History Funny / BerniceSummerfield

** Jason is confronted by a (shoddy) robot duplicate of Benny. After it is dealt with, Benny is furious about the possibility of him being confused because it was too young, was wearing old earrings and [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers It had wires sticking out of its back]].

** Actually, that last bit [[FunnyAneurysmMoment isn't so funny]] considering [[AttemptedRape a certain event]] in ''The Wake''.

** Martin Luther (no, not that one! The monk) and UsefulNotes/CharlesDarwin. [[ItMakesSenseInContext As a couple]].

** Jason is worried when Peter suddenly takes them to a field full of Victorian Schoolgirls. [[spoiler: [[HilariousInHindsight He needn't have worried.]] [[StraightGay As of Legion]] [[BadassGay we know that schoolgirls have absolutely nothing to fear from Peter]]]].

** After several minutes of trying to diffuse a bomb by entering the correct codes but not succeeding, Benny just flies into a rage and hits it repeatedly with her shoe, '''and it works!'''

* ''Bad Habits''. Benny masquerading ''as a nun''. A nun who keeps getting her arse pinched by a lecherous bishop. Cue enough DoubleEntendre to make AreYouBeingServed look prudish and an appearance by what must be a descendent of the [[Series/DoctorWho Noble]] family.

-->'''Antonio''': Really? I'm not sure I know where they are now.

** Tricking the Vice-Chancellor into reading an extract from Jason's unpublished work 'Barely Humanoid' out loud, in public. (So basically this play has a reading of ''Literature/FiftyShadesOfGray'' but with more tentacles).

* ''Oh No It Isn't!'' Well, the play is a parody of pantomime (yes, it manages to parody '''pantomime''' of all things) so expect to be giggling through most scenes.
**
-->'''Benny''': God is an enourmous cat in a hat?

-->'''Vizier''': No you fool! I'm ordering a curry!

-->'''Dame Candy''': Help! Their hot on my tail (and let me tell you, that's not as good as it sounds).
--> '''Benny''': Professor Candy! '''(''Beat'')''' And you're dressed as a woman.

** What about all of Wolesey's Dick jokes?
** The parody of ''Raiders of the Lost Ark''. When the bouders are about to crush them, they fall through the floor because it is really a badly made set.
**

-->I thought you might want to have sex with me?
** I always thought this came dangerously close into narmish territory.

-->He can't be any older than nineteen! What is it about me and younger men? He's probably missing his mother.

--> What? you thought I fancied a bit of rough fur!

* ''The Greatest Shop In The Galaxy'' is packed full of CMOFs. For starters there is the thirty meter statue of Benny in a spandex bakini as a display for her book (sales have improved 50% since it was installed).

--> '''Benny (On Diary)''':-absolutely Enormous! Of course, I couldn't say anything to him at the time. But he definitely goes down in my top-ten list of-

* ''The Green-Eyed Monsters''. Opens up with Benny listening to the (universally reviled) theme song from season two. She swiches it off and wonders what she could've been thinking.
--> '''[[BigBadWannabe Lady Ashantra]]''': And if there's anything I can get you Professor Summerfield, a large alcaholic beverage, a completely destructive and meaningless sexual encounter, please don't hesitate to ask.

**
--> '''Adrian (holding Peter)''': You're erm... A perfectly satisfactory example of genetic reproduction.

** Jason is worried when Peter suddenly takes them to a field full of Victorian Schoolgirls. [[spoiler: [[HilariousInHindsight He needn't have worried.]] [[StraightGay As of Legion]] [[BadassGay we know that schoolgirs have absolutey nothing to fear from Peter]]]].

* ''The Crysta Of Cantus''. In an other wise disturbing and horrific story there are a few laughs.
** '''[[IceQueen Braxiatel]]''' exercising to a fitness video. (no, really).

--> '''Brax''':Bernice, please put my hat down.

-->'''Benny''': Can I dance? CAN I DANCE!!! '''Brax''': Too late...

