Carl's story about being a "looper for the Dalai Lama".
Carl: So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? "Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga". So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that going for me, which is nice...
Rodney steals Judge Smails' wife and starts dancing with her:
Al: Hey, baby, I bet you were something before electricity!
Smails: You, sir, are no gentleman!
Al: Yeah, I'm no doorknob, either!
The funny moments start around 5 minutes after the film starts and go on until the credits finish rolling, but their high points are whenever Rodney Dangerfield — or his "I'm in the Money" honking car — takes the stage.
The extras on the special edition DVD say that the late, great Rodney Dangerfield was this for the rest of the cast. Chevy Chase tells the story how, during the first day of filming, Rodney was getting progressively more concerned that he should quit the part and let someone else do it because he was doing such a terrible job. When Chevy asked why he thought he was doing a bad job, Rodney said it was because nobody was laughing. This was his first film and his entire career had been in front of audiences, doing standup; Rodney noticed that not only the crew wasn't laughing, but they were all acting very stiff and strange during his parts and it made him very uncomfortable. Chevy had to explain to him that the reason was because every member one of the cast and crew felt he was by far the funniest guy on the set and everyone was doing everything they could just so they wouldn't laugh and ruin the shot.
The chef's reaction upon learning that Al just sent back his meal and called it "low-grade dog food".
Chef: Dog food?! I'll show HIM dog food!! *grabs meat cleaver*
The club's staff betting on whether Judge Smails' nephew picks his nose, and then they bet on if he eats it.
Al taking the controls of his giant cabin cruiser and rampaging all around the bay trying to get his boat to Smails. He's an absolute font of One Liners in this scene:
(after nearing getting run over by a Grumman Super Goose) "I almost got head from Amelia Earhart!"
(Running into a jet ski formation) "What's this, Hell's Angels?!"
The epic feud against the gopher, which reaches an explosive peak at the end.
Two words: FREEZE GOPHER!
The Baby Ruth in the pool. Man, it looks so muchlike poop. Has a literally knockout punchline, too, for poor Mrs. Smails.
"Dance of the living dead!" And Al's there to toss some money around and liven things right up.
Al: "Oh now this is the worst hat ever. I bet if you buy a hat like this you get a free bowl of soup. (he turns and sees Judge Smails wearing the hat) Oh, but it looks good on you though." (Smails discards hat and storms off)
"HEY WHITEY! WHERE'S YOUR HAT?!"
After Al wins his bet against Smails, he cheerfully tells him to pay up. Smails refuses, and Al motions to a pair of goons standing nearby:
Al Hey, Moose, Rocko! Help the Judge find his checkbook!