Funny / CSI: NY

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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General/Unsorted

• Flack has many great one liners.
• Sid Hammerback's kooky and morbid interests, and various amusing Noodle Incident stories of his past, are also good for a laugh.

Season 1

• In the series premiere, "Blink," a suspect swears on his grandmother that he didn't kill his girlfriend. Flack wants to arrest him for swearing on his grandmother.
• "Grand Master":
  DJ Francais: What, am I under arrest?
  Mac: Oui.
• From "Night, Mother": Getting a reflection off an eyeball.
• Mac snarking at Stella's use of the word "gooey" to describe some trace in "Rain".
• "Tri-Borough:"
  • Death by crapsicle.
  • Also this:
    Will: You sweat when you have sex?
    Mac: *silence*
• "Recycling":
  • Mac's confusion when he's looking for Hawkes, only for the coroner to pop out of one of the autopsy freezer drawers (It Makes Sense in Context).
  • Right after arresting a man for stabbing a bike messenger, Stella gripes about pedestrian road rage. Just as she finishes her sentence, another bike messenger zips by and nearly runs her over, prompting her to curse angrily.
  • This line from Mac (who has just finished a case involving a dog show and a some eccentric human participants):
    "The more people I meet, the more I think about getting a dog."
• "'Til Death Do We Part":
  • Mac and Danny's exchange:
    Mac: It could happen to you, you know.
    Danny: What, marriage?
    Mac: Love.
    Danny: Come on, Mac, don't even say things like that.
  • I dare anyone to watch that now without laughing like crazy. I bet Danny never expected he'd get married in four years.
  • At the end of the episode, Mac barges in on a wedding, right after the officiant says "Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace", to save the groom from death by formaldehyde-tainted suit (It Makes Sense in Context). The sheer confusion of everyone around and Mac's almost chipper mood turn it from a serious scene to a chuckle-worthy one.
  • Add to that him grinning as he utters the last line of the ep, "You wouldn't happen to have another pair of pants?" as the groom looks at him like he's crazy.
• "Hush": The Robospanker... It generated a lot of fan jokes.
• "The Closer": Stella translates something she'd said to Mac.
  Mac: Ugh, it sounds so much better in Greek.
  Stella: Everything always does.^note The actress is of Greek-American descent.

Season 2

• "Grand Murder at Central Station":
  • Hawkes is watching a Jennifer Lopez music video while eating lunch. Mac trolls him by sternly telling him that "Eating is frowned upon" at work.
  • Later, Mac's visible confusion when Hawkes later bursts into his office talking about Lopez's rear end being insured (It Makes Sense in Context.)
• "Zoo York": During the autopsy scene for Stella and Hawkes' dead debutante, Hawkes takes note of something unusual:
  Hawkes: What causes high blood pressure in an eighteen-year-old girl?
  Stella: Uh, just about... everything?
• "Corporate Warriors": Danny and Stella's disbelief when they find a shoeprint on the ceiling.
• "Bad Beat":
  • Flack is interviewing tenants in the building where a murder took place, and the last one is an overweight balding man in nothing but his tighty-whities. The man smiles smugly at Flack's appalled expression, and Flack doesn't even bother to try to talk to him. "Never mind. Carry on, Sir."
  • The Home Porn Movie scene [1]
  • Later, Danny and Hawkes go to talk to the man in the above-mentioned porno, but he (a news producer) insists he's too busy to talk to them. So, Danny pops the tape in and starts to play it for the whole newsroom to see. "You got time for us, now?"
• "Risk": Flack, Cecil Arthur, and the bread crumbs.
• "Fare Game":
  • Flack is interrogating a repeat offender:
    Flack: You don't call, you don't write; I was starting to think you were seeing other detectives, William.
  • His horrified look when Lindsay eats the tempura-battered tarantula, followed by Mac offering everyone pizza in his office (after collecting on a bet he made with Danny about whether or not Lindsay would eat it).
• The scene in "Super Men" with Danny and Lindsay where Lindsay's rattling off football trivia about the victim, and Danny says it's dangerous that she knows about football because he might ask her to marry him. Jump ahead three seasons and...
• "All Access": Danny mangling the word "kinkajou" as "kink-a-poodle".
• All of Mac's verbal and facial reactions to learning details of the "committed threesome's" relationship in "Stealing Home." At one point he looks utterly stunned:
  Stella: [Matter-of-factly] We need to take a closer look at their arrangement.
  Mac: I'm not sure I wanna know any more.