* ''The Worst Thing In The World''. The whole story is about fiction coming alive. So we have the impression of Benny and Jason making out on TV while acting like characters in a costume drama, Benny using Jason as food and compost and union meetings turning into full blown bloody revolutions. It all reaches its climax when Benny is surrounded by mind controlled zombies who will tear her apart, so she turns the whole senario into an old fashioned musical where nobody dies.

* ''Summer Of Love''. Let's see; [[HoYay Adrian having sex with Doggles]], [[LesYay Benny and a naked Bev kissing in front of a group of ambassadors]]. Benny being unable to stop thinking about the boy with all the hands. Doggles getting stuck when the woman he's making out with suddenly changes gender. They realise that their cure for the pollen that's making everyone randy won't work for eight hours so Benny finally gives into her cravings... And chooses Doggles!

** Something for the Fan Fic writers, imagine if this story had happened; '''[[CelibateHero while]] [[IceQueen Braxiatel]] was there!'''

-->'''Socrates (reading Benny's letter)''': 'Lots of sex,Benny.'

* ''The Tub Full Of Cats''. Brax putting himself in a statis pod (please observe the 'this way up' sign) to avoid hassle but Benny thinks it's to avoid paying his passenger fair. Then there's the cats.

** Cat's are huge terrifying monsters in the void...thingy whereas humans appear relatively normal. This is because your appearence their reflects your own self-image. Everything you need to know about cats is right there.

* ''The Final Amendment''. This whole story is the Bernice Summerfield series's attempt at a merciess parody... of itself. Jason (bloody) Kane, [[ShowWithinAShow started a series]] on Earth (which has run for fifteen seasons) featuring the inhabitants of the collection and starring clones of them all (except Brax, who's a robot). The result is all the regulars hamming it up in such a way as to parody their own characters. And It is ''Glorious''.

-->'''Fake Brax''': At last! Soon My darstardly planning and plotting shall bear fruit! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

-->Oh Bernice! I think I'm in love with you! You're the daughter I never had '''(Then, in a very peverted sounding voice)''' I want you to call me daddy!

** At the end of the story, the clone of Bernice Becomes the President of Earth.

** Martin Luther (no, not that one! The monk) and CharlesDarwin. [[ItMakesSenseInContext As a couple]].
** It looks like the villain has fallen for the old cliche of leaving incriminating documents on her desk, but it turns out that her staff just send her copies of everything she throws out.

* ''Glory Days''. Benny's [[spoiler: apparant]] reaction to a bank staffed entirely by clones of Braxiatel and run by an AI with his voice.

** The sex toy/clone of Benny. The first thing it does when it's born is ask for vodka. Then, to Benny's fury it starts saying things such as:

* ''Venus Mantrap''. Desire for the revenue from [[spoiler: the late]] Jason Kane's xenopornagraphic works lead to Benny having to masquerade as a love drone and sleep with the Venusian ambassador to Eros (almost). After the mess is over she (almost) lets him keep her pants as a souvenir.
** Tricking the Vice-Chancellor into reading an extract from Jason's unpublished work 'Barely Humanoid' out loud, in public. (so basically this play has a reading of FiftyShadesOfGray but with more tentacles).

--> '''Benny''': In the real Ancient Greece only virgins were allowed to pick olives, however I'm not about to quetion your credentials.

--> I Bet he has knitted dolls of us, and at night he makes them kiss. With tongues. Toungues he knitted seperately.

-->'''Darion''': I'm Nineteen.
** And

** And in this story we also have coffee shops appearing out of nowhere and fishermen turning into life insurance salesmen. Not to mention the first appearence of a certain character.

* Come the complete MindScrew that was ''Judgement Day''. We have gay cavemen hobnobbing with dinosaurs and using bluetooth, mobile phones and GPSs.

* ''Legion: Vesuvius Falling'' quite a dark story but this would've have had people laughing (well, after they stopped gawping anyway). Namely someone awkwardy explaining the concept of homosexuality to Peter.

