Nob: "What yew gitz doin? FIGHT! Dey ain't dead 'till I sez they dead..." (Squiggoth escapes) "Oo dat rumblin'?"
Squiggoth:(eats Nob) OM NOM NOM!
(After Gorgutz crash lands)
Gorgutz: "I don't care if the flyer boyz dead. Find me another flyer boy so I can KILL HIM INSTEAD!!!"
Number Two: What about Sturnn boss? Can I kill him....Show you'ze I'z a good ork? Gorgutz: No, Sturnnz mine! I want his head! Number Two: What's so special about his head? Gorgutz: Dat's where da skull iz stupid! An' I'd look foolish with 'is foot on me pointy stik! Number Two: Stupid , stupid me. I knew da answer to dat!
Gorgutz: I got me da skullz of all da warbosses I killed. Sturnnz skull and dat Farseerz skull. So who I missin'? Oh yeah! Dat git Crull. I need 'iz skull fer me pointy stik! And you know how I'm gettin' him ta come after me? Number Two:...Yer gonna call 'im a grot? Gorgutz: We'll call dat "Plan: Stupid"! I named it after ya! No... The way ta get Crull crazy mad, iz to attack 'iz Titan! Den he'll come fer me- oi! Whyz you grinnin'?! Number Two: Because you named a plan after me!
The Orks from Retribution are by far the funniest characters in the series since Gorgutz.
Bludflagg: "OI, YOUS LOT! YOU'Z PART OF MY KREW NOW! ANY PROBLEMS WITH DAT, YA TALK TA DA COMPLAINTS DEPARTMENT. DATS MY GUN, BY DA WAY!" (When talking to rebellious Orks)
Mistah Nailbrain: "I'VE SET ME GITFINDA TO PANZEE. DERE OVER DERE!" (When tracking Eldar)
Spookums: "It's not like I can hide in da lava! Mork knows I ain't tryin' DAT trick again!"
At the end of the Orks' first mission, Inquisitor Adrastia tries to hire Kaptin Bluddflag to kill Azariah Kyras. The deal goes rather well, up until the part where she refuses to give her hat as payment. It also becomes something of a Brick Joke because the next to last thing he does in the Ork campaign is mug her for that hat.
When Bluddflagg's crew asks him why he didn't take Inquisitor Adrastia up on her offer, he responds with this:
In Dark Crusade, if you're playing as Imperial Guard and are planting the bomb to entomb the Necrons (again), you'll definitely want to use your AP Cs and vehicles to take your men and charge back to the extraction point after you've planted the thing... which may lead to a long conga line of vehicles screaming hell for leather for the exit followed by a long line of very angry Necrons... including the Personification of Death.
If the Orks in Retribution reach the Big Bad, he gives a Flat "What."... shortly before he falls over laughing.
As a consequence of the game mechanic having the Necron Lord resurrect where he fell instead of being respawned, it is perfectly possible to build defensive structures and station troops and vehicles around his fallen shell. Given enough firepower, it possible to watch him dramatically resurrect only to die a second later from all the concentrated firepower.
Playing as the Tau in Dark Crusade gets hilarious when you assault the Chaos stronghold. Eliphas uses his psychic powers to taunt the player's commanders, usually resulting in terror and disgust. Since Tau are Flat Earth Atheists and almost immune to the effects of Chaos, O'Kais attributes the buzzing in his head to radio interference.
Eliphas: "You come to your death, Tau!"
O'Kais: "And shut down that comm chatter."
The Necron Lord of Kronus usually does not speak, preferring to use Thomas Macabee as his voice when dealing with the other races. When you fight against the Chaos Stronghold, the Necron Lord breaks his silence to personally taunt Eliphas. Unfortunately all he can mutter is a few beeps and what sounded like a mechanical fart. Eliphas then exclaims "you have no SOUL!" Granted, it's not because the Necron Lord made a robo-fart, but because Eliphas could not psychically link with the lord at all due to the nature of Necrons. It's also one of the few times Eliphas loses control of his demeanor.
One from the original game, during one of the conversations between Sindri and Bale. Sindri is in the middle of performing a ritual when he is interrupted with Bale, who is angry about how close the Blood Ravens are getting. After he calms Bale down, Sindri actually has to say "Where were we?" before continuing the ritual.
In fact, most interactions between these two count. Sindri patiently placates his overzealous master, while dropping (not so) subtle hints at his true intentions, knowing perfectly well that they will go over Bale's head.
Using a Mad Dok to plant an Incredibly Obvious Bomb near a cluster of occupied troops and running away before the explosion sends everything flying is something to bring out the inner ork in every player.