"What do you mean...Starfleet's not going to...reimburse me for my ripped shirts any more?"
"While I've got them, let me tell them about the...incredible...offers from Priceline.com."
Newmen #1
"I guess if I was the only one to believe in Bubblegum Hinduism, I'd be a little off in the head too."
Linkara's disregard of a "tormented" rant:
Linkara: Oh, boo-hoo, We've all got problems!
Amazons Attack
Linkara reviews Amazons Attack: "Hello, Doom's IV? I'm sorry. I want you back!" And completely snapping under the realization that the whole thing was just a tie-in to Countdown. "Look at the pretty bunny! (breaks down crying)"
In part two, when he does his trademark "I am a MAN!" and punches off screen. His hand inexplicably returns holding a teddy bear, causing him to announce "Bear!" in an ecstatic voice.
As well as Linkara trying to cut his wrists with a gun. "Why doesn't it work?!" In fact, the entirety of his spaz-out.
Linkara: [waving around bunny statue] Look at the pretty bunny, look at the pretty bunny! [breaks down crying]
After he decides burying his face in a pillow is preferable to going on: "And yet somehow this is still more entertaining than the comic itself."
President: Yes! I killed a teenage girl! Why do other politicians seem to have so much trouble with it?
Bees. My God.
"Can someone please tell me what emotion Batman is expressing with that line? Confusion? Irony? Sadness? Anger? Acceptance? Disgust? Surprise? Anticipation? Contempt? Awe? Disappointment? Shame? Sympathy? Rage?! Oh, wait, that's me. Agony? Frustration? Apathy? It's apathy, isn't it? (Sighs) OK, you don't care, Batman, so we don't either."
"You got to give me change! Or the giant naked blue wang will join forces with the giant squid and eat me!"
"I went to Mars once!!"
"It was chocolatey."
Top 15 Worst Heroes Becoming Villains
From "Top 15 Worst Heroes Becoming Villains": So, when your home city gets blown up by an alien despot, it can really ruin your weekend. To Hal Jordan it was, needless to say, the most traumatic thing that could conceivably happen to him. SO HE GOES ON A KILLING SPREE AND MURDERS EVERYONE IN THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS, COLLECTING THEIR POWER RINGS WHILE LAUGHING MANIACALLY, TO GAIN EVERY BIT OF THEIR POWER! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAA!!!
Yeah, that wave of anti-matter that destroyed the universe was a pain in the ass to clean up the next day, let me tell you.
'Villains are a superstitious cowardly lot, so let me take in my cave to put them in tiny shorts to fight crime' * The AmbigulouslyGay Duo*
Nostalgia Chick:"And you're too late to stop the bomb... in my pants."
Wolverine: Adamantium Rage
Later, Linkara tries his hands of videogame in Wolverine: Adamantium Rage. Mid-way, he starts going batshit, using a variation his "I AM A MAN!" * punch* gag, with replacing the quote with "ADAMANTIUM RAGE!". He knocks Spoony out, and pretty much everything else... until he met The Angry Video Game Nerd.
Linkara: ADAMANTIUM RAGE!!!
AVGN: ''* punches Linkara in the face*
And later, Linkara encounters Doctor Insano, and believes he's figured out his true identity.
Linkara: Wait a second!....You're That Chick With The Goggles!
Insano: ....I'm not fricking black!
Linkara: But you are a woman?
At one point Linkara gets so frustrated that he decides to resort to cheat codes, upon which Spoony, who had up until then been sitting in the background playing a DS, calls him a wimp, so Linkara gives him a go. Spoony is gradually driven insane and tries to strangle himself with the laptop's power cord, finally resulting in this:
At the end of the review he says "This game sucks!" as he holds up one hand as though it's holding a real object. It's funny because it's not a comic, and it's funny because he doesn't actually own a physical copy of the game; he was using an emulator. But force of habit made him do the hand gesture anyway.
"Brother, not mother. Idiot."
Warrior #1
Pretty much the entirety of Linkara and Spoony's review of Warrior #1, a comic so absolutely horrible that Dr. Insano used it to shatter space-time, resulting in the review occurring over the course of multiple weird alternate universes, including ones where Linkara and Spoony switch places, where Spoony has Benzaie's hair and Linkara has Angry Joe's beard, one where Linkara and Spoony are teddy bears, another where Linkara and Spoony can't act and have to read directly from the script, and one where there's this psychotic fusion of Linkara, Insano, and Chester A. Bum.
Also, the constant, horrible abuse of the ellipses, culminating in:
"Emperor Spoonus Maximus demands that one of these narrators be silent immediately. 'Tis most annoying, rather like listening to Socrates give his forum stand-up routine while attending a Senate meeting."
Everything having to do with Snowflame in his New Guardians review.
Snowflame: I am SNOWFLAME! Every cell of my being burns with white-hot ecstasy! COCAINE IS MY GOD AND I AM THE HUMAN INSTRUMENT OF ITS WILL!"
Linkara:(befuddled look) Ladies and gentlemen, I can say without a hint of irony that is the crackiest thing I have ever seen in a comic, and I've seen Jetpack Hitler and ancient Kandarian book being used as toilet paper by zombie superheros! In fact, that statement is so bloody ridiculous, insane, and bad, that it's freaking awesome! Snowflame, the man powered by cocaine, is win of the highest level!
"How dare our enemy not be impressed with repeated punching! We worked really hard on that!"
Countdown to Final Crisis
Forager taking off with Jimmy Olsen, sans pants, and Linkara's awkward response thereto.
Every single time he does Superbitch Primadonna's whiny fanboy voice: "I don't want this Earth, bring back my Earth! Everything was better on my Earth! THEY'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!! I'll kill you! I'll kill you to DEATH!"
The entire "Previously On" segment to the second part of the Countdown review. Whoever decided to have the BUM, of all people, control all the world's nukes was having a very good brain day.
What made that whole segment, though, was the fact that it was a string of unconnected plots that had nothing to do with each other. It was extremely convoluted as well. And after all of that, the "Previous On" segment is capped with "And that whole thing STILL made more sense than Countdown!"
"Damn it, Donna, stop pointing out the Plot Holes; that's my job!"
In Linkara's Cable #1 review, after the latest indication of the evil to come from ancient Egypt, he cuts to a picture of the pyramids with the Imperial March playing.
And at the end of that review, he's interrupted in his final diatribe of "this comic sucks!" when Linkara-as-Cable bursts in demanding an explanation. Linkara throws a magnet at him to defeat him, then picks up Cable's gun and says "Sweet! New gun!"
During Linkara's Batman: Fortunate Son review, he flips out and rants about how people who overuse the term 'selling out' are a bunch of naive idiots. This doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome as well.
"Punk is nothing but death...and crime...and the rage of a beast."
While critiquing the art, he proclaims "I mean, it's about as convincing as this!" while dressed in the absolute worst Batman outfit ever.
Linkara (Beat) What the Funk 'n Wagnal does that mean?!
Linkara reading Crowe's lines with his Superboy Prime voice.
"Lot's of people see things when they're on drugs! When I'm on drugs, I see Bea Arthur!" *beat* "You should probably forget I said that."
Review Cigarettes! A review in every puff! This comic sucks.
*picture of Robin looking like an old man* "Gah! What's wrong with Robin?! Batman, do something!" *picture of Batman looking very Off Model* "Bwahahahaha, oh thanks Bruce, I needed that."
Air Raiders #1
While reading Air Raiders, Linkara comes across the phrase "great disaster" and freaks out over Countdown to Final Crisis again. He runs off, only to walk back onscreen and say "I knew I should have put a window there."
"Um, look, guys, I think Spaceballs was joking about that "canned air" thing..."
Nightcat #1
Ninja. Style. Dancing.
From the same review (Nightcat #1), "Aaaaaand two panels later, she's dead."
"Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo!"
"Minnesota once again here to save the day... MINNESOTA!"
After the final hit by Mickey Mantle, as the triumphant music plays: "WOW! He did it! He hit the ball! He did it! They held the tension for all of one splash page! They did it! And I still don't care!
Adventures of the Kool-Aid Man #1
Linkara starts his review of a comic about The Kool-Aid Man with a horrified "WHY???"
Part Two of his review of Silent Hill: Dying Inside opens with an extraordinarily well-done pastiche of Silent Hill 2, with Linkara as James, 90s Kid as Maria, and Harvey Finevoice as Eddie. And more Ninja-Style Dancing!
His reaction to an unknown assailant interrupting the painfully annoying villain with a baseball bat: "It's Mickey Mantle! He's come to save us!"
Linkara doing his own parody of Phantasmagoria: A Puzzle Of The Flesh. That is all.
"Damn it, Insano! Stop goofing around for two seconds and put Spoony on the phone!"
In the "Worst Ending" from the Silent Hill Alt Endings video, Linkara gets stuck in Phantasmagoria 2 and tries calling several numbers for help. 90s kid has an... interesting answering machine, Batman rants at him about rock music, and his call to Spoony gets Dr. Insano instead.
The "UFO Ending," which features "Fly Me to the Moon"... sung by Harvey Finevoice. (The inevitable Evangelion flashbacks just make it even more hysterical) And then the credits get to the stinger text at the end, which is usually just a sentence or two, but this time is several paragraphs of ranting about the Fridge Logic inherent in the premise of Silent Hill 4.
His parody of the Silent Hill 2 opening in the Dying Inside review. Especially 90's Kid as Maria and Pollo as Laura.
Maximum Clonage
His one year anniversary review of The Clone Saga is one of these:
His musical renditions of padding.
When seeing Spidercyde's outfit he just starts laughing: "Perhaps the Jackal left his cloning tube in the sun too long."
After revealing that it was originally planned for Mephisto to be behind the clone saga: "But the writers decided that Mephisto had absolutely no place in the Spider-Man universe. Yeah, hindsight's a bitch."
"Do a little dance... make a little clone... get down tonight!"
"The man responsible for our genetic future, ladies and gentlemen, with all the charm and personality of a 9-year old."
"By Diehard's Crotch what is up with that lady's face!?", "You guys look like bratz dolls if they grew up!"
His Voice for the Jackal that sounds like The Monarch
This little gem:
Peter Parker: Should I really trust a jackal?
Linkara: I don't know, Peter, maybe I should- (Pulls out a cane) HIT YOU WITH MY CLUE-STICK! (proceeds to hit the screen)
His psychotic breakdown due to the final issue.
"I see the way you're acting like somebody else gets me frustrated."
From his review of Maximum Clonage., after Jackal "decides to do a little dance"
Linkara: (singing) Do a little dance... make a little clone... get down tonight!
After Punisher claims to be able to shoot Jackal through Spider-Man and ends this claim with "I can, you know!"
Linkara: (as Punisher) I totally can! What, you don't believe me when I say I can? You don't think I can? (Beat, sad) Nobody thinks I'm cool anymore...!
What, no mention of this gem?: Linkara notices the lack of sense that Libby makes when she kicks a man in the nads, all with enough force to knock the rest of the gang over. Linkara says?
Linkara: Wow, let me see if I can do that! * puts comic down, gets up and tries to do so* * CRACK!* MY SPINE!
As the comic depicts villains surrounding heroes surrounding villains surrounding heroes, each Reveal is accompanied by an ever-higher-pitched Musical Sting.
Whenever he narrates the characters repeating the same sentence over and over again. Something about the way he says it leaves me dying.
"I'm on a date with Bruce Wayne!"
"You've been drafted into a war. And you had better not be a fan of rock and roll!"
The cover for Superhero Innuendo Monthly, featuring the headlines "Diehard and the reason we want him fighting crime for us!", "Hal Jordan's new look: Yay or nay?" and "This and every other issue: Penises!"
"I'm the goddamn Batman!" "Ladies and gentlemen, we have an internet meme!" (cue The Price Is Right theme)
This exchange:
Batman: Who the hell do I think I am?
