What can I say? [[{{Understatement}} I'm a funny guy]]. ''Funny/CableAndDeadpool'' and [[Funny/Deadpool2016 my]] [[Funny/Deadpool2 movies]] provide enough giggles to earn their own pages.

* Special mention must be made of Deadpool 1.11, in which I went back in time and ended up in Amazing Spider-Man #47. Me and Blind Al took the places of Peter and May Parker. And, being kind to the little people, it doubled as a [=CMoA=] for artist Pete Woods, who pulled a Forrest Gump on ASM 47 and does a fantastic job of emulating John Romita.
-->'''Harry Osborn:''' What's the scam, hip cat? I thought I'd find you singin' with the squares!\\
'''Me:''' What?\\
'''Harry Osborn:''' Hangin' with the hard cases--\\
'''Me:''''' Excuse'' me?\\
'''Harry Osborn:''' Rappin' with the rubes--\\
'''Me:''' Are you having a ''stroke''? Speak English!
* Another notable moment is in an issue of Spider-Man in which I was hired to waylay the chump. I had paid extra for these sweet ComicBook/BlackestNight tie-in boots, and let that little nugget drop. None other than Geoff Johns endorsed my plug. The Merc With The Mouth is money!
* One that's kinda a hybrid of Funny and Awesome -- like I'm capable of anything else, right? -- comes in one of the Preludes to Deadpool Corps. On a jungle island and faced with a bunch of murderous pirates, I got shot by a ton of bullets. Now that hurt like a bitch, but I ain't a bitch, so I got up. I got shot by [[MoreDakka even more bullets]], got up again... and let them know that "Now I get to shoot you." One headshot, one chest shot, and one sword through the chest of another guy. And ''that's'' how you do that.
* "It was a routine assignment...", said one of my little yellow boxes. Cue me [[http://img294.imageshack.us/img294/1376/resizeofdeadpool34p11ca8.jpg garroting a guy in a Santa outfit with barbed wire.]]
* There was a team-up with Captain Britain where the two of us ended up switching cultures, so that Captain Britain ended up Canadian/American, and I ended up -sigh- British. However, thanks to my healin' factor I eventually became SUPA-BRITISH!!! All of the strengths of being British (honor, chivalry, a knightly attitude), with none of the weaknesses (like bad grammar, self-deprecating humor, [[BritishTeeth poor dentistry]]), except for the one where I couldn't finish off a downed and defenseless opponent.
* [[http://i.imgur.com/RONZd.jpg The Etiquette Lesson]]
* This exchange in a Cable comic:
-->'''Domino:''' Okay, what's the plan?
-->'''Cable:''' [[AttackAttackAttack Charge the citadel. Take out Stryfe. Get Hope back. That's the plan.]]
-->'''Me:''' [[LeeroyJenkins AWESOME PLAN.]]
* Yeah, Silver Sable was an expert in hand-to-hand combat, left-arm-sword-to-ninja-guy's-head combat, and '''[[CountryMatters REDACTED]]''' to-trachea combat.
* VideoGame/MarvelVsCapcom3 intro: I appear to be thumbing through a book which could possibly be the script for the game. When I'm the team leader, I say: "Who was I supposed to kill again? Eh, doesn't matter!" If I lose, I say to you: "You pressed the wrong button!"
** When I trigger the good ol' X-Factor in ''Marvel vs. Capcom 3'': "Anime power up!!"
** In [[http://www.eventhubs.com/news/2010/sep/16/seth-demos-mvc3s-easy-mode-alt-colors-available/ this demo]] of ''Marvel vs. Capcom 3'''s Simple Mode [[note]] read that as: easy mode for "newcomers to the fighting game genre"; hey, those were Seth Killian's words, not mine. Also, I'm just there to show off my new alternate costume, that's all.[[/note]], I drop a [[YourMom "Yo Momma!"]] during my slide attack and when I defeat Viewtiful Joe in that same vid, I drop this: "I hear bullets taste just like chicken!"
** Aside from the fact that my backwards walk is [[Music/MichaelJackson the Moonwalk]], my winquotes are also a bit of a riot. I even quote Yipes [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTUYj_BOwx8 here]], albeit a slightly edited version of Yipes' original words (stupid [=ESRB=] rules). I also ask Capcom to [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XLsfpkP-xs give me the cover]] of the next StreetFighter! In other news, I totally do not like "Chun Li-Pool". Those hips DO NOT go with my mask. AT ALL.
