"I AM STYRCULIUS! The Roman god of feces! Prepare to feel my wrath!" (squish-splat)
From "Sign Here" when the boys go door to door to collect signatures to stop furrying:
Butt-Head: Wanna save some minks' butts?
Beavis: You like animals?
Fat Lady: (her dog barking) What? WHAT?? Just a minute! (to her dog, beating it) SHUT UP OR I'LL HAVE YOU PUT TO SLEEP! (comes back to the door) Now, what was that?
Butt-head: Uhh, nevermind.
An example of Grave Humor in the A Christmas Carol-parody episode, when Beavis is shown a tombstone inscribed with "Here lies Beavis. He never scored." ("GOD DAMN IT, BOY! ALL YOU EVER DID WAS SIT AT HOME WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY! AND BECAUSE OF THAT, YOU NEVER SCORED!")
Just TRY watching THIS clip without laughing. I dare you. Featuring an intro from the original artist!
In the end of "Nosebleed", when Butt-Head goes up to a convenience store and asks a woman going out: "Can I have one of those things that you put in your thing when you get your thing?" *gets punched*
Hell, the entire "Nosebleed" episode could go here.
Of particular note was the scene where Butt-Head was treating the nosebleed like a sore tooth. All the viewer sees is from Beavis' perspective, where Butt-Head had tied a string from something on Beavis' face to the doorknob. Cue his slamming the door and Beavis sinking to the floor as his vision washes over red.
The scene where Butt-Head tries to scare the nosebleed out of Beavis.
Coach Buzzcut: Shut up or I will kill you! Do you understand? Shut up or I will physically kill you!
The entirety of the episode "No Laughing", especially when they come running out of the school and release all their pent-up laughter due to Coach Buzzcut taking full advantage of the situation:
Coach Buzzcut: If they do laugh, they'll be expelled, and they'll have to go to Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents. Well, I was real glad to hear that, because this is sex education week. That's right, sex-ed week! We're gonna be talkin' about the PENIS! We'll be talkin' about the VAGINA! Do you think that's funny, Butt-head? Do you find it amusing that we'll be talkin' about the TESTICLES? Yes, we're also gonna be talkin' about VENEREAL DISEASE! SEXUAL INTERCOURSE! THE SCROTUM! THE CLITORIS! And we will definitely be spending a lot of time talking about MASTURBATION!
And also from "No Laughing"..
Spanish teacher: Seņor Butt-head, como es Juan?
Spanish Teacher: No no no, Como es juan? Como es juan?
Spanish Teacher:(Dropping the Spanish accent)Spaghetti!? That'sItalian, you moron!(Tosses poster in frustration)Damn it! You idiots have been in this class for almost a whole school year, and the only Spanish you know is what you learned from Taco Bell! And Beavis can't even get that right! I'm gonna give you little bastards just ten seconds to come up with a sentence in Spanish and if you can't, you're both going to the principal's office and you're both flunking! Well, I'm waiting.
McVicker: Mr. Sherman, your history teacher. He says he's completely giving up on trying to teach your class about The Gay Nineties. (Beavis and Butt-Head laugh harder.)
"Stewart Is Missing". To really appreciate how funny this one is, understand that Beavis says the first part of the line enthusiastically, and then asks "what's the matter" with genuine concern in his voice.
Stewart's Mom: My poor Stewart! What could have happened to him?
As with a lot of the other stupid stuff the guys do, this doesn't kill them. They wake up a while later, groggy and disoriented, not sure what happened. As they gaze at the state of their house—couch chainsawed, a shovel and bat lying on the ground, and a trash can tipped over so junk has spilled out all over the floor, Beavis has this to say:
Beavis: Did we have a party?
Finally, seeing the fly again, Beavis chucks the pesticide can at it, smashing it through the window. The duo are elated that they finally rid got that damn fly...and then a whole swarm of them comes buzzing into the house through the broken window, drawn by the smell of the garbage!
"Pregnant Pause" manages to build an entire short's worth of laughs out of Beavis mistakenly thinking he's pregnant (it's just constipation), particularly when he overhears two women chatting in a store about symptoms, etc. and finds they all somehow apply to him. With old-fashioned "dun-dun-DUNNNN" music underscoring each "revelation" to boot.