Linkara: You're the goddamn — screw it, you knew where that was going.
Doom #1
Linkara doing another parody of the "Random shooting in the dark" gag from Alone in the Dark during his review of the Doom comic book complete with cameo appearances by Lanipator, the Nostalgia Critic, Nostalgia Chick, Marzgurl, Benzaie, Beary, Angry Joe, and various other members of TGWTG. Even MikeJ makes a game effort.
Bennett the Sage and his Nerf gun is the best part.
"I AM A MAN!" * PUNCH* "AND A HALF!" * PUNCH* * gets stuck halfway through*
Linkara: A little help here.
My personal favourite was MikeJ part. He's looking at the others, cup of tea in a hand, then he sees the camera. His reaction?
"Oh, uh... bang, bang, bang... bang bang bang. Booom."
When showing footage of the movies made by the same director as the Bimbos in Time movie. A mulleted man gets attacked by a Zombie and Linkara yells "No! Not Jeff Foxworthy!"
His impersonation of Dr. Frank N Furter in his "Bimbos In Time #1" review.
When discussing how Frank Miller fans are likely to respond to his points, he borrows Yahtzee's style for a moment:
"Linkara, you handsome but completely inept dickweed!"
Extreme Super Christmas Special #1
Linkara's steadfast refusal to do a Yet Another Christmas Carol story while reviewing "Extreme Super Christmas Special #1", despite numerous ghosts (played by Lewis's family) constantly popping up.
Ma-Ti's using Linkara's own 'I AM A MAN!' punch against him.
The Mr. T and the T Force letters column:
Letters column: "Instead of having [superpowers], Mr. T uses his head to get himself out of tricky situations!" Linkara: "Hmhmhmhmhmmmmmm!" * fingersnap* * Montage of the "Mr. T superpower count" from the original review incrementing*
POWERHOUSE EXCITEMENT!!!
"In the weather today, a cold front is moving in through the north and generally making things unpleasant. In other news, celebrities embarrass themselves by their utter incompetence when it comes to their sex lives and, somehow, gossip about rich people qualifies as news you need to be concerned with. In the world of sports…" * thud*
A Jeff Foxworthy-style redneck one-liner in response to the redneck communists of Sinnamon.
"Now listen up, y'all - if yer yellin' 'YEE-HAW' at the sound of the bourgeoisie getting kicked in the pants, you just might be...the urban proletariat."
2010 Episodes
Pitt # 1
From his review of Pitt #1- "Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn...Oh, look, a bunny!"
And his response to some terrible bickering dialogue: a long string of unrelated references and jokes delivered from either end of the couch as a mock-argument, culminating in "I was frozen today!"
"No! Save tonight, fight the break of dawn! Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone!"
“Do you see what I see?” “A star, a star, dancing in the night.”
"If I see one mention of destrucity or skronking, then I'm calling it quits."
Spoony's frequent cameos as the Ultimate Warrior, including one initiated by the mention of "Warrior" in Pitt #1.
Linkara: "A warrior"? Oh, no. OH, NO!
Ultimate Warrior: THAT'S RIGHT HOAKOGAN!! THE TUPPERWARES OF VICTORY HAVE BEEN FILLED!! AND THE PUMA GOD, IN THEIR HOLY SPACESHIP, HAVE SENT THE POWER OF THE WARRIORS TO FOKE AT ARBY'S!!!
Linkara: Not you!
Ultimate Warrior: WILL YOU NOT MEET THE CHALLENGE OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR??!! I WILL PARACHUTE IN FROM THE WATERS OF THE SUN TO WRESTLEMANIA, HOAKOGAN, AND THERE I WILL UNITE THE POWER OF THE HULKAMANIACS WITH THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR AND TOGETHER THEY WILL BEDESTRUCILICIOUS!!!
Linkara: You're gonna warp space and time again. Go away!
Ultimate Warrior: IIIIIIIIII WILL WEAR YOUR HAT LIKE A PIÑATA, HOAKOGAN, I THINK ESPERANTO IS A LEGITIMATE LANGUAGE, AND SOON—
Linkara:Leave!
Ultimate Warrior: * Skroooooooonk*
Scarlett #1
Scarlett # 1: * flashes back to his Wolverine video game review, failing to crushed a beer can on the skull.* show off.
"Punk is like death and crime and a rage of a beast, Ya know?"
"Uh sir, I think you've got the wrong room. This is about planning Steve's bachelor party."
"And you can have your D.N.A.-specific bullet that only kills the Scarlet Witch overnight to you for 29.95 plus shipping and handling!"
"Issue 4 opens with a flashback showing Magneto and Charles Xavier. And knowing the Ultimates, I'm quite surprised they aren't havingsexyet."
"And so our comic ends with the secret revelation of who really made the robots gain sentience... Granny Goodness!"
This bit:
Valkyrie: Listen up, you bitch. I knew a girl like you in high school. Played all the boys 'cause she was this hottie. She even went after a guy I liked.
Linkara (as Valkyrie): And that girl's name was Bella Swan!
From part 2
Linkara: BY DIEHARDS CROTCH! GOOD GOD WOMAN WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH YOUR SPINE?
Youngblood #2
Linkara begins his review when Mechakara interrupts him, annoyed that he's ignoring him despite the ominous ending last time, so Linkara unceremoniously shoots him.
All of Linkara's cutaways during Prophet's backstory.
"Someday I shall prove to ze world that Vonderbras should shoot laser beams!"
Also in need of mention: "It vasn't outlandish, it vas FAAAAB-U-LOOOUS!!!"
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers #1
The final showdown with Black Lantern Spoony. "I'm not in your fucking way! Oh Jesus Christ, I think I just broke my foot in your ass!"
Ninja-Style Dancer VS Mechakara. Pure freakin' hilarity.
Linkara using the I AM A MAN punch on Mechakara. It doesn't work, and he clutches his hand in pain and shouts, "Why, why, WHY do I always try to punch robots?! It never works!"
When Linkara puts in a plug for the prop guy who made his Green Ranger dagger, Mechakara gets even more annoyed.
Mechakara: Are you honestly doing a commercial in the middle of your review? Linkara: Screw you, hippy! He gave me a discount!
"Now back to that delightful Chocolate Rain song! And then I shall go and listen to why we should leave Britney alone! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!"
Linkara taking Liefeld's cereal metaphor and twisting it to fit his purposes.
The ending, where Dr. Linksano is catching up on this universe's Dr. Insano, finds out he got his Anti-Magic Field Generator Kit to work, and vows revenge. Cue Pollo telling him to be quiet, and Linkara assumes 90's Kid is crashing in his storage room yet again, so he turns on the poison gas...
X-Men #1
His review of X-Men #1. Particularly the Running Gag over Professor Xavier's attempt to justify his school budget's more... unorthodox items to the loan officer.
"Also, this thing about exploding robots...what's that all about?"
Likewise, his impersonation of Rogue and Magneto.
Magneto: Uh, Rogue, why are you cocking your hip to one side?
Rogue:Oh, that's 'cause I'm like fish. When I'm up in the air flyin', I have to push my hips from side to side in order to move!
Linkara's utter surprise at seeing both Lobo AND Cable making pointless cameos in the comic.
The character Mr. Butt's (yes, seriously) first name is Seymour. Linkara responds to this Incredibly Lame Pun by...pointing his magic gun at his own head.
The Dark Knight Strikes Again Part 2
From his Batman: DK2 comic- "Ok, who captured Missingno?"
"What do you want from me, Jay Leno? Why are you staring at me?!"
The ending where Linkara discovers There's a second issue of Sultry Teenage Super Foxes.
Pollo telling Linkara that "some mad scientist" (IE: Linksano) is plotting his downfall. Linkara responds with-
Linkara: Who the hell cares! They made ANOTHER issue of Sultry Teenage Super Foxes! (Screams in horror at the comic in his hand).
In attempting to do a serious analysis, he puts on the brainy specs and holds the book upside down.
"Jack Kirby and Joe Simon, moron."
Don't forget this funny bit:
Manga looking newscaster girl: Hugely large alien spaceship attack whole big planet!!! Coming up next on Super Manga Giant Big News!! Now, baby, tonight!!! I'm cool and hard-boiled!!
Linkara: Oh, how I wish Sailor Moon would just walk out, twirl around fifty times and release a whole bunch of sparkly things to make this end.
In response to Superman and Wonder Woman's "relationship"
Linkara: *indignant fury*
SNL 'Hardball' Sketch:"I'm gonna go ahead and assume you know why that's stupid and move on..."
When Batman talks about Carrie's plan to use a concert to start a revolution.
Batman: I never would've conceived it. Not in a million years.
Linkara: Of course not. Your undying hatred of rock n' roll would never allow you to take advantage of a concert Batman.
Sultry Teenage Super-Foxes #2
Sultry Teenage Super Foxes #2:
" Mechakara! It's Morphing Time!" (fails to find morpher).
So it was all a dream... they didn'treally make a second issue of... (notices what he's holding in his hand, starts hyperventilating, screams in fear... only to cut to the theme song)
"It's almost as if women were people or somethin'!"
"We suspect that [women] are actually some kind of butter."
"No screams for ice cream? I imagine if I was a hellish woman inflicting terror upon my co-pilot, I would go for some Haagen-Dasz."
"Heh, heh. I have no way of controlling them, no way of proving that they have this power I claim they do, and they could easily roast me, toast me and burn me to a crisp if they so desired. Damn, I got it sweet."
"Naturally, two of the girls laugh out loud at the suggestion. And why wouldn't they? After all, it's not like they sparkle or are creepy stalkers, like real vampires."
"Man, this is the worst episode of Law & Order ever."
Continuously referring to the alien mothership as a "Space Calzone".
"Yeah, what an asshole! Going out with another woman even you clearly established earlier that you weren't even dating and that he was just being nice to you, especially since you're not even eighteen years old! ...wait, what?"
His 30-second summary of the second Star Trek episode "Where No Man Has Gone Before"- "I AM THE GOD! I AM THE GOD!"
"Watch me move this Styrofoam cup!" * cup moves with a humming noise* "ISN'T THAT AWESOME?!"
Or this exchange:
Dehner: So what if he's got godlike powers? Maybe he's really nice and having godline powers will help the species and he WON'T try to take over the universe!
"They should have just called this Athena's Butt, it gets more panel time than her!"
JLA - Act of God Part 01
From JLA Act of God - Part 1:
Linkara: At the bar of Guy Gardner, former Green Lantern, then former superhero called Warrior...
Ultimate Warrior: Load the spaceship with the rocket fuel, load it with the words!
Linkara: Dammit, not that Warrior!
"Maybe I'll put salami on my sandwich. ...and maybe not."
"Maxi-extreme ultra normal."
The continuity alarm's message when it finally goes off near the end.
Linkara: Oh, what, now you decide to pipe up?
Continuity Alarm:(via text) You switched me off before the review. I'm back, baby!
JLA - Act of God Part 02
In part 2, when Kyle is still wangsting about the loss of his powers:
Kyle: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Neighbor: Shut up! We're trying to sleep! Go whine about your superpowers somewhere else!
Linkara punching the comic.
In response to Lois leaving Superman after he loses his powers:
Linkara: (to the continuity alarm) Are you going to shut me down for this?
Continuity Alarm: *Nah, I'm gonna sit this one out.*
Linkara:(deep breath) "BUUUUUULLLLLLLL.CRAAAAAAAAAAAAP!" (goes on long rant about the nature of Clark Kent and his relationship with Lois to demonstrate just how bad the Character Derailment is)
"Were we too arrogant, Clark-" "NO. YOU WEREN'T. SHUT UP."
"Just look at Superman here, trying to seal that dam. You can just tell that he's thinking 'Hot damn, it's awesome to be exalted by humanity. I feel just like God. Maybe I should let this dam burst just to spite them all!'"