* "[[BigNo Noooooo!]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=zLCLRkYElAI#t=185 Thaaat waas myy faavoourite guuuun!!"]]
* During my "Let's make Weasel miserable again" arc, Weasel lures me outside to fight by having the managers announce that the participants of a Bea Arthur lookalike contest are just arriving outside. I get outside and all I see is a gigantic suit of power armor. My reaction? [[ComicallyMissingThePoint "This guy doesn't look ANYTHING like Bea Arthur!"]]
* In one Deadpool Team Up, I was paired with Machine Man, aka [[ComicBook/{{Nextwave}} Aaron (@*&! Stack]]. The issue started with me working on [[AbnormalAmmo a gun that shoots rabid hamsters into people's faces.]] And things only get nuttier from there. The issue included the following, in no particular order: Machine Man bursting into my not so secret anymore headquarters to make me pay the money I owe an insurance company for all the money I've cost them, me shooting Machine Man in the face with the previously mentioned Rabid Hamster Gun, him convincing me to work with him to take on a villain that was about to cost the insurance company in one day more than I have in all of my illustrious career (thus far, but then, I haven't actually been trying to make them lose money... yet), me and Machine Man causing more than a little property damage taking on a Puppet Master wannabe, me considering working with the Puppet Master (I could have had Osborn and Cable have a slap fight to death for my entertainment, or have the cast of ''The Facts of Life'' hold a lingerie pillow fight... TO DEATH!!!), both of us picking on the wannabe for looking like a girl, me getting mind controlled and nearly eating a grenade,(not really, I was just kidding around. Besides, have you ever eaten a grenade? I have. It's actually kinda neat. After like a second, it quits hurting until I regenerate most of my nervous system), then Machine Man ruining my fun by stopping the puppet master by [[BodyHorror remodeling one of the Puppet Master's puppets to work on him, causing one hostage unbearable agony in the process]], me throwing the puppet out the window, and finally, me using the puppet master's magic puppets to hold a rabid hamster dance party. Ah, good times, good times.
* [[http://www.funnyjunk.com/channel/deadpool/Deadpool+-+chicken/laDcGyn/ "The - chicken - said - peep!"]]
** Dub of that scene [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKNZEoXE13s here.]]
* In one Deadpool Team-up, I got to work with one of my favorite heroes (asides from myself, of course, but hey, I get to work with me whether I want to or not, so that doesn't count), Thor! I got to be pummeled by The Mighty Thor! [[{{Squee}} *Fanboy Squee!*]]
* I get to meet my idol [[GIJoe STORM SHADOW]] [[http://www.the-gutters.com/comic/27-william-dean-blankenship-jr in this comic!]] [[{{Squee}} *Fanboy Squee!*]]
* So Norman Osborn thinks he can get rid of me, eh? [[http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_super/0/40/786185-prv2512_pg5.jpg LOL]].
* [[http://scans-daily.dreamwidth.org/2575576.html In which]] I got [[ComicBook/CaptainAmerica CAPTAIN AMERICA]] to [[ItMakesSenseInContext sit on my lap.]]
* Narrating my own life out loud in the first issue of my first ongoing, and using that as a distraction to take out the southern banana republic goons that were after me. Also, my wisecracks about the battle armor I bump into. Also, the wisecracks I throw at Sasquatch during my fight with him. Also, my funeral plans as I shared them with Sasquatch. Aw, hell, the entire first issue of my first ongoing. Except the part where I get stiffed on my payment.
* My fight with Taskmaster in the second issue of my first ongoing! I kick his butt using my phat dance moves!
** "Notice the lateral movement as he easily evades this blow--" "Notice how I rearrange your face so that solid food is no longer an option--"
* As discussed in my Awesome section, [[http://www.dadsbigplan.com/images/uploads/2009/07/deadpool-12.jpg this]] encounter I had with Bullseye. Do you have to ask why it's here, too? Seriously? Have you SEEN his facial expression after what I did?!