The look on Beavis' face when the pregnancy test tested "positive".
The first Christmas special, in which the boys alternate between watching a televised Yule log and watching music videos that fit the theme, has a great segment in which they recount the plot of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in their own unique way (accidentally crossing it over with The Wizard of Oz for starters).
While watching TV, a duet between Elton John and RuPaul comes on, which prompts Butt-Head to say "That's that dude who'd, like, rather be a girl." Barely missing a beat, Beavis follows up with "What's that chick doing with him?"
More specifically, when the soldier who answers the phone is understandably confused to hear his Commander-In-Chief introducing himself as "Cornholio" and rambling incoherently about his bunghole. About five seconds into this "conversation," said soldier looks directly at the camera with a "You have GOT to be kidding me" look on his face.
Also, there is the infamous deleted scene from the movie, in which Beavis steals the Declaration of Independence to use as toilet paper.
While watching a Frank Zappa video, they hate it so they change the channel. On the new channel, they come across a video for "Animals" by The Europeans that they hate so much, they go back to the Zappa video.
But not before counting how many ways that other video sucked.
On the episode, "Tornado", at the beginning of the episode, watch the Barney Captain Ersatz from 0:30. Double points for the kids cheering.note Sadly, MTV aired it with the shot of Barney's hands on fire cut. They showed up to Barney's hands in the oven, and then cut to the "Please Stand By" card with a blue Big Bird, and also cut Beavis chanting, "Fire, fire, fire, fire!" MTV 2 had it uncut during their "Sic-emation" cartoon block
Not Barney: "Aah! I'm burning! Kids help, this sucks!
Later in the same episode, when Butt-head is thinking of what to say to 2 women at a trailer park during a twister, a flying angel statue hits Butt-head in the head. Beavis catches this same statue the instant it strikes.
Beavis is already pretty funny. But some of the show's most hilarious moments come from putting him in a position of authority. Take "Huh, huh, humbug" for example:
Beavis: "Damn it, McVicker! Quit screwing around! Heh n heh. 'Cuz I'll take you out back, and I'll kick your ass if you don't shape up!"
McVicker: "Uuuuuh uh, but I wasn't doing anything!"
Beavis: "Yeah!? Yeah?! Well I don't care! 'Cuz "not doing anything" doesn't pay the bills! Bunghole!"
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it's like, we'd all like to go home! Hell I'd like to go home and spank my monkey! In fact, hehn, that's a pretty good idea! And since I'm the manager, I can do whatever I want! And you guys have to stay here and work all night!
And again in "The Future Of Beavis and Butt-head", where he's imagining himself in the military.
"Beavis: All right men, the way I see it, we strike at dawn. 'Cuz um, they'll still be in bed with morning wood. And I want full air support! I want you guys to shoot people! And I want tanks, some firethrowers and I want explosions over here and I want planes going "kehkehkehkehkeh"! Yaaaaaah! This is gonna be cool!"
In "Patients Patients", Beavis with glasses.
Beavis: Goofus is cool.
Beavis "The Scatman."
The commentary for Iggy Pop's "Butt Town", particularly Beavis pointing out that Iggy should get together with Sir Mix-A-Lot (he of "Baby Got Back" infamy) and "just talk about butts all day."
Beavis and Butt-head staring silently in horror and disgust when watching the music video for Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" before changing the channel. They had the same reaction to Milli Vanilli's "Baby Don't Forget My Number."
In the episode "Choke", the duo watching a Benny Hill expy illustrates exactly what they find funny:
Hill expy: Oy! I've got me finger stuck in me bum!
Beavis and Butt-head: *laugh uncontrollably*
Hill expy: Oy! I've should've never listened to that little Dutch boy by the dike.
Beavis and Butt-head: *silence*
Hill expy: And now I've got me finger stuck in me bum!
Beavis and Butt-head: *laugh uncontrollably*
The episode where David van Dreissen takes Beavis, Butthead, and Stuart out on a camping trip: The part where Mr. Van Dreissen sings this song called "Men Have Feelings Too" and gets attacked by a bear after Beavis and Butthead comment on how bad the song sucked.
The duo's reaction to drinking non-alcoholic beer for the 1st time.
Also this scene:
Cop: You two look a little young. I'm gonna need to see some identification.
