Funny: Dracula: Dead and Loving It

  • The epic nods to the two lines from the original Bela Lugosi film that seem mandatory in any adaptation ever since:
  • The dance scene.
  • The funniest moment in the entire movie may be the "hypnosis" scene as a whole, when Dracula, standing outside of the house, tries to guide Mina out of her bedroom. ("Walk to the door. ... Mina, you are in the closet.")
    Dracula: You will be my bride throughout eternity. We'll share the endless passion of immortal love.
    Essie (Mina's less attractive maid): Oh I can't wait!
    Dracula: [stares at her in surprise] Not YOU!
    Takes her back inside and throws her on the floor, and carries Mina out, walking very fast
    Dracula: Youwillbemybridethroughouteternity, we'llsharetheendlesspassionofimmortallove.
  • Van Helsing telling Seward and Jonathan "She will become one herseeeelf!!!" in an overly dramatic and hammy fashion. When asked to repeat himself, he says it in the exact same way.
  • The whole exchange between Jonathan and Van Helsing when Jonathan has to kill Lucy. Van Helsing tells Jonathan that he (Jonathan) must be the one to do it, and sets Jonathan up in front of the body with a stake and mallet. Van Helsing then goes to stand behind a pillar, and Jonathan bangs the stake into her heart and a veritable geyser of blood erupts, drenching him.
    Jonathan: Oh... my... GOD! There's so much blood!
    Van Helsing: She just ate!
    Jonathan: Ah! She's still alive!
    Van Helsing: Do it again!
    Jonathan: Oh, no, I can't...
    Jonathan: [bangs the stake again and is further drenched]
    Van Helsing: She's almost dead!
    Jonathan: She's dead enough. [chucks the hammer over his shoulder]
    • The scene was also, it should be noted, Enforced Method Acting. Steven Weber had no idea how much stage blood was going to be shooting out, and you can tell he's struggling to keep a straight face. After the second burst, he's wearing a look that screams that "I should have seen it coming."
      • Apparently, the "she's dead enough" was a Throw It In by Weber.
    • And then shortly after that...
      Van Helsing: I have been to many, many stakings. You have to know where to stand. You know, everything in life is location, location, location...
    • Before that, they force Lucy back to her coffin.
      Jonathan: Now she's dead!
      Van Helsing: No, she is not!
      Jonathan: She's alive?
      Van Helsing: She is Nosferatu!
      Jonathan: She's Italian?
  • "Renfield, you asshole!"
  • Dracula's Pivotal Wake Up being interrupted by him hitting his head.
    Dracula: I must move the coffin. Or the chandelier.
  • After Dracula breaks up his brides's attempts to "wrong" Renfield's brains out, they begin to glide out, with the same ethereal creepy music that played when they came in. After a second, Dracula snaps "And stop that!", and they just trudge out.
    • Just before that, Dracula walks by, casually glances in, goes on...then zips back when he realizes what's going on.
  • The Running Gag with Dracula and Van Helsing each trying to get in the last word in "ancient Moldavian." Also possibly relevant to the plot, as Van Helsing realizes that Dracula, like the mysterious vampire, never gives up.
    • Even in death...
  • Dracula's attempt to hypnotize the woman at the opera.
    Dracula:...And you will remember nothing of what I have told you.
    Beat. The woman nods, and walks over to Dracula as though seeing him for the first time.
    Woman: May I help you, sir?
    Dracula: [mockingly] May I help you? Why did you not tell him?
    Woman: About what?
    Dracula: About... the message.
    Woman: For who?
    Dracula: Never mind! I will tell him myself. And for your miserable performance, you shall receive no tip!
    Woman: No tip!?
    Dracula: Oh, now THAT, you remember!
    • To compound the comedy, just after Dracula introduces himself and begins a conversation with Dr. Seward, the woman - back in the trance - returns and delivers the message after all.
  • Renfield has a nice spot of tea with Dr. Seward to prove he's not insane but can't resist eating insects around him, which Seward notices.
  • "I didn't see anything! I didn't see anything!" (Beat) "I saw EVERYTHING."
  • The Dance of the Undead. Mina and Dracula strike a which point the Count's Living Shadow proceeds to start screwing Mina's.
  • Van Helsing asks if Dracula is related to Vlad the Impaler, before giving a gory description of Vlad's atrocities. Dracula's response? "They had it coming."
  • The medical examination scene. Everyone faints as Van Helsing conducts an autopsy except for one snot-nosed punk, who also faints after he's forced to examine the brain.
    Maid: Ooh, professor! Ten out of ten!
    Van Helsing: Ja. I still got it!
  • Lucy, now a vampire, attempts to seduce Jonathan. Jonathan defends with British Stuffiness! Lucy counters with Gag Boobs!
  • Dracula's reaction to the strands of garlic in Lucy's bedroom.
  • Renfield trying to imitate Dracula's graceful swoop from his asylum window - and failing.
  • Renfield realizing that the good guys are tailing him, so he tries to lose them.
    Renfield: I know what they're up to. They think I'll lead them to the master! I must outsmart them! [He runs in a small square with a perimeter of less than 40 feet] Lost 'em!
    Van Helsing: Gentlemen, we are fortunate!
    Dr. Seward: Why?
    Van Helsing: He's an imbecile!
  • Dracula's unnatural power in the final confrontation leads to him defeating all of the heroes, and grabbing Johnathan by the throat. He begins a pretty damned scary and badass speech about how he is utterly invincible, everyone is going to die, and there is nothing in the world that they can do to stop aaaaaaand then he gets poked in the eyes, by Johnathan, Three Stooges style.
  • Introducing Van Helsing:
    Dr. Steward: Count Dracula, allow me to introduce Professor Abraham Van Helsing of London University. He's a doctor of rare diseases as well as theology and philosophy.
    Van Helsing: And gynaecology.
    Dr. Steward: Oh, I didn't know you had your hand in that, too.