Season 3

• A suspect in "Not What It Looks Like" has booby-trapped his apartment with a shotgun, which nearly kills Mac and Angell. In the interrogation room, the man nervously tries to explain that he is not a cop-killer, only to make things worse for himself. "It was sincerely intended for anyone else but you, Officer. That didn't come out right."
• "Obsession" opens with a group of boys playing football, and the ball going crashing through someone's window. When one boy looks through the window and sees a bloody corpse lying there, his reaction is to tell his friend, "I think you killed someone!" Later, Flack says that two of the boys came to the precinct to turn themselves in and he "locked 'em up just for fun."
• "The Ride-In":
  • Flack's open disbelief at the people who believe a second Great Flood is coming and paid a ridiculous amount of money to get a ride on the Victim of the Week's giant Ark.
    Flack: ... They've asked me if they can get back on the Good Ship Looney Toons before Sunday, 'cause that's when the world's ending.
  • In the other case, when they find a dead man wearing a giant cigarette costume, Stella decides to get the obvious joke out of the way: "Okay. Let's just say it now to get it over with: Smoking kills."
• This exchange from "Sleight Out of Hand":
  Stella: They say burning is the most painful of deaths.
  Danny: I love that! How do they know? What, did they take a poll? "Sixty-four percent of dead people surveyed said…"
  • Mac is demonstrating the illusionist's 'set himself on fire' trick, and invites Danny to light him up.
    Mac: Come on. What kind of job allows you to set your boss on fire? Going once... going twice...
    Danny: Fine. But if you go up in flames, I get your office.

Season 4

• "You Only Die Once": Danny and Lindsay arguing over who has the coolest Cool Car: Batman or James Bond.
• "Down the Rabbit Hole" centers entirely around an online social network game called "Second Life," and Mac and Adam create an avatar to handle that end of the investigation. At one point, they have to switch the avatar's appearance to that of a sexy woman and flirt with another player, except Mac has *no* game whatsoever, prompting Stella to take over.
  Taylor: Hi. I like your name. I love waterfalls, don't you?
• Flack and Angell are following a suspect in "Commuted Sentences", but evidently aren't as subtle as they thought they were, because eventually the woman gets in their back seat and tells them that, if they're going to insist on following her, they might as well have her itinerary and lays it out for them.
• The episode "Child's Play" is a downer, but it has one very funny scene with Lindsay and Flack going back and forth being ripped off by Laughing Larry as kids.
  • Of note, Flack's tale of buying X-Ray specs to see through girls' clothes.
    Flack: The only thing I ever saw through those things was a nun coming at me with a yardstick.
  • Stella, a bit older than her colleagues, has no clue what they're talking about... but did buy sea monkeys. Lindsay and Flack both immediately make the same sympathetic "oh" sound.
  • It all culminates in an even funnier scene where Larry squirts Flack's tie with water. Flack tells him, "Do that again I'll have you brought in for assaulting a police officer."
• The Asshole Victim of the Week in "Happily Never After" is so reviled that the crowd of onlookers at the crime scene react in a way no onlookers have ever reacted before:
  Hawkes: Are they applauding? [applause increases] They're applauding.
• Flack's description of the second crime scene in "Playing With Matches", culminating in this line: "If a dishwasher and a port-a-potty were to ever mix it up, this would be their love child."
• At the beginning of "Admissions", both Mac and Stella ask Flack "Who found the body?" in perfect sync, to which he tells them they've been working together for too long. Not two seconds later, Flack uses Danny's "Boom" catchphrase, to which Mac replies "You and Danny have been working together too long."
  • Sid reveals some creepy insight into his mindset while working on a body that has been burned with hydrofluoric acid.
    Sid: You have any idea how often I've wondered what would happen if you swallowed this stuff? I mean, there it is on the shelf, perhaps the most corrosive substance acid known to man and... you just get that urge to take a swig. You know what I'm talking about?
    Mac: Absolutely. It's like whenever I pick up a scalpel, I wonder if I could perform a live autopsy on myself.
    Sid: You do that, too? 'Cause I thought I was- [Beat] Don't play with me like that.

