Funny / Assassins


  • Squeaky Fromme and Sara Jane Moore's attempt to assassinate Gerald Ford. Key word here being "attempt". Even Gerald Ford had to step in a help them pick up the fallen bullet.
    • Speaking of Moore: "Shit, I shot it!"
    • The ending of the scene really stands out. Squeaky and Moore thank the friendly man for helping them pick up their bullets, and he introduces himself: "Gerry Ford." The two women stare at each other... then the Secret Service who have been right there the whole time. When Ford leaves, Sara attempts to throw the bullets at him. Then the buzzer goes off.
    Moore: SHIT!
  • Ditto for Hinckley's attempt to kill Ronald Reagan. This Troper's parents claim this was also Ronald Reagan's answer to Jimmy Carter in the debates.
    Reagan: There you go again. There you go again.
    • All of Reagan's responses in the play are from actual quotes from when he was actually shot.
      Sorry, Nancy. I forgot to duck.
      I hope that surgeon's a Republican.
      Where'd that kid learn to shoot, the Russian army?
  • Byck's rant at Leonard Bernstein and Nixon through a tape recorder.
    "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCKKK! How ya doin', babe?"
  • Artie Bremer's only line.
    It was a bum rap! My penis made me do it!
  • This exchange between Booth and Zangara:
    Zangara: (groaning in pain)
    Booth: You know, you really ought to do something about that stomach.
    Zangara: I do everything about this stomach!
    Booth: Oh, yes?
    Zangara: I give up wine. No good. I give up smokes. No good. I quit my work, no good. I move to Miami! No good! I TAKE APPENDIX OUT! NO GOOD! NOTHING, NO GOOD! NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING!
    Booth: Have you considered shooting Franklin Roosevelt?
    Zangara: ...You think that help?
    Booth: It couldn't hurt.
  • Anything Guiteau says or does when performed correctly.
    • Every time he brings up his book.
  • Booth pausing from his song to tell the Balladeer to shut up.
  • Fromme and Moore giggling like schoolgirls while talking about Charles Manson.
  • Samuel Byck's rant about Burger King.
    Byck: (singing) Have it your way, have it your way. (speaking) You know what my way is? Hot. How about having some hamburgers THAT ARE FUCKING HOT?!
  • John Hinckley Jr. asking Lee Harvey Oswald for his autograph.