) and TRUNKS TWENTY YEARS IN THE FUTURE ON ANOTHER PLANET IN AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE.
Vegeta: God, I love it when a plan comes together! Took some time, effort, and lots of bodies, but now it's mine. Immortality is my bitch! Now, it should be right here...riiiight here... Where the hell is it? It couldn't have gone anywhere... All right, I'm going to close my eyes, and when I open them up it's going to be right here- it's not here. Why isn't it here!? I don't get it! Who could've-?! The kid! But, how could he have found it, it was- Wait. That watch...that watch wasn't a watch at all! It was some kind of Dragon Ball locator! Which means...which means...!
Ghost Nappa: He took the Dragon Ball.
The whole "I need an adult" running gag
Gohan: So, uh, can I help you?
Vegeta: (gently puts his hand on Gohan's face) No... But maybe I can help you.
Gohan: Uh... I need an adult...
Vegeta: I am an adult. (Knees him in the stomach)
Vegeta: By the way, I only hit you because I have pent up aggression against your father. Take that. (flies away)
Later...
Krillin: Gohan, I'll be getting you to Guru's now.
Gohan: What? Why?
Krillin: So the old man can touch you, and pull things out of you that you never knew you had.
Gohan: ...I need an adult?
Krillin: I am an adult.
Later still...
Guru: Now, relax as I reach deep inside you and grab hold of your essence.
Gohan: I... need an adul-
Guru: I AM AN ADUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- (cuts away)
While it doesn't feature the "I need an adult" phrase, the joke leading up to it is pretty hilarious too.
Gohan: Mr. Guru, sir? My friend Krillin told me that you could help us by... touching me.
Krillin: (In response to why he didn't stop Vegeta from taking a Dragon Ball) I don't know! Maybe you could've bitched at him! How 'bout that? That's all you appear to be good for these days! Huh? Used your bitch fu on him? Bulma, the mistress of bitching, that's what they should call you!
After the Vegeta and Gohan scene:
Krillin: Seriously! Five ancient sages of bitchdom all gathered one day on the peaks of Mount Bitch to proclaim your birth! And a hundred years later, when all the bitch stars have aligned, you were born and made everybody's life around you a living hell, because YOU! ARE SUCH! A BITCH!
The long-awaited arrival of the Ginyu Force:
Vegeta: Besides Freeza, I'm the most powerful being on this planet! Bar none.
Guru: Heeeey. Just thought I'd let you all know I detect several high power levels approaching the planet.
When Vegeta regains his wits, Krillin blabs about Guru's ability to release untapped potential.
Vegeta: I'm going to pay him a... uh... what do you call it?
Krillin: A visit?
Vegeta: A beating! That's it! Gunna to go pay him a beating.
The entire end of Episode 18, with Goku trying to think of what to drink.
Beer: No, it's too early to get crunk. Powerthirst: Ehh, energy drinks just don't do it for me anymore. Peanuts: Ha ha, I can't drink these, these are nuts! TFS Soda: This looks good! And it's high in Calcium! Team Four Star Soda!
Every time Guru shouts at Nail, especially when Nail is preparing to pulverize Vegeta.
Guru: Naaaaaail!!! Stop making out with your boyfriend! I can hear it from here! It sounds like (gagging and slurping noises)
Nail: (pissed)Thank you, lord Guru!
When Gohan arrives with Vegeta's Dragonball in episode 18:
Gohan: You guys, I think we should move to a new location.
Krillin: Why? What's wrong with this place?
Gohan: Because we have ten minutes before Vegeta finds out I stole this (Dragonball)
Krillin: (Terrified, high-pitched whimpering noises as Gohan smiles sweetly)
Bulma hating the fact that she's always getting abandoned on Namek.
Bulma: Oh no, no no no! I am not letting yo abandon me here again! Those bitches on Lifetime might put up with it, but not me!
Krillin: Bulma, you're right. You have been very helpful and very patient with us. So in return...we'relettingyouwatchthedragonballbye! (He and Gohan fly off)
Bulma:I will kill you both in your sleep!