* In a team-up with Wolverine, I got to wear one of Jeannie's fabulous outfits to distract an evil robot. (Unlike when I tried on one of her other costumes when preparing for a fight against Cable, I was wearing my uniform under it this time.)
* Performing a [[StreetFighter Shoryuken]] punch on Kitty Pryde.
* Writing "Point this end at enemy" on my guns.
* One of Blind Al's best moments, in the issue where she's sabotaged all of my weapons and told Weasel about it. Gotta admit that was smart of ol' pruneface.
** Added: Proving to the B.A.D. Girls that I didn't have that one HoYay moment with Cable by [[PantyShot dropping my pants]] in front of the girls, completely forgetting I was wearing his Silver Age Jean Grey girl panties at that time.
* Also, Deadpool arguing with myself ''within my own bio''.
* "'''Buuuuuulllllleeeeettttttsssss!!!!!!'''"
** [[http://asylums.insanejournal.com/scans_daily/234814.html#cutid1 The famous death trap wherein I break all my limbs AND KEEP RIGHT ON TALKIN'.]]
* And the time I challenged Captain America (or that EldritchAbomination who was squatting in his body) to a match of Rochambeau for the fate of the world.
* Fighting Bullseye in a meat freezer, I needed to think of a way to keep Bullseye from killing him with arrows, when one of my voices tells me to "Be the meat". Outta the freezer I come, in a makeshift armor made of frozen pork announcing, "I am the meat!"
** And then we get flashback showing that even as a child I wanted to dress up in a meat suit and fight somebody.
** "He's beating our meat!" when Bullseye attacks the armor with a power saw.
** "YEEEEEEAH!!! No." ''(stab Bullseye with the meathook)''
* Issue 13 under Daniel Way has me agreeing to rid a resort island of pirates (which I was trying to be myself) if the gal I was talking to [[Manga/OnePiece would become my navigator]]... the blind gal. What? she had already shown that she knew how to navigate the island better than anyone!
** Then she ended up with [[spoiler:Bob.]] Meh.
* I once bought a tug boat for the price of a nuclear sub and then sank it.
* When an AIM minion comments that he prefers the StarWars prequels to the original trilogy, I blew his head off, pointed my gun at Bob-- I mean, ''[[SuspiciouslySimilarSubstitute Bill]]'', and commanded him to shout, "JAR-JAR BINKS IS AN ABOMINATION!" .
* Issue 15. I talk to the shark I had just eaten most of (Not a hobby or anything, I was adrift at sea), had a crazy hallucination about being on a cruise with a bunch of heroes, asks my inner voice to confirm whether or not San Fransisco was being attacked by breakfast cereal mascots to see if I was still hallucinating (I was, no surprise there), roller bladed around in a [[CampGay stereotypical]] outfit and when I attempted to fit in, I walked into a Navy bar still dressed like that (complete with HelloSailor and IsItHotInHere in an attempt to save face), and then ended up in a hostage situation in said bar. [[spoiler:Then I joined the X-Men.]]
* Similar to the ''Manga/OnePiece'' navigator shout out above, in my team-up with Iron Fist, I make an even more blatant anime/manga reference (gotta hit you people over the head, don't I?). As the villain and his ninja mooks surrounded me:
-->'''Me:''' I will make you and everyone in this village recognize me, for one day... [[Manga/{{Naruto}} I will be Hokage!]]\\
'''Bystander:''' Does anything he says ever make any sense?
* In a more family-friendly retelling of the Weapon X story, I narrate and present my team in a photo laid out like The Brady Bunch. Alice is still in the middle.
* And that time when I insisted on calling every vampire "Dracula." Other characters get caught up in my.. enthusiasm, yeah, and adopt the terminology. Even some of the vampires!
* Let's just face it, kids, when I'm not funny, the situation's gotten ''really'' serious!
* [[Film/XMenOriginsWolverine "Okay, the people are dead."]]
* From Deadpool Annual #2
-->''Super-bro code: Don't out a fellow super-bro.''
* For Marvel's 75th anniversary, I [[http://www.deadpoolbugle.com/p/marvels-75th-anniversary-deadpool.html photobombed]] the covers of various Marvel comics, as well as the poster for ''Film/{{The Avengers|2012}}''.
* I once changed the sign on [[Comicbook/TheIncredibleHulk Bruce Banner's]] office door to "Men's Room".
