Funny: Beetlejuice

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    The Movie 

  • Betelgeuse's off-the-wall TV commercial he pitches directly to the Maitlands, especially his WTF jingle at the end:
    "And remember: I'll eat anything you want me to eat/I'll swaller anything you want me to swaller! So come on down now!" *clap* "Chew on a dog! AROOOOOO!!"
  • Betelgeuse answering Barbara and Adam's question about his qualifications...
    Betelgeuse: (calm, plain voice) Ah. Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively. (returns to character's normal voice) I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that! (chewing scenery) I've seen The Exorcist ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY!!! NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?!? think I'm qualified?
    • The following scene where Betelgeuse gets asked "Are you scary?"
    Betelgeuse: What do you think of this?
    (camera shifts behind him as something happens to his face as it explodes)
    (Barbara and Adam both freak out)
    Betelgeuse (back to normal): You like it?
    • Also a "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" moment where after Adam asks if Betelgeuse can be scary, he turns around and makes an exasperated "jerk me off" motion with his hand.
    • Betelgeuse briefly possessing Barbara's voice: "Learn to throw your voice, fool your friends, fun at parties!"
  • The scene in which Betelgeuse kicks a tree in the model and knocks it over before yelling "Nice fucking model!" and grabbing himself in a rather obscene way, while keeping a straight face.
  • "I would rather talk about--" DAY-O, DAY-O
  • "Attention, K-Mart shoppers!" The Smug Snake smirk on Keaton's face sells it.
  • The wedding scene:
    Preacher: Do you, Betel—
    Betelgeuse: Aah! Uh-uh! Nobody says the "B" word.
    Preacher: Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife?
    Betelgeuse: (walks away to consider) Oh, jeez, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a big decision. I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it. Well... (returns to his place) Sure. Yeah. Go ahead.
    Preacher: And you, do you, Lydia, take this man—
    Lydia: No! Betel—
    Betelgeuse: (covers Lydia's mouth) She's a little bit nervous. Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay? (in Lydia's voice) I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind. The man next to me is the one I want. You asked me. I'm answering. Yes, I love that man of mine.
    • Then Betelguese pulls a ring off a finger bone. Lydia is horrified, but he reassures, "I swear to you, honey, she meant nothing to me!"
    • This dialogue:
      Barbara: Betelgeuse.
      Betelgeuse: Eeeeeeeeeee!
      (Betelgeuse throws a zipper on her mouth. She unzips her lip.)
      Barbara: Betelgeuse!
      Betelgeuse: Ah geez! (throws a metal plate on her mouth) Strike!
  • The Shout-Out to The Fly. When the fly actually lands on the display, turns toward Betelguese's voice, and gets suckered in by being tempted with candy.
    • "We'll have a little bite, have something to nosh!"
  • Betelgeuse trying to sneak a peak under Barbara's dress by lifting it with a tree branch.
  • Lydia tries to explain to Delia that Adam and Barbara are not bad, Delia refuses to believe her.
    Delia: Open this door, you dead people, or we'll bust it down and we'll drag you out by the ropes you hang yourselves with!
    Lydia: Shh! They didn't commit suicide.
    Delia: It doesn't matter. (Lydia rolls her eyes) Lydia, I have a chance to teach you something here: you have got to take the upper hand in all situations or people, whether they're dead or alive, will walk all over you.
  • Delia's rant when her husband Charles tries to stop her from renovating the humble home:
    Delia: I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me GUT OUT this house and MAKE IT MY OWN, I will go INSANE, and I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME!
    (Otho just stands there smirking)
    Charles (horrified): Uh well you know, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. Uh... But, why don't you just leave this room alone, okay?
    Delia (sweetly): Okay! (walks through the room)
    (Charles snarls behind her back and clenches his fist at Delia)
    Barbara (having watched it all in her ghostly state): I'm gonna get her.
  • One of the doors the Maitlands pass by through the hall is apparently to a doghouse.
  • "Not so fast, round boy! We're gonna have some laughs!"
  • Betelgeuse trying to switch numbers in the reception room with the witch doctor next to him: "HEY, THERE GOES ELVIS, YO KING!" He gets his head shrunk for the effort.
  • During the ghostly Dance Party Ending, Charles nonchalantly observes that Lydia must have gotten an A on her math test. Then screams and falls out of his chair as a Beetlejuice's face appears next to him suddenly. The camera pans to reveal Delia holding a bust of BJ's head.
    Delia: He likes it.

    The Animated Series