Butt-head: (To Beavis) Check this out. (To the Cop) You have the right to remain silent.
Beavis: Yeah, (To the Cop) you have the right to shut up or I'll kick your ass! *Starts acting drunk*
Immediately followed by the sobriety test.
"Mexican Death Sauce". The duo's reaction to it is on the Fire-Breathing Diner page.The reason He saw them making a dog drink "Killer Hot Sauce".
"Fur Trade", specifically the part where they try to sell the squirrel corpse to a fur coat shop, only to be asked to leave.
Beavis: Oh yeah, WELL YOU SUCK! Heh. AND YOUR SUCKING STORE SUCKS! Heh heh heh. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT GOOD FUR IS! I'M GONNA TELL EVERYBODY THAT YOU DON'T SELL REAL FUR HERE! Heh heh heh. THEY DON'T SELL REAL FUR HERE, THEY DON'T SELL REAL FUR HERE, YOU SUCK! Heh.
The duo is actually stupid enough to believe that they can buy stuff with black and white counterfiet dollars and nickles that they got from a print shop. They tried this out in "Green Thumbs"...and no, they do not succeed.
From the same episode, Beavis and Buttheads increasingly violent attempts at breaking the ball To see if there's plutonium in the center, which results in Beavis getting two more Groin Attacks. One when they stuff it full of fire crackers, and it falls to the side and launches into Beavis crotch like a cannonball when they go off, and the second when they fill it with firecrackers again and throw it off the roof. This time it does explode, but the shrapnel hits Beavis right in the family jewels.
Lets not forget the scene where the cat sitting next to Beavis bites the chick out of his hand...and the part where he and the cats owner eventually make it spit the bird out, at which point Beavis slaps it.
Their review of the song "The Late Mistake" by Comateens:
Beavis [in time to the music]: Dammit, dammit, son of a bitch. Dammit, dammit, son of a bitch.
Butt-head: If those were the words, it'd be cool.
Beavis: You know, I was thinking of writing a song called, "Dammit, Son of a Bitch." Kinda goes like that, it's like, "Dammit, dammit, son of a bitch. Dammit, dammit, son of a bitch. Son of a BIIIIITCH, sonofaBITCHsonofaBIIIIIIITCH. Dammit, dammit, dammit."
Random woman: WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU STOP YELLING!? YOUR NOT HELPING!
Random man: OH YEAH!? WELL WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU STAY OUT OF IT!?
Random woman: WELL HOW'D YOU LIKE ME TO KICK YOUR ASS!?
Practically the entire episode known as "Closing Time" could go here, but it had plenty of parts where it would get particularly funny, such as the 3 times where they scream in excitement similarly to how they did in the earliest episodes, the part where they throw food into the ceiling fan, and the Air Guitar solo that they do while the health inspector checks the restaurant.
The chase scene from "Beware of The Butt". Beavis and Butthead are moving quite slow while the same woman they took an embarrasing photograph of charges right at them. She hangs them by the pants to one of the signs when she catches them. Then there's the slasher movie that their watching...
Beavis: Hey Butt-head, how long till something good's on TV? Butt-head: Uhhh...Two hours dude. Beavis: Hey Butt-head, how long until some... Butt-head: Beavis, shut up or I'll kick your ass. Beavis: Hey Butt-head, how long(Butt-head slaps him) OOW! This sucks.
The music video "'Freedom of 76'" has Butt-Head trying to convince Beavis to get his balls snipped off, on account of them supposedly being "not really used for anything." Showing unusual intelligence, Beavis asks Butt-Head if this is some kind of trick. Butt-Head says no. Then Beavis asks if Butt-Head uses his nads for anything...
Beavis: See? that's what nads are for! (beat) Bunghole!
The episode "Tired" is classic. The boys roll a gigantic tire up a hill overlooking Highland, and before Beavis is completely settled inside, Butthead rolls him down the hill, leading to a lengthy montage of a screaming Beavis nearly causing a multi-car pile-up, almost killing Mr. Van Driessen, crushing someone under a car, knocking a train off the tracks, and causing Todd to spill his beer while driving.
Extra points for Beavis believing the hats (the "Energy Domes") can "protect you from harmful rays," which is actually really close to how Devo themselves explained them.
