When Jules' mother shows up at Pinky's wedding, yelling at Jess, she suddenly notices Jess is wearing a pair of her shoes that Jules let her borrow and shouts, "Get your lesbian feet out of my shoes!", one random aunt says this gem of a line:
Followed by another group of elderly relatives confused about why this crazy woman was accusing Jess of being Lebanese.
Jess' relative: She's not Lebanese, she's Punjabi!
Almost straight after that, Jules is shouting at her mum in the car and finds out her mum thought she was gay:
Jules: Mother. I am NOT a lesbian! *sigh* Me and Jess were fighting because we both fancy our coach... Joe.
Paula: *pause* Joe, a man, Joe?
Jules: Yeah, as in male, Joe! Joe, our coach, Joe, man, Joe!
After Jules' mother overhears Jess and her daughter fighting and mistakes them for gay, ANY of her expressions when Jess and Jules touch each other. Pretty much all of the character's lines were funny, but its when she has no lines at all that she turns sidesplitting.
Jess' final penalty shot to win the final. Set to the tune of Nessun Dorma. Mainly due to the absolutely hilarious WTF look on Jess' faces when the defence transforms into a hallucination of her disapproving family.
"All I'm saying is, there is a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one of them without a fella."
In the middle of the movie, Jess' father catches Joe and Jess in a comforting embrace after a stressful game and is not pleased. Later, Jess is recruited to go to America and is elated when her parents give her permission to go. She goes to share the news with Joe. When he leans in for a kiss (as he points out he's not her coach anymore), she stops him. He immediately backs off and looks around hastily, asking"Your dad's not here, is he?"