- Pretty much every time Araragi runs into Mayoi, he ends up groping her, fighting with her, or both.
- The uncomfortable presence of Senjougahara's father during the car ride in Episode 12 is priceless.
- In Episode 14 Kanbaru answered her phone introducing herself as Araragi's love slave. She said this despite the fact that she apparently didn't know it was Araragi on the other end...in front of several children. Moments later she interprets Araragi's request for help to mean she should strip, which she then starts to do.
- From Hitagi Crab, a Shout-Out to Death Note:
"Make a deal with a shinigami, see a naked girl. Best shinigami eyes ever."
- Near the end of Mayoi Snail:
Mayoi: (deadpan) Congratulations.
- In the first episode of the second season, Koyomi spends about two minutes saying how he won't molest Mayoi and how he even hates her (while stretching like a marathon runner no less)... and then hits her with a tackle that would make an NFL player cry with envy.
Koyomi: "HACHIKUJI!!! I'VE MISSED YOU!! I haven't seen you, so I thought you moved away!..."
- Don't forget about this little gem from Senjougahara:
Senjougahara: "You might not be able to tell with my clothes on, but surprisingly enough, my body isn't worth the jail time."
- This might be an example of Fridge Horror as if you recall that she was almost molested, it shows a darker meaning behind it.
- Episode 2 of Nisemonogatari. Kanbaru's talking to Koyomi on the phone, prompting her to strip, well...because...she's Kanbaru. Then her grandmother walks in on her naked. Her precious dignity was so shattered she hadn't even bothered to put anything back on when Koyomi arrived at her house.
- And that her grandmother was neither shocked nor angry to see her like this; she merely looked at her with sad eyes.
- Pretty much everything else Kanbaru does to Koyomi in said episode.
- Prior to that the panic Kanbaru shows when Araragi points out that she isn't very perverted, prompting her to go after him. She then proceeds to put him in a Kimura armbar and tries to strip him.
- Also, Nadeko's adorably awkward attempts at flirting with Koyomi. In fact, pretty much the entire episode was a CMOF.
- This exchange from Nisemonogatari episode 3.
Hitagi: You do know, if you ever do commit adaultery, I'll kill you.Koyomi: (understandably freaked out) Huh?Hitagi: But don't worry. I won't let you die lonely.(Beat)Hitagi: I'll kill the other girls too.
- In Episode 4 of Nisemonogatari Tsukihi walks in on Araragi in the bathtub... with Shinobunote sitting next to him. Tsukihi returns moments later with a knife.
- In Episode 5, Hanekawa gives Koyomi a "ticket" that allows him to touch her boobs as much as he wants, as long as he wants. Koyomi's pretty damn happy... until Hanekawa adds that she'd hate him forever if he used it. Koyomi immediately decides that it ain't worth it.
- Funny Background Event in Episode 6 of Nisemongatari; Senjougahara arming herself with shitton of sharpened pencils. The castle just keeps piling up... up... and up...
- In Episode 7, after taking Karen home, Koyomi ensures she won't go out again by writing "Any man will do" on her forehead in permanent marker. Then, just to be on the safe side (or possibly for lulz) he writes "Wearing a bra is a pain, so I'm not" on Tsukihi's cheek as well.
- In one fansub, Tsukihi's is "Disregard bras, acquire liberation."
- Episode 9 of Nisemonogatari. During an attempt to 'greet' Mayoi, Koyomi is tripped by Shinobu, who then proceeds to wave mockingly as her hand disappears back into his shadow.
- We find out in Nisemonogatari that Koyomi is afraid of heights by Karen carrying him around on her shoulders. It's also ridiculously cute. He even cries.
Koyomi: "S-s-s-s-scared! Scared! Scared! Scared! It's too high and very scary! Let me down. Let me down. Let me down now! I'm sorry! Please let me down, Karen-san! No, Karen-sama!"
- In Episode 10 of Nisemonogatari, while talking to him in Mr. Donut, Kaiki snatches Koyomi's wallet out of his hands and keeps the entire thing. He does not stop talking at all.
- Koyomi meeting young Hanekawa.
Young! Hanekawa: Are you...a pervert?!Koyomi: [A look of genuine horror]
- In the same vein, Shinobu getting hot and bothered over a young Koyomi.
- The usually stoic Ononoki getting distracted by Koyomi's muscles.
- Even though the ending of Onimonogatari completely ripped out your heart and throws it into the trash, the fact that Mayoi had to climb up on Ononoki's shoulders just to give Araragi a Last Kiss is a little funny.
- The opening for Hitagi End part 3 is done up in 90's shoujo anime style. Senjougahara and Kaiki with HUGE FREAKING EYES!!!
- "Senshougahara"'s glasses and "Suzuki"'s Hawaiian shirt.
- The Reveal in Hitagi End part 6: Nadeko's reactions to Kaiki revealing that he knows what's in Nadeko's private closet.
Kaiki: Then do you want to become a manga artist?
- In Hanamonogatari, Kaiki is able to beat Kanbaru in a foot race. Mind you, Kanbaru has been doing track and field for years. The way Kaiki runs and Kanbaru's reaction to her loss is downright hilarious.
- In Tsukimonogatari, Yodzuru breaks Araragi's fingers to test whether or not he's turning into a vampire by watching how he heals them. Araragi does heal them... by thinking about how if he doesn't heal them, he won't be able to fondle Hanekawa's breasts. Yodzuru's comment seals the deal.
Yodzuru: Just how deep in adolescence are you?
- From the end of Tsukimonogatari, Araragi returns home to see his two sisters partially undressed. But what really freezes him up is the sight of Yotsugi sitting in the house, pretending to be a doll.
- Koyomi trying to imitate the samurai armor's boisterous laugh in Episode 9 of Owarimonogatari to Shinobu. Even funnier, they're both voiced by Hiroshi Kamiya.