- Colonel Moon is introduced pummeling a normal-looking punching bag. The bag is unzipped, and a horribly battered man falls out. Moon says, "Get me a new anger management therapist."
- As MI-6's doctors tend to Bond's health after recovering him from his imprisonment, this exchange occurs:
Doctor: Liver's not too good.Doctor: It's definitely him, then.
- Bond needs to infiltrate the Cuban Clinic where Zao's staying. He goes to the hotel room of a rude guest who's also going to the clinic.
Rude Guest: What the hell do you want? I don't need a goddamn wheely-chair!
Bond: No? [Punches him in the head, knocking him on his ass] You do now.
- What looks like M to be in a hostage situation and Bond almost takes the Shoot the Hostage option, he shoots the hostage taker, only for Q to walk right through the "taker", leading to this exchange:
Q: Forgive my mentioning it, 007, but a perfect marksman isn't really supposed to shoot his own boss.
[The "hostage situation" turns out to be a holographic simulator when Q takes off the glasses]
Bond: Check the replay. You'll find he's dead and she's only got a flesh wound.
Q: There's always an excuse, isn't there? 00-zero.
- When Q first uncloaks Bond's Aston Martin, Bond knocks on the roof of the car a couple of times just to make sure it's real.
- Screw it, the entire Q briefing scene is funny. Cleese and Brosnan really did a great job with each other, and it's genuinely comedic with some fun character interaction.
- The entire scene of Bond and Graves swordfighting gets so over the top that it's hard not to laugh at some points. They do quite a number on the club doing so, leaving Miranda to answer for the mess.
Messenger: The place needed redecorating anyway. (Both men smirk)
- When they part company, we get this from Bond's messenger:
- Frost and Bond pull a Fake-Out Make-Out to get rid of Graves's mooks. It works and they leave, but Bond doesn't tell Frost right away.
Frost: Are we still being watched?Bond: Oh, they left ages ago.Frost: Oh, God, you're impossible! Come on, let's get out of here!
- Later one, she remarks that he admires his restraint, having been there a whole two hours before everything blew up.
- This exchange:
Zao: Who sent you?
Jinx: Your mama. And she told me to tell you she's really disappointed in you.
- When Bond uses Graves' ice dragster to outrun the tidal wave: "Hey, boss. He beat your time." The pissed-off look on Graves' face really sells it.
- Quite a few lines of Gustav Graves' dialogue are rather funny, notably:
Graves: [to Bond] Oh look! Parachutes for the both of us! [He throws one out of the plane window] Whoops! Not any more!
Graves: You see, Mr. Bond, you can't kill my dreams. But my dreams can kill you.
- Miss Moneypenny being snapped out of Q's virtual training simulator, where she was getting rather up close and personal with a virtual Bond.
Moneypenny: I was just um... testing it out.Q: It's very hard, isn't it?Moneypenny: Yes. Very.(Q goes back to tinkering, only to pause with a "Wait a minute..." look on his face)