"I have Booster Gold's entire first series in my hand, and I assure you he didn't save Ronald Reagan's life just for cash! ...Though it did help."
His entire response to Act of God Part 3, with him declaring himself never having been this angry since Superman: At Earth's End.
Leading to another funny moment: his near insanity thanks to Dr. Linksano's "Black Light Event Generator".
The reaction to seeing Wonder Woman praying to the Christian god, despite the facts that her whole origin story is heavily based on the Greek mythology, and she frequently invokes the Greek pantheon.
Linkara: Y' know, this comic is actually quite the argument for Satan's existence!
Linkara comparing Doug Moench's knowledge of all non-Batman characters to his knowledge of Greek line dances, which is nothing.
"While the power of heroes may fade, it can never die... except for, you know, when Superman became a drunk, and Wonder Woman became a Catholic, and Guy Gardner became a shill, and Billy Batson became a radio announcer, and Blue Beetle and Booster Gold sold their tech, and Green Lantern became an obsessed freak... you know, besides for all of that."
TMNT Meets Archie
From his review of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles meet Archie - "Oh dear god, what the hell is up with the art!? No, seriously, what the hell is up with the art on the turtles?!? They look like they're melting!"
Actually, ALL of his comments on the art are CMoF, especially with lines like "SWEET JIMINY CHRISTMAS!"
His reaction to the turtles being summoned by a cow head: "(holds up a bottle of beer) Man, what's in this stuff?"
"I own your asses! You will dance when I command you to dance!"
After having quoted an entire monologue of "Dante's Inferno" (specifically the bit about entering Hell), what's his response to the audience's (possible) reactions? "...Read a book, people!"
"Oh dear god, they've found the Ark of the Covenant! (covers his eyes) Nobody look at it!"
The combination of a freaked out Linkara staring at the cow head apparently about to swallow the Turtles and Archie set to the TMNT theme.
"See how he just lays there in the tube? Clearly his power is increasing!!!"
The shout-out to Kickassia happening that same week.
"That's a good idea! Let's take a little vacation, I'll finish the review when I get back."
Three months later...
(Linkara sits back down) "They caught up with me outside Molossia."
Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos #1
Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos #1: " That's why I printed this huuuuuuuuuuge picture of you. HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!! * Beat* Marry me.
He comments on the logo of the comic with words "Chuck Norris" taking up a third of the page and on the superhero-like outfit of Chuck Norris. He continues with "Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this won't be an ego trip for old Chucky." Cue the first page with a thought bubble "Chuck Norris is the best!"
Linkara: Well, that didn't take long.
When TM prays for something to save him from having to talk about the book he hasn't read - the Cult of the Klaw attack the school.
Linkara (acting overjoyed): Thank God - TERRORISTS!
The return of Ninja Style Dancer, as an example of a REAL ninja, instead of the losers in the comic. "You make me feel like dancing..."
His rant at the end of the video, in which he says how Chuck Norris is overrated as an "All-Seeing Badass God"... which ends with him saying: "Besides, we all know Mr. T has more superpowers than Chuck Norris!"
His comment on the use of "Bammo!" as an Unsound Effect.
Warrior 2-3
The reveal that Dr. Linksano is one of the Schlumper brothers from Spoony's Party Mania review.
Another moment of pure hilarity - "You're giving the slash ficcers material!" lampshading the Foe Yay that many will be pointing out.
Not to mention that in this universe, both Linkara and Spoony are Johnny from The Room. The outtakes take it even further, with both of them improvising further lines in-character after a mistake.
Pretty much all of the battle royale at the end, from the Robotic Grabby Thing Mark Two to Dr. Bearsano.
Linkara: We're here because of you, Mr. Anderson, we're here to take from you— (looks around) Wait, where the hell did you all come from?!
The outtakes reveal that it took a while for everyone to stop cracking up at Bennett popping up in the foreground and suddenly blocking out half the screen. Then they hit on the idea that his head in profile would be even funnier, and it starts all over again.
Dr. Linksano's attempt to explain how his universe is different from ours.
Dr. Linksano: For example, in my universe, Wayne Brady is black!
Spoony: He's black in this universe, too...
Dr. Linksano: Silence, you sad, silly bastard!
Dr. Bearsano: "I've done things I'm not proud of, but they were all very adorable."
There's also Linkara's "our hero, ladies and gentlemen" Running Gag. However, thanks to the dimension shifts, this line is instead delivered by Mechakara.
The Silent Movie universe, complete with black and white, piano, Antiquated Linguistics, and title cards to let you know what they just said.
Spoonkara: I say, dear boy, if the hues were incorrect in the starting collection, perhaps you should simply have stayed the course for the next one!
From The Dark Knight Strikes Again Part 3 there's: Linkara summoning a Battlizer and performing his "I AM A MAN!!" punch on the aforementioned comic, causing it so be set on fire.
Linkara: I told you I was saving it.
Not to mention Linkara's freakout leading to him creating "Beppo the Invisible Monkey" (while obviously disoriented).
Linkara: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, FRANK?! WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS MINISERIES?! WHY ARE THEY MAKING ME REVIEW THIS?! (lunges for the camera)WHY?! SOMEBODY, SEND HELP! GAAAAAAAAAA— (Feed cuts off; a "Please Stand By" screen displays for several seconds) Linkara: (clothes and hat disheveled) You know, people often ask me how I can cope with such horrible comics...well, it's all thanks to the help of Beppo, the invisible monkey! (off to the side) Isn't that right, Beppo? (Beat) Linkara: (to the camera)Beppo says 'yes'".
Also worth noting is that Beppo is also a Shout Out to Silver Age Superman's pet Kryptonian monkey.
Linkara: Hello and Welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn! Say... * Pulls out his pocket watch* It's Mill- * Gets up and tries to make a break for it*
In response to Miller naming a porn star to who takes up the name Big Barda "Hot Gates" in a reference to 300, Linkara plays the clip of Benzaie explaining that 300 is really about constipation while driving to film Kickassia just to show how great interpretation of symbolism is. Best. Take That. Ever.
The Stinger at the end. "Eh, who are you people? Where's my soup? You want to see pictures of my grandchildren?"
Linkara saying that Frank Miller has "all the subtlety of an elephant singing Ave Maria while doing the can-can," just for the imagery.
Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: Fit to Win
In Tandy Computer Wiz Kids, the teacher asks her students what this great new enterprise is that will energize the economy like never before. Linkara gives a gleeful shout of "Prostitution!"
"I believe they should add guns to the American flag." "A redhead walks down the street wearing striped pants that kinda make her look mint flavored." "Clearly he was pondering if it would be wise to add more pouches to his huge shoulder pads. For the record, the answer is CHA!!" "Cha! Big red dudes go on top of the Christmas tree, not the fire escape." "Whoa, this guy can make an Ace of Base album of out of old beer cans!" "Dude, no ones' gonna take you serious with a name like Mighty Man! You should add "blood" to it! Or at least Strike. That's Stryke with a Y."
When 90's Kid gets bored and decides to play Justice League Task Force on his Megadrive instead, the fact that the cartridge that was previously in was Shaq Fu. (And in the credits, Linkara says he owns two copies).
It gets better: He plays the game on the highest difficulty because it's "Hard Core" and then gets curb stomped... and promptly gets curb stomped again and proclaims the game awesome.
And in lieu of an ending 90's kid just keeps playing. and according to Pollo it just goes on like that for an hour.
The look of sheer shock and horror at 90's Kid's performance that Harvey Finevoice gives is absolutely hysterical as he asks Pollo what he was thinking asking 90s Kid to do the show and can he take over next week, please.
It's a cliche to call something a "Crowning X Of Awesome", but in this case it's true. 90s Kid's appearances are usually Crowning Moments Of Funny on their own, so giving him A Day in the Limelight makes the whole episode a Crowning Episode Of Awesome.
Chain Gang War #1
From Chain Gang war #1:
Iron Liz: * holds up a huge Nerf gun* We're here to tell you about Scientology.
Linkara: It gets better. They're robots! Iron Liz: Cool! That means they can blow up! Linkara: I know!
Linkara and Liz go through a whole triumphant post-battle ending scene, complete with Police Squad! style freeze-frame gag... then realize they still have to review the second half of the comic.
Best part? They're just holding still. They hold that pose for 20 seconds with those goofy expressions.
Pollo asking Harvey Finevoice if he ever lights up his cigarette at all.
Liz doing a happy victory dance to the Ewok celebration song from Return of the Jedi... as a confused Linkara looks on.
"Well, I'm back from being imprisoned on Lord Vyce's ship and I'm ready to review again. That's why today we're digging into Cable #2." beat "I quit."
His face also melts into total disgust during that beat! And doooon't you forget it!
The California Raisins 3-D #2
From California Raisins 3D: "I just said 'heroic raisin.' My dignity will never be the same again."
The title card, featuring two 3D-ified California Raisins confronting Linkara while doing the "L for Loser" thing with their hands. It's pretty funny.
The female raisins. That is all.
His obsession with the Fridge Logic associated with the biology of living food products.
Ah, so here we're getting some details on the biology; when he was young, he was just a burger patty. If that's the case, then where did the buns come from- did they grow out of him like hair? If that's the case, then why are his eyes embedded in the bun?
"Now let's play some better music." * No music plays* "You can't hear it because it's in 3-D, wait."
After the raisins get a letter informing them about an anonymous gift of a mansion:
Linkara: P.S.: I am a Nigerian prince and I wish to send you my fortune.
His Call Back to the Ultimates 3 review where Tony Stark has been replaced by a robot: "Ahm totally bein' serious! One time * while showing two fingers, then fixing the number* I-I got replaced by a robot, who drank even more then I did. * beat* You're a very pretty man..."
So let's dig into Hardcore Station #1 and see if this place is that hardcore! * beat* Of course it isn't, what show do you think you're watching?
"So that dream I had where I was fighting evil alongside the Seventh Doctor on board the Enterprise was because I wanted a sandwich?"
Ensign Munro's Lampshade Hanging on the Vohrsoth's crappy animation.
"I am Captain Linkara of the USS...uh...* looks around* ...Green Futon!"
"...Science is EVIL."
After Tuvok says that the assimilated Foster couldn't be saved, a cut to a title card that says "And now a short list of people who have been assimilated but were saved" including Picard, Janeway, Torres and Tuvok himself with the caption "Yes, you too, jackass."
Darkseid considers the greater workings of the universe: "Where does string come from?"
Linkara's reaction to Superman's "Wonder Woman under all that glop" comment after he rescues Barda from Sleez's mind control.
"Puberty was not fun for Darkseid."
The description that Barda comes from an environment "where 1984 is considered a lighthearted comedy".
"Oh, a big metal tube that shoots lasers. No one can stop you now. Unless, you know, they have guns... or bombs... or stabbing objects... really hard rock..."
Action Comics #593
The Previously On sequence in Action Comics #593 occasionally cuts to That Jewish Guy nonchalantly eating a sandwich. Which is eventually revealed as just two pieces of bread.That Jewish Guy keeps eating it.
"I remember a goat, salad dressing, and a traffic cone. After that it gets weird."
Pollo asking Tom Servo if he ever feels "not so fresh".
Linkara pointing out how, if Big Barda watched The Ring, the video would consist of Barda beating up Samara.
When Grossman shouts that Superman has got "all the sex appeal of a side of beef":
Linkara: That's not what slashficcers seem to think...
Bennett the Sage wanting to be the only Frenchman on the site. Complete with hammy accent
The Fridge Logic that, given the timeline, Darkseid has been sitting on Mr. Miracle's comfy chair for two days before Mr. Miracle realized that he was there, and then going on to wonder if Mr. Miracle thought Darkseid was his wife.
The sheer impracticality of the locking mechanism.
Mr. Miracle: Honey, I left the little mirror things in the kitchen, we'll have to sleep on the lawn again tonight!