The first episode that features Cornholio. Beavis raids the Stevensons candy stash, and shows up to school in full sugar rush mode. Once the transformation is complete, he just walks out of the classroom to Mr Van Driesens complete befuddlement.
Van Driesen: Is Beavis having some sort of problem I should be aware of?
Butt-Head: Uh, he ate like...27 candy bars, and then he drank like a twelve pack of root beer.
During the video for "I Wish" by Skee-Lo:
Butt-Head: Uh, you know what they say about short dudes? They got, like, y'know, really big, uh, y'know...
Mr. Stevenson: I'm trying to ask a very simple question. Are your shakes made from shake mix or from ice cream and milk? Butt-Head: Uhh... We have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. Mr. Stevenson: Forget it! Forget it! God, can you idiots answer a simple question? I'll go somewhere else. (talks away, muttering) God, morons! Jeez, a couple of imbeciles... Butt-Head: Let's go break something. Beavis: Yeah!
The beginning of "Held Back", which consists of Beavis and Butt-Head answering Buzzcut's answer wrong three times ("60?" "90210?" "LMNOP?"), and instead of seeing Buzzcut's angry reaction, the episode does a Smash Cut to the principal's office. Just the way it's executed is hilarious.
In "Tom Anderson's Balls"...
Butt-Head: Beavis, your balls are filthy.
In "Feel a Cop", they try to pick up an undercover cop posing as a hooker:
Butt-Head: How much?
Butt-Head: Cool! Beavis, you got fifty cents?
Cop: (after trying unsuccessfully to get the boys to proposition her) I need a very specific offer of money for sex!
Butt-Head: "I will fight for you until your heart stops beating...Can I have some of your popcorn?"
Beavis trying to throw in a "vampire accent" in his lines such as "I will be a denizen of the night.", "And soon, they will do our bidding.", and "I am willing them this way."
The very first video snarked on during the revival (the music video for the MGMT song "Kids") featured Beavis doing his infamous "Fire!" bit. After the outrage from the Moral Guardians during the series' original run over Beavis' obsession with fire, it was hilarious — and damned satisfying — to see Mike Judge fire that gag off almost right off the bat.
"It's okay to be touched, Beavis."
"Okay son, there's gonna be some scary monsters, and a bunch of creepy people putting their hands on you. But you can handle it, because you're like...1 and 1/2!"
"He's like, 'Never should have sent that kid to Hogwarts.'"
"I told my niece that we couldn't see The Smurfs again, so like, she started warping space and time."
As you can see from Beavis and Butt-head's comments while watching a clip of Jersey Shore, their snarky comments during videos (and, now, MTV original series) are just witty and hilarious as ever:
JWoww: When I'm eighty years old, and I'm teaching my kids how to make pizza, and they ask me "Oh, where did you make pizza?" (Clap) "Bitch, I made it it Florence! That where I made pizza!"
Beavis: So she's gonna call her grandkids "Bitch"?
Butt-Head: You're the best grandma ever, Grandma JWoww.
Beavis: Yeah, please don't hit us again.
Beavis: Are Uncle Juice-head and Grandpa Gorilla gonna help us make pizza?
Butt-Head: Grandma JWoww, where did you get syphilis?
Beavis: Yeah, tell us that story, bitch!
And the ending, with the nurse being reluctant to change their catheters because, even though they're comatose, she swears they giggle whenever she's about to.
Porn porn porn porn (x) porn porn...
Pornography? What the heck is that? the study of porn? maybe he's a pornologist.
Attention, everybody: Beavis was crying.
Coach Buzz-Cut restraining Beavis after he finally flips out at Butt-Head: "Beavis! You will beat the crap out of Butt-Head on your own time!"
Butt-Head's utter persistence in reminding Beavis that he was crying. Even after 80 years.
Vinny: She loves hot salami! She loves hot salami!
Beavis: (Not impressed) Oh yeah yeah, "she loves hot salami". See, he means schlong.
Butt-Head: (Italian accent) You think she-a slut? That's good to know, now let's get back to making-a pizza.
Beavis' constant attempts at howling like a wolf only to start coughing.
"AAWHOOO-*COUGH* *COUGH* *COUGH*"
Daughter's Hand/Tech Support
The confusion of what "daughter's hand" means.
