Funny / Changes

  • A small one at the beginning: After going to Mac's after Susan tells Harry that their daughter's been kidnapped, Harry tells Mac, who proceeds to caution Harry, that he's "got to be very careful." Harry's reaction?
    I looked at him, shocked. He'd . . . used grammar!
  • A vampire leaps at Harry, but he anticipates the attack and has his shield readied. While raising his shield, he gives said vampire a very rude gesture with his shield hand as it smacks off the magical wall, which pretty perfectly sums up Harry Dresden right then and there.
  • Harry finding out that the Red Court owns the office building which he works at. Which means he has been paying them rent.
    • He then finds out that they rigged his office room with explosives:
      "Those jerks," I said. "They told us they were cleaning out asbestos!"
    • After the inevitable explosion, Harry is mad because he just mailed in his rent check.
  • Harry makes one Yoda Shout-Out too many:
    [Molly] frowned at me in annoyance and said, "You know, I believe it is possible to reference something other than Star Wars, boss."
    I narrowed my eyes in Muppetly wisdom. "That is why you fail."
  • Harry crossing over from his own home into the Nevernever, completely prepared to face all sorts of horrible monsters, or conditions because he's sure his home only reflects bad things, and finding a very pretty garden.
    • And shortly afterward, upon discovering one of the guardians Lea put there:
      Harry: Booya! What have you got for fiery beam of death, huh? You got nothing for fiery beam of death! Might as well go back to Atari, bug-boy, 'cause you don't got game enough for me!"
    • Which gets even better a paragraph later when the fiery beam of death doesn't kill the bug, but splits it into two bugs. Just like in Centipede!
      • Doubled with an awesome moment, if the Nevernever side is always a reflection of the human world Harry's apartment is represented by a peaceful garden inhabited by a fearsome monster that only gets stronger and more terrible no matter what you throw at it.
        Bob: [in a perfectly calm, matter-of-fact, conversational tone] Wow, that is incredibly unfair.
      • Even the subtle detail that Harry initially appears inside a circular planter full of daisies. He'd entered the Nevernever from inside his summoning circle, and appeared in another hemmed-in circle.
      • At a later point, Lea complains that now she has to feed two "gaping maws" instead of one.
  • When Lea first shows up in Harry's apartment, she makes her appearance by dramatically swivelling around in his armchair...despite the fact that the armchair can't swivel. And Harry's more focused on the swivelling than on the powerful Faerie in his living room.
    • She's even petting Mister while she does it. Considering she's known to act as a muse for artists, one has to wonder if she's where that particular trope got started.
  • Most of Harry's interactions with Martin, if only because of Harry's irrational dislike for the man. Particularly when he and Susan get released from Lea's cocooning spell.
    She snapped her fingers and the cocoons seemed to sublimate into a fine green mist that quickly dispersed. Susan fell limply from the wall, but I was waiting to catch her and lower her gently to the floor.
    Martin plummeted from the ceiling and landed on a threadbare throw rug covering the concrete floor. Nobody was there to catch him, which was awful. Just awful.
  • Harry listening to a recording of his mother talking about various routes through the Ways, which mentions that while moving through the darkness on one route, something tried to grab her.
    Harry: Maybe it was a grue.
  • And once again, Harry watches too many movies - and Susan backs him up.
    Harry: If only we had a wheelbarrow.
    Susan: We have a great big truck!
    Harry: (bad British accent) Well, why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?
  • This line from a letter to Harry from an incredibly British wizard:
    Chandler: PS— Why, yes, I can in fact capitalize any words I desire. The language is English. I am English. Therefore mine is the opinion which matters, colonial heathen.
  • Harry sets up a meeting with Marcone. Where does he agree to have the meeting? A dark alley, or in the middle of one of Marcone's "business establishments?" Nope. Burger King. And when Harry arrives, the first thing he does is walk right by Marcone and his entire collection of goons, orders a sausage biscuit and coffee, and then goes to see Marcone.
    • Especially since one of his rationalizations to Molly for holding the meeting is, "I just want to see him there."
    • Parts of the conversation itself also qualify, the most notable of which is when Harry tells Marcone that as soon as he cleans up the bigger, badder fish ahead of Marcone, he'll be free to go after the crime lord himself. Marcone's reaction?
    Marcone: (completely deadpan) "Eek."
  • At MonOc Securities, Harry can't avoid the urge of joking at the receptionists. When Gard warns him not to do it, he replies that he thinks the receptionists would feel hurt if he didn't lip off them, after he has done so to every bad guy he has met.
  • At the end of the conversation with Odin.
    Odin: "How do you know I haven't given you exactly what you need?"
    Then Harry is given a tray with tea and "two cake doughnuts covered in thick white frosting and unmarred by sprinkles of any kind."
  • Upon returning home from above-mentioned conversation:
    Martin was alphabetizing my bookshelves.
    They used to kill men for sacrilege like that.
  • Harry's response to Molly's theory about the kidnapping being a cover for something else.
    Harry: But for that to be true, I would have to not be the center of the universe.
  • "But evidently, those vampires had been noobs."
  • Bit of a small one, but while Harry is talking to the Eebs about Arianna's grudge against Harry, they refer to the wizard who killed Ortega (Ebenezar) as "the wizard of the black stick".