-->:'''Karne''': I though he was more into me than her, that he... you know. Batted for the other team, if you know what I mean
-->:'''Peter''': I don't know what you mean.
-->:'''Karne''': Well... do you have a partner, someone you love?
-->:'''Peter''': Yes.
-->:'''Karne''': What's her name?
-->:''('''Beat''')''
-->:'''Peter''': Antonio.
-->:'''Karne''': Ah, you do know what I mean.

* ''Everybody Loves Irving''. Miniature traders with New Jersey accents who are prolific breeders and so assume that Benny is Brax's concubine (Miles Richardson has stated that despite the wishes of some of the fanbase this will never happen) and can't understand why they would want more then one bed. (Brax takes the floor). Then there is the computer E.O.I.N. who Benny thinks has a cute accent (it disagrees) and plays her the season 2 theme tune when she asks for funky music.

* ''A Handful Of Dust''. 'Paranormal Planets', The robot camera plays the theme music whenever its owner says it. Jack's fury at being filmed without his consent (are you getting my good side?).

* In ''The Curse Of Fenman'' it is revealed that Jack used to work for his famliy's claims outfit Jaque, Jake, Jacob Jackson and Jake's sons (or something like that) and They were all played by David Ames. For extra laughs, his brother sounded perpetually doped up.

Bernice Summerfield. Arguably more emotionally mature than its [[DoctorWho parent series]] yet still indulges in plenty of light-heartedness. Sometimes taken to absurd levels.

* ''Bad Habits''. Benny masquerading ''as a nun''. A nun who keeps getting her arse pinched by a lecherous bishop. Cue enough DoubleEntendre to make AreYouBeingServed look prudish and an appearence by what must be a decendent of the [[DoctorWho Noble]] family.

** Was that a ShoutOut to when Miles Richardson's dad played [[HouseOfCards Francis Urquhart]]?

* ''The Crysta Of Cantus''. In an other wise [[NightmareFuel disturbing and horrific]] story there are a few laughs.

-->'''Benny''': Are you summoning a demon? '''Vizier''': No you fool! I'm ordering a curry!

* ''The Worst Thing In The World''. The whole story is about fiction coming alive. So we have the impression of Benny and Jason making out on TV while acting like characters in a costume drama, Benny using Jason as food and compost and union meetings turning into full blown bloody revolutions. It all reaches its climax when Benny is surrounded by mind controlled zombies who will tear her apart, so she turns the whole senario into an od fashioned musical where nobody dies.

** Brax's punishment for smuggling himself on board is; paying his fair, apologising to Maggie for [[spoiler: being a bad ,sort of, father]] and... Cleaning out the cat litter.

-->'''Grand Vizier''': Parathon! Aloo saag! Peshwari Naan! '''Benny''': Are you summoning a demon? '''Vizier''': No you fool! I'm ordering a curry!

-->'''Dame Candy''': Help! Their hot on my tail (and let me tell you, that's not as good as it sounds). '''Benny''': Professor Candy! '''(''Beat'')''' And you're dressed as a woman.

-->'''Grand Vizier''': May the goodness of the oceans flow up your rivers! '''Benny''': and up- erm... let's get down to business shall we?

--> '''Benny (On Diary)''':-absolutely Enormous! Of course, I couldn't say anything to him at the time. But he definitely goes down in my top-ten list of- '''Benny''': Joseph! Diary off!!!!

--> '''Adrian (holding Peter)''': You're erm... A perfectly satisfactory example of genetic reproduction. '''Jason''': Blimey, you weren't kidding about the males of your species were you?

--> '''Robot Benny''': I am Bernice Summerfield. I drink lots. I have no breasts. '''Benny''': See! That isn- Wait, are you saying those are the only things about my character which have gone down in posterity?!!!

-->'''Benny''': Yes we're putting our face, in a happy place filled with butterflies and cake!

-->'''Brax'''': I notice you didn't get the cats to apologise. '''Chanticleer''': They don't need to apologise, they're cats.

-->Oh Bernice, I love you like the daughter I never had! '''(Then, in a very peverted sounding voice)''' I want you to call me daddy!