"Jesus said she could do better."
"Keep your hands...to yourself." "Uh, oh yeah. The answer was always with us." explanation Beavis and Butt-head's epiphany that they don't a "daughter's hand" to jack off while Tom Anderson and his new neighbor beat the crap out of each other, all accompanied by majestic music.
The Continuity Nod at the end of Tech Support: the two thieves that stole their TV set to kickstart the Big Damn Movie's plotline off make an appearance to loot the Tech Support building.
Beavis and Butt-head on 16 and Pregnant:
Butt-head: This chick is a horrible actor.
Beavis: Yeah. Yeah. Really.
(Few seconds and some 16 and Pregnant dialogue later)
Butt-head: Uh, wait a minute. I think this is real.
Beavis: Oh yeah yeah. So, um, she's not a bad actor then. Just a bad person.
Beavis and Butt-head unwittingly working as Tech Support is as hilarious as expected.
Caller: Just tell me. How do you turn off the freakin' auto complete feature because every time I try to sign under the freakin' internet—!
Jamid's attempts at emulating Beavis and Butt-head after his boss told him to follow what they're doing. His accent is what sells it.
Jamid: Hello, sir. Um, did you try to unplug your, um...I mean, do you have any matches? That would be cool. Eheh. Eheheh.
Beavis causing a major blackout due to his customer support when an engineer at the local power plant calls for help with their software, and Beavis "advice" leads to him accidently causing a meltdown.
Beavis trying to figure out the difference between the three.
Butt-head: Damn it, Beavis! You've watched three season of this show and you've learned nothing. What a waste of time.
"And her Ronald Macdonald socks." "No Butt-Head, you're thinking of the Hamburglar."
"Tune in next week...will Snooki poop?" "And if so, where?"
While watching Benny Benassi's video for "Satisfaction":
Beavis: No no no, that's okay. Just tear it down and build a new one. Reeeeal slooow.
Butt-Head: I'd like to be under her boobs during an earthquake though.
The scene in which a wedding is interrupted by the drone flying low - a gothic-looking fellow is set to marry a girl, with her parents looking on nervously as if they don't want it to happen. The plane flies low and takes out one of the canopy legs, causing it to fall to one side, crushing the cake in the process.
Goth: My cake! I can't marry you without my cake!
Girl's mother *obviously relieved*: Thank God!
Supersize Me/Bathroom Break
The duo getting increasingly fat over the course of two weeks of stuffing themselves with fast food.
Burger World's HQ sees the duo's "documentary" and decide to send them to another fast food joint (Taco Yummo), with unlimited gift cards. When Taco Yummo's HQ sees it, the short ends with them preparing to send them to Weiner Shack (with unlimited gift cards).
Beavis: You know, I don't see the problem with teen obesity.
Butt-Head: Teen obesity kicks ass.
Beavis and Butthead watch Teen Cribs and mistaken it for 16 and Pregnant, noting that the latter features poor people who live with their grandmas. This leads to the following:
Beavis: And they're, like, living off my tax dollars! You know what I'm saying? It's not right.
Butthead: Uhhh, you don't have any tax dollars!
Beavis: Um...oh yeah.
The duo mocking the father in the segment for never opening his mouth by mimicking his speech pattern. At first, they just copy what he says but then they start adding their own interpretations.
Butthead: I had to make a waterfall and a wood slide and had to work my whole damn life to pay for this crap. Ughnnn...
Beavis: And my wife makes me build all this stuff, ugh, I'm miserable here...
Son:(with a telescope next to him) You can even see Zion National Park.
Butthead: I tried to runaway to Zion National Park but they caught me with that damn telescope. Ugh...
The end of "Bathroom Break." The manager needs to use the restroom, but Beavis and Butt-Head are abusing their bathroom break, so a long line is formed. He decides to go in a bush, and gets arrested for public urination, and, when forgetting to zip up, indecent exposure.
(in Italian accent) I have match for you: you and this mop. Go on date with floor.
Beavis: I have a checklist too, heh-heh. She has to at least have one boob, and she has to be a girl, and she can't be my mom.
Butt-head: I have the same list, but it, like, includes your mom. Huh-huh.
The duo amazed by (a guy who looks like) Jesus able to speak Spanish.
