Funny: Charlotte's Web

1973 Animated Film

  • When trying to find a new word for Charlotte's web.
    Lamb: How about "Pig Supreme"?
    Charlotte: No good. It sounds like a rich dessert.
    Goose: How about terrific, terrific, terrific?
    Charlotte: Cut that down to one terrific and it will do nicely. I think terrific might impress Zuckerman.
    Wilbur: But Charlotte, I'm not terrific.
    Charlotte: You're terrific as far as I am concerned. Does anybody know how to spell it?
    Charlotte: What kind of an acrobat do you think I am? It would take me all night to write a word like that into my web.
    Ram: I would advise you not to consult geese in matters of spelling. The word is spelled T-E-R-R-I-F-I-C.
    Goose: (annoyed) I still think it's prettier spelled T double-E double-R double-I double-R...
    Charlotte: Please! Let me spell it my way.
  • Wilbur attempts to make a web by tying a fairly short piece of string on his tail and jumping off a mound.
  • Henry Fussy putting Wilbur down just for him to run into things in the house.
  • Twice when Wilbur faints, Templeton bites his tail and the pain revives him. Priceless!
  • When The Old Ram demands Wilbur to struggle as they put him into the crate
    Old Ram: Listen to me, when they open the crate to put you in, struggle. Pigs always resist when they're being loaded
    Wilbur: If I struggle, I'll get dirty.
    Old Ram: Never mind. lf you were to walk into the crate without resisting, Zuckerman will think there's something wrong with you
    Templeton [pokes his head from out of the crate] Well struggle if you must. But kindly remember, I'm hidin' down here and I don't wanna be stepped on, or kicked in the face, or crushed, or bruised, or lacerated, or scarred, or biffed. Just watch what you're doin' when they're shovin' ya in, Mr. Radiant.

