History Funny / BatmanReturns

-->'''Max:''' What is that, supposed to hypnotize me?\\

-->'''Batman:''' You know... you may be right.

* "I believe the word you're looking for is 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!'"

* Batman doing a quick OffhandBackhand to [[StockScream Wilhelm]] the Clown, who then does the trademark scream as Batman tosses him aside.
** Immediately afterward, he comes upon a Red Triangle strongman (played by Rick "[[Film/OverTheTop Bull Hurley]]" Zumwalt) who laughs off his strikes, but Batman subverts PunchPunchPunchUhOh by simply stuffing a bomb down the big lug's pants. The guy's epic OhCrap face is one for the ages.
* "Saved by kitty litter."

* After Penguin's hijacked-Batmobile plan fails.
-->'''Penguin:''' [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking He didn't even lose a limb, an eyeball, BLADDER CONTROL!]]
** Penguin screaming because he lost control of the Batmobile, then Batman [[TalkToTheFist breaks the screen]].
** The whole "hijacked Batmobile" scene in general can be quite hilarious. Come on, the Penguin's controlling it by way of "driving" a mini-Batmobile, like the kind of back-and-forth kiddie ride you'd see in arcades.
*** Especially once the Penguin starts violently shaking the thing backwards and forwards like an infuriated child. This in turn causes the van to start rocking around; to people seeing it on the street, [[DontComeAKnockin it looks like the Penguin's having a]] ''[[DontComeAKnockin real]]'' [[DontComeAKnockin good time in there with someone...]]
** The Bat Emblem-shaped steering wheel is icing on the cake.
* After his EngineeredPublicConfession later:
--> '''Penguin:''' ''[[[ProducePelting being pelted with fruits and vegetables]]]'' [[LampshadeHanging Why is there always someone who brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?!]]
** During said confession, we have DJ Bruce Wayne "scratching" the CD containing Penguin's rants.
* In the middle of the intense climax, this moment occurs:
-->'''Schreck''': Selina? Selina Kyle! You're fired. ''[to unmasked Batman]'' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint And Bruce Wayne... Why are you dressed up like Batman?]]\\
'''Catwoman''': Because he ''is'' Batman, you moron.
** Followed by Schreck's Deadpan reply, "Was." as he aims his gun and shoots Batman.
** During the same scene: Schreck staring at his gun in utter disbelief after his fourth bullet fails to kill Selina.
* "Don't hurt us, lady! Our take-home is only $300!"
-->'''Catwoman''': ''[to security officers]'' "You're overpaid, hit the road."

-->'''Catwoman''': "Meow."

* When Selina is trying to explain to Alfred that her leaving abruptly is not a sign of rejection towards Bruce, she stumbles over what she wants him to relay to Bruce and instead asks Alfred if he could come up with a sonnet or a dirty limerick on her behalf. Without missing a beat, Alfred kindly responds with an amused smile that "one just came to mind".
* The first meeting between Catwoman and Penguin has the latter wondering what they have in common before concluding that it must be ([[SarcasmMode but of course]]) "naked, sexual charisma". Bonus points for Catwoman being nonplussed the whole time.
-->'''Catwoman:''' Batman napalmed my arm, he knocked me off a building just when I was starting to feel good about myself. I wanna play an integral part in his degradation.
* When Bruce has to depart to go save the Ice Princess, he talks to Alfred on what to say to Selina. At first, he thought of an excuse that he had to do a business deal, but realizes that wouldn't work.
-->'''Bruce''': Tell her there's a big business deal that came up... No, you know what? Let her know, not in some kind of dumb, be-my-girlfriend kind of way.

-->'''Catwoman:''' ''(on the ground)'' How could you? I'm a woman.

-->''(WHAM!)''
-->'''Catwoman:''' ''(SlasherSmile)'' As I was saying, I'm a woman and can't be taken for granted. Life's a bitch, now so am I.

-->'''Catwoman:''' Somebody say fish? I haven't been fed the entire day!
-->'''Batman:''' Eat floor...
-->''(Tosses Catwoman to the ground)''
-->'''Batman:''' High fiber.