Superman, hunting Sleez, can't use X-Ray Vision because the sewer pipes are made of lead: "I can track Sleez by smell, if I have to!"
'Linkara (as Superman): "Oh, geez! Oh, oh, man, that was a mistake! Why did I try to do that in a sewer?!?"
After categorially refusing to trash Marvel Zombies: "Is there anything more awesome than Bruce Campbell taking out zombie superheroes?" (Beat) "Well, okay, yes, but you gotta admit it's hard to top Robo-Bear Versus Cyber-Gorilla."
"I don't want to see President Obama fighting zombies or John McCain riding a T.Rex. ...I do want to see Teddy Roosevelt doing that, though."
The ending of the 100th review has almost all his characters along with the entire TGWTG crew singing his theme song...including Ninja Style Dancer and the Bear.
And Dr. Insano gets the "Of course! Don't you know anything about science?" line.
When the Cinema Snob says "He has a magic gun!" in an incredibly angry voice.
Linkara!Sonic: (holding an energy drink) Mm? Oh, sorry, while you were talking how evil you are, I rescued everybody, got something to drink, AND gave you a wedgie.
Linkara!Robotnik: (checks his back) (beat) So you have...
"I'll make them play Sonic 2006, I'm that twisted!"
"It's so real, that you'll think you're part of the adventure! It's so real, that you'll be wetting yourself in fear!"
Nolan Ryan #1
Due to the subject of Tony the Tiger and Nolan Ryan helping a depressed kid with baseball, the entirety of the "Nolan Ryan in 'The Winning Pitch'" review.
Optimus Prime: I am Optimus Prime. I am a soldier. I fight. That's what I do. I shoot down giant robots single-handed straight through the face because I am Optimus Prime. (Beat) Bitch.
Silent Hill: Dead/Alive #1-2
Silent Hill Dead/Alive #1 and 2 - Linkara's reaction to the fact that Christabella can feel pain, particularly wanting to get popcorn when she was going to be punished.
The outtake at the end of #5: Lewis has trouble getting something out of his jacket, briefly tries to salvage the take, and then runs off camera to Liz singing him out Looney Tunes style.
The comment at the end of the credits, where Linkara apologizes for the Dallas joke, and notes that he is really to young to be making jokes like that. Hits particularly close to home if you found it funny, but are really too young to be getting jokes like that.
For that matter, the Dallas joke in the first place.
Christabella: "Let's just call him "Bones" shall we?"
Leonard "Bones" McCoy - "I'm quaking, but I don't know if it's with laughter or terror."
After a character talks about giving someone "a gift":
His alternate ending to his Dead/Alive review where he dances to Michael Jackson's "Thriller".
The entire alternate ending video. Besides the Thriller dance, which is arguably also a Crowning Moment of Awesome for the fact that he did it, there was also the entirety of the phone calls interupting his Badass Boast, concluding with the part telling The Cinema Snob that he had the Manimal comic, finally getting his attention and then hanging up on him.
The first comment on the TGWTG posting of the video: "Never wear that shirt again."
The Silent Hill trademark UFO Ending getting derailed when the UFOs are shot down by the Astro Megaship.
Also, his battle with Pyramid Head being interrupted by freaking Zordon!
Spider-Man: The Greatest Responsibility
During the review of Spider-Man: The Greatest Responsibility, Mary Jane explains to Peter that regardless of what crap they face, they'll be together forever. Cut to Linkara glaring at One More Day.
Linkara: ....I HATE YOU.
Spider-Man - "So what's the plan?" Scarlet Spider: "I was thinking, maybe, staying alive."
The Acme Warehouse? My God! He's got access to the advanced technology of Wile E. Coyote!
The Title card in and of itself is hilarious - Spider-Man carrying Linkara under his arm and swinging around, forcing Linkara to listen to all of his angsting, all expressed in one giant word balloon.
Any time he insinuates that Peter will probably commit murder.
Peter: Some day they'll be sorry! Sorry that they laughed at me!
So for the nerds out there, that would make batman roughly 23 or so when he started crimefighting. Now a days he's... thri... orty... ish?
"I'm not Batman! No, n-no! I'm not Batman!"
"..."
"I'm Batman."
His reaction to yet another cover with the hero carrying some guy in his arms.
Linkara!Batman: Huh, Spiderman's carrying some guy as well. And there goes Superman with Vincent Price. Must be Wednesday.
"Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot."
"Franky, don't step on that crack, you'll break your mother's back!"
The X-Men #1
The X-Men #1: the Call Back to his X-Men #1 review, with Professor X trying to explain expenses for the school to the Board of Directors.
Linkara!Professor X: Look, I can explain the wheel of death and the chompers... I thought my students needed more encouragement to do their homework.
Board Of Directors dude: ...Actually, we were going to ask you about the vending machines and the nutrition of your students... Spinning wheel of death you say?
The book describe Professor X's thoughts as "indescrible".
Linkara!Professor X (thinking): ''I wonder, if I used Jell-O as a toothpaste, would it turn my teeth green?
Brute Force #2
From Brute Force #2
Linkara: So, in your view, observe and do nothing can be reinterpreted as Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies.
90's Kid's idea of how to save the environment.
90's Kid: Duuuude! I know how we can stop pollution! We can use guns! And shoot all the garbage!
After learning that Mark Wahlberg was briefly in the New Kids on the Block: "For those of you unfamiliar with Mark Wahlberg, here's a movie he was in." (runs the "talking to a plastic plant" scene from The Happening).
Linkara's comment about him having the feeling that the artist alley at the New Kids convention would contain yaoi/slash pictures of the New Kids members.
Linkara's reaction to New Kids Fangirl Fanny Tweetersweet having a New Kids Toenail Analyzer:
Linkara: SECURITY!!!
—>Caption: Our stockings were hung by the CD machine, in hopes that ol' Santa would soon make the scene.
Linkara: That won't work, for you see, it's a tight fit - SANTA COMES DOWN CHIMNEYS, YOU BONEHEADED TWIT!
And then he continues the rest of the review in rhymes.
In response to a couple of puns the band makes about vampires:
Linkara: Why are you talking? Everytime you talk, you only prove why you shouldn't.
Marvel Team-Up #127
MarvelTeam-Up #127 - Comparing Spider-Man to Shinji Ikari. What really makes it funny is that Linkara isn't exactly known for being an Otaku, so this just seems to come out of nowhere.
Linkara suggesting that Bette and her roommate were celebrating the holiday season by offering cocaine to their own god: Snowflame.
Regarding Mark Wahlberg quickly quitting from New Kids on the Block, he plays again the scene from The Happening with an added caption: "He was probably just talking to all the plants at the studio."
"Zombie Not-Elvis would have GREATLY improved Batman: Fortunate Son".
Regarding Naked News, this particular joke, which he does while undressing (in parody of said Naked News): "In the weather today, a cold front at the upper areas of Minnesota, but then again, who should be suprised by that? It's Minnesota, we only have two seasons up here - winter and road construction. In the world of sports..."
"So there you have it: the sciencs of bizarre creatures made out of sugary drinks and how they should act in the vaccum of space. (beat) We are a bunch of nerds."
Douchey's subsequent beatdown after the video:
Douchey: Wait, how'd you find me?
Linkara: What is it about magic you people don't understand?!
Referencing Sci Spy as a non-superhero comic, then realizing that the comic he's holding is a trade.
Linkara: Somebody collected SCI-SPY? *Beat* We'll get back to Sci-Spy next year.
Said to Douchey: "So by swearing, I'd look as mature as you do, huh?" It actually confuses Douchey enough that he's silent until the end of the review.
Regarding his Minnesota accent: "There are traces here and there, particularly when I say 'rum' or 'ruf'. It's just the way it is, and it isn't gonna change unless I spend every day saying ryoooooom and ryoooooof."
*laughs* Implying that two asskicking superheroines from Gail Simone's critically acclaimed Birds of Prey series had a drunken threesome with Hal Jordan. *laughs then looks mad* Hilarious.
"Hey, we should start a band!"
Issue 1 begins with Hal Jordan saying he has a confession to make. Linkara's response:
"Nope. Explosions do not work that way. Not buying it." He then points out that the kind of faulty logic that lead into it sounds like a ten-year-old's attempt at screenwriting, followed by him imitating said ten-year-old.
When Prometheus says he wants revenge "on the superhero community as a whole," Linkara immediately and dryly says "Why?"
Power Rangers Zeo #1
Linkara's White Zeo Ranger outfit, aka "Pimpkara", first seen in Power Rangers Zeo #1. Yes, it does look awesome, but admit it - you laughed when you first saw it.
Huh... in my head, I thought he looked more like a rapper-wannabe... eh, to each his own.
The really hilarious part is that, from the neck down, he was totally dressed as a Ranger. But instead of a helmet he had his hat only in white, so yeah, the hat morphs too, apparently.
So does his jacket.
Linkara trotting out Neutro, stolen from Insano...only to discover that the "cockpit" control panel is a NES controller that Pollo wired into the system.
Audience Member: It's the distant future of 2005. Maybe it changes.
Linkara: Ah! The evolution of Skronk.
Linkara's reaction to the shorts worn by one of the officers at the Peace Keeping Force HQ.
Linkara (impersonating the officer): Don't worry citizens! My hot pants will save you!
"Wait wait wait, she was supposed to be Irish? Crap, now I gotta start over!"
An audience member's reaction to the very formally constructed internal monologue of the villain:
Audience Member: Can we do that in English please?
Linkara reacting to the fact that the post-apocalyptic setting Atari Force is set in looks way better than the comic describes it.
Linkara: This is the cleanest Armageddon I've ever seen.
"Okay, what genius decided to put a claustrophobic man in space?"
"So, wait: in the future, individual businesses and research foundations assume all political control, instead of governments? Man, this explains so damn much about the Umbrella Corporation."
The Justice League neutralizes Prometheus... and then puts his helmet back on him as they chain him up (the helmet is the source of his abilities). Linkara loses it.
"Wait, he gave you the codes while he was still on board the satellite? Why didn't you knock him out again afterwards?! Did he make you pinkie swear not to?!"
mlsterben: I know how to beat Vyse! Round up a bunch of Care Bears, lure Vyse into a hall of mirrors, and let those Care Bears fire off as many Care Bear Stares as possible. It's unethical, but he'll become a saviour of universes! :D
Due to Star Comics calling itself the new world in the Marvel Universe, Linkara then wonders if this means the Care Bears needed to register during the Civil War.
Superman: Distant Fires
Superman: Distant Fires
"...it's only appropriate that I give this the right kind of travel music." *Cue anime version of Route 1 from Pokémon*
Liz's look at the beginning of the video after she asks Linkara's role in fending off Vyce is just priceless.
Linkara: I'll be doing the most important job of all: Reviewing a crappy Else Worlds comic.
This comic also bears the ultimate You Fail Physics Forever moment. He get into the precise jargon about Earth Science, brings up some tweets on the topic, and even makes a swipe at Captain Planet. And it comes down to the following:
Linkara: Yes, nuclear war would most certainly devastate most, if not all life on Earth. But, IT CANNOT BLOW IT UP...And yes, that is actually what is happening. The world is blowing up and it will explode at the end of this comic.
Youngblood #3 - The utterly epic Trash Talk Linkara pulls on Lord Vyce. The fact that Judas Liz calmly walks away while Vyce slowly loses his temper makes it even funnier.
The guest appearance of Kung Tai Ted and his commentary on the fight in the comic
Doctor Who Classics #7
Doctor Who Classics #7 - The title card. Just seeing a confused looking 5th Doctor standing between Vyce and Linkara is hilarious.
Linkara and Liz making awkward small talk while waiting for Vyce to arrive, including a huge Lampshade on the absudity of a comic book review series having its own epic storylines.
For once, the comic has one all by itself: "Oh Doomsie, gaze upon my radiant beauty and despair!"
