Betelgeuse: (calm, plain voice) Ah. Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively. (returns to character's normal voice) I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that! (chewing scenery) I've seen The Exorcist ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIEREVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY!!! NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?!? ...you think I'm qualified?
The following scene where Betelgeuse gets asked "Are you scary?"
Betelgeuse: What do you think of this? (camera shifts behind him as something happens to his face as it explodes) (Barbara and Adam both freak out) Betelgeuse (back to normal): You like it?
Also a "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" moment where after Adam asks if Betelgeuse can be scary, he turns around and subtly insults Adam by calling him a "jerkoff" by making a jerking motion with his hand.
Betelgeuse briefly possessing Barbara's voice: "Learn to throw your voice, fool your friends, fun at parties!"
The scene in which Betelgeuse kicks a tree in the model and knocks it over before yelling "Nice fucking model!" and grabbing himself in a rather obscene way. I was laughing so hard from the "Honk Honk" sound effects.
Especially the straight face he makes while he goes "Honk Honk".
Preacher: Do you, Betel— Betelgeuse: Aah! Uh-uh! Nobody says the "B" word. Preacher: Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife? Betelgeuse:(walks away to consider) Oh, jeez, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a big decision. I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it. Well... (returns to his place) Sure. Yeah. Go ahead. Preacher: And you, do you, Lydia, take this man— Lydia: No! Betel— Betelgeuse:(covers Lydia's mouth) She's a little bit nervous. Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay? (in Lydia's voice) I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind. The man next to me is the one I want. You asked me. I'm answering. Yes, I love that man of mine.
Barbara: Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse: Eeeeeeeeeee! (Betelgeuse throws a zipper on her mouth. She unzips her lip.) Barbara: Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse: Ah geez! (throws a metal plate on her mouth) Strike!
"We'll have a little bite, have something to nosh!"
Betelgeuse trying to sneak a peak under Barbara's dress by lifting it with a tree branch.
Lydia tries to explain to Delia that Adam and Barbara are not bad, Delia refuses to believe her.
Delia: Open this door, you dead people, or we'll bust it down and we'll drag you out by the ropes you hang yourselves with! Lydia: Shh! They didn't commit suicide. Delia: It doesn't matter. (Lydia rolls her eyes) Lydia, I have a chance to teach you something here: you have got to take the upper hand in all situations or people, whether they're dead or alive, will walk all over you.
Delia's rant when her husband Charles tries to stop her from renovating the humble home:
Delia: I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me GUT OUT this house and MAKE IT MY OWN, I will go INSANE, and I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME! (Ortho just stands there smirking) Charles (horrified): Uh well you know, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. Uh... But, why don't you just leave this room alone, okay? Delia (sweetly): Okay! (walks through the room) (Charles snarls behind her back and clenches his fist at Delia) Barbara (having watched it all in her ghostly state): I'm gonna get her.
One of the doors the Maitlands pass through the hall is apparently to a doghouse.
"Not so fast, round boy! We're gonna have some laughs!"
Betelguise trying to switch numbers in the reception room with the witch doctor next to him: "HEY, THERE GOES ELVIS, YO KING!" He gets his head shrunk for the effort.
The Animated Series
After spending a good portion of the episode getting them recaptured (after dehydrating them since they grow in water), Lydia wonders what BJ did with the "Party People In-A-Can".