* Alfred gets a few in his ServileSnarker role.
** Upon hearing someone refer to Batman as "insane," he remarks to Bruce, "What rot, sir! Why, you're the very paragon of sanity. [[HypocriticalHumor By the way, I've pressed your tights and put away your exploding gas balls.]]" "Thank you, Alfred."
*** The topper is Bruce's tone of voice. He knows damn well Alfred's tweaking him, but he's not going to acknowledge it.
** And then there's this:
--> '''Batman''': You think you know everything about me, don't you?\\
'''Alfred''': I diapered your bottom, I bloody well ought to... '''sir'''.
* The Joker is terrifying in this movie, but he does get some of the best lines. Hell, even his DynamicEntry is amusing:
-->'''Joker''': ''(after shooting up the old singing automatons of Gotham World's Fair with a submachine gun)'' I ''hate'' that song! ''(he sees Salvatore Valestra)'' GASP! Can it be?! Old Sally "The Weezer" Valestra! Welcome, paisan! It's been a dog's age!
-->'''Sal''': ''(visibly nervous and sweating)'' Hello, Joker. Didn't mean to drop by unannounced.\\
'''Joker''': Nonsense! Mi casanostra es su casanostra! ''(shoves him)'' So what's an old timer like you want with a two timer like me?\\
'''Sal''': Business. I've got--\\
'''Joker''': ''(runs over, ecstatic)'' Ooh, business! Sounds like fun! ''(shoves Sal into one of the rides)'' Come! I've prepared a more comfortable environment. Now, hold onto your hat and watch those ''valuables (slams the safety bar into Sal's crotch!)''. It's going to be a bumpy ride. ''(cue maniacal laughter)''
** He gets one more when they arrive at his "humble abode".
-->'''Joker''': ''(sees his tiny robotic dog at his feet)'' Don't mind my home security. Down, Rusty! ''(field goal kicks the dog off screen)'' Can't be too careful with all those weirdos around!
** "[[SuddenlyShouting DON'T TOUCH ME, OLD MAN!!]] [[MoodSwinger I don't know where've you been.]]"
** He gets a third DynamicEntry after Arthur hangs up with the police after they failed to capture Batman:
-->'''Joker''': ''(standing in the doorway, framed by lightning flashes)'' Tsk, tsk. To think our tax money goes to pay those ''jerks''.
** This troper is both terrified and incredibly amused by Joker's line the second Arthur's done on the phone with Andrea;
-->'''Joker''': Well, ain't that a ''coin-ki-dink''? We're talking about ''the old man'' and the ''spawn of his loins just happens to call''. [[OhCrap Makes you want to laugh, doesn't it, Artie?]]
** Earlier, when the Phantasm confronts Sal in his home, only to see how the Joker's killed him and strapped a camera to his lap (in addition to oodles of high explosives)...
-->'''Joker''': Whoops! Guess the joke is on me, you're not Batman after all. Looks like there's a new face in Gotham and soon his name will be aaaaall over town...to say nothing of his legs, and feet, ''and spleen, '''and head'''''...''[KRAK-OOM!]''
** Then there's the Joker's lack of surprise when the Phantasm arrives, when he's "hitting" on Hazel. And then when the fight commences, he gains the upper hand with a stick of bologna.
--->'''Joker:''' ''(annoyed)'' Ain't it always the way? You get in the mood, and ''company'' shows up.
*** Before that, Joker not so subtly implies jokes about having sex with Hazel and ends up tearing off a piece of her ass by accident as he does.
** A small moment during the epic final battle between Batman and the Joker; Batman chases Joker into a miniature model city. Batman is looking for Joker, when you see in the background one of the skyscrapers move. A cut later shows that the Joker is literally wearing the model skyscraper on his head. Then the model city activates, the lights go on and a model car strikes Batman's foot; during this brief moment, the Joker very abruptly clubs Batman over the head with the skyscraper. The timing and sheer absurdity of this short sequence is both darkly hilarious and surprisingly suspenseful in a way that only the Joker can manage.
* Most of Andrea's lines are amazing, mostly due to her being a great DeadpanSnarker.
-->'''Andrea''': ''(watching Bruce practice martial arts)'' What is ''that''?\\
'''Bruce''': ''(glares at her)''\\
'''Andrea''': That was a joke.\\
'''Bruce''': Jujitsu is no joke. It takes years to master. ''(Andrea walks over, grabs his arm, and executes an awesome shoulder throw)'' HEY!\\
'''Andrea''': Got a few moves of my own. Miss Hovey's self defense class for girls.\\
'''Andrea''': ''(offended)'' He laughs.\\
''(Bruce trips her and pins her)''\\
'''Andrea''': Nice foot work. Can you dance too?\\
''(Bruce smiles and they kiss. Alfred starts to walk over with drinks, notices them kissing, [[LeaveTheTwoLovebirdsAlone and quickly exits]])''
** Made even better by the fact it turns into a brick joke later on in the film's present. Alfred really has no sense of timing, but he makes up for it by being a damn Brit ninja.
* Arthur pulls a dick move by bringing up Andrea and Bruce politely dispatches him afterwards.
-->'''Bruce''': Thanks for the handkerchief, Arthur. You know where you can stick it. ''(shoves the handkerchief into Arthur's breast pocket)''
** Likewise, his meeting with Sal. The gangster ''tries'' to intimidate/chew out Arthur in the backseat of his limo, but he's become so old and emaciated by illness that he soon ends up incapacitated by a coughing fit. While Sal sucks on an oxygen tank, Arthur calmly tells the driver to pull over and gets out, declaring: "It's not very ''healthy'' in here". The look of utter "What the hell?" on his face as Arthur walks away from the once-fearsome mafiosi just sells it.
* The Joker's initial reaction to Sal's cash offer to off Batman.
-->'''Joker:''' ... ''(yawns)'' What do I look like, pest control?
* When three of Bruce's female admirers fawn over him at his cocktail party:
-->'''First Woman:''' Oh, come on, Bruce. All alone in this big mansion. Haven't you ever thought about marriage, even once?\\
'''Second Woman:''' Oh, never say the "M" word in front of Bruce. It makes him nervous.\\
'''Third Woman:''' What about the "I" word?\\
'''Bruce:''' ...The "I" word?\\
'''Third Woman:''' [[TheDitz Ingagement]]!
* The novelization includes a number of scenes not present in the movie, one of which has Dick Grayson talking to Alfred on the phone. During their brief conversation:
-->'''Dick:''' Yeah, I shouldn't have bothered to ask. When have we ever known what was going on inside him?\\
'''Alfred:''' Precisely, Master Dick.
* "You heard him. You heard Mr. Kung Fu."