Funny / Con Air

  • "Why couldn't you have put the bunny back in the box?"
  • Poor Malloy's face as he watches his car flying away.
    "Isn't that your car, Malloy?"
    "Can't be. I left mine at the office".
    • And then he looks at the license plate after it lands roughly back on the ground, and realizes that it was his car.
    • Made even funnier at the end. Larkin apologizes to Malloy about his car, and Malloy shrugs it off, saying he was getting tired of it.
  • "On any other day, that might seem strange. . ."
  • Cyrus's song to Larkin, after he shot Agent Sims.
    "Oh... Nothing makes me sadder than the agent lost his bladder in the airrrrrrplane!"
  • Cyrus laying out the plan:
    Cyrus: (pointing to different makeshift models) This is the boneyard. This is the caravan. And this is our plane.
    Convict: (pointing) What's that?
    Cyrus: ...That's a rock. (flicks it off the 'map')
    Convict: ...Okay.
  • Pinball's body crashing into a moving car.
    "I don't think he's an astronaut."
  • He's got the whole world, in His hands, He's got the whole wild world, in His hands, He's got the whole world...
    • (When Garland starts singing "He's Got The Whole World in his Hands") "Shut the fuck up, you freak! We're gonna die!"
      • Another inmate makes the sign of the cross while Garland is singing.
  • "Define 'irony'...a bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash..."
  • Cyrus trolling Larkin.
    Larkin: Where are you going with my plane, Cyrus?
    Cyrus: We're going to Disneyland.
    Larkin: You're lying, Cyrus.
  • "Hi, Garland."
  • "You know what I am?" "Ugly all day".
  • "New shooter coming out, new shooter. Does the new shooter feel lucky? Well, does he?"
    • "Yes. Yes, he does."
  • Cameron vs. Sally Can't Dance. He winds up as if to throw a punch, stops, and uses an open-handed slap to the face instead.
    • The way he does it is what it sells the whole thing. Cameron is ready to punch Sally Can't Dance's lights out and you can see him reacting as badly as if he were about to beat up a woman.
    • There's also the fact that Sally returns to the plane in a new dress he stole and immediately asks to join the fray. Cyrus hands him his machine gun and sticks a spare clip in his cleavage for good measure. It's the nonchalant way they both treat it that makes it hilarious.
  • Casey sends a letter telling Poe all about her daycare. She says that when they go outside, they all have to hold hands. Poe's reply is "We don't have a play time like you. We do get to go outside, though, but we don't hold hands."
  • Pinball's response to finding out that Swamp Thing knows how to fly planes: "It's amazing the shit you white trash know."
  • Cyrus' surprise that Baby-O is diabetic.
    Cyrus: "You have been near death the entire trip?"
  • "Swamp, where is the transponder?" *gasp* "Where indeed?"
  • "I hope he likes sand."
    • And the payoff to a Brick Joke. When the plane takes off again and flies overhead, he's still running.
  • Poe and Baby-O getting startled when Garland talks for the first time.
  • Billy asking Cyrus if he's lost his mind.
    Cyrus: "According to my last psych evaluation, yes."
  • Malkovich's completely deadpan delivery.
    Pinball: You didn't mean that "dirty Negro crackhead" shit, did you?
    Cyrus Grissom: Give me that gun.
    [takes the gun]
    Cyrus Grissom: Hell yes, I meant it.