Episode 19
The Wheel of Death routine from episode 19. Even funnier because this is exactly what the Ginyu Force would do with enough time and preparation. Then there's Vegeta's reaction.
Vegeta: When did you have time to set this up?! Is- is that a camera? What kind of sadistic retard watches this crap?!
Vegeta Look at your men, now back to me, now look back at your men, now back to me. I am not your men! I'm flipping you off! Look at the ground, back to me. Where is the Dragonball? It's gone! I threw it! And there's not a damn thing you can- (Burter returns the Dragon Ball to Ginyu) Burter: Here you go, boss. Ginyu: Thank you, Burter. Burter: It's what I do! Vegeta: But... I... I chucked that son of a bitch as hard as I could! Burter: Oh, you can't beat my speed! I'm the fastest in the universe! Krillin: That's what she said!
While Vegeta's spouting off various ways of saying they're going to die:
Super Kami Guru: Naaaaaaaiiillll! Slap him.
(Slap is heard)
Krillin: Ow!
Super Kami Guru: Thank you.
Even more hilarious from behind the scenes since both Krillin and Vegeta are voiced by the same guy.
Vegeta's reaction to Krillin deciding to call them "Team Three Star."
Krillin: Well, we're a TEAM, there's THREE of us, and the Dragon Balls have STARS on them! Team Three Star!
Vegeta: That just makes me want to kill you even more, and you're STILL only the second most annoying bald person I ever had the displeasure to work with.
Krillin: Team Three Star, MOVE OUT! *flies away*
Vegeta: I swear to god...! *flies after him*
Later in the same episode, after Krillin has messed up again.
Ginyu: Supposedly there are seven (Dragon Balls) in total, if my report is correct. And the other five are-?
Krillin: (scared, shouts out quickly) RIGHT-BEHIND-YOU!
"Son of a gum-chewing funk monster! Why the fruit does all this funny stuff happen to me? Forget my life! Always surrounded by miserable failing clods! It's like this whole world just likes to bend me over and find me in the Alps! Like I'm some sort of sh lock receptacle! Well as far as I care, these miserable cows can have a fancy barbecue, WITH A GODDAMN PIG!"
Jeice: Sorry captain, this scouter's acting a bit shonky.
Or Vegeta's advice to Krillin on how to fight him:
Vegeta: Throw dog biscuits at him.
Krillin: How will that help?
Vegeta: I'll find it hilarious.
And finally, Guldo's "Facing the Bullets" One-Liner, as he realises he is dying, and begins to contemplate his afterlife and what it all means... before Vegeta throws another dog biscuit at him.
Vegeta: Wrestling's fake. (boos and jeers) Oh, go to hell, all of you! And if it means getting this damn thing over with, then I'm just going to have to kill your ass! Now hit my music.
While it might be funny only to wrestling fans, Jeice using "slobberknocker" and "vintage" while commentating is quite hilarious.
This bit after Krillin got owned for the 12th time:
Krillin: HELLO GOHAN, HAVE YOU DONE YOUR HOMEWORK BECAUSE IF YOU DIDN'T CHI CHI WILL KICK MY ASS!
Gohan: Ah, are you okay?
Krillin: Yeah, seems he threw my nervous system out of whack, there. Can't quite feel the pain!
(Beat)
Krillin: There it is! AAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOWWWWW...
Dende feeling sad that he's one of the few Namekians alive.
Guru: (monotone singing) Every party needs a pooper, that's why they invited you. Party pooper. Party pooper. Nail: Lord Guru... Guru: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE.
"Silly Vegeta! The only thing Recoome sells, is merchandise!" *Cue images of merchandise with Recoome on them popping up, including a vibrator with his head*
After Gohan and Krillin have saved Vegeta by forcing Recoome's mouth shut while he was using his Breath Weapon:
Recoome: (his mouth is all messed up) Can Recoome get a mirror? He feels like he might have chipped a tooth.
Krillin: (offscreen) Dear God, what happened to your face?!
The entire Spacey's skit. It's good food. IN SPACE!.
Episode 21, Jeice getting punched in the face over and over again is enough to make you fall down laughing.