Linkara sees that the comic was written by Tom DeFalco and takes the Heroic BSOD to new levels of literalness.
The fact that Linksano was pacified from taking over the universe himself by a chemistry playset. Talk about Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!!
A junior chemistry playset, even! "That'll keep him occupied for a few months!"
"Okay I take it back. Reed Richards is not a genius. He is in fact a complete moron." In fact, his facial expressions at all the Idiot Plot moments (which is a LOT) in this comic are hilarious.
After explaining why Peter Parker is a teacher in this, he also notes: "However, he's not a teacher anymore! Why is this you ask?" *cue picture of One More Day while the ImperialMarch plays ominously over it*
KISS comics review - The title card. Seeing the cast of the show dressed like KISS is just hysterical.
The kid in the comic mentions wanting a Nirvana reunion:
Linkara: Now you've done it.
90's Kid: Duuuuude! They should totally do a Nirvana reunion! They could dig up Kurt Cobain's corpse and then prop it up on stage and have some zombie chicks use it like a puppet!
Linkara: (beat) There is something seriously wrong with you!
The Running Gag with Todd In The Shadows uncontrolably laughing at Linkara's proposition to do a KISS comics crossover review. Which culminates when Todd stops laughing and agrees to do it... when Linkara is done reviewing both of them.
The implication that Todd was laughing in the background for the entire review.
"Yeah! Because I prefer the parents of the girl I'm sweet on to be flaming homosexuals!"
Linkara: (Looks between bear and the camera) It's a bear!
Second video amounts to this: Theme song. Linkara: "It sucks!" Credits.
The credits list a bunch of clip sources, which were, of course, not used. Extra funny? One of the sources is "Scorpion Rain," the infamous Power Rangers fan film/hoax. Which was never completed. Double Extra Funny? Linkara also included Vogon Jeltz's poem.
Most of the rest of the sources are lost films.
The entirety of his third April Fool's Day 2011 video, parodying The Irate Gamer. It was, in a word, perfect.
"It doesn't matter how awesome a concept [Beta Ray Bill] is, or how good the stories are, because I'm irate and therefore never wrong."
"Not like me though! I am good grammar and spelling! Because as you know it takes a very long time to make these videos! I mean, it just takes forever to read a comic book, and scan in pages, and then I add special effects! <Big picture of a banana drops in> This took me three weeks alone!"
"I read comic books while I'm eating a tasty bowl of Yummy Mummy and drinking Kool-Aid, and now I have to look at bugs*
The montage. Shaking the comic, reading it upside down, reading different comics, it is genius.
"Look how long it takes me to turn the page!" and he proceeds to flip the page with the footage being slowed down. Also a great Take That to IG's Super Mario Bros. 2 review, were he complained the star is too slow. Not only did he do it in the area where it would naturally take the most time, but he actually slowed down the footage.
All-Star Batman and Robin #3-4
Linkara spends a good part of the video simply staring at the comic in horror. It gets funnier every time.
Of course, nothing can top the infamous line: "I touched my mother's breast. It bled on me." At that point, Crazy Steve and Linkara had both snapped, and it shows.
And shortly after that we read twelve year old Dick's narration box: "Those bigass FINGERS of his SQUEEZE like a gentle CARESS."
Linkara: Oh my god?! Dick wants to be molested as much as Steve wants to do it! I think I'm gonna be sick..."
The upbeat delivery of "I call him Steve!"
This gem:
Dick Grayson, age twelve: Batman's completely nuts.
Linkara: NOOOOOOOO. WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEAAAH?
The titlecard itself, with Linkara as Dick Grayson, age twelve, and Batman having Pedobear's face.
"Now we know Frank doesn't get Batman anymore! Batman hates rock and roll!"
In response to Linkara's reaction to Black Canary being an Irish ninja a number of Irish (and people of Irish-descent) explain that all people with Irish blood are ninjas. How varies (one says they learn it in school instead of anything else and another says its genetic) but they're all ninjas.
*Pizzicato Playtime starts up* "Saay... My watch broke!" The look on his face is priceless. He is so satisfied by the prospect of No More Miller Time that it's hilarious.
"What, no interludes with The Flash, who in this I'm sure is a drug-crazed extortionist? No checking in with Green Lantern, who is no doubt a KKK member who devours the hearts of young girls after molesting them?!"
Lady Gaga #1
His reaction to seeing the main character sleeping on a couch.
Linkara: Who wants to see an overweight jerk in a hat sitting in a green chair, making rude comments about other people's work and I think I'll shut up now!
His reaction to seeing the main character dreaming about Lady Gaga, reenacting the intro to 'Paparazzi':
Linkara: Now, you see right here that I'm only zoomed in on him dreaming of something and him drooling. That'd be unattractive enough, but now let's take a gander at what he's dreaming about, shall we? (Zooms in on first of three panels.) Linkara: First up, he appears to be making out with Lady Gaga. Okay, fair enough; dreaming about making out with an attractive celebrity. It's not all that attractive considering what we've seen of this guy... (Pans over to second panel) Linkara: ...but nothing too—what the hell?! Is he pushing over the ledge?! What the hell are we supposed to take from this— (Pans over to the third panel, of the "hero's" head on Lady Gaga's body.) Linkara: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! (Linkara is seen holding the comic and shaking in abject panic for several moments.) Linkara: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA— (Cut to Relax-o-Vision-esque music with a We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties card featuring a drunken cameraman) (A clearly disturbed Linkara takes several more moments to collect himself before continuing his review. But when he picks up the comic again...) Linkara: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA— (Back to the aformentioned Technical Difficulties card)
Slightly later: "This is the stuff of serial killers, people!"
The intro, where instead of announcing the usual 'welcome' statement, he stares at the camera with a '...what the flipping hell?' look.
"What the hell is this? (Beat) No, seriously. What in the hell is this thing?!"
"To every GLBTQ individual in the entire world, I apologize for this comic."
"And now it's time for another right turn into WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN—."
Spoony starts mocking Linkara for liking Nickelback. Linkara pulls out a remote, presses a button and Spoony's room shakes. Says Linkara, "I HAVE A SPACESHIP!"
The return of "EVERYTHING WAS BETTER ON MY EARTH!!!"
"My husband, the most creative soul in the universe." "... you live in a pretty tiny universe, lady."
"Seriously, are there any other main characters available that we can have? This one's defective!"
Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Linkara is attempting to christen his now-named vessel. The champagne bottle will not break open.
Linkara: Break damn you!
A bit of Fridge Horror or "Funny Aneurysm" Moment when you realize that the champagne bottle failing to break is not a good omen in nautical folklore.
The reenactment of the trippy, slow-motion wormhole scene from the movie.
"I am a huge Star Trek fan." *Looks down at his Starfleet uniform* "Duh."
"Great, it was the Decepticons that got their hands on V-Ger."
Before, following Spock saying V'Ger comes from a planet of living machines with the original Transformers opening.
Aha, so V-Ger was behind the evil that is ancient Egypt!
"Wait, did I leave the oven on before I left? Oh crap..."
The Godyssey #1
Him not sure about being offended or awed by the very idea of the comic, eventually settiling on calling Jesus "Hey-sus" (the Spanish pronounciaion, a fairly common name). The Christian Martial Artist.
A news report about the Enitity disappearing various building...and Linkara's too busy reading to notice.
Yes but he was noticabley reading the book from Silent Hill that contains that ominus poem about The Entity.... but the fact he was ignoring infor about the same thing he was reading about makes it funny again.
The report is on Lori Prince Live, and as usual, he gets a call from the Joker.
Fridge Logic kicking in when the comic asks the reader to solve a maze involving Superman and buildings, showing the shortest route is a straight line.
The credits gag, where Linkara claims the Quik Bunny was in cahoots with the Weather Wizard and escaped with the cash, but is now being pursued by Jèsus, Christian Martial Artist!
Ultimate Warrior's Workout
Linkara Lampshading how Dr. Insano hasn't been seen on the show for quite some time:
Insano: I know we're archenemies and all... Linkara: Yeah, but you've been rather quiet lately.
Linkara's rather nonchalant and unsurprised reaction to seeing his future self return from Chicago.
Hell, the entire damn comic is just solid gold WTF-ery, especially if you go to the gym at all.
Ultimatum #1-2
Linkara's response to a whale crashing in the Fantastic Four's HQ and The Thing shouting "What the *** is going on?!"
"Oh I think we all know what's going on: the Ultimate Warrior decided he could fight the pounding of the ocean, and this is just the ocean fighting back!"
"Hulk help Spider-Man! Then Hulk smash Spider-Man!" Beat "It kind of funny that way!"
That same rant, his Punctuated! For! Emphasis! outburst was hilarious, because it's as close to cussing as he tends to get. That and the face he makes compliments the sudden shift in tone.
Linkara's reaction to Thor charging into an army of the dead screaming "For Valkyrie!"
[guitar riff] "Woah sorry 'bout that, the comic suddenly just go positively metal for a second there!"
Ultimatum #3-4
In response to Hank Pym thinking he can bring The Wasp back to life:
Linkara: Our heroes are crazy, our villains are crazy... HEY, LET'S ALL JUST GO CRAZY!!! (starts dancing/flailing to "Fun Zone")
His fanboyesque gushing over how dying 'only made Captain America cooler'.
When Dr. Doom, Reed Richards, Zarda and Arcana find Nick Fury, and he asks them why he needs to come help them right now, Richards states (in defiance of the previous explanation for the disaster) "Magneto has shifted Earth's axis." Linkara snaps.
"BULL! CRAP! THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SAID LAST TIME! YOU SAID MAGNETIC POLES! THE MAGNETIC POLES ARE NOT THE SAME AS THE AXIAL POLES! Axial pole shift also occurs naturally, although very, VERY slowly! It's caused by the distribution of mass throughout the Earth, and at best alters about ONE DEGREE every 130 MILLION YEARS! If that had been your explanation from the start, yeah that'd cause serious problems, but you didn't! You said magnetic poles! Oh, and guess what? THE AXIAL POLES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MAGNETISM! YOU FAIL AT SCIENCE, COMIC! YOU! FAAAAAAAIL!!!"
After an amazingly convoluted and implausible Gambit Roulette from Dr. Doom:
Linkara's revelation regarding the comic's narrative boxes:
Linkara: "If Batman is supposed to be narrating all of this — including the parts about him in the third person — he comes across as a crazy person listening to the voices in his head. Okay, I think I just answered my own question there, never mind..."
Linkara: You mean that the humanitarian woman was... (distorted voice) EEEEVIL? (ScareChord)
Throughout the review, he refers to the villain as "Evil Humanitarian Woman."
In response to Foe Yay laden trash talking between Batman and Spawn:
'Oh, shut up and just start making out already.'
Linkara seemed to really be in the Foe Yay spirit in this review:
'You know, Frank, the more you try to convince me that Batman's better than Superman, the more it makes me think that he's just some jealous fourteen year old... And maybe possibly that he's in love with him. (Drinks)
Gameboy #1
"So... here's a weird thought: These two are really the first Digidestined, and the Gameboy is their Digivice."
That '90s Kid fails karaoke night forever.
(IN the middle of Harvey and Pollo singing "Wind Beneath My Wings") ROCK ON!(throws up horns while Harvey and Pollo look at him funny... well Harvey anyway). One of the show's best moments by far.
"We're gathered here today to say farewell to our friend, our colleague, and our beloved Eminem. As per his final wishes, we will now play music that he requested to be played at his funeral." (cue a snippet of the opening theme song for My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic)
The comic was only ever available online, and as such, no physical copies exist. However, force of habit has Linkara doing this:
Linkara: (does his usual holding up the comic gesture with nothing in his hands) So let's dig into Eminem Meets The Punisher! (looks down at the empty space between his hands) Don't worry, I'll explain after the theme song.
