- Mitch says this a lot, and it's funny everytime.
- Mitch sings, and imitates a horse snorting.
Mitch: Rollin', rollin', rollin', keep them dogies rollin', man my ass is swollen, Rawhide! Get 'em up, move 'em out, wake 'em up, get 'em dressed, get 'em shaved, comb their hair, Rawhide! Tie me down, tell me lies, pull my hair, smack my thighs - with a big wet strap of, Rawhide!
- While Mitch is delivering the calf Norman he can't help but add...
Mitch: You know, this was not in the brochure...
Curly: She needs help god dammit!
- Mitch Robbins has a roping disability.
- He finally gets frustrated with it when trying to lasso a stationary cow. He ends up jumping off the horse and wraps the loop around the cow's neck manually.
Mitch: So what's wrong with that?
(Curly whistles, causing the cow to break off into a run and drag Mitch behind it)
Mitch: I'm on vacation! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
- Cookie is asked to say something at Curly's burial
Cookie: Lord, we give you Curly . Try not to piss him off.
- Phil, shaking hands.
Phil: I'm Phil Berquist. I committed adultery; lost my job and my family, trying to find a reason to live...
Mitch: His jacket's being made.
- Phil, finally expressing his feelings about his wife.
Phil's Wife: I hate you!
Phil: I hate you more! If hate were people, I'd be CHINA!!
- The reaction of the men upon seeing Bonnie at the cattle drive.
Phil: You know, when I was alive, I would've found her attractive.
- The trail hands discuss what to do about Cookie, who has two broken legs.
Mitch: Oh god, they're gonna shoot him, I know it, they're gonna shoot him...
- Mitch has been explaining to Phil how to record TV on a VCR, which is getting on Ed's nerves.
Ed: Shut up! Just shut up! He doesn't get it! He'll NEVER get it! It's been four hours! The COWS can tape something by now! Forget about it, PLEASE!
)...How do you do the clock?
- Mr. Stone invokes the Duke's name in a rather... unique way.
Clay: What in the name of John Wayne's ass is going on here?
- This sentence proves that Glen has NO sense of direction. At the very least it proves he's an idiot.
Glen: All right, now the sun sets in the East, right?
Mitch: No! The sun sets in the West.
Glen: That's if your in the East, but we are way out West now, so we are past where the sun sets.
Mitch: You can't be passed where the sun sets, and if you think you can, then I am standing directly South of an idiot!
- When Mitch thinks his marrige is doomed.
Mitch: By this time next week I'll be having a romantic candle light dinner with Phil.
- Glen is a The Godfather aficionado. Phil loves his imitations. Mitch and Barbara? Not so much.
Phil: Hey, Glen, let me ask you something. Who had Frankie Pentangeli killed?
Mitch: Phil! (Barbara groans and leaves the room)
Glen: The Rosato brothers.
Phil: Who gave the order? (Mitch then hits Phil over the head with a pillow)
- And during the entire following scene, you can hear Glen quoting the movie in the background.
- Ladies and gentleman, it is time for the "Walter Huston Dance!"
- This exchange when they first decipher the map:
Mitch: We can't just go nuts! I'm 40!
Phil: What does that mean?
Mitch: I don't know!
- When Ira and Barry introduce themselves to Duke (Curly's twin brother):
Barry: We're Barry and Ira Shalowitz. We helped bury your brother.
Duke: Oh? Maybe some day I can do the same for you.
- The whole scene where Phil thinks he's been bitten in the ass by a rattlesnake, followed by Mitch and Glen arguing over who should suck the poison out.
- The four treasure hunters find the mine and split up, each taking a different passage way. Mitch, Glen, and Phil each take turns singing the Godfather theme, then join in together as it echos throughout the cavern Duke has a priceless WTF?!? look on his face the whole time.