* The "penis cookie" scene.
-->'''Smoochy:''' (''gears in his head spinning rapidly as he sees just what the cookies are shaped like'') ...IT'S A ROCKET SHIP!!!
** Randolph's enraged rant in which he tosses around euphemism after euphemism for "penis" like grenades. In front of children who just laugh.
-->'''Rainbow Randolph''': What are you, blind? It's a cock! It's not a rocket, you sick fuck! It's a cock! Look. It's a cock and balls! A dick! Chorizo and the huevos! It's a big stiffy! It's a PENIS! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Don't you see that? It's Jimmy and the twins. Rumple Foreskin. He made this. It's made from dil-dough.
** Immediately after he gets escorted out, Randolph remarks, "I'm Rainbow [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] Randolph, and [[TemptingFate I know the way out-]]", before immediately falling down the stairs and slamming straight into the wall and spitting out a tooth.
* There's also Randolph crash-tackling the man asking for donations to "Save the Rhinos!"
* "Hey, little nipple-nibbler! The rhino's a Nazi!"
* "When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, [[TakeAThirdOption I was always the]] [[ChineseLaborer Chinese railroad worker]]." Totally different caliber of joke from the rest of the movie.
* The looks Stokes give Burke when Buggy goes all narcoleptic at the salsa bar. It's like "Seriously? This it the guy we're counting on?!"
* "You got da hammer, Roy?" "I always got me hammer, Tommy."
** Also pretty much every line from the Irish Mob.
--->''(Bang bang bang bang bang)''\\
'''Randolph''': ''(laying on the couch with an ice pack on his head)'' I'm trying to sleep, asshole! Read the fucking meter another time!\\
''(The Irish Mob kicks his door down)''
-->'''Randolph:''' She's right, you've got to keep your dignity intact -- (''spills coffee on himself'') -- OWW! MY BALLS! They're on fire!
* Tommy: "You must know some fairy tales then. Hey, Donny! Tell him the one about the worthless prick who gets his head chopped off with an ax!"
* Randolph's surprise phone call to Sheldon (who doesn't recognize his voice):
-->'''Randolph''': You better grow eyes in the back of your fucking head, you horned piece of shit, because I'm not gonna sleep until worms are crawling up your foam-rubber ass! I'm goin' on safari, motherfucker! SAFARI! ''(mimics elephant trumpeting)''\\
'''Sheldon''': ...well, how do you like that!
* When the cops assist a rather shaken Randolph:
-->'''Cop''': Are you okay?\\
'''Randolph''': I dunno; I'm kinda fucked up in general, so it's hard to gauge...