- Both of the teaser trailers
"No polar bears in mission control!"
- "Dasher, Dancer, Prancer... what are the rest? I can never ruddy remember, B-b-b-Bambi? John? You With the White Ear, and You, and You?" Even better, the "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue lists them with the exact nomenclature that Grandsanta gives them.
- This exchange:
Arthur: A child's been missed!Steve: Do you want to wake up the whole North Pole?!Arthur: Good idea! A CHILD'S BEEN MIIIIISSED!!!
- Christmas: The Board Game. Just... everything about it, ever.
- One of the cards challenges a player to sing "Silent Night" back. Malcolm wonders who would possibly know that. Cue Arthur singing the carol, not end to beginning, but with the words backwards.
- "Worry me!"
- Grandsanta on why Santa always begins his Christmas mission by going through Canada: "No one lives here!"
- "They used to say it was impossible to teach a woman to read!" One can only wonder, did Grandsanta agree at the time?
- Grandsanta begging Arthur not to leave him in the desert as Arthur is walking off, finishing with "At least have the decency to finish me off with a rock!" Arthur stops walking for a moment, as if actually considering it, then continues walking.
- Bryony muting an intruder alarm in Trelew by giftwrapping it. With three layers of paper.
- After Malcolm tries to maneuver blame on the missed child onto Steve, Steve decides he's had enough for one night and, completely stoic, tells the elves where all they're needed and leaves on a half-bitter, "Good night, Santa"
- Steve's note cards for when he's first expecting to become Santa include the bullet point "Take Over Easter"
- Before Grandsanta realizes that they can get the sleigh back, Arthur, freshly deranged with resolve after snapping out of his Heroic B.S.O.D., is trying to row to England in a dingy in less than an hour. Grandsanta proclaims that he's clearly suffering from "sleigh fever" like the Santa in charge during the 1800s. Grandsanta points out that every child that year got a sausage nailed to a piece of tree bark, and suggests that they'll have to knock out Arthur with a blunt object and regroup.
- In fact, just Grandsanta in general, providing nearly the entirety of the movie's verbal humor with his stories.