Especially when he tries to think about what Ginyu said to do in that situation...only for Goku to punch him again mid-flashback. Jeice then holds his face and screams "Oh, he cut off the captain!"
Jeice can't rely on his squadmates either:
Jeice: Alright, you bastard! Prepare to face the wrath of the Ginyu For*punch* AHH! You goddamn wanker! You punched me right in the*punch* Ah, he did it again! *punch* Ahh! Stop it! Stop it! *punch* PISS!!! Oh... what would the captain do in this situation?! Ginyu: Jeice, if you ever find yourself being punched repeatedly in the face, always remember to*punch* Jeice: Oh, he cut off the captain! Goku: So, are you going to dodge any of these? Jeice: Ohhh, THAT'S what the Captain*punch* BURTER! SUPPORT!! Burter:Well, you've got very lovely hair, you're a beautiful shade of red, and honestly, you're the only guy I can rely on on this team. Jeice:I MEANT PUNCH 'IM, YA DAFT BASTARD!! AGGH! Oh, but thanks, you know? That really cheered me*punch*"GOD, I THINK HE BROKE SOMETHING THAT TIME!!"'
Jeice and Burter have a touching display of camaraderie, showing how good friends they are and promising to go out drinking once its all over, the music swells... and Goku one-shots Burter.
Freeza's rant: "I can't believe we came all the way out here and spent a week in the SpaceBoonies for nothing! Seriously, I'm surprised we didn't hear banjos on the way, because everyone is inbred and LOOKS THE F***ING SAME! Not to mention I lost Dodoria and Zarbon, the latter of whom spent 400 credits making long-distance calls to his girlfriend, WHO I AM CONVINCED IS NAMED CHUCK!"
This.
Freeza: (After Ginyu has brought him the Dragon balls and finished the Dance of Joy, which was authorized by Freeza's father) Now, let's wish me some immortality!
Ginyu: Not quite yet, Lord Freeza. Lastly, I must complete the "Daddy's Little Princess" dance!
Freeza: (indignant) My father would command no such thing!
Ginyu: You are correct, Lord Freeza!
Freeza: Very well.
Ginyu: It was your brother!
Freeza: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-
After the Dragon Balls don't work.
Ginyu: "Might I suggest the dance of cheering you up?"
Freeza: "...proceed."
"And now, the Dance of Solitude!"
"You think that's bad? If you hit 'em hard enough you can play a song." Cue Vegeta playing the Tetris theme by repeatedly kneeing Burter in the throat.
"Silly Gohan! Animals don't eat people - people eat animals! Silly Gohan!"
Vegeta's excuse about being so beat up:
Goku: So Vegeta, what happened to you? Did you get beat up by this guy? (talking about Recoome)
Recoome: *groaning in pain*
Vegeta: (stammering) Uhhh no...I..umm...uh..
Ghost Nappa: You fell down some stairs.
Vegeta: I fell down some stairs.
Krillin: No you didn't, you-
Vegeta: Shut up before I throw you down a flight!
Episode 22
Episode 22: Another great Guru line - "And so I tell him, 'I don't care who you are, now clean my jowls!' ...And that was Nail's first day on the job." Then, after Guru unlocks Dende's potential, Dende leaves. Guru's response? "Thaaaat SLUUUUUUUUUTTT!!"
Also from 22:
Guru: NNAAAAAIIIILLLL! Do we have a visitor? Nail: Yes sir. Guru: NNNNAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIILLLLLL! Take his coat. Freeza: I don't have a coat. Nail: He doesn't have a coat sir. [looks at Freeza] And I believe this is the guy who basically just killed our whole race. Guru: [sounding a bit annoyed] NNNNNNAAAAAAIIIIILLLLLLL. Don't take his coat.
KILLING CRABS! IN THE OCEAN!
Krillin: "When the dragon balls are all put together, the sky grows darker than the blackest void!"
Popo: (on Earth) "Hm?"
Later, when Freeza is going to Guru:
Freeza: (passing Dende) "Good afternoon."