Season 5

• The giant doll from "Sex, Lies and Silicone." From the odd looks Flack and Lindsay get as they wheel it down the street to the dirty looks Flack gets when Lindsay pretends to be his distraught wife, upset that he got the doll to fool around with behind her back.
• This interaction from "The Cost of Living":
  Wilfred: I swear on my sister's eyes!
  Stella: Your sister's blind, Wilfred!
  • Adam is playing around with paper airplanes. For the case, we swear.
• "The Box":
  • Stella is walking down the street when a young man comes up and tries to sell her a fake Rolex (spelled 'Rollez'). His expression when she shows him her badge is pretty funny, as is the fact that the next person he tries to dupe is Danny, right outside the Crime Lab.
  • The failed Police Brutality Gambit that a murder suspect tries (he bashes his forehead into a table top). Mac tells the suspect that he beat himself up for no reason because they can prove he did it himself, and even explains how.
• "She's Not There":
  • Danny and Flack split up to chase two different suspects. Flack ends up crashing into a table full of fish for sale, and Danny's suspect tries dodging him by hiding in a metal locker/cabinet. He catches her simply by tipping it over so that it's lying door-side-down. He then casually sits down on top of it and makes a phone call to Flack while she bangs on the locker and demands that he let her out.
  • Later, Flack is interrogating a club owner/drug trafficker in connection to a sex trafficking ring. The suspect declares that Flack is insulting him and his mother by suggesting that he would treat women that way.
    Flack: [Incredulous] My apologies to your mother!
• "No Good Deed": After a bird drops a human eyeball into Stella's coffee cup:
  Flack: Did you get a description of the bird?
  Stella: Yes, Flack. It was black, had a beak, oh and it flew with a limp.

Season 6

• "Blacklist": Mac and Flack have just burst into a perp's apartment; said perp begins running and steps right on one of his own heroin needles.
  Junior Mosley: Ow! No! Let me take it out first!
  Don Flack: Afraid I can't let you do that.
  Junior: Why?!
  Mac Taylor: The syringe is evidence of drug use. We'll have to document it where we found it.
  Flack: [Snaps a picture of the syringe stuck in Junior's foot] Now one for the Jackass of the Year Award! [snaps a picture of Junior's face]
  • Flack's expression in the last line really sells the gallows humor of this scene.
• "Dead Reckoning": Mac's exasperated eyeroll at the cotton swab factory employee who couldn't be bothered to wear gloves because they made her hands sweat.
• "Battle Scars" features a male suspect with a very feminine first name. Flack's comment is probably dead-on.
  Flack: With a name like that, you probably had to mail your lunch money to the school bully!
• At the "sploshing party" in "It Happened to Me":
  Flack: This takes place every day at lunch?
  Party Coordinator: Yes. We've just added dinner parties on Friday and Saturday nights. I can get you a membership application.
  Flack: [Horrified look] God, no. Thank you.
• "Death House": Upon hearing that his one-sided Sitcom Archnemesis, Haylen, is being considered for recruitment into the FBI, Adam is more than a little shocked and dismayed.
  Adam: Wow, really?
  Agent Meade: Yeah.
  Adam: Wow. Really?
  Meade: Yes.
  Adam: [Nervous laugh] Really?
  Meade: [Smirks] Still yes. [Walks away]
  Adam: Wow.
• While processing a car in "Second Chances", Danny tells Stella that Lindsay made him promise to stop saying "Boom", because she's afraid it will end up being baby Lucy's first word. Seconds later, he finds a key piece of evidence and breaks his promise: "Boom!"
• "Pot of Gold":
  • Adam Ross sniffing the bar of gold and getting a disapproving stare from the Federal Reserve guard.
  • A chase on foot ends up cutting through a St. Patrick's Day parade, specifically a segment with bagpipe-playing police officers. By the time Flack has the suspect cornered in a dead end, he's accompanied by about a dozen extra cops, some still carrying their bagpipes. Seems this suspect did not have the luck of the Irish.
• In "Tales from the Undercard," Danny and Flack investigate an apartment that potentially belongs to the Victim of the Week, only for the actual owner to come in while they're searching, clearly baked out of his mind.
  Apartment Owner: [Carrying a pizza box] I just stepped out to get some toilet paper.
  Flack: And, uh, where is the toilet paper?
  Apartment Owner: [Looks down at the box] Aw, damn it. [Turns and starts to walk away - with the box - without even thinking to ask why two strangers are in his apartment.]