Barbi Twins Adventures #1
The Beast Wars reference. Yes...
Someone in the comic says "They'll be Barbicued" and then a clip from one of Robot Chicken's 300 parodies is shown.
"THIS. ISN'T. FUNNY!"
I just like Linkara's "...really?" expresion before the clip plays.
"In retrospect, lacing the makeup with nitroglycerin was not my smartest move."
"This has been a test of the 'Desperate for Anything Resembling a Joke' System. Had this been an actual joke you may have actually laughed."
As it appears the protagonists are going to die:
Dr. Cox: Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present "Man Not Caring".
The opening, with him having just read the comic and reacting to it. What's really hilarious is that he fakes us out on it; he puts his face in his hands and starts what you think is crying because of how bad the comic is...and then reveals that he's really laughing histerically because of how unintentionally funny it is.
"Arm go in, arm come out. Arm go in, arm come out."
His reaction to everybody (save Roy Harper) attending Lian's funeral in costume.
Say, how can we ruin the somber, serious attitude of a child's funeral? How about everybody dresses up in bright, flashy primary colours? There's something wrong when Batman is the most appropriately dressed for a funeral!
The overly-detailed conspiracy theories appear to be a reference to the Umberto Eco novel Foucault's Pendulum, judging by his reference to that very object in his first clip.
The epic battle between Suede's two costume concepts.
"Stickboy, these readings indicate that it's mathematically impossible for me to give less of a crap." *musical sting*
At the end, Roy Harper "blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece."
This line:
Arsenal: Got any china cat?
Linkara: I've got a porcelain bunny, does that help?
Comic Book Advertisments
"I WILL BURY YOU!!!!"
Linkara not only anticipating Douchey McNitpick's appearance, but then confusing him when he admits to ripping off the Nostalgia Critic, and then hits him with the Comicron 1.
"No...Noooo! The TurboGrafx-16 is taking over my braaaaaaaaaaaain! *head explodes*
"Only Hostess cupcakes are worth living and dying for!"
Welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn, AND SOON YOU WILL ALL OBEY ME!
Mirror Rob Liefeld is a great writer and artist whose Schedule Slip is only a month at most.
Mirror Linkara singing "Phenomenom" to the tune of "Mahna Mahna".
When Iron Liz tells Linkara what his Mirror Universe counterpart was like, she lists various flaws that sound like they could be describing the real Linkara, before mentioning that the review was pretty much the same as the one he did:
Linkara: So, other than the review, this other universe counterpart was absolutely nothing like me.
At the end of the review, he pulls out a magic glove and wishes it didn't exist. It works... but it turns it into what may be a parody of both Power Rangers and The Dark Age Of Comic Books. One person who left a comment on the video wondered if that comic was actually real. Considering that, after it appears, he says, "Tune in next week for my... 150th... episode..." it might be... which makes it even funnier.
When Linkara was pointing out that the Megazord parody has a diaper that say "Mighty Morphin' Huggies", he points out since in-universe the team is called the Power Ringers like the title and that the diaper should say "Mightily Murdered Huggies" instead. In mid-sentence, it cuts back to Linkara.
His increasingly silly names for the villan, Lord ZZZZZ, such as Lord Razzmatazz, Lord Zazzle, Lord Pazuzu, and the culminaion, Lord Zelarackanickanackafivecrackashishkoombah.
Kamandi at Earth's End #1
Linkara's attempt at burning the real Superman at Earth's End comic.
Linkara And so, I will give you the burning you so rightly deserve. (Uses the torch on the book only for it to not catch aflame.) At least I would if this thing weren't made of some kind of indestructible material.
[Cut to:]
Linkara I have returned. And placed a newspaper inside the comic! It will burn now. [pause] Hopefully.
[Torch: does not ignite]
Text added later: Footage sped up 4x in order to get to the part where burning occurs.
"Our duty is to find the cause of the second apocalypse." "Our only clue is this: DC relaunch coming September 2011"
90's Kid's cameos. (Note: Following quotes are paraphrased)
Linkara: Who thought it would be a good idea to give Kamandi improbably sized guns?
And then it circles back around into being funny. "He's probably just on break."
A meta one: considering that this is a Twilight Zone comic review, Linkara naturally uses "Jump Around" for the credits.
Superman and the TRS-80 Wiz Kids
Finding that the opening narration is more Twilight Zone-esque than the actual Twilight Zone comic, a Rod Sterling voice, submission for approval, and closing sentence completing the association.
His "recap" of the previous two Wiz Kids videos:
Watch the other two reviews. This is a long comic and it's not like the other two videos are hard to find.
Linkara saying that only one person was affected by the supercomputers being disabled cutting to-
Crow: I WANNA GET ON THE INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY! I WANNA GET ON THE INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY!
Street Fighter #1 (Malibu Comics)
He uses a Sylvester Stallone voice for Sagat... and keeps using it even after Sagat insults boxing.
When Ken (who is filming an advertisement) uses the move "Dragon Punch!":
Linkara: Enjoy "Dragon Punch" energy drink! (shows picture of an energy drink called "Street Fighter Dragon Punch") [Beat] Yes, this thing exists.
Reading all of Ken's lines as a douchey, arrogant celebrity.
"Now, you are like this tree: Infested with wood ticks!"
Silent Hill: Paint It Black
He spends much of the review spouting Angrish about how nothing about the story makes sense.
When a minor character by the name of Joe shows up near the beginning and calls out Ike on his laziness and douchebaggery, Linkara doesn't even bother changing his voice for him. He just reads Joe's dialogue in his actual voice, most likely because it's exactly what he wants to say to the guy.
His affection for Joe in general is just hilarious. "I miss Joe!"
Linkara using his usual "This comic sucks" catchphrase but dragging out the "sucks" part to show how bad it is.
Linkara emphasizing the "w" when saying this bit of dialogue:
Cheryl: Asses and elbows, ladies! Move it! Work it! NOWWWWWWW!
Meta Example. In Silent Hill: Paint It Black, we see in the stinger that Spoony for eaten/deleted by the entity. THE SAME DAY later, Spoony himself posted a quick VLOG about him getting a puppy.
Silent Hill: Among the Damned
For some reason, Dahlia's light southern accent is absolutely hilarious, especially when she's saying things like 'worship me.'
After not-caring the hypertime-destroying Destrucity away, Linkara, Spoony, and Dr. Insano become Gray Lanterns (Who have the ability of not giving a shit about anything.) Dr. Insano suggests maybe watching TNA Impact, and Linkara and Spoony, who before had been taking everything with indifference, both insistently decline and walk out of the room
Also, from the out-take, Spoony's doing his Black Lantern Spoony routine when Oreo climbs onto his lap. Spoony looks down, and without changing the effect done to his voice, says "Hi doggie."
Doctor Insano: Right. I suppose you're all wondering why I'm here. Linkara:Every day of my life. Dr. Insano: You know, you're a very negative person and I don't like you. Spoony: You stole $40 out of my wallet and left a dead blitzball player in my bathtub. Dr. Insano: Ah! But he's still there, isn't he? Spoony: He's dead! Dr. Insano: Yes, but now he's dead and not moving. You're welcome!
Black Lantern Spoony's cameo when the Ultimate Warrior rips out a guy's heart: "He dare to steal my gimmick? This comic offends me."
Followed by an appearance from Black Lantern 90s Kid.
As Dr. Insano says they must use Spoony's "completely sad and lame knowledge of pro-wrestling" and Linkara's "funny book crap" to save the multiverse, he points to the opposite critic of each description.
Benzaie with Beary's head.
Spoony's rebuttal of Warrior's philosophical crap about the view from windows by saying that his own window looks out at a wall, complete with a photo.
Angry Joe: Did the Warrior just find the thesaurus function in Microsoft Word? Jew Wario: I'd make my own alliterate joke, but the Warrior just killed alliteration for all time!
Linkara's mid-battle conversation with Holo-Linkara.
Holo-Linkara pointing out that Silent Hill tried to kill Linkara both previous times he reviewed the comics. "Did you think he wouldn't notice the pattern?"
Linkara is apparently sick of his apartment turning into a Silent Hill homage every time he reviews a crappy comic about it:
"Okay, boxes, since obviously pushing you out of the way is not going to work- I mean, why WOULD it- you are just going to topple over and go away for me. And if you don't, I'm just going to step over your ashes."
*Boxes fall over*
"Thank you. I'm glad we could reach an understanding."
When the Silent Hill fog first rolls in at the beginning of the review, Linkara just blows it away with a portable fan. The way he's so nonchalant about it makes it even funnier.
Spider-Man: Planet of the Symbiotes
The video opens with Linkara saying his Catch Phrase only to be interrupted by the Entity and pulling out the Magic Gun in response. The way he swings it around is hilarious.
When the Symbiote begins to Wangst, cue Linkara with a smile on his face, who then begins to play Simple Plan's "Untitled (How Could This Happen to Me?)".
During a exhibition where a scientist is showcasing the next step in virtual reality:
Linkara: (in a German scientist accent) Now say it with me: We are VR.
The Doom Callback
Linkara!Eddie Brock: (in the voice of the Doom Marine) RIP AND TEAR! RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS! OH CRAP, YOU THINGS DON'T HAVE GUTS! THAT CAN'T BE GOOD!
Linkara: Yea the truth of the matter is that TiVo hadn't been invented yet and they didn't want to miss the super bowl.
Pokémon: The Electric Tale of Pikachu
The ending, where everyone who was captured by the Entity (even those not seen being captured) comes back and lampshades the fact that they were posting videos despite being missing.
Suede: Whoa-ho-ho! What was that? That was different. Ah, dang it, was this whole thing just a Pokémon reference? I love Pokémon, I would've loved doing a cameo. Oh well, I guess there's nothing for it. *He pulls out a Gameboy.* Now where we? Yes, old man, tell me your secrets... and then it's off to Cinnabar.
Everyone checking to see if 90's Kid is ok and cleared of The Entity possessing him. After asking what happened, he then realizes to his horror his collector's editions of "Bloodgun" are all gone.
Ninja Style Dancer: (holds up a sign) Oh joy, he's back to normal.
Playing "Sexy Back" every time Gary Oak makes an appearance.
Linkara: Gary Oak: Rock star of the Pokemon universe.
Linkara expressing his 10-year-old self's anger when his Missingno experience popped up with a Kabutops skeleton instead of the distorted pixel block we all know Missingno as.
Harvey's reaction to returning to existence right next to Boffo, who was only introduced after Harvey disappeared.
His exasperated deconstruction of the Pokémon formula from schools exempting Pokémon trainers to having to take half day course to be liscensed trainers.
When Ash hears Pikachu from outside, the word bubble has Pikachu make a noise from the wall
Kind of funny when you realize the Fridge Brilliance: Missingno used Self Destruct.
One of the first lines of the actual review:
Linkara: I'm recording this right now despite that it's very, very, very unlikely anyone will see this, seeing as I'm the only human still alive.
The deadpan way he says it is really funny as well as being Nightmare Fuel...somehow.
Linkara's concise and deadpan explanation of what Missingno is, how it has somehow become a Eldritch Abomination and how it is currently standing outside his door, followed by Missingno's laugh.
Linkara: Yeah, it's been a bit of a day...
Just cutting from the title card to Linkara wearing Ash's hat and fingerless gloves is worth a laugh.
"Ghosts exist! And they have special attacks! And they smile!"
Linkara: Hmm, trying to grab a creature that can shoot out electricity and lightning bolts. I can't see anything going wrong with this plan... *cut to Ash getting electrocuted* Ash Ketchum - that kid who'd always poke at a Hornet's Nest.
"OH LOOK, TRICORDER!"
To elaborate, in the Updated Rerelease of the review, the new stinger shows the Magic Gun back safe and sound, with Pollo asking why Linkara didn't get infinite copies of the gun. Linkara answers that the Magic Gun wasn't in his 6th item slot when he encountered Missingno, and instead got so many tricorders that he was pulling them out of every crevice of his jacket.