Dende: "It's morning. (Douche.)"
Freeza: "Cute kid. Seems familiar."
"Oh god. NATURAL LIGHT!"
"I utilize these poses as a means of reinvigorating my men and raising morale. HOW DARE YOU MOCK THEM!"
Ginyu meeting Goku
Jeice: That's him, Captain! That's the one who beat us up!
Ginyu: What?! Just look at HIS hair! He looks like he just got out of bed! For goodness sake, Jeice, he's even wearing pajamas.
Jeice: I swear it's him, sir. He picked us apart one by one. We never stood a cha—
Krillin and Gohan discussing why the Namekian Dragon Balls aren't working.
Gohan: Maybe there's something special about Namekian Dragon Balls.
Krillin: Maybe if I sing to it. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves-
Gohan: -Actually Krillin I was thinking something else. Maybe the only way to summon it is to call it in its native language.
Krillin: I don't speak German! And the only person I know that does was the toilet... and it's dead. God rest his seat.
Bulma calling out Krillin and Gohan on leaving her alone all the time, and Krillin pointing out the logic of her problem:
Bulma: Why?! Why would you leave me alone here?! I don't know this place! Did you know there are giant crabsdown there?! I do! I KILLED ONE!
Krillin: Okay, Bulma, just calm down. Why are you upset?
Bulma: Why?! Because I am always alone!
Krillin: And if we were to stay here, what would that accomplish?
Bulma: ...just take the f***ing radar.
Krillin: Thank you, Bulma. Say "Thank you", Gohan.
Gohan: Thank you, Bulma.
Bulma: No problem, Gohan.
Krillin: And no problem...
Bulma: Shove it!
Krillin: I'll take it.
Also in episode 23:
Freeza: (to Nail) Oh, I know. How bout a good old-fashioned joke? How many Namekians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Their whole race. One to screw in the lightbulb, and the rest to die. And then the other one dies too.
Krillin: Gohan, we might have a chance now! But you have to give it your all! Remember, (Ginyu) may look like your dad, you can absolutely not hold back-
Gohan AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! You abandoned me for a year with Piccolo, sent me off into space, and the next time I get to see you, you lost your damn body?! YOU'RE NOT EVEN YOU ANYMOOOOORE!
Goku!Ginyu: I don't know where he gets that from.
This line:
Goku!Ginyu: This is easily the second worst hole I've had in my chest. It's going to take, like, a million mommy kisses to make this feel better.
Krillin unintentionally giving Vegeta flashbacks from the previous season:
Krillin: Hey, by the way, don't I look like that one guy that Vegeta landed with back on Earth? What was his name, again? Hey, Vegeta! What was that one guy's name? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta?Vegeta? (Nappa's head appears) Vegeta? Vegeta?
Vegeta:(Scowls) Goddamnit, Nappa.
Krillin: Oh, right! Good ol' Goddamnit Nappa.
George Takei randomly interrupting the conversation between Goku and King Kai:
Goku: Who's that, King Kai?
King Kai: It's George Takei. Somehow we made this into a three-way.
Dende starts screaming in terror when he thinks he's been caught by one of Freeza's henchmen. Then he realizes it's Krillin, and he screams even louder.
Gohan's inner monologue as he reflects on his life:
Porunga: [In Namekian] (I am Porunga, Dragon of Dreams, and I— [sees Krillin]...Why is there an Albino Namekian amongst you? I thought they were wiped out in the purge!)
Apparently, Goku was right; Vegeta does have a very nervous bladder.
Vegeta: (suddenly wakes up, jumps to his feet, fists clenched) I have to pee! (bolts out of the room)
It also takes him way too long to figure out why the sky has turned dark; "Jesus, I overslept. It's already night...for the first time since I got here...on a planet with three suns." (Alarm clock in his head ticks, then goes off after several seconds) "Oh you mother-(cut back to the dragon)-FUCKERS!"But when he does...
Krillin: (on what he should use the third wish for) Well, now I can have a three-foot-long...
Vegeta: (visibly furious) HEY, WHAT'S UP GUYS?!