Season 7

• "The 34th Floor":
  • Mac is introduced to new CSI Jo with a dose of very Black Comedy:
    Jo: Hi. I'm Jo Danville. I'm your new crime scene investigator. [Points to the dead body she found IN THE CRIME LAB] And this young woman is dead.
  • Jo is going way crazy with her ability to deduce literally every little detail of the woman she had found dead in the Lab; all the while Mac is just sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. He even says this, which tops it off:
    Mac: Do you happen to know her mother's maiden name?
    Jo: Just trying to make a good first impression with the boss.
• "Unfriendly Chat":
  • Jo is on the phone with her teenaged son, but we only hear her end of the conversation.
    Jo: Tyler, you're eighteen years old; you're perfectly capable of putting Ellie to bed. [Pauses] Then use duct tape!
  • Mac tries out the online video chat site, and one of the first connections he gets is of a guy smoking a hookah. He just stares in disapproval until the other guy hits the 'Next' button. Then, he briefly talks with a boy who asks him questions about his biology homework, but Mac will only give him so many free answers.
    Mac: No, no, no, no, no. You, uh, you do your own homework and turn this thing off.
    Boy: You must not have kids.
• "Shop Til You Drop": Mac and Jo catch a pickpocket in the act and cuff him just as a department store's new holiday window display is revealed. Jo comments on its beauty, and the pickpocket vocally agrees with her. She mildly snaps at him, saying "I wasn't talking to you!"
• "Justified": It's a bit dark, but after a suspect shoots at Danny and Flack through a door, he pseudo-cheerfully calls "Come on in, it's open!" And he basically No-Sells a punch from Flack in the fight that ensues shortly thereafter.
• The fake polygraph scene in "Damned if You Do," from Adam posing as the official administering the test to Jo counting down how fast it takes the suspect to crack and confess before Adam even starts asking questions. The poor schmuck doesn't even make it to the first question before he cracks like an egg.
• "The Untouchable":
  Keith De Young: Look, I- I just wanted him to know how much his-
  Lindsay: How much of a pompous ass you and your club pals are? Do you think money can get you out of murder?
  Keith De Young: No. Look, I don't know anything, okay? I just do what I'm told.
  Lindsay: Oh, so, you're a pompous lackey ass?
• The opening sequence of "Do or Die":
  Headmaster: Our school crest... a symbol of our history. Founded in 1918, the Archford Academy has always been a beacon for academic integrity.
  [Montage of high school students having sex, dealing/doing drugs, and cheating on tests ensues.]
• "Food for Thought":
  • At a crime scene, Lindsay complains about how hungry she is, and proceeds to recite to Danny a long list of food items that she wants. As Danny turns to walk away, he suddenly has a thought and slowly turns back to face her, wondering if Lindsay's hungry because she's pregnant again; she assures him that she isn't.
  • Later, Lindsay is in the lab, examining evidence from the crime scene. Danny comes to the doorway, dangling a paper bag containing the burger that she'd said she wanted. When Lindsay tells him to bring it to her, he reminds her that they can't have food in the lab. Lindsay then explains her findings so far, and when Danny remarks that more lab work will be needed, she tells him that he'd better get busy, grabs the bag from him, and runs.
    Danny: [Calling after Lindsay] Hey, wait! Come on! [waggles a finger] Save me a French fry!
• In "Nothing for Something," Jo kicks Mac out of a crime scene so he can get some sleep and basically mothers him to get some rest. Even has a humorous moment where Mac asks if Don is gonna give him stuff like milk and cookies and sing him a lullaby. Flack's response?
  Flack: The lullaby thing's a little weird...but milk and cookies COULD happen.

  • It's mostly the mental images that make this Hilarious in Hindsight.