* Penguin using an umbrella with a spiral design on top:
-->'''Max:''' What is that, supposed to hypnotize me?\\
'''Penguin:''' No, just give you a splitting headache.\\
'''Max:''' It's not working.\\
* BANG!*\\
'''Penguin:''' You big baby. Just blanks.

* As the make Penguin mayor operation starts to take form, Penguin is approached by some image consultants, including this joker (no pun intended)...
--> '''Josh:''' Not a lot of reflective surfaces down in the sewer, huh?
--> *Josh chuckles, followed by Penguin joining in rather hammily*
--> '''Penguin:''' Still, it could be worse! [[PreemptiveDeclaration My nose could be gushing blood]].
--> *They continue to share a laugh*
--> '''Josh:''' Your nose could be... what do you mean by th—
--> [[BloodyHilarious *Josh is cut off as Penguin bites his nose, making it in fact gush blood as Josh screams*]]
** And then, right after that, Schreck turns to the room and says, "Let's MAKE a MAYOR!", giving the double V for Victory sign at the end of it.
** Earlier in that same scene, when Max announces the Penguin will be Gotham's new mayoral candidate, Penguin pulls Max aside and [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall asks him a question that was probably on a lot of viewers' minds]]:
--->'''The Penguin:''' [[LampshadeHanging Max, elections happened in November]]. [[FridgeLogic Is this not late December?]]\\
'''Max Shreck:''' [[HandWave Don't worry about it.]]
** Penguin decides that, if he's going to run for Mayor, he needs a platform. His first idea? "Stop global warming; start global cooling! Make the world a giant icebox!" Shreck immediately responds "I like it." It's hard to tell whether [[StrangeMindsThinkAlike he actually liked Penguin's idea]] or he was just humoring him, and Christopher Walken's voice and facial expression mean either one is possible.
* One of the reasons Schreck (played by Creator/ChristopherWalken, mind you) gives to Cobblepot as to why he should run for mayor is "unlimited poontang." Cue a cartoonish "ding" noise followed by Cobblepot readily agreeing to go along with Schreck's plan.
** Shortly after that, with the mayoral campaign in full swing, Penguin gets the opportunity to pin an "Oswald for Mayor" button on the chest of a starry-eyed, ''buxom'' Copplepot supporter; Penguin looks like he needs a cold shower afterwards. "I could really get into this mayor stuff! It's about reaching out to people! Touching people! ''Groping people!''"
-->'''Buxom Supporter:''' You're the coolest role model a young person could have!\\
'''Penguin:''' And you're the hottest young person a role model could have!
* After Batman gets control of the Batmobile back from the Penguin, the car is heading toward a narrow alley. Trying to get away from the cops pursuing him, Batman taps the button to change the 'Mobile into the Bat-Missile. Nothing happens; "That's funny." He taps it again a few times, to no avail, and the alley getting closer; "Okay, now I'm a little worried!" Finally he PUNCHES all of the buttons, which does the job at the last minute.