Krillin: ...I'm never going to get my hoagie.
Vegeta: SO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!
Gohan: What am I doin'?
Vegeta: WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!
Gohan: Nothing much.
Vegeta: THWARTIN' MY PLANS?!
Gohan: Thwartin' your plans?
Vegeta: ARE YOU?!
Gohan: ...Yes.
Vegeta: ...I'M GONNA F***ING KILL YOU!
Guru's death and how well it fits with his character:
Guru: I feel that they have finally summoned the dragon. Would be a reeeal dick move to die right now...Huuurrkk[dies]
When Kami is resurrected.
Popo: -humming and watering plants- Kami: (poofs) Fan-freaking-tastic, We're back here again. Popo: Oh, you're back. Hi Kami. Kami: Mr. Popo, what are you watering? Popo: Pot. Kami: Pots of what? Popo: Pot. (beat) I'm not getting rid of it. Kami: Are you kidding? That sh*t's great for my glaucoma.
Nail: Remember the little Namekian you passed on the way to Guru's? On his way to the humans with the password. By now he's probably already there and they're about to summon the dragon!
Freeza:(Barely concealed rage) Grk...Jch...
Nail: Yeah, if I could guess your biggest mistake, it would be not stopping him. That or the purple lipstick.
Freeza:I WILL F***ING MURDER YOU!!
Nail: Whatever.
Freeza:(flies off and turns on scouter)Why aren't the Ginyus showing up!? Oh, they're dead. WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!
Vegeta's thoughts as he was falling asleep.
Vegeta:First immortality. Then the bitches.
The reveal that even Krillin thought the name "Team Three Star" was stupid.
That seemed more like he was trying to save face than anything else, considering how enthusiastic he was about it in the beginning.
Freeza getting annoyed with Namek. Again.
Nail:(Lands on a random spot) This is my people's sacred battleground.
Freeza: We flew over an hour for this? It looks exactly the same as everywhere else on this god-forsaken rock!
Episode 25
The Stinger has the theme song with Freeza under a powerup box. Out pops the mushroom and Freeza transforms.
Episode 25 has several including Freeza raising the Owned count so high that he gets a 1Up, Nappa in the flashback and Dodoria shopped onto a fat woman in lingerie during a solar flare.
Freeza singing a modded rendition of "My Favorite Things" in 25, is both hillarious and chilling.
Freeza: Peaceful young races with fires on their houses, millions of voices all silenced like mouses, watching the cowards bow toward their new king, these are the few of my favorite things!
Another is the aftermath of Piccolo's fusion with Nail. Team Four Star handles it EXACTLY like the dub complete with Piccolo psyching himself up...until...
Nail, (inside Piccolo's head): What are you doing?
Piccolo: Errrghummm...Nothing.
Nail: Really? 'Cause it looked like you were chanting to yourself.
Piccolo: Are you in my head?
Nail: Yep. Don't worry, supposedly I should fade into your subconscious...sooner or later.
Piccolo: Ok...so what now?
Nail: By my estimate, this fusion should have given you just enough power to wipe out the bastard that killed our people.
Piccolo: And?
Nail: Well, let me put this in terms you can understand...YOU CAN WIN! YOU FEEL GREAT! YOU! CAN! DO! THIS!
Piccolo: Oh HA-HA!
When Freeza's still in his first form, locked in a power struggle with Vegeta, his scouter displays the message "F**K THIS. I'M OUT." seconds before exploding.
During the flashback about Bardock's warning:
Saiyan: He's been telling everyone that Freeza plans to destroy Vegeta.
Gohan: Think, what would dad do? [Flashback] Goku: Bye, son! Gohan: I'm beginning to think I have issues.
When Krillin comes back in top form after being impaled:
Vegeta (inner monologue): I swear if he used that wish for immortality on himself, I am going to murde- [creeping realization] Vegeta (out loud): That... bastard.
Akira Toriyama. Plus, Magus was the Fiendlord, and Piccolo Senior was the Demon King.]]
Nail explains his plan to Piccolo.
Nail: There's a special ability our people share. Forbidden, even amongst our most sacred clans.
