- The end of Bond and Vesper's dueling Sherlock Scan scene on the train.
So as charming as you are, Mr. Bond, I will be keeping my eye on our government's money — and off your perfectly-formed arse
] You noticed
Even accountants have imagination. How was your lamb? Bond:
Skewered. One sympathizes.
- M's rant deserves to be quoted in its entirety:
"Who the hell do they think they are?! I report to the Prime Minister and even he's smart enough not to ask me what we do. Have you ever seen such a bunch of self-righteous, arse-covering prigs? They don't care what we do; they care what we get photographed doing. And how the hell could Bond be so stupid? I give him double-O status and he celebrates by shooting up an embassy. Is the man deranged? And where the hell is he? In the old days if an agent did something that embarrassing he'd have a good sense to defect. Christ, I miss the Cold War!"
- A Crowning Moment of Funny happens when Bond completely destroys the moment while Le Chiffre tries to torture him: "I gotta little itch...down there." (Beat) "Would you mind?"
Le Chiffre huffs in annoyance—and gives a THUMP!
Bond: ARGH—NO! (Grunts loudly) To the RIGHT—TO THE RIGHT!
Bond: ARGH—YES!!! Yes! Yes! (Busts a gut laughing) Now the whole WORLD'S gonna know that you died scratching my balls!!!
- "It's funny—I thought 'M' was just a randomly assigned letter. I had no idea that it stood for M—" "Utter one more syllable and I'll have you killed."
- When Bond has a chip installed so MI6 knows where he is, his deadpan "Ow" is sure to cause a laugh.
- "I'm sorry. That last hand...nearly killed me."
- James manages to turn Vesper's deeply touched expression into a Moment of Funny, after he reveals the password to transfer the money.
Vesper [on the verge of tears]: You know, James... if all that was left of you were your smile and your little finger, you'd still be more of a man than anyone I've ever known.
[dramatic pause; Bond leans in]
Bond: That's because you know what I can do with my little finger.
- It's not that Bond gives his drink order at the poker table - two measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet, shaken well over ice until chilled, and served with a thin slice of lemon (which is pretty much how the original novel had it!) - it's that half the players at the table (the cool-looking ones who last to the final round, no less) decide they'd like to have one as well to tide them over, much to Le Chiffre's annoyance.
- Bond, at The Ocean Club trying to trace a message, gets mistaken for a valet by a tourist. He then proceeds to crash the car in the parking lot to create a distraction for security. For good measure, he then throws the key into a set of nearby bushes.
- Later the tourist turns up at the bar at the same time Bond does and gets this "Don't I know you?" look on his face. Bond shrugs it off.
- Mendel (the banker's) appearance at the villa. From his ridiculously stiff jog up to interrupt Bond and Vesper to his foppish laugh that meets no reaction, he is one of the funniest characters in the movie.
- After Bond manages to stop the fuel truck from crashing into the plane, he pauses for a moment, looking around wide-eyed as if he can't believe he just did that. That alone is funny, but then he opens the door... and promptly falls flat on his face. And after getting up and dusting himself off... he's tackled by Miami-Dade police officers and slammed against a squad car.
- Followed by an almost comical Oh, Crap face from Carlos when he hits the trigger on his cell phone, only to discover that Bond planted the bomb on him when they were fighting, and Bond getting a sardonic grin on his face when the guy blows himself up.
- Mathis' introductory scene in the book, where he pretends to be a salesman before playing loud music and telling Bond his room is bugged by Le Chiffre. After Mathis leaves, Bond starts loudly swearing just to annoy his surveyors.
- The tuxedo scene. After talking with Vesper, Bond catches something amiss as ominous music plays, to see a suit bag on the bed. He confronts Vesper:
Bond: I have a dinner jacket.
Vesper: There are dinner jackets and dinner jackets; this is the latter. And I need you looking like a man who belongs at that table.
Bond: But how the... it's tailored!
Vesper: I sized you up the moment we met.
- Subsequently, Bond tries it on and, given his rough background, looks uncomfortable while Vesper visibly is smirking at him.
- After Vesper revives Bond:
Bond: You okay?
Vesper (in disbelief): Me?