Funny / Call of Duty
God dammit, Gideon - I didn't know you were a movie star!

  • Call of Duty:
    • Original. Soon after the "Not One Step Backward" speech and shooting traitors for trying to leave the boat, and the commissars are shooting anyone who pulls back at all. When you go to get orders from the more experienced officer, after the second MG nest is taken out...
    Sgt. Sniper: "We'll be safer down in that building. Don't worry about that commissar, I'll take care of him."
    Player: *goes back towards the building*
    Commissar: "Die you coward!"
    Sgt. Sniper: *blatantly shoots the commissar to keep them from killing you*
    • When I watched that bit closer to notice that he'd shot the commissar, I about rolled. Great spoofing of the speech.
    • In this game, ranks and names are generated randomly. This gets egregious where Sgt. Moody will suddenly be commanding a squad of lieutenants.
  • Call of Duty: United Offensive:
    • While escaping in a jeep during the first US mission, there's this golden moment:
    Pvt. Ender: Hey Sarge, you're passing on the right!
    Sgt. Moody: Shut up!
    • If the player fails to protect the engineers in "Kharkov 2".
    Sgt. Antonov: Dammit, Yuri, do you think they grow on trees?!
    • And immediately followed by this line.
    Korolov: "I hate to tell you this... don't yell at me! Yell at the Germans! We're doing the best we can!"
  • Call of Duty 2:
    • Private MacGregor's impromptu driving lesson.
    Price: What in blazes are you waiting for, man?! Get this thing moving!
    MacGregor: I'm trying sir, but the bloody controls are all in German!
    • Also, the Red Army grenade training, which is an excessively literal form of Grenade Hot Potato. And don't forget what happens if you decide to bring some with you and throw them at German soldiers.
    German Soldier: Kartoffeln?
  • Big Red One has this line in "The Desert Fox" as Hawk was driving on the jeep during his briefing.
    Hawk: (to the soldier running on the path) "Get off the damn road!"
  • Call of Duty 3:
    • A bit of black humor in Call Of Duty 3 after Baron gets killed in the second-to-last mission, because he's trying to spot for artillery and refuses to heed warnings to take cover. One of the Polish troops asks what happened to Baron, and another responds "Stupidity!"
    • 3 also has a scene where a Polish soldier asks his commander if it'll be just them against the enemy. "The Canadians will be right behind us," the commander says. To which the soldier replies, "So just us, then."
    • A small bit of gold from Call of Duty 3:
    Sgt. Dixon: "Ok guys, listen up. We're on a top secret mission to get coffee and donuts, problem is, the Germans drank all the coffee and ate all the donuts, so now we gotta go kick their asses."
    • "As I was sayin', there're only two things the Frenchies are any good at: surrenderin', and kissin' .
    • Sergeant Frank McCullin's subverted motivational speech to his squad.
    Sergeant McCullin: "Two Rules. Rule one: you're no good to me dead. Rule two:(pause) Ah, what difference does it make? You'll all probably end up dead anyway." (leaves)
    Private Huxley: "Well, that was sure inspiring."
    Corporal Dixon: "You want inspiration, Huxley, read a poem."
    • This little gem after the briefing in the first Canadian mission.
    "... And someone turn off the friggin' radio! That's not fighting music!"