- "TO HOMERUNS, BEEYOTCH!"
- "Beeyotch yesterday!"
- The running gag of Clark accidentally tossing the baseball bat. One even smashes through a coach's car windshield:
Karl: THAT'S MY MIATA! KILL HIM! [beatdown ensues on Clark]
- This gem:
Mel: How you boys feelin'?
Clark: I just destroyed that porta-potty, but I'm feelin' better.
Random Guy: (exiting outhouse) Who did this?! (vomits)
Gus, Richie, Mel and Nelson: EWW!
- Reggie Jackson teaching drills to Gus, Richie and Clark.
Old Man : WHO THE HELL IS IT?! I WAS FREAKIN' SLEEPIN'!
- The first drill for speed involves...doorbell ditching! Gus and Richie quickly get the idea and promptly sprint.
(Clark, not having enough time to run, dives into the bushes just as the cranky neighbor comes out of his house, screaming at the top of his lungs)
Old Man: NOBODY MESSES WITH ME! I WILL RIP YOUR THROAT OUT! DO YOU HEAR ME?! AND I WILL FIND YOU! (Clark farts loudly) YOU'RE IN THE BUSHES! (leaps and beats up Clark)
Clark: Ow! I'm sorry! Go back to sleep! Ow!
Mel: Clark, you're lucky I'm a billionaire!
- Then the literal hot potato - Reggie tosses it to Gus, who quickly tosses it to Richie. Richie quickly throws the potato to Clark - who still holds on, burning his hand. Eventually, Clark tosses the smoldering spud out the window, where it hits Number 7 (while mowing the lawn), causing it to accidentally shave the fur off the side of a sleeping dog.
- Finally, the drill for hand-to eye-coordination - mailbox batting. Gus hits several mailboxes. Richie hits a pole, and the vibration causes him to drop his bat. Clark misses the mailbox, and instead shatters the window of Mel's car.
- This gem between Gus and Clark:
Gus: You know, I haven't been on a actual field in almost 20 years.
Clark: I've never even been on a field. If I tried, the kids in my neighborhood would spit loogies on my forehead.
Gus: That's awful, Clark. Baseball's America's past time... that's like saying you've never had apple pie. (beat) You've never had apple pie?
Clark: Well, my mom said it would give me diarrhea.
Gus: That's ridiculous! You have to try it at least once.
Gus: No, baseball!