Season 8

• The season premiere, "Indelible":
  • It opens with a flashback to the morning of 9/11, which starts out with Mac cutting himself shaving while *NSYNC's "This I Promise You" plays on the radio. His wife proceeds to mock him by pretending to call 911.
    Claire: Yeah, hi, 911? My husband seems to be performing some sort of self-mutilation ceremony. Yeah, it seems to be inspired by one of those boy bands. I don’t know, uh, hang on. [To Mac:] She wants to know if you got a good look at them. Well, five white guys, um, questionable sexual orientation. One of them has curly hair and this impossibly high voice. Okay, alright, thank you. ["Hangs up"] They want you to go down and do a line-up later tonight.
  • With Mac out on his 10-Minute Retirement, Jo is showing a potential replacement around the Lab, and Adam is watching and quietly doing a Gag Dub of their conversation, only to trail off when he realizes Lindsay is behind him and listening to everything he says.
    Adam as Jo: Well, I'm just so sorry sir, you're just not the man who replaces Mac Taylor as the head of this crime lab. Yeah, not with that pocket protector and those silly Pee-wee Herman looking glasses.
    Adam as Candidate: Uh, but, um, then, why did Chief Sinclair want to interview me and have you show me around the lab?
    Adam as Jo: Well, that's probably because he's got a make-believe that Mac Taylor's never coming back. He doesn't even know the difference between a GCMS and a Scanning Electron Microscope. Well, I'll tell you what, sweet thing, okay?, I'm gonna introduce you to a bunch of people that you're never gonna be [spots Lindsay] super...vising.
    Lindsay: There's something seriously wrong with you.
    Adam: Gah! Awkward.
• "Air Apparent": Flack is mocking the reliability of the suspect's alibi.
  Flack: "Your Honor, I'd like to call my next witnesses, Two-Tooth Willy and Crackhead Pooky."
• "Get Me Out of Here!" features Danny and Adam conducting an interview at a frat house the morning after a kegger, and they notice a guy passed out on a couch that's on the top of a tall stack of furniture, noting that that's going to be a rude awakening. Pays off at the end of the scene when the guy falls off the couch - and gives them a dazed thumbs-up before going right back to sleep, as evidenced by the immediate resumption of his loud snoring.
• "Crushed": One suspect is an overweight mall cop. After he takes off running, Flack and Danny do 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' to see who has to chase after him (Flack) and who gets to take the car (Danny). When Flack casually jogs up behind the guy, the man is wheezing and leaning against a sign.
• "Brooklyn 'Til I Die": The police, CSI, and FBI burst into an apartment where a kidnapping victim is being held, and find him lying tied up on the floor, with the TV playing and a snoring woman in a chair. The woman sleeps through the whole raid, including the cops yelling at her sons while arresting them, and doesn't wake up until an FBI agent turns the TV off.
• "Flash Pop" ends with Mac and Christine at her parents' anniversary party. Before he leaves for said party, however, Jo sees the outfit he's planning to wear and criticizes it.
  Jo: You need to wear something that says... Well, I don't know what it should say, but that isn't it.
• "Near Death":
  • Flack being totally exhausted and out of breath after chasing a suspect on foot for six blocks (the guy is only caught because Mac catches up in the car).
    Flack: Sonuvabitch! [To the suspect] You run track, or somethin'? [Continues gasping for air] Are you on the Olympic team?!
  • While Mac is near death and dreams he's having a conversation with Jo, he lists things about his team that he'll miss, concluding with Adam's... uh... Adam.
  • Case in point, he also dreams a conversation with Adam, which begins with him walking in on the lab tech practicing ballroom dancing with a mannequin.

Season 9

• This is on the subtle side, but Mac's slight eyeroll at Jo's comment near the end of "2,918 Miles" that he and Christine should get married and have good-looking blonde kids.
• "The Lady in the Lake": Adam, thinking he has found a piece of an alien spaceship and is going to be famous, proposes a business partnership with Sid, which involves Sid investing $284K to start it up. Sid's recommendation: "Don't pitch this to anyone who can fire you."
• "Clue: SI": Someone pranks Lindsay by putting a blue dye on the eyepiece of a microscope. She spends the rest of the episode investigating it as she would an actual crime, suspecting everyone. She even puts crime scene tape around the microscope. Eventually, it turns out to be Danny, who had been targeting Adam, only to get Lindsay by accident.
• Lindsay is behaving strangely all throughout "Nine Thirteen," and finally deduces that she's pregnant again and tells Danny. Cue all the other major characters, who were listening in on the conversation, passing money to Sid - with the exception of Jo, who'd been out most of the day. They'd already figured out the possibility and placed bets on it, to Lindsay's shock and amusement. Even Christine, who doesn't even appear in this episode, is in on the bet!

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