Funny / Chrestomanci

The Lives Of Christopher Chant

  • Two moments after Christopher "dies" from being hit in the head by a cricket bat:
    • At the morgue: "What do you mean by locking this door? Everybody's dead in here, they're not going to run away!"
    • "For half an hour after that, the hospital was in total confusion, while everybody tried to catch a five-foot-tall corpse clothed mostly in a flying sheet, which raced up and down the corridors shrieking that it was missing cricket practice."

Witch Week

  • This knitting - is really two little caretaker's dogs.
    • Pretty much anything Simon does during the Simon Says spell.
  • The obstructive headmistress is ranting at the heroes. Chrestomanci sighs, and puts his hand down on her desk; she vanishes.
    Student: Where did you send her?
    Chrestomanci: *lifts his hand to reveal the headmistress' calendar* Next Tuesday, I believe.

Conrad's Fate

  • Christopher and Conrad trying to get Mr. Maxim to take them on a tour of the wine cellars. It doesn't work.
    "I tell you for once and for all that there is no wine that goes with bacon and eggs!"
  • Christopher considers getting drunk after not being able to bring back Millie on his first try. He's 15 at the time.
    “One could get awfully drunk here,” Christopher remarked, surveying a dusty wall of bottles marked Nuits d’été 1848. “I have quite a mind to drown my sorrows, Grant. I saw Millie. I talked to her. Do you know how to open champagne?”
  • Christopher's solution to Millie being bullied at boarding school.
    "And Christopher was just as overbearing as I knew he would be. You know, ‘My dear Millie, set your mind at rest and I will fix it’ – and this time he was worse. He decided we were going to go and live together on an island in Series Five. And when I said I wasn’t sure I wanted to go and live all alone with Christopher – well, would you want to, Conrad?"

The Pinhoe's Egg
  • When Chrestomanci went missing, everyone was deathly worried, most of all Millie. When he reappears, she's the first to fling her arms around him, followed by the entire castle who crowd around and ask if he's all right. This Crowning Moment of Heartwarming is then heartily interrupted by Chrestomanci himself.
    Chrestomanci: No, I am not alright! I have world wide blisters. I need a shave. I'm tired out and haven't had anything to eat since breakfast yesterday. Would you feel all right in my position?