Piccolo: And we're just gonna abuse it?
Nail: Oh, maliciously!
Piccolo: Bitchin'! What do we do?
Freeza "taunting" Vegeta while he tortures Gohan
Freeza: So Vegeta, does this get you angry?
Vegeta: Not really, kind of a smart ass.
Freeza: Well then, why am I even bothering?!
Vegeta: Because....you get off on it...?
Freeza: Oh, unbelievably!
Piccolo's first thoughts on Namek;
"What was that idiot doing, bringing me here? It's- Wait a minute. I can feel it. This is my home! I can finally see its beauty! The lush blue fields... The crystal clear waters... The wind brushing past my GOD this is boring! Huh...no wonder I feel right at home.
How Vegeta knew that Freeza can transform.
Vegeta: Guldo told me [cutaway] Guldo: So... Did you know that Freeza can transform? Vegeta: Huh. That right? Guldo: Yeah. And Burter's gay! Vegeta:(genuine surprise) Really!? [cutaway] Vegeta:And then I threw a dog treat at him. True story.
Episode 26
The miraculous return of the Kanassans:
Kanassan 1: I CAN SEE THE FUTUUUUUURE!
Kanassan 2: BULMA AND VEGETA HAVE A KIIIIIID!
Kanassan 3: THE REAL BUU IS A CHILD!
Kanassan 4: CELL REACHES HIS PERFECT FOOOOORM!
Kanassan 5: GOTEN AND TRUNKS BECOME A GUUUUYYYY!
Kanassan 6: GOHAN IS THE STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE BUT STILL DOESN'T DO CRAAAAAAP!
Freeza: Well between you and the Namekian I think I've lost my touch at genocide.
A good amount of the dialogue in episode 27, such as the round of "Row row row your boat". Especially once Goku arrives and starts talking to Freeza.
Note that the singing round includes King Kai and Tien, but cuts off before Yamcha. Priceless.
Meta example in that shortly before the episode's release, The Nostalgia Critic reviewed Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, which had an infamous scene of Kirk and McCoy singing Row Row Row Your Boat. KaiserNeko noted this coincidence on Twitter.
Huh, I should've known that was only a one-hit wonder.
After Goku blocks Freeza's Beam Spam attack, Freeza demands to know how it's possible, from Vegeta, who's been talking about the Super Saiyan legend the whole episode, and previous ones (having already given an identical speech about it twice). Mostly in relation to himself, but you can tell Freeza sees it coming again. Each word out of Freeza's mouth is angrier than the last in the following exchange.
Vegeta: You see, Freeza? You aren't dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore-
EVERYTHING that the extremely short-lived Jamaican (That sounds familiar to Sebastian the Crab) crab (Apparently his name is 'Orpheus') says before getting eaten by Freeza in Episode 27.
(Freeza shoots multiple beams that Goku swats away effortlessly.)
Goku: ...And to top it all off, you're really kind of a jerk.
Freeza:(Shocked) And apparently, this is now happening.
During their, ah, fight, Vegeta and Freeza's thoughts.
Vegeta:(Yes I have him on the ropes! All he can do is dodge me!)
Freeza:(God, Zarbon's, dead, Dodoria's dead, the Ginyus are dead...this has been one giant mess. It's just like that jockstrap incident, only now I don't have Ginyu around to dig the holes!)
Early on when Gohan, Krillin and Piccolo are all certain of their defeat and Vegeta keeps boasting how good he is:
Krillin: I couldn't even follow that attack! It was almost instantaneous!
Vegeta: Yup, just gonna stand here and keep bein' awesome—
Piccolo: There's nothing we can do against that kind of power!
Vegeta:(Annoyed) Uh, hello, awesome? Right here.
Gohan: We're all gonna die!
Vegeta: ... You know what? All of you better duck, because I'm about to turn left and I don't want to SMACK YOU WITH MY DICK.
I know the whole scene with Freeza curb stomping Vegeta is pretty morbid, but I always find it humorous when Krillin asks if they should do something
Freeza:(Appears) Oh, go ahead, pool's open; water's fine. (Everyone just stands there, shaking in their boots) No? Just going to stand there like a bunch of piss ants? Thought so.