* Creator/GailSimone sure got a lot of mileage out of using the {{Inherently Funny Word|s}} "winkie" as a name for my man-junk.
** When recovering from a tabula rusa state in an ''Agent X'' comic, the first thing I did when my brain started coming back? I stripped my pants and briefs, and showed off to Alex and Sandi while proudly exclaiming, "Winkie! Found a winkie! [[ADateWithRosiePalms Boingy boingy boingy boingy!]]" Needless to say, they didn't enjoy the sight.
** After Black Swan turned me back to normal (relatively speaking), then got killed by me and the others, I got rather pissed at Alex when remembering when I was "...minding my own winkie in the bathtub, and he started beating on my poor skull..."
** Then we have Gail's contribution to my wedding issue, "Eulogy For a Winkie". Let's just say that when I married the super-strong Outlaw, I realized first-hand that she makes a very painful bedfellow...
* [[ComicBook/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy Groot]] let me appear briefly in a campfire story he told some kids. Most of the people in the story just repeated, "I am Groot!", but not me! Instead, I got to play poker against his buddy, Rocket Raccoon...except I lost, then [[SoreLoser stabbed my lousy cards with my trusty katana.]] How did I go to space in the first place, you ask? Groot didn't bother telling those kids, not that his explanation would've cleared anything up.
* Apparently, there going to be another me killing the marvel verse. Don't know whether to be annoyed/horrified that I might have to fight a genocidal me (for the umpteenth time), or laugh that the loser doesn't warrant a better title than "Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe Again".
!!Deadpool, the video game:
Can't I just say "all of it" and save space? No? Fine. My game had tons of funny moments ...
* Like when I called up Creator/NolanNorth on the phone. Weirdest conversation I've had in a while. And when he tells me he wants to create an alternative version where I don't like boobs:
--> '''Me''': Yeah, well, [[PrecisionFStrike fuck you]], Nolan.
** Though, if you feel like it, you can make me cut him off before he gets to the (literally) boobless part. I'll still sign off the same way. He may be cool (hey, if you were competent enough to voice me, you'd be too), but he can be a douche sometimes. Kinda like Cable, y'know?
* Not gonna lie to you, folks, I do not like weight conversions or math. Or restraint.
--> '''Me''': How much C4 is this gonna take?\\
'''White Box''': No more than 20 ounces.\\
'''Yellow Box''': ''[[BigWhat What]]?!'' I ''hate'' the metric system! How much in ''American''?\\
'''White Box''': Well, let's see... uhh... Carry the seven...\\
'''Me''': Dude, [[PrecisionFStrike fuck]] math! [[StuffBlowingUp Just use all of it!]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frBOyyeRgQM My grand entrance through the bathroom.]] With C4. [[FreezeFrameBonus And if you pay close attention]], you can hear one of the guards whistle [[Franchise/MyLittlePony a familiar jingle]] before being cut off by the big kaboom. Followed by [[WilhelmScream a familiar scream]] when he gets launched.
--> '''Me''': Whew! That's what happens when you mix C4 with a bean burrito. ({{Mook}} falls behind me) Now be honest... I'm not the only one with a little bit of shit in their pants right now, am I?
* Or how about that time when [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVYiQQetCmI I bitchslapped Wolverine for like a minute straight while trying to wake him up?]] Turns out the dude's a heavy sleeper. Who knew? And if you slap him longer, you get a trophy! And all the reasons I give.
* "Wrecked 'em? Darn near killed 'em!"
** Nobody laughed at my joke... until a random mook comes out, says the same line and everyone starts laughing; even Logan claps his hands. Well, you get the drill on what happens next to that mook.
---> Ugh. Talk about breaking suspension of disbelief.
* When I get the upgrade to my teleporter:
--> '''Message box:''' Congratulations! You got [[spoiler:NOTHING! This chest was empty, but that's no fun! Because we care, we upgraded]] your TELEPORT ability to teleport you to far away places! Why? [[spoiler:WHO CARES!]] Enjoy!
--> '''Me''': Enough already! No wonder I stopped playing {{JRPG}}s.
* Normally budgets aren't something to joke about, but you gotta admit, it was pretty funny when the budget ran out and the game turned 8-bit for a while.