  • The scene where Sanya intimidates Stevie D. Though only a little bit amusing in the book itself, James Marsters' reading of it on the audiobook, and the ludicrously thick accent he gives Sanya, is absolutely hilarious.
    • It's still hilarious in its own right, since Sanya is grinning from ear to ear while threatening this poor guy.
  • Toot-Toot explaining how Mab made sure that everyone in Faerie saw the... "ceremony" where she made Harry the Winter Knight.
    • A certain Knight of the Cross's comments to Harry after his adventures with Mab. Even funnier on the audiobook, in James Marsters' Russian Accent.
      "You hit that. You" —he scrunched up his nose, digging in his memory— "tapped that ass. Presumably, it was phat."
    • Also, "You are a drug dealer. To tiny faeries. For shame."
    • Toot-Toot's comments about career changes are both funny and horrific.
      "Harry's the new Winter Knight! Which is fantastic! The old Winter Knight mostly just sat around getting tortured. He never went on adventures or anything. Unless you count going crazy, I guess."
    • The bit when Harry messes with Sanya's head a bit just before Toot arrives is pretty amusing, too.
      Harry: You are way kookier than me, man. And I talk to pizza.
    • The practically required jab at Sanya's... interesting opinions about his job, which he was hired for by an actual archangel:
      Sanya: Bozhe moi!
      Harry: There's some real irony in your using that expression, O Knight of Maybe.
  • "The Eebs were arguing with each other, probably employing a nonstandard use of pronouns."
  • Last time they met, Susan and Lea were enemies, and consequently Susan is rather suspicious of Lea when they meet again. However, that goes out the window as soon as Lea starts changing Harry's clothes, and the two girls immediately start debating and critiquing the various clothes Harry has to try on.
    Susan: You really do have a fairy godmother.
    • Lea begins altering Harry's clothes, and at one point gives him Shoulders of Doom, to which he quips:
      This is ridiculous. I look like the Games Workshop version of a Jedi Knight.
  • The argument about which member of the Fellowship everyone is.
    Sanya: It is like movie. Dibs on Legolas.
    • And then Thomas sticks his foot in his mouth.
      Thomas: Gimli? How about Murphy, she's pretty—
      Murphy: Finish that sentence, Raith, and we throw down.
      Thomas: Tough. I was going to say tough.
    • For the record, they eventually decide that Gimli is in fact Mouse, by virtue of him being the shortest, stoutest, and hairiest. Also, Thomas announces that he's Legolas, because Sanya is clearly Aragorn, and Harry is pissed off at finding out belatedly that he didn't get to be Gandalf. That would be Lea. Harry was Sam.
  • When they get into the jungle:
    I fumbled back to the Way to close it and stopped the tide of ectoplasm from coming through, but not before the vegetation for ten feet in every direction had been smashed flat by the flood of slime, and every jungle creature for fifty or sixty yards started raising holy hell on the what-the-fuck-was-that partyline.
  • A moment that can only be summed up thusly:
    Mouse: That bitch.
    • As the Fridge page points out, is that even an insult from a dog's point of view?
    • And again at the end of the scene where Mouse reveals that, as far as he is concerned, Dresden is his Human, not the other way around.
    • Also this:
      Mouse: Restore them before I rip your ass off. Literally rip it off.
  • This line from Harry's fairy godmother, the Leansidhe:
    "I've not sacrificed a holy virgin in ages."
    • Or later this exchange while the Fellowship are being escorted to a dueling arena.
      Molly: There are some pretty horrific stories about Mayan spectator sports, boss.
      Lea: Indeed. (happy sigh) They knew well how to motivate their athletes.
  • Pretty much all of Lea's actions and interactions with the group in the third act, including acting giddy and excited by all the carnage, having her eye on the holy swords and especially when she turns them all into hounds, which she gleefully cries she's wanted to do for years. Token Evil Teammate at its finest.
  • Harry has just been brought into the presence of the Red King:
    Alamaya: You do not speak the true tongue of the ages, wizard, so my lord will use this slave to ensure that understanding exists between us.
    Harry: Radical. Wicked cool.
    Alamaya eyed me for a moment. Then she said something to the Red King, apparently conveying the fact that I had obnoxiously used phrasing that was difficult to translate.
    • A few moments later, the Red King demands to know why he's come. Harry's reply: "Tell him he fucking well knows why I'm here."
    I don't know if ancient Mayan has a word for "bleep" or if she used it.
  • Harry, upon being told that a Duel to the Death has to be contained in a specific area:
  • Harry is just about to finish off Duchess Ariana Ortega, a very powerful Red Court Vampire who might have been older than recorded history:
    Ariana: Cattle. You are c-cattle.
    Harry: Moo.
  • Harry being insulted that someone else is using Fuego.
  • Molly calls up her "One Woman Rave", so Thomas starts break dancing while killing vampires.
  • Also doubling as a Crowning Moment of Awesome, Harry fighting through the Red King's willpower attack while simultaneously snarking at his A God Am I complex.
    Red King: Bow. Down. Mortal.
    Harry: Bite. Me. Asshole.
  • A nice little bit of black comedy at the end.
    Harry: Why did I wear the shirt with the bullet hole in it?