* "HIYA MAX! REMEMBER ME? I'M FRED'S HAND!"
* A very subtle one occurs in the climax. After Batman narrowly dodges some torpedoes, he glances back with a look on his face that says "Did I seriously almost get killed by missile-launching penguins?"
* When Alfred mentions the difficulty in getting the Batmobile repaired while still maintaining discretion for Bruce’s alter ego, Bruce takes it as an opportunity to go on a mini-rant about Alfred letting Vicki Vale into the Batcave in the previous movie.
* In a bit of black comedy, Bruce's excuse that he makes to Selina during the dance was that he was at a business meeting where a deal "fell through". Replace "deal" with Ice Princess and that's pretty much what happened.
* A nice little moment with Bruce and Selina as they're dancing at the party:
-->'''Bruce:''' So, no hard feelings, I hope?
-->'''Selina''' ''[gasping as she leans into Bruce]:'' Actually... semi-hard, I'd say.
* In that same scene, Selina tells Bruce the reason she came is to see Max. [[MistakenForRomance He then assumes that they are dating]], only for Selina to laugh out loud before she pulls out a gun. [[FreezeFrameBonus Right before Selina pulls Bruce in]], you can see Bruce give an [[OhCrap appropriate response]].
* When Bruce is investigating the Penguin, Alfred gives this zinger:
--> '''Alfred:''' Must you be the ''only'' lonely man-beast in town?
* After Selina trashes her apartment, the "HELLO THERE" sign subsequently says "[[SignsOfDisrepair HELL HERE]]".
** Before that, when she arrives at her apartment, this non-sequitur dialogue.
-->'''Selina''': "Honey, I'm home.....Oh that's right, I'm not married."
* When Catwoman confronts Batman after the Ice Princess' death, she has him pinned down and is just casually flirting with him. The two realize they are right under some mistletoe, so Catwoman slowly leans down toward Batman, but instead of a regular kiss she gives him a big lick from his chin to his nose. Then as she slowly starts to get off him she suddenly comes back into view and grabs him, attempting to stab him again, only for Batman to easily overpower her and knock her aside. As Batman prepares to glide away Catwoman looks at her hand and sees she has broken a finger nail, muttering a small "damn" right before Batman leaves.
* Schreck subtly freaking out after Selina returns to work after he pushed her out a window.
** Not to mention Bruce's smitten expression.
** When Shreck introduces Bruce to Selina. (He'd already met Selina as Batman, and saved her life.)
---> '''Bruce:''' Yeah, we've met.
---> '''Selina:''' ''Have'' we?
---> '''Bruce:''' You know what? I mistook me for somebody else. Sorry.
** The look on Schreck's face after Selina finishes the account from her childhood with a flat and matter-of-fact "He's dead now."
** Right before Shreck pushes her out the window, he advances on her...and then acts like he's joking, causing them to burst into TensionCuttingLaughter. Only Creator/ChristopherWalken could make this scene darkly hilarious.
* Batman knocks out some goons with a guided Batarang - which is caught by the poodle lady's dog. This prompts an "Okay, wasn't expecting that" reaction.
* "I believe the word you're looking for is 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!'"
* While vandalizing, and ultimately blowing up, a department store owned by Max Shreck, Catwoman takes some time out from her mischief to girlishly "skip rope" with her bullwhip.
* A rare expression of [[OhCrap complete surprise and actual fear]] flashes across Bruce's face when Selina reveal the gun she brought at the masked ball. Creator/MichaelKeaton is really selling it.
** Before that, while dancing, Selina brazenly asks if Bruce wants to [[SexualEuphemism make use of the California King]] over in the bedding section of Max's department store. Girl is ''really'' putting him through the whirlwind of emotions here.
* Max Shreck coaxing a monkey to bring him the key to his cage. That's not the funny part. The funny part is when Max actually grabs the key, and the monkey looks genuinely surprised at what just transpired.

[[quoteright:350:https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hn_FMsoTkGY/maxresdefault.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:350:If Batman smirks like this towards you, you ''know'' you're in trouble.]]

[[quoteright:350:https://sm.ign.com/t/ign_me/feature/m/michael-ke/michael-keaton-as-the-haunted-dark-knight-the-quest-for-the_1w1j.1200.jpg]]

** Before that, while dancing, Selina brazenly asks if Bruce wants to [[CoitusEnsues make use of the California King]] over in the bedding section of Max's department store. Girl is ''really'' putting him through the whirlwind of emotions here.

-->'''Max:''' Is that supposed to hypnotize me?\\

* A rare expression of complete surprise and actual fear flashes across Bruce's face when Selina reveal the gun she brought at the masked ball. Creator/MichaelKeaton is really selling it.

--> '''Penguin:''' [[[ProducePelting being pelted with fruits and vegetables]]] [[LampshadeHanging Why is there always someone who brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?!]]

-->'''Schreck''': Selina? Selina Kyle! You're fired. ''(to unmasked Batman)'' And Bruce Wayne... Why are you dressed up like Batman?\\

-->'''Catwoman''': ''(To security officers)'' "You're overpaid, hit the road."

** Right before Shreck pushes her out the window, he advances on her...and then acts like he's joking, causing them to burst into TensionBreakingLaughter. Only Creator/ChristopherWalken could make this scene darkly hilarious.

* A nice little GettingCrapPastTheRadar moment with Bruce and Selina as they're dancing at the party: