Funny / Braveheart

  • Stephen the Irishman is full of these:
    Stephen (to Wallace): The Lord tells me he can get me out of this mess, but he's pretty sure: you're fucked.
    • Cue the laugh that makes him sound fucking bonkers.
      Stephen: "The Almighty says 'Don't change the subject, just answer the fooking question!'"
    • And his introduction
      Stephen: Stephen is my name! I'm the most wanted man on my island! Except I'm not on my island. More's the pity!
      Hamish: Your island? You mean Ireland?
      Stephen: Yeah! (crazy eyes) It's MINE!
      Hamish: ...You're a madman.
  • When Faudron kneels in front of Wallace: "Stand up, man, I'm not the Pope."
  • And then after Stephen kills Faudron before he can assassinate Wallace, he delivers this gem:
    "You sure the Almighty didn't send me to watch your back? ...I didn't like him anyway; he wasn't right... in the head."
    • Cue an upward glance from Wallace that basically says "Well played, God."
  • At Stirling, the Scottish army flashes the English army before the first volley of arrows. After the volley, they moon the English.
  • The scene where Longshanks throws his son's lover out the window. If you press rewind, he flies back up again!
  • Wallace's Dressing as the Enemy bit:
    Nobleman: "I have dispatched a hundred soldiers to Lannock! They should be returning now!
    Wallace: Were they dressed like this? ...Actually, it was more like fifty.
  • "I shoulda remembered the rocks." "Aye, you shoulda."
  • "...and if he were here, he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse!"
  • When Wallace meets the Princess for the first time in her tent, the look on the Princess' lady-in-waiting is priceless.
  • Campbell gets an awesome line in here:
    Wallace: "We'll make long spears; twice as long as a man!"
    Hamish: "That long?"
    Wallace: "Aye."
    Hamish: "...Some men are longer than others."
    Campbell: "Your mother been telling ya stories about me again, I see."
  • After Wallace is knighted, he and Hamish exchange a "What the hell?" look.
  • "Musta made an impression... I din'na think you were in the tent that long."
  • At the battle of Falkirk, the Scottish army and Longshanks' Irish soldiers are charging at each other, but just before they're about to fight, they stop and greet one another, much to Longshanks' annoyance.
    "Lovely to see you this morning!"
    • And Longshanks' comment before that: "Arrows cost money. The dead cost nothing. Send in the Irish."
  • The lovely look the English Commander gets when the Scottish charge one last time at Bannockburn.
  • The Princess's servant is explaining that the Englishmen keep telling her secrets in bed.
    Englishmen don't know what a tongue is for.