* You actually get 2 achievements ''just for starting the game''. As you can guess, I instantly lampshade both of them.
--> ''("The First One's Free!" achievement pops up)'' Hey, what's that? You guys tracking my every move now? But I haven't even accomplished anything in this game yet. ''("The Second One Is Also Free" achievement pops up)'' ...Aaand there's another one. Ho-hoh, so it's gonna be one of those games, huh?
* Also:
-->'''Me''': "What's the sound of one robotic arm clapping?"\\
'''Serious Me''': "{{Dubstep}}?"
* And I sure gave a new meaning to the phrase "Dancing with death".
* When Cable came and bored me to death with his warnings from the future. [[PressXToDie "Press X]] [[DrivenToSuicide to make it]] [[SuicideAsComedy stop."]]
--> '''Cable''': Dammit, Wade!
** And DON'T you dare make me suffer by not pressing the X button. IT'S SO BOOOORRRIIINGGG!!!!
** But then I wake up to find a messaged attached to my chest with a knife blade. Courtesy of Cable. He's so subtle.
* Three words: '''NUMBER ONE FANGIRL'''!!!
** Or not.
--> ''(I wake up and realize I've been playing around with Cable's armor pecs--yeah...okay. And given your choice, I can simply back away with whatever dignity I got left--AH, FUHGEDDABOUDIT, DIGNITY ''SUCKS''--so you can make me squeeze it some more, just to see what he'll do--)''
--> ''(Cable goes POW!!! I go limp)''
--> '''Cable:''' I'd...ask what that was ''about''--but I don't wanna know.... [[note]] Aw, gimme a break, Cable--[[HoYay you and I both know you wuz liking it like I was...!]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice Yeah, I so went there.]] [[RefugeInAudacity I SO WENT THERE!!!]][[/note]]
* And the way I managed to "convince" High Moon Studios to make me my own game.
* "You can use "light attack->heavy attack" to break blocks...(''dudes get shot'') Or you can just shoot those [[PrecisionFStrike fuckers]], I guess."
* When I come across Sinister's mooks talking 'bout Rogue while taking a leak on the bathroom stalls. I join 'em and strike up some small talk. For like ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHAKa-W9alk 2-3 minutes]]''. Yeah, that was a ''whole'' lotta piss.
** When I'm done, they ''finally'' notice who they're talking to... [[TheCanKickedHim And I promptly shoot 'em dead.]]
* Anytime High Moon Studio tries to troll me in my game. I'M THE ONE WHO'S SUPPOSE TO TROLL 'EM!!!! For instance:
** Just because ''SOMEONE'' blew off all of the money (ahem, not me of course) you don't need to make it like a retro-old-Zelda game you know....
** After getting blown up by my stupid dog, the mooks in the stages [[CaptainObvious says the most obvious thing]] for my objective?!
** Every single moment when you probably want to get Deadpool points by saying 'no' many times before I stealthy kill the 'fake' Sinister. Gawd they take so long for me to wait...
** How about the time where after falling from the Sentinel boot, my head's all backwards and the controls were reversed?
** Before sitting on the toilet, ''I literally stretch the censorship bar out a little''! The fourth wall may never recover from what I put it through... But the bastards shrank it down again when I pulled my pants down.
** BreakingTheFourthWall for the billionth time, I read the script to my game... Then I just make it into real art with a red crayon.
** The "Wheel of Insanity". I swear, [[TheComputerIsACheatingBastard that thing has a mind of its own]].
** At one point, I encounter a room that is glitched to hell. One quick call to Peter fixes it, though.
* The game over screens. Roughly five-ten seconds of utter NightmareRetardant:
-->''(Sounds of my organs squishing out of my body as the screen smashes to black)''
-->''(I appear on screen, horribly disfigured and bloodied)''
-->'''Me:''' Oh, hey, babe[[note]]Death, who else?[[/note]]! What're you... ''(beat)'' Wait, I'm ''what?''
!!Other stuff[[note]]Besides my movie[[/note]]
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptKgRecPi1I This]]!! The all time greatest fan film '''EVER!!''' To the amazing guys behind this affectionate, [[Disney/BeautyAndTheBeast totally original]] movie, I applaud you! In fact, you deserve something special. Bring your stuffed unicorns.