Describing one panel as "Pikachu suddenly becoming the Nyan Cat".
Return of Atop the Fourth Wall LIVE
The comic features several panels where Linkara is just able to sit back and let the audience's confused/horrified reactions speak for themselves. Probably the best comes from the Hulk's abrupt appearance, where he actually turns to look at the panel as confirmation that it exists while the audience freaks out for fifteen seconds.
Particularly when he gets cut off by the audience lauging, such as after being introduced to Japanese Kingpin*
A sumo wrestler. Yes, you are not losing your sight
Then immediately cuts to Peter screaming in the middle of class.
Linkara: But since started screaming in the last page, in this one his just going "EEEEEEEEEIIIII!!!", like he's mourning the Fonz.
Describing the comic's artist and writer:
Linkara: This comic was written and illustrated by a guy named Kari Andrews, the writer and artist of a comic named Spider-Man: Reign. Audience member: (among a Collective Groan) Oh, god! Linkara: For those unaware, Spider-Man: Reign is essentially The Dark Knight Returns, except Spider-Man instead of Bat Man. And it's also the story where Mary Jane was killed by Peter Parker's radioactive sperm. (Massive WTF?! reaction from the audience) Linkara: I am not kidding at all.
Saying that the look of Japanese Uncle Ben makes him think of Rei Hino's grandfather, and how she's probably in the back, practicing her fire chant while Japanese Uncle Ben is being killed by Japanese Venom.
Linkara!Japanese Uncle Ben: Oh god, he's breaking my neck!
Linkara!Rei: (falsetto) Busy, grandfather! Ichi, ni, san... (makes hand gestures)
The outtakes of Spoony's Hulk Hogan cameo, from Oreo (aka the Hulkadog) playing with clothes pins off camera to Spoony constantly calling Wonder Woman "brother" before correcting himself.
"Also, we on the surface have guns in abundance, even back in the '60s. Thus, the Mole-Human War of 1962 will probably just end in a huge pile of mole-meat."
The whole Office Max thing seems to be a case of Never Live It Down for Linkara: He makes another joke about it when the Fantastic Four are being attacked by the creatures in the underground:
Linkara: (as Reed Richards) Damn! If only there was an Office Max down here! Then I'd be able to stop them!
When Linkara plays a French solider (with a very fake and hammy accent) who is complaining about the Lemony Narrator.
All-American Comics #16
In the comic, a bridge collapses.
Linkara:(deadpan) This is your tax dollars at work, people.
His explanation for why he's reviewing a Star Trek comic instead of a Christmas-themed comic this year, reminding the viewers of the crappy Christmas comics he had reviewed in previous years (as well as Bearded Idiot), culminating in:
Linkara: Dammit, I'm giving myself a Christmas present this year!
"If we are gonna treat it like a funeral, it's gonna be an Irish wake! Booze me up, Scotty!"
Linkara's utterly crazed reaction to the comic in question relegating the legendary: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!! scream to a single panel and to a mere simple shout.
His impressions of the comic's wonky face illustrations.
Linkara: I don't know which emotion I'm conveying, but I'm conveying it as hard as I can!
"I did nothing... Except, of course, kick ass, because that's what I do. I'm James T Kirk. The 'T' stands for 'totally kicked your ass'."
Linkara's particularly flimsy excuse for why he's continuing the review in the middle of a storyline event, as well as Nimue's deadpan, "Why?".
Two during the scene where Spock prepares to stop the radiation leak: "I'm sorry Doctor, but since it's likely I won't survive, I need to pose you in a humorous fashion at least once before the end", and "Remember that you owe me ten bucks, and I expect it back when I get out."
"Kirk's best friend gets up and moves over to him and OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD, ZOMBIE SPOCK!" Particularly because the scene had been unusually well done until that art showed up.
Also, the title card. Linkara's expression is priceless.
"Because nothing says 'we love you and respect you as a colleague' by shoving them into something meant to blow up." And - as wrong as it sounds - Linkara's addition to Kirk's eulogy- "Afterwards, there will be cake and punch served on the bridge."
The nod to the comic miniseries "Infestation", which involves Star Trek, Transformers, and other series fighting zombies.
"NO one understands me, Teddy Kahn!"
Top 15 Personal Favorite Jokes
Linkara getting all the fan-favorite recurring jokes out of the way in the episode's pre-opening credits sequence, and merging them into one super-running gag.
The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past From the Future: And then in the year 5002, Ted Turner and Jane Fonda sent their infant son of eighteen years back to the present in a time machine made of Playstation 1 parts!
"$500 bucks? What the hell show are they going to see? Given this was Marvel, I'd think this was Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. Buuut, given the humor level of this thing, I think we really know what's really playing in that theater."
1975 Musical Superman: Hi there America and friendly nations everywhere, glad we could get together.
Miller Time: Robocop vs. the Terminator #1
Linkara suggesting that Skynet caused Judgment Day after discovering the existence of three live-action Alvin and the Chipmunks films
This exchange:
Narration Box: She waits. A bird calls out. Then another. Soon it's a chorus. It takes her a full minute to recognize the sound for what it is. And she cries.
Linkara: (as the female time traveler) Why? Why are the birds singing "My Humps"?
Linkara imitating Robocop giving the Miranda Rights to the thugs he just killed.
The Stinger. Oh, my god the stinger. Linkara puts great usage of the scene with RoboCop going to handle the mayor problem with this exchanged:
He starts by giving the backstory on the Turbo Duo, a system that could run both cartridges and CDs without any add-ons. "And that's a great idea. The problem is how they decided to advertise it." (silently points to the comic as the audience cracks up)
Someone in the audience asks "Are you a man, or a Muppet?", clearly wanting Linkara to do his "I am a man" meme. But first he does a "puppet arms" routine.
"By the way, I couldn't help but notice the lovely skull decorations on this guy's [Feka's tsar] curtains in his office."
This interruption:
Linkara: At least I assume you have games. Otherwise, what are you giving those kids for free, blank CDs?
Sherlock!Oan: "Based on the evidence you provided, with the cast of characters, the relative powers and abilities of those within this universe, and all the clues that the story gives us, it is my professional opinion that... A Wizard Did It."
Linkara is seemingly oblivious to the cocaine-powered man in his apartment at first. But then he finally acknowledges the man and his crazy statements, and treated it like it was nothing.
"Yeah, evolution has dictated that our hair be on fire, our bodies replaced with circuitry, or that we should have really silly mustaches and over-sized earrings. Or we should be plants. "
When he sees the Slifer Kitty Karry, he realizes that ancient Egypt is once again behind everything.
After Hemogoblin eats the cat in the aformentioned Kitty Kase:
"Guy": (thinking) The man's an animal!
Linkara: (as "Guy") Damn it, Hemogoblin; what am I going to have for dinner now?!
Snowflame running outside thinking snow is cocaine.
"Snowflame is stealing your shoes!"
Linkara: (smiling) They grow up so fast.
When Extraño points out that he has no idea what he, as a homosexual, is doing in a team whose main purpose is procreation. Linkara is so happy to see a comics pointing out it's own plotholes for him.
and moments later, Floronic Man's "pedo grin"
Linkara: Who invited a supervillain to the team? It's going to be Doctor Light all over again.
When Harbringer stats to angst about the fact she has no sexual experience. Linkara points out they if they are supposed to pass their genetic material, she doesn't needs to know more than the basics.
Gameboy #2
Linkara points out that the cover has Mario floating inside of a spacesuit's helmet while in outer space.
Linkara: The beta version of Mario Galaxy was weeeeeeeird.
All the references to the boys from the first issue being crazy/put in a funny farm.
"Hello Travelocity? I need tickets for 40 bees, a few octopi..."
After the dark cloud around the World Trade Center in the first issue and the plane hi-jacking in this one, Linkara concludes the comic is trolling him.
Double Feature '12 (Youngblood #4 & Star Trek: The Search for Spock)
Linkara, making a wrestling metaphor, admits he isn't much of a wrestling fan, getting most of his information from other sources. Cut to...
Spoony: Wrestle! WRESTLLLLEEEE!
Drawing Comics the Marvel Way stated that drawing characters with their legs wide apart indicates excitement. Cut to Linkara, standing with his legs wide. "THIS IS EXCITING!"
"So, so, it's totally not like any other character's shield. It's all computers and stuff. It's totally different. (beat) Shut up!"
The best part is that he's holding a copy of Youngblood over his Captain America shield. Trying to hide the logo in the middle.
On names:
Diehard: His name is John Prophet.
Linkara: Miss Jackson if you're nasty.
His entire review of the Pitt prologue. Pretty much a minute-and-a-half of snark on fast forward.
"And nothing of value was lost."
Linkara sending Linksano off to engineering, then telling him if there was a radiation leak, not to be a hero. Linksanos response?
Linksano:Very little chance of that, I can assure you!
"When Starfleet blows you up, they want you to know that it was with a quality Mark IV torpedo! Only cheapskates and Romulans use Mark I torpedoes!"
"Was the Zombie Spock one of a kind, or a sign of the Zombie Apocalypse to come?"
Bones' response to Kirk asking if he's going to shave: "Nah, I'm going back to the Disco Unabomber look. I thought it gave me character."
When Kirk muses about how he feels "empty" without Spock:
Kirk: Almost as bad as the time Spock's brain went missing. (beat) Stop laughing, that really happened!
"It is a great honor to stick fried pickles into my head."
"My God, Leonard Nimoy must be high again! We're gonna find him completely naked, leaping from movie set to movie set, singing the 'Ballad of Bilbo Baggins'!"
"This is Vulcan Space Traffic Control. We're...oh my God, that's a Klingon Bird-of-Prey! Shoot it down!"
When McCoy is quoting Spock's last words:
Kirk: Dammit, Bones, stop quoting Spock!
Linkara: I get enough of it at conventions, I don't need it from you too!
Because poor literacy... is not just about misspelling words. It's also saying "literally" when you're trying to emphasize a point.
Mr. T having nightmares about his brief rap career.
The return of "Bear!"
When Linkara jokes that nobody would believe Mr. T would have commited a crime, because of how amazing and inspiring he is. And immediately hopes there won't be any scandal involving Mr. T soon after this review.
When I said that Mr. T is a super hero, I didn't meant he is friggin Batman!
Mr. T #2
Saying the comic is a rebuttal to "Rise Of Arsenal"
Roy Harper: "You guys just don't understand my pain. I-"
Mr. T: "Shut up fool! You take drugs, you're gonna see a zombie version of your daughter that tells you to burn things! I pity you, Roy Harper!"
Linkara's reaction to the cover featuring Mr. T getting punched out by "Stare Roy"? To walk away from the futon, pace around for a bit, and walk back all while saying "No" a bunch.
Even better is seeing Pollo, still in Linkara's Tom Servo watching the whole thing.
His added reaction to the comic's cliffhanger ending where Mr. T is knocked out by the aforementioned StareRoy, as he says "No" a bit more, even playing his DS while adding more to his "no-ing". He then makes up his own ending involving T faking defeat and beating Stare Roy, growing to giant size, joining up with The A-Team to stop the drug runners, and then singing a song about "friendship or whatever".
When Mr. T confirms that he doesn't use guns, an "A-Team" clip is shown of him doing just that.
Linkara's responce to Mr. T dangling Upchuck from a building:
Linkara: ...okay, I was wrong last episode; apparently Mr. T is Batman.
The bloopers at the end.
Spoony scolds Oreo for playing with her squeaky toy while "daddy's working"...and he doesn't even break character as Dr. Insano.
Doctor Insano: Do I look like I could sing as good as him?!
Vincent E.L., full stop:
Masterthecreator: "And finally, Vincent E.L.!"