After Freeza tells Vegeta that a Super Saiyan is just a myth...
The entire bit with the Ginyu Force on King Kai's planet. Including lines from Yamcha.
Yamcha: [King Kai's training] is bogus!
Tien: I'm going to do my best to overlook the fact that you just used the word "bogus".
King Kai's casual reaction to the tree Guldo threw at his house.
King Kai: Hey, I was just inside, taking a crap, I'm old, takes a while, come out, there's a tree in my living room... What's up?
And when the Ginyus get kicked down to hell by King Kai:
Goz: Meeeeez! We havez visitaaaaars! Prepare ze campz.
This exchange:
Goku: No, I can't lose. I have to beat you. You're evil, and you have to be stopped!
Freeza: Oh, come now. If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then let God strike me down where I stand. (lightning strikes Freeza, to no effect) HA! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!
Freeza's frustration at not understanding what Goku's up to with the Spirit Bomb. "There you go again, throwing your hands up in the air like you just don't care. Care, damn it!"
Freeza gets hit by the Spirit Bomb
Freeza: (in a calm tone despite the look of horror on his face) ...Oh. Somehow I completely forgot about that.
[The Spirit Bomb absorbs his attack with an "om nom nom" sound]
Freeza: (still calm) Oh my god.
Freeza: (thinking) If I had any single regret for the countless horrific events that have transpired in my wake, it's that I'm dying.
The Call Back to Piccolo having Goku distract Raditz while Goku is charging the spirit bomb. This time, the positions are reversed.
Nappa's year-long Are We There Yet?, which at first seems to come to a rather anticlimactic end ("Yay!") only to be brought back in a wonderfully unexpected way: "Is he here yet?"
And now from the "Bardock - Father of Goku Abridged" we have the following:
Nappa: (to Vegeta) I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!
Also from the Bardock special:
Bardock: Hey there, Kakarrot. It's your daddy! Let's see what kind of power level we've got here... Alright, whoa ho ho ho! Ten-thousand! That's my boy! *sees name plaque* ...Wait, Broly...?
Even better is the set-up to that. Bardock at first doesn't give a damn when the doctor asks if he wants to see Goku, noting that he never paid attention to Raditz when he was growing up. The doc answers, "And we all know how he turned out," followed by a Gilligan Cut to the above line.
Another from the Bardock special:
Gohan: Someone threw out a perfectly good baby! I think I'll name you... Clark.
Bardock witnessing the future of his son Kakarot Goku... from a scene from Dragon Ball GT. "....And now I welcome the sweet embrace of death."
"Well, I'd say I should've seen this coming, but that would be ironic."
The whole exchange between Nappa and young Prince Vegeta.
Nappa: Vegeta!
Vegeta: What is it, Nappa?
Nappa: Well, I've got good news... aaaaand bad news. The bad news is... *rushed* reports say our entire planet has been destroyed by gigantic meteorite along with its all its inhabitants.
Nappa: Yaaay! This seems like the beginning of a bee-yootiful friendship.
The Halloween Special:
Professor: Well, what's your costume? Popo: Oh, I'm not in costume. Yet. Hold on. [cut to clip of the Cloverfield monster, with Popo's maniacal laughter]
Goku: Big tree, if you don't leave right now, I'm going to beat you up. Yamcha: Goku, trees can't talk. Amond: (Offscreen) Why don't you come up here and try it. Yamcha: Ya know what, f*** it, I don't care anymore.
Cacao: Singing:Yamcha the Scarfaced Bandit. Song: But do you recall, the most useless fighter of all... Yamcha: Go to hell! *throws a Spirit Ball, which misses* Yamcha: *trying to redirect the Spirit Ball, and still missing* Oh. Come. On. Come. On. Damn. You. Song: Yamcha the Scarfaced Bandit, always beaten by his foes... Cacao: Do you require assistance? Yamcha: *still trying to redirect the Spirit Ball* Shut. Up. You. *the Spirit Ball finally hits* YES! TAKE THAT MOTHERFU- *Cacao knocks Yamcha to the ground* Song: ...and if you saw this guy fight, you would even say he blows. Cacao: Agreed.
