Funny / Beetlejuice

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    The Movie 

  • Betelgeuse's off-the-wall TV commercial he pitches directly to the Maitlands, especially his WTF jingle at the end:
    "And remember: I'll eat anything you want me to eat/I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow! So come on down now!" *clap* "Chew on a dog! AROOOOOO!!"
  • Betelgeuse answering Barbara and Adam's question about his qualifications...
    Betelgeuse: (calm, plain voice) Ah. Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively. (returns to character's normal voice) I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that! (chewing scenery) I've seen The Exorcist ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY!!! NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?!? think I'm qualified?
    • The following scene where Betelgeuse gets asked "Are you scary?"
    Betelgeuse: What do you think of this?
    (camera shifts behind him as something happens to his face as it explodes)
    (Barbara and Adam both freak out)
    Betelgeuse (back to normal): You like it?
    • Also a "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" moment where after Adam asks if Betelgeuse can be scary, he turns around and makes an exasperated "jerk me off" motion with his hand.
    • Betelgeuse briefly possessing Barbara's voice: "Learn to throw your voice, fool your friends, fun at parties!"
  • The scene in which Betelgeuse kicks a tree in the model and knocks it over before yelling "Nice fucking model!" and grabbing himself in a rather obscene way, while keeping a straight face.
  • "I would rather talk about--" DAY-O, DAY-O
  • "Attention, K-Mart shoppers!" The Smug Snake smirk on Keaton's face sells it.
  • The wedding scene:
    Preacher: Do you, Betel—
    Betelgeuse: Aah! Uh-uh! Nobody says the "B" word.
    Preacher: Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife?
    Betelgeuse: (walks away to consider) Oh, jeez, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a big decision. I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it. Well... (returns to his place) Sure. Yeah. Go ahead.
    Preacher: And you, do you, Lydia, take this man—
    Lydia: No! Betel—
    Betelgeuse: (covers Lydia's mouth) She's a little bit nervous. Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay? (in Lydia's voice) I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind. The man next to me is the one I want. You asked me. I'm answering. Yes, I love that man of mine.
    • Then Betelguese pulls a ring off a finger bone. Lydia is horrified, but he "reassures" by saying, "I swear to you, honey, she meant nothing to me!"
    • This dialogue:
      Barbara: Betelgeuse.
      Betelgeuse: Eeeeeeeeeee!
      (Betelgeuse throws a zipper on her mouth. She unzips her lip.)
      Barbara: Betelgeuse!
      Betelgeuse: Ah geez! (throws a metal plate on her mouth) Strike!
  • The Shout-Out to The Fly (1958). When the fly actually lands on the display, turns toward Betelguese's voice, and gets suckered in by being tempted with candy.
    • "We'll have a little bite, have something to nosh!"
  • Betelgeuse trying to sneak a peek under Barbara's dress by lifting it with a tree branch.
  • Lydia tries to explain to Delia that Adam and Barbara are not bad, but Delia refuses to believe her.
    Delia: Open this door, you dead people, or we'll bust it down and we'll drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourselves with!
    Lydia: Shh! They didn't commit suicide.
    Delia: It doesn't matter. (Lydia rolls her eyes) Lydia, I have a chance to teach you something here: you have got to take the upper hand in all situations or people, whether they're dead or alive, will walk all over you.
    • For bonus background funny, Charles is rolling his eyes when she says this too.
  • Delia's rant when her husband Charles tries to stop her from renovating the humble home:
    Delia: I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me GUT OUT this house and MAKE IT MY OWN, I will go INSANE, and I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME!
    (Otho just stands there smirking)
    Charles (horrified): Uh well you know, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. Uh... But, why don't you just leave this room alone, okay?
    Delia (sweetly): Okay! (walks through the room)
    (Charles snarls behind her back and clenches his fist at Delia)
    Barbara (having watched it all in her ghostly state): I'm gonna get her.
  • One of the doors the Maitlands pass in the hall is apparently to a doghouse.
  • "Not so fast, round boy! We're gonna have some laughs!"
    • Followed up with what he does to get rid of Otho; he shoots a Finger Gun at him that magically tears off his stylish black and red suit to reveal a tacky, powder-blue leisure suit; Otho screams in horror and promptly runs for the hills.
  • Betelgeuse trying to switch numbers in the reception room with the witch doctor next to him: "HEY, THERE GOES ELVIS, YO KING!" He gets his head shrunk for the effort.
  • During the ghostly Dance Party Ending, Charles nonchalantly observes that Lydia must have gotten an A on her math test. Then screams and falls out of his chair as Beetlejuice's face appears next to him suddenly. The camera pans to reveal Delia holding a bust of BJ's head.
    Delia: He likes it.
  • When the Maitlands tell Lydia they really do care about her, Adam hasn't completely fixed his horror face, leaving him with his normal face... and an 18 inch nose.
  • The discovery of the Handbook for the Recently Deceased.
    Adam: 'Handbook for the Recently Diseased...'
    (dramatic chord in music)
    Barbara (correcting him): Deceased.
    Adam: 'Deceased.'
    (dramatic chord repeats)

    The Animated Series 

  • After spending a good portion of the episode getting them recaptured (after dehydrating them since they grow in water), Lydia wonders what BJ did with the "Party People In-A-Can".
    BJ: Oh, I just flushed them down the toilet.
    Lydia: You WHAT!?
  • BJ's annoyance at having to go through several doors with the label "And/Or" on them to save Lydia from a video game villain.
    BJ: If I have to go through one more "And/Or" gate , I'm going to scream and/or puke!
  • "GRIMDIANA BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONES!" (Is run over by a boulder/run over by a herd of bison)
  • The episode "Uncle B.J.'s Roadhouse" in pretty much its entirety. Especially funny moments include Beetlejuice screaming "You ate Mr. Book?" when Mr. Silverfish ate the book he read to him while he was on the phone as well as Cartoonhead claiming to have vintage cartoon classics before showing a crummy three-second clip of some walking stick figures and the end where Beetlejuice is chased by the police on a tricycle and the CGI baby blows up the television.
  • From "It's a Big, Big, Big, Big Ape":
  • In "Sore Feet", without his feet Beetlejuice is unable to pull any pranks on the Neitherworlders. He tries to kick the Monster Across the Street in the butt, and he not only misses but flies into a garbage can, much to the Monster's amusement.
  • The puns. Dear God, the PUNS. If puns are your thing, this show is a gold mine.
    • One pun worthy of mentioning on its own is after Beetlejuice has an Imagine Spot - he grabs his own thought bubble, thrusts it into Lydia's hands, and tells her to 'hold that thought.'
  • In "Brinkadoom," Lydia goes over the top in her efforts to keep the villagers awake long enough for her and Beetlejuice to escape before it vanishes. She pulls a massive instrument out of nowhere and marches around town blaring noise. The mayor formally requests that "YE SHUT UP!"
    Lydia: "Ye Shut Up"? Hmm. Don't know it, but I'll be glad to fake it for ya! *still playing* Ye shut up! Ye shut up!
    Beetlejuice: *to the audience, proudly and fondly* You gotta love her. When she wants to, she can be almost as obnoxious as I am!