Vincent: [with a gun to his own head] "What? Me?! Wow... Things are finally coming up Vincent!" [Leaps up, starts singing] "All these years, and all this hard work, I've finally-" [Needle Scratch] "Wait, I'm not a title card artist, I made the Atop the Forth Wall theme song."
Masterthecreator: "Oh? Oh well then we don't care about you."
Vincent: "WAIT!" [cut off]
Marobot unwillingly talking to Snowflame: "Yes, I know you like cocaine. Who doesn't?"
The fact that Linkara managed to say "the power of pink" without laughing.
"Two muscle-bound superheroes in tight clothes, and tentacles. I don't even have to maker a joke at this point. You're all doing it right now on your own."
Explaining that he was going to be playing the game as well as reading the comic, and then showing us some of the mind-numbingly dull gameplay to explain why it's not happening.
Reaching the end of the comic, and faced with a cliffhanger tasking him to play the game in order to "Save Spidey, Cap, and America", Linkara excitedly decides to do so... and ends up getting bored by it.
Spider-Man: I'll go high!
Captain America: And I'll go low!
Linkara: And, because I don't know where in Europe Latveria is, I have no idea which one of you will be in Scotland before the other.
"I'm Dr. Doom! I automatically know who's coming to thwart my plans!"
Spider-Man acting like a valley girl and thinking that Captain America will ask him to the homecoming dance.
Linkara's impersonations of former president George H.W. Bush.
After Cap manages to knock out two mooks at once with his shield:
Linkara stating that the comic he is reading is something his friend Gordon would be an expert in. This then leads to Gordon calling Linkara over the phone and Linkara noting that he sounds like his voice is being dubbed over, and it is.
Linkara: *Picks up his phone.* Oh, it's, uh, my old friend Gordon. Hang on a second, I gotta take this. Hey, Gordon.
"There are question marks just floating in the air! What the hell are they?" This with actual question marks floating next to him.
"Hellooo, I'm Bob Slimy."
And all follow up slime-related jokes.
Linkara lamenting an antagonistic character's lack of genre savviness in threatening and racially abusing a black character:
"Dude, best not to wave your fist so close to him in a comic about ninjas and Kung-Fu. He's liable to bite your hand off in one move."
His response to "advice" dispensed by a fourth wall breaking character of ambiguous species:
"Thanks... Purple rat demon."
"Ah, yes, the most traditional of Kung-Fu weaponry. The umbrella."
The post-credits stinger, where we see the Ninja-Style Dancer "fighting" against the Plaid Ninja, a representative of the Evil Ninja Empire mentioned earlier. It's as hilarious as it sounds.
Linkara referring to one of the Mooks as "Krillin" and even including the "Krillin Owned Count" for when said mook makes a rather idiotic observation.
Linkara points out how much the comic fails at geography...only for the camera to cutaway to Linksano in an insert obviously made after the fact, explaining that the comic was actually right and Linkara's outrage was totally wrong. Later on, back in the regular review, Linkara harps on how the creative team has no grasp of geography...and we cut back to Linksano looking incredibly uncomfortable.
Even more embarrassing, he used this as his final insult to the comic at the end of the video, prompting him to dub in an argument between him and Linksano.
Which ends with Linkara simply just decking Linksano after he gets called out on making mistakes in his insults directed at last week's comic (The Invincible Four of Kung-Fu and Ninja #1), particularly the "flaming spear tip".
"Sorry two other ladies. You don't meet our definition of beautiful, so you're screwed."
His complete confusion at how a Transformers story can be "gritty."
Repeatedly calling out the comic's Continuity Lock-Out issues, despite the writer saying it was designed to be newbie-friendly.
Linkara as Optimus Prime doing a monologue while oblivious to the battle going on.
As he plays The Touch over a scene of Optimus being badass, he stops it and remembers this is from the 90s and he should play something more appropriate. Cue Rage Against the Machine.
"We need to teach the Decepticons how important and precious life is......BY KILLING EVERYTHING!!!"
Captain Tax Time #1
At one point, Captain Tax Time punches the lights out of a random gaurd. The guard says Oh shii... before being punched and Captain Tax Time corrects him by saying he meant "sugar".
Linkara: This comic is a piece of sugar.
Linkara's outrage that the comic doesn't show how the two vigilantes managed to clean up all organized crime in Canada.
Boffo the Clown returns... to do Linkara's taxes.
"You get a tax! And you get a tax...! I am the Oprah of taxes!"
"If only there were some way we could vote them out during elections. It’s a pity we live in Canada, home of the goblin people." Cue confused shrug.
Linkara's increasing rage at Captain Tax Time and Sargent Saver's plan to stop the evil new tax by stopping all crime.
Superman #701
Linkara's Running Gag of "Superman! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! Able to (something stupid or immoral!)"
An unintentional one: when Superman stops to help some men fix a car, Linkara notes that Superman is glad to help people with problems "of all sizes, bigandlarge." Made even funnier (this time intentionally so) when he apologizes for this slip in the subtitles: "Editing your script? What's that?"
While on the topic:
Citizen: How do you know it's a damn fuel line?
Superman: Trust me, I know.
Linkara, in Superman's voice: I cut it myself.
"Pardon me, citizen, but may I borrow a cup of drugs?"
"All of a sudden, though, I get this weird feeling — like I'm doin' something I've done before — and I freeze up." "Oh jeez, the Taco Bell just hit me!"
The epic rant about how we don't learn anything about anyone on the team, and the few hints at their backstories are interrupted. "Do they like piña coladas? Give me something!"
Repeatedly getting the comic's name wrong, given how similar all of Rob Liefeld's work is.
His imitation of General Patton,whose speech he altered in the form of a Take That to Liefeld.
90's Kid gets one in the Stinger, too!
90's Kid: I love it; Dude help me, I do love it so...
After reading a long talk of the villain which concludes with him stating he will terminate them immediately.
Linkara:"Which is why I just spent a minute saying that to you instead of having my guards open fire right away with you at point-blank rage.(points to them) Clichèd characters,(points to himself) clichèd villains.
Marville #2
The video opens up with a very drunk Linkara struggling to get from off the floor to his couch.
Linkara: Hello and welcome to...that thing I do.
Linkara questions who would title their movie "Smut". Cut to The Reveal that this was what The Cinema Snob wanted to title his movie... until the producers shot it down.
The entirety of The Stinger: Snowflame gives a PSA on the benefits of succumbing to peer pressure while holding increasingly large and unwieldy props from past storylines.
When Spider-Man realizes that he knows the Brace Linkara goes on a mini-rant about how everyone Spidey seems to know becomes a villain.
Linkara:Peter Parker is a magnet for crazy people!
In the second story, a boy named Juan throws a bully several feet back with one shove of his hand. Linkara then declares that Juan has super strength.
The New Teen Titans Anti-Drug Giveaway #1
"I'm 13 years old and I've taken[…]pop and mushrooms." "Oh my God, not pop! First they get you on the Pepsi, then they move you up to harder stuff like Mountain Dew!" Even funnier when you realize he actually misread "PCP" as "pop".
Linkara's back and forth of Starfire constantly reminding Speedy of his past drug addictions, to Speedy's growing annoyance. And just as a little nod at one point Linkara as Speedy uses Starfire's real name.
After Linkara talks about how it turns out China Cat is actually a drug and wonders why they'd call it that we get this:
Linkara(said in a gravely drug pusher voice):Hey man you wanna get a hit of Slinky!? (starts playing with a slinky) Everyone knows it's Slinky.
After the line where Protector says that people uses drugs for many reasons and for no reasons.
Linkara 1: Hey, when did you start to use crack?
Linkara 2: Eh. No reason.
Daredevil vs. Vapora #1
Linkara's fun with the line "It's some type of vaporous thing, a Vapora!"
Linkara: This is some type of comic thing, a Com-eec-a!
At the end of the review.
Linkara: All I can say is this is some type of stupid thing, a stupeed-a.
Linkara versus Physics:
Narrator: In front of him, a drop of 20 feet to the street below. Alone, it would be nothing; a puddle-jump.
Linkara: Oh yeah, jumping down to the ground from 20 feet up is perfectly safe. Allow me to demonstrate- [THUD] OH GOD MY LEGS
When Murdock asks if the cop saw Vapora, the cop asks Murdock "Did I see?" and points to his eyes.
Murdock!Linkara: Uh I mean, did you HEAR that? I'm totally not faking being blind or anything.
His sheer horror over the teenagers using gasoline to clean their motorbikes. Wondering if they use gasoline to rinse leftover shampoo from their shower.
His reaction to multiple Vaporas.
Linkara: Wait, MULTIPLE Vaporas? There are MORE of this thing? Did everyone fill their gas tanks in a demonic cult ceremony?"
Tuvok: Had you fired, it is might have stopped the Borg from taking the isodesium we need.
Linkara: NO IT WOULDN'T.
Tuvok: Your emotional decision may have cost the lives of this entire crew.
Linkara: ...I want to shoot you, so bad right now.
In Part 3 ("It came from Planet Icky!") of the Star Trek Elite Force playthrough: "Alien ladies: check me out, I'm Ensign Monroe/Do you see my gun? It breathes, you know!"
In Part 13, when the Vohrsoth is outlining its evil plan, Linkara says, "Aw, crap, it's Michael Moore!
Caption: Aw yeah, I went there again!
Any time he references Amazons Attack! when saying Biessman's name.
Speaking of Biessman, after the Vohrsoth reveals his evil plan, Linkara is still in a Heroic BSOD after Biessman's death. Then he says something along the lines of, "No! Biessman would go on! He'd call them... stompy dorks or something!"
Munro's impossible shadow.
The series finale where Ensign Munro defeats the Vorsoth Master:
Linkara: Okay everyone, say it with me now: "I am Ensign Munro, and I AM A MAN!"
Other
Whenever Linkara does a two-part review, part two opens with a "Previously On" segment featuring several of the site's contributors in various overblown comic book situations, like MarzGurl spoofing the line "I love Stalin more" from Sinnamon or an army of Angry Joes facing off against Neutro. Dr. Insano from The Spoony Experiment even made his first ever appearance in one!
Chester A. Bum and The Nostalgia Critic argue as the Bum destroys Hollywood, Rome, France, Pluto and the Earth.
Linkara:As I am writing the review right now, I can confirm that Darkseid does indeed first appear in the comic sitting on Scott Free's couch.
...
If you'll need me, I'll be over in the corner cutting my wrists with my gun.
Not in his reviews, but at the Time Force/Wild Force Panel at Power Morphicon, someone loudly announced who Linkara was when he stood up to ask a question. Linkara said, "Thanks, but I didn't want to look like a jackass,", prompting Vernon Wells to goodnaturedly reply, "Okay jackass, what's your question?"
From Linkara's crossover with the Last Angry Geek on Comic Book Issues:
One of us is successful, and the other is you.
Even better is the outtake. "One of us is-is successful... and still flubs the line regardless."
Also, Geek restraining a Quesada fanboy while Linkara force-feeds said fan torn pages of said fan's mint copy of One More Day.
During one of Iron Liz's "You're such a Card...Game" reviews, the reaction on both of their faces in regards to the Inuyasha TCG. The unboxing video alone has some of the best reactions, as the two are going in blind about the series...save for Lewis, who's seen two episodes.
After losing a game of Mystery Date, Linkara plays off the fact that the game is from 1965 by saying his character, having lost out on getting a date, is instead going to watch some early Doctor Who episodes and get depressed over how they'll be lost due to BBC being unable to see the future and save the episodes.
The constant appearances of J. Edgar Hoover.
Their use of outdated insults like "hussy", "skank" , and "chippy roustabout".
Lewis's confusion at the Beach Robe.
In the first Yu-Gi-Oh vlog, Linkara gets a card named Trigon.
Linkara: ... Trigon! Woo! New Teen Titans fan right here, Trigon the Terrible is a card now!