2006 Live Action Film

  • Templeton in general; Steve Buscemi's portrayal of Templeton makes the rat even ruder and more Jerk Ass than Paul Lynde did in the animated film.
    • When Wilbur first meets Templeton.
    Wilbur: Hi There!
    Templeton: [shrieks, startled] Oh you're a pig. Pig equals slop. Hmm. The Rat is happy!
    Wilbur: My name's Wilbur. Do you have a name? Or is it just "the Rat?"
    Templeton: [*coughs*] Did you say "just the rat?" For your information, pig, The Rat RULES! We were here long before your kind, and we'll be here long after. So you just keep that in mind next time you feel like reducing me to "just the rat."
    Wilbur: You call yourself the rat.
    Templeton: I can call me that. You can't.
    Wilbur: So you don't have a name?
    Templeton: Oh, of course I do, you idiot! It's Templeton!
    Wilbur: Great Name!
    Templeton: Gee Thanks
    Wilbur: Wanna play?
    Templeton: For so many See, I don't play. I know, I spy, I eat I hide. Me in a nutshell.
    Wilbur: Couldn't you just stay & chat?
    Templeton: Chat? Knaw. Spy. Eat. Hide. Nope, chat ain't on the list.
    (Templeton then goes down into his hole and enters this lair, filled with assortment of junk. He looks in a mirror)
    Templeton: The rat is handsome
    (Templeton then Goes to his bed and drinks out of a broken bottle)
    Templeton: BURRP!!! Tonight I dream of slop!
  • Ike the horse (voiced by Robert Redford)'s arachnophobia he mostly grows out of it at the end when Charlotte's babies hatch
    • When he sees Charlotte for the first time, he starts shrieking ''SPIDER! GET IT AWAY FROM ME! GET IT AWAY!"
    • Then when Charlotte reveals to Wilbur that she drinks flies blood, Ike faints to the ground with a loud THUD!
      • Then Charlotte climbs down next to the fallen horse
    Ike: Please don't hurt me.
    Charlotte: Well, since you said "please." (chuckles)
    • Also this dialogue when Charlotte is trying to get him involved to a meeting involving Wilbur
    Charlotte: Ike, this meeting involves every one of us.
    Ike: I just have...trouble looking at you. That's all.
    Charlotte: Well, this isn't about me, this is about Wilbur. And for the record, my view of you isn't exactly a treat, either
  • Fern sneaking Wilbur to school and hiding him inside her desk to feed him a bottle. Needless to say, she gets caught and sent the principal's office.
  • When Edith Zuckerman is at the beauty salon discussing the word terrific in the web
    Edith Zuckerman: I mean it was clear as day.T-E-R-R-I-F-I-C, I mean can you believe a spider wrote that? I didn't learn how to spell that word until I was in the 10th grade!
  • When Samuel the sheep (voiced by John Cleese) and his are getting sheered by Homer
    Sheep 1: I'm Next!
    Sheep 2: I'm Next!
    Sheep 3: I'm Next too!
    • Then when Wilbur sees the sheered Samuel, he doesn't recognize the sheep and introduces himself again
    Wilbur: Hi, You new to the barn? My name's Wilbur
    Samuel: Wilbur, it's me!
    Wilbur: Great name!
    Samuel: NO, you idiot! It's me, Samuel the sheep!
    Wilbur: Wow! What happened to you?
    Samuel: [scoffs]
    • How Samuel's flock just constantly agree with almost everything he says
    Samuel: How many times must I tell you, just because we're sheep, it doesn't mean we have to follow. Think for yourselves!
    Flock: Yourselves quite right!
  • Everything with The crows Elwyn & Brooks starting with their scarecrow dilemma ("It's scary guy!" "I gotta get some corn!") and how Templeton tricks them twice into getting into humiliating situations
  • The sassy Cows Bitsy & Betsy (voiced by Kathy Bates & Reba McEntire, respectively)
    Betsy: Did you get him?
    Bitsy: Yep! Bullseye!
    • Also when Templeton carries away the rotten goose egg
    Betsy: Don't you break that egg rat!
    Bitsy: A broken rotten egg would make this barn stink to high heaven!
    Templeton: That'd be a change.
    Bitsy: [laughs]
    Betsy: Why you laughin', Bits? He just said we stink!
  • The two geese Gussy & Golly (voiced by Oprah Winfrey & Cedric the Entertainer)
    Golly: As ugly as that spider is, we should've known she was smart!
    Gussy: So you don't believe that someone can be smart and pretty?
    Golly: No. I-I-Mean yes! C-c-cause you are.
  • The answer to the literate spider issue. One interviewer asks Homer "where's the spider who did all this?"
    Homer Zuckerman: Well...we looked everywhere...but we couldn't find one
    (cue Wilbur & Charlotte giggling to each other)
  • When the rotten egg breaks, it can be smelled everywhere even from Brooks & Elwyn the crows overlooking the barn from a fair distance.
    Elwyn: Whew! Man is that you?
    Brooks: No. I smell a smell, though. You think it's scary guy?
    Elwyn: He's tryin' to stink us away from the—
    Brooks: CORN!
  • When Charlotte, Wilbur & Templeton first arrive at the fair.
    Templeton: Alright, where's the food! Where's the filth?
    Charlotte: Templeton, ever heard of the phrase; "Good things come to those who wait?"
  • Before Wilbur first meets Charlotte, he is calling "whoever spoke to me last night reveal yourself" The other animals are confused and wondering who he's talking too right before Charlotte reveals herself.
    Wilbur: Hello, whoever spoke to me last night, kindly reveal yourself?
    Ike: Yeah. Loud things!
    Wilbur: I'm speaking to whoever spoke to me last night?
    Charlotte (offscreeen): I suppose that'd be me.
    Wilbur: Okay. I can't see you!
    Charlotte: Up here, in the doorway corner.
    (Wilbur looks towards the left corner; which is empty)
    Charlotte(deadpan): No, no, The other corner.
    (Wilbur turns his eyes toward the right corner with the web on it)
  • Wilbur slipping & sliding in the mud
    Wilbur: Hello, my name's Wilbur! Anyone wanna play? It's raining, and you wanna know what you get with rain?
    Bitsy: Lightnin'?
    Betsy: Typhoons?
    Bitsy: Cholera
    Betsy: Dysentery
    Bitsy: Frizzy hair
    Betsy: That sad feelin'?
    Wilbur: No, MUD! (leaps into it)
    Ike: What the heck is he doing now?!
    • Followed by Ike, Samuel arguing about work following with Samuel volleying insults toward with the cows
    Ike: Hey, kid, this is a barn! We don't play, we work! Well, some of us, anyway.
    Samuel: "Some of us?!" Ike, are you implying that we don't work? Because we work bloody hard, thank you!
    Ike: "Hard?" You grow hair!
    (Samuel & his flock gasp at each other)
    Betsy: (laughing) "Grow hair!" Good one!
    Bitsy: (farts) Excuse me!
    Samuel: Oh and is that your contribution to society you gassy rib-eyes?
    Bitsy: [gasps] Filthy hairball!
    Samuel: Rib-eyes!
    Bitsy: Dirty Lint-Ball!
    Betsy: Ah, zip it!
    Gussy: [sighs] They're at it again...
    • Then when Gussy explains to Wilbur why the animals won't play.
    Gussy: Little-itty bitty pig, could you come here please?
    (Wilbur approaches the geese)
    Gussy: You said your name's Wilbur right?
    Wilbur: Yes. And you are?
    Gussy: Gussy
    Wilbur: Great Name!
    Gussy: Thank you. Wilbur. Now you're so cute and pink. But you're wasting your time. These animals won't play.
    Wilbur: What about you?
    Gussy: Well, I have to stay on my eggs (stands up to show her eggs to Wilbur). Otherwise of course I'd love to play.
    Wilbur [turns to Golly]; So why can't you play?
    Golly: 'Cause what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
    Wilbur [turns to the other animals]: What about the rest of you? Don't any of you play?
    Betsy: Can't play on three empty stomachs.
    Samuel: Well, there's this wet wool business.
    Gussy: See? I'm sorry, Wilbur, but I'm afraid this barn is not a play kind of place.
    Wilbur: But you're all still friends here right?
    Golly: Of course! We've been here together our entire lives.
    Wilbur: You know, I'm not exactly sure that "being in the same place" is the same as "being friends".
  • Templeton eating cotton candy at the fair while swirling in the cotton candy machine
    Templeton: I don't know what this stuff is, but I LOVE IT!!

  • A deleted scene: Fern stops Wilbur's stroller to get him some lunch. Her jealous dog Suzy then undoes the brake and then the stroller begins to move. Avery sees the stroller attempts to shoot his slingshot at it when he notices the stroller's headed right towards him. Avery runs for cover and hoists himself up into a tree-branch just as Fern arrives at the scene. Wilbur's stroller then rolls down a steep hill and runs over a hose, knocking the nozzle loose and spraying Mr. Arable with water. Then the stroller hits a rock, sending Wilbur flying into the lake. As Wilbur, unharmed, swims back to shore, Fern & Avery laugh. Talk about a wild ride!