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Bill & Ted
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure The classroom session:
Bill: He's dead?
History teacher: So what you're telling me, essentially, is that Napoleon was a short, dead, dude?
Bill: Well, yeah.
Teacher: Ted, who was Joan of Arc?
Ted: Noah's wife?
Teacher: It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
What caps it off is Ted's later question: "Well, then, who was Noah's wife?"
Bill and Ted's roundabout conversation at the beginning.
Bill: Ted, while I agree that in time our band will be most triumphant, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band until we have Eddie van Halen on guitar.
Ted: But Bill... I do not believe we will get Eddie van Halen until we have a triumphant video.
Bill: Ted, it's pointless to have a triumphant video before we even have decent instruments.
Ted: Well, how are we gonna get decent instruments when we don't even really know how to play?
Bill: That is why we need Eddie van Halen.
Ted: And that is why we need a triumphant video!
Both (beat): Excellent! (Air guitar)
The entire "Gathering the Troops" (historical figures) scene.
Espcially Khan and Lincoln.
Bill: Wanna twinkie?
All the historical figures cleaning house, especially Freud and the vacuum cleaner.
Freud: What is a geek?
The historical figures' time in jail.
Bill and Ted facing the "Royal Ugly Dudes" in medieval England.
Royal Ugly Dude: Put them in the iron maiden.
the Princesses gasp)
Bill and Ted: Iron Maiden
? Excellent! (
they do an air guitar riff
Royal Ugly Dude: Execute them!
The historical figures' oral presentation.
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey Bill and Ted explaining why their girlfriends/fellow band members are able to play better than they themselves.
Ted: ...they started in the fifteenth century.
Ms. Wardroe: What do you mean?
Ted: Well, they're from medieval England.
Bill: (hissing) Ted, shut up.
Ted: Uh, Medieval England... Iowa.
Bill and Ted play Death and beat him, with surprising ease, first at Battleship, then Clue, then Electric Football, and finally Twister.
Death to the smoker at the hardware store: "See you real soon."
From the Spinning Paper Montage: 'Death Wins Indy 500; "I didn't know I could run that fast."'
B&T Melvining Death, of course. Made even funnier in the comic adaptation with this follow-up.
Ted: Death wears funny shorts.
The Good Robot Usses decapitating the Evil Robot Usses is funny in itself, but the fact that the Evil Robot Usses are so nonchalent about it makes it hilarious.
De Nomolos's Mooks seizing control of a room using typical action-movie-thug poses and body language, dressed in standard-issue paramilitary black ... and giant floppy black boots made of polyethylene foam, which are apparently all the rage in their time.
This inversion of If You Die I Call Your Stuff:
If I die, you can have my
Ted: But, dude, we're already dead.
Bill: Oh. Well then they're yours, dude.
(to Satan) "You know, you got a bad rap, but you're actually an ok dude."
Bill and Ted's Excellent Comic Book
Death enjoying himself at Bill & Ted's playground.