** The Benny action figure which says 'Oh Goddess, I need a drink!'

-->'''Clone Benny''' As everyone knows, I am notoriously shy about my sexuality but I can be a complete shag rabbit if the right guy comes along. '''Real Benny''': BEVERLY!!!

** Tricking the Voce-Chancellor into reading an extract from Jason's unpublished work 'Barely Humanoid' out loud, in public. (so basically this play has a reading of FiftyShadesOfGray but with more tentacles).

-->'''N'jok''': I wanted to be remembered as the man who brought peace to Venus and Eros. Unfortunately for me, they were already at peace. '''Benny''': How very inconsiderate of them.

* ''A Handful Of Dust''. 'Paranormal Planets', The robot camera plays the theme music whenever its owner says it. Jack's fury at being filmed without his consent (are you getting my good side).

* ''Bad Habits''. Benny masquerading ''as a nun''. A nun who keeps getting her arse pinched by a lecherous bishop. Cue enough DoubleEntendre to make AreYouBeingServed? look prudish and an appearence by what must be a decendent of the [[DoctorWho Noble]] family.

* ''A Handful Of Dust''. 'Para

* ''Brand Management''. A planet which has deified Bernice. As a result, we have people singing the theme song from season two (Benny acts like it's the worst thing she's ever heard, most of the audience agreed). And her face is carved into one of the three moons (we don't want to know what they put on the other two).

* ''The Green-Eyed Monsters''.

Then when we actually meet him:

** Something for the Fan Fic writers, imagine if this story had happened; '''[[CelibateHero while]] [[IceQueen Braxiatel]] was there!'''

** At the end of the story, the clone of Bernice Becomes the President of Earth.

** Cat's are huge terrifying monsters in the void...thingy

* ''Summer Of Love''. Let's see; [[HoYay Adrian having sex with Doggles]], [[LesYay Benny and a naked Bev kissing in front of a group of ambassadors]]. Benny being unable to stop thinking about the boy with all the hands. [[Squick Doggles getting stuck when the woman he's making out with suddenly changes gender.]] They realise that their cure for the pollen that's making everyone randy won't work for eight hours

** ->'''Benny''': God is an enourmous cat in a hat?

** -->'''Benny''': If only I could remember the exact plot of the pantomime Aladdin. I had a couple of animated versions when I was a kid but they were completely different. '''Dame Candy''': Don't look at me dear, I've never had an animated Arab boy in my life... Unfortunately.

** The [[MonsterOfTheWeek villain]] dies because his pleasure centres are index-linked to stock market imput. So after the fall of the gigamarket, [[OutWithABang he dies of an orgasm]]. -->'''Benny''': It was the fall that killed him.

--> [[BigBadWannabe '''Lady Ashantra''']]: And if there's anything I can get you Professor Summerfield, a large alcaholic beverage, a completely destructive and meaningless sexual encounter, please don't hesitate to ask.

** --> '''Adrian (holding Peter)''': You're erm... A perfectly satisfactory example of genetic reproduction. '''Jason''': Blimey, you weren't kidding about the males of your species were you?

-->'''Isaac''': Why is your husband naked?

** The [[MonsterOfTheWeek villain]] dies because his pleasure centres are index-linked to stock market imput. So after the fall of the gigamarket, [[OutWithABang he dies of an orgasm]]. ->'''Benny''': It was the fall that killed him.

--> '''Benny (On Diary)''':-absolutely Enormous! Of course, I couldn't say anything to him at the time. But he definitely goes down in my top-ten list of- '''Benny''': Joseph! Diary off!!!!

** -->'''Benny''': God is an enourmous cat in a hat?

-->'''Dame Candy''': Help! Their hot on my tail (and let me tell you, that's not as good as it sounds). '''Benny''': Professor Candy!(''Beat'') And you're dressed as a woman.

---

-->'''Grand Vizier''': May the goodness of the oceans flow up your rivers! '''Benny''': and up- erm... let's get down to business shall we?