Butt-head: "And then for the first verse, I was thinking of this: 'Ueeeeoueeeeeuuuugh!'"
Beavis: "And then for the chorus, maybe: 'RAAAAAAGH~!'"
"Huhuh, he found her on Craigslist, then he put her to work"
The montage of the boys trying to set the trap up.something The hardware store merchant actually let them have the trap for free. Mabye he knew about their lack of intelligence and decided that it would be quicker to just let them have it.
Beavis and Butthead looting the Maxi Mart during the evacuation.
The duo seeing a reporter doing a piece on the damage to Stewarts house that the two caused, and misunderstanding the whole thing, thinking that someone else showed up and trashed the place after "they made it cool".
This bit of dialogue:
Butt-Head: "This is Stewart's grandma's ashes"
Beavis: "Ew, she put her cigarettes out in a vase? That's disgusting."
In true Beavis and Butthead fashion, the duo mistook the P.A.T. leaders' words about not having to learn something complicated (referring to the Theory of Evolution) and uses it to get out of not just biology class but every class they find complicated (including Geometry and P.E.) and tell everyone that they're going to hell. What sells it is Beavis interjecting rhetoric on Hell.
Butthead: Uhh. We shouldn't have to learn this.
Beavis: Yeah yeah!
Mr. Van Driessen: Uh, why not?
Butthead: 'Cause my uncle's not a monkey!
Beavis: Yeah yeah! That's right!
Mr. Van Driessen: This is Geometry, not Evolution. Mmmkay.
Butthead: Tell that to the Lord.
Beavis: But it shall go unanswered as you roam the fiery pit of damnation!
Butthead: You're going to Hell!
The P.E. class deserves special mention.
Coach Buzzcut: Now to start a wrestling match, one wrestler gets down on all fours and the other mounts him from behind (mounts a student as described) like so!
Butthead: Whoa! You're definitely going to Hell!
Beavis: Yeah! I don't understand that at all! I mean, if that's okay with you guys.
Butthead: To each his own.
The bit about foot fetish dude working at airport security.
"Oh so that's what he does. He just goes to Red Robin and growls."
The fact that NOBODY seemed concerned about Beavis.
The whole "masturbation experiment" bit, especially Butt-Head's crack about the "stimulus package."
Beavis: This is the one girl who deserves to be emo.
Butt-Head: "Oh, they're all guidos. They all taste like spray tan.
Beavis: "Too much gristle."
The boys thinking EVERYONE, including President Obama and the Volunteers of the Week, are criminals.
While at a colonial village, we get this gem.
Beavis: I hope we get to see some dinosaurs.
Butt-Head: You dumbass, dinosaurs haven't been invented yet.
Butt-Head: Time-space condominium.
The Jersey Shore bit was the part in the Comic-Con trailer; hilarious.
Butt-Head: "I just got something...No. 2 pencil."
The fact that the boys only accomplish putting their names on their test papers after three hours, triggering McVicker to fill in answers on Butt-head's paper himself. What makes the scene funnier is Van Driessen's nearly deadpan response to McVicker cheating for Butt-head, complete with his obligatory "mmkay".
Butt-Head: "Woah, you have tight jeans and Converse All-Stars just like me. Do you like shoving little kids? I do too! Let's start a band."
The "Silence Your Cell Phone" message: "I'm Butt-Head. Shut up."
Prior to Jackass 3D, Beavis and Butthead try out their 3D glasses, but Beavis seems to think it's not working. Then...
Butthead: Whoa! Hey, Beavis! Look at my hand. It's in 3D.
Beavis: Huh, really? I don't really see— (Gets punched) AAH! Whoa! Whoa, that's amazing! It felt like you really hit me! It's almost like your hand really— (Eats a left hook) Ow! Wow, that's amazing technolog— (Gets his 3D glasses smacked off his face) Hey, wait a second!
Butthead: Huh huh. So, sit back and... (Smacks Beavis across the face) enjoy the movie.
Beavis: That was definitely 2D!
The Video Games
Beavis And Butthead In Virtual Stupidity
Butthead telling the guy who's car gets stolen in the park that it just went for a walk, and the idiot BELIVES him.
Guy': Oh, I didnt know it could do that. I'll just wait for it then.