Turles' rant against Christmas in front of Gohan, mainly because of the voice, the way he was speaking, and who he is quoting.
Also the previous, nefarious misdeeds of his mooks, including raping Rudolph.
From the Lord Slug movie, we have Piccolo's interaction with Slug's minions.
Piccolo: Alright, what's your gimmick?
Minion: Gimmick?
Piccolo: Yeah, like the last guys, they were all misfit minions and crap, what're you?
Angira: We're just here for your planet. Though if I had to choose, i'd say i'm the pretty one.
Piccolo: Eh, 6 out of 10.
Angira: You sassy bitch.
Piccolo: That makes you the weird one with the freaky power.
Medamatcha: I can spawn mini-mes'!
Piccolo: (sarcasticly) Spectacular. And that would make you no doubt the big, tough, stupid one.
Piccolo: Now, now, that truck is NOT your eating disorder.
Dorodabo: You're a penis!
Piccolo: So long since you've seen yours, you don't even recognize one do ya?
The truck returns in this gem delivered after Goku has been impacted into the ground like a vegetable.
Slug: You know, there's a certain sport I excel at.
Goku: *muffled due to being underground* What's it called?
Slug: *plucks Goku out by the leg* Competitive BITCH TOSS! *hurls Goku into a truck*
After Piccolo rips his own ears off in order to avoid being affected by Gohan's whistling, he keeps yelling "WHAT?" everytime he thinks someone is talking to him, even when nobody's talking back. He later combines it with the Kaļoken Running Gag:
Goku: Kaļoken!
Slug: Kaļo-
Piccolo: WHAT?
It's doubly funny coupled with the fact Piccolo's Big Damn Heroes moment was accompanied by Stone Cold Steve Austin's theme music; later in his career "WHAT?" became something of a catchphrase for him.
Also comes back during the credits.
Vegeta watches Krillin get pasted on TV and records the moment.
Goku thinking it's Christmas for most of the movie. Because it's snowing!
"I AM CHAMPION CHRISTMAS!"
Piccolo and Nail's conversation at the begining of the movie. (Nail is in Piccolo's head, even though he wouldn't have been at the time, but the movie doesn't really fit into continuity anyway.)
Piccolo: The Kamehameha doesn't drill things!
Nail: Last time I checked, neither do cannons.
Piccolo: THAT'S what makes it SPECIAL.
and
Nail: Who's that?
Piccolo: It's just Gohan. If you ignore it, it'll go away.
Also
Nail: So you just ignore all of your problems?
Piccolo: No, some I invite to live inside my head.
How Goku seems more worried about trivial things when landing on Iguana Street, than the actual fight.
Goku: Aw great Iguana Street, now I'm gonna get mugged. But the joke's on them! I have no mo-*Gets punched through wall.*
The Overly-Long Gag where Dorodabo repeatedly gets knocked off a building by Piccolo.
Goku's song while charging the Spirit Bomb.
Goku: Sun, sun, Mr. Golden Sun, kill my enemies!
Piccolo's master plan against Lord Slug:
Piccolo: *standing on Slug's head* Hey. Name's Piccolo. I've got your antennae! Whatcha gonna do about it, huh?
*Slug grabs him*
Piccolo: Aha! I knew you would do that! Now for phase two of my master plan! *tears off ears* AAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!
Lord Slug: What the hell is wrong with everyone on this planet!?
Medamatcha in general.
"Papa Medamatcha gonna make you his bitch!"
"What, bitch, I'm talking to you! I will smack you with my dick!"
Everything he says is hilarious.
"Oh, I don't give a shit what Christmas is now. I just know I'm going to kill it, and then my little Matcha's are going to RAPEIT!
Squeaky Toy!Goku returns!
Slug: My god, that's hilarious!
Goku: Why does everyone keep doing that...? Those are my lungs...being crushed by my ribs...!
