Funny / Dragnet

Original Radio & TV Series

Revival
  • The constant ribbing they take in the Ginger episode-other guys keep sending dog food and chew bones to Friday and Gannon. And Friday's exchange with the officer who hasn't entered into evidence the pot in his pocket yet and Ginger grabs it.
  • The end of the purse-snatching dog ep and the policewoman saying she has to break the dog from grabbing her purse.
  • Whenever Gannon goes into an extended soliloquy espousing his love for various odd foods, Friday's reactions are a mix of the character's amusement towards his friend and Jack Webb's amusement towards Harry Morgan's delivery.

Film
  • Friday and Streebek find a lion's mane was butchered to the point the lion literally has a mohawk.
    Friday: Somebody must have wanted that lion's mane pretty bad to pull a twisted stunt like this.
    Streebek: Although, as mohawks go, it's not that bad. It'll grow back.
    Friday: Yeah? And how do you explain this to all these kids who have never seen a lion before, and now probably will never want to see one again?
    Streebek: Kids? It'll grow back.
    Kids: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
  • Streebek trying to talk Friday out of eating his chili dogs.
    Streebek: You know the kinds of things that can fall into an industrial sausage press, not excluding rodent hairs and bug excrement?
    Friday: (Beat) I hate you, Streebek.
  • Friday and Streebeck visiting Jerry Caesar's house the first time. Friday buzzes the intercom at the gate.
    Lady on the intercom: Oh thank God, vibrator repair?
    Friday: [beat] No, ma'am, Los Angeles Police Department. Sorry.
  • Confronted by a gorgeous model in a tennis skirt, Friday and Streebeck identify themselves as police officers. Friday pulls out his badge. Streebeck pulls out his handcuffs.
  • The amazing Brick Joke about Sylvia Wiss. During the opening, the narrator informs us Sylvia Wiss is in fact a man, his name and appearance having been changed "to protect the innocent". So when Sylvia bares her chest at Friday...
    Wiss: "Would you say these look like the breasts of a 43-year-old woman?"
    Friday: "No, no they don't, Miss Wiss. They're quite impressive... bordering on spectacular."
  • Friday chewing Pep out at one point.
    Friday: There are two things which clearly differentiate the human species from animals: One, we use cutlery! Two, we are capable of controlling our sexual urges! Now you might be an exception, but don't drag me down into your private hell!
  • Enid Borden's filthy, filthy mouth.
  • Streebeck and Friday meet Emil Muzz.
    Friday: Let's check Enid Borden's description.
    Streebeck: Well, [flips open his notepad] "big, bad, stupid-looking."
    Friday: An exact match.
  • The interrogation. Put simply, it's between Pep Streebeck, Emil Muzz, Emil Muzz's balls... and repeated slamming of a desk drawer.
  • The P.A.G.A.N. dance. Helped, of course, by the goat leggings.
    • And during their attempt to explain this to the chief, Pep and Friday recreate it.
  • Friday's encounter with the street thugs:
    Friday: Are you threatening me, son?
    Thugs: oooOOOoooOOO!
    • And on a school night, too.
  • Friday lecturing Streebek after they accidentally bust an ordinary, law-abiding business...actually a decoy for a P.A.G.A.N. establishment.
    Friday: Just like the sign said on the building before you obliterated it! Fresh, wholesome milk!
    Streebek: You probably love this stuff, don't you?
    Friday: Vitamin D, calcium, essential for good, strong bones and healthy teeth...but I'll bet that's all Greek to you, Mr. Gingivitis!
  • When the duo get assigned a Yugo as their official car, which Friday describes as the only car the department was willing to release to them after losing their two previous vehicles to theft and explosion and "reflecting the cutting edge of Serbo-Croatian technology."
    • Later, when trying to deduce Friday and The Virgin Connie Swail's whereabouts, Streebek briefly considers the idea of them having sex in said Yugo, before eventually declaring it to be impossible, complete with using hand motions to try and work out the logistics.
  • The fact that Friday introduces his date to his grandmother as "The Virgin Connie Swail" with a completely straight face.
  • Friday and the Big Bad face off.
    Friday: Sure, but just like every other foaming, rabid psycho in this city with a foolproof plan, you've forgotten you're facing the single finest fighting force ever assembled!
    Whirley: [beat] The Israelis?
  • Pep singing holiday carols in utter panic when told to "think of Christmas" while Joe Drives Like Crazy to rescue Connie.
    Streebek:"Good King Wenceslas last looked out, on the feast of Stephen/When the snow lay round about..."
    Friday: "Deep and crisp and ee-ven!"
    Streebek: "Brightly shone the Moon that night, though the frost was cru-el/When and old man came in sight, gather—"
    Friday: "Try a chorus of 'Silent Night'."
  • The Wham Line at the very end, which was being built up over half the film. You know what I'm talking about.
    • Da-da-DUN-dun!
  • The narration mentions that Whirley was found guilty on a long list of crimes, including two counts of attempted murder, kidnapping, arson, obstruction of justice, and tampering with public utilities.
    Narrator: He is currently in the men's correctional facility at Chino, serving forty-three consecutive ninety-nine year sentences, which makes him eligible for parole in seven years.
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