Gob's single-episode obsession with how expensive his business suits are, and the resulting hysterical babbling he's reduced to when Michael makes a silly remark about his pants. In fact, any interaction between Michael and Gob when the latter becomes highly emotional is pretty much gold.
And speaking of Gob's Pants:
Buster: You can wear stripper clothes when you're not stripping? Gob: [tears off velcro pants] You tell me.
"I'M A MONSTER!"
Michael takes Maebe to take-your-daughter-to-work-day and is visited by police inquiring about the disappearance of his his father's secretary, Kitty:
Maebe: So, you killed Kitty, huh? Michael: No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer's questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. [whoops and hollers heard from the conference room] Michael: And apparently, a fun one. Why don't we go see what's going on in the back, shall we? Maebe': Were those the last words Kitty ever heard?
From the same episode: the flashbacks of George Michael going to the Bluth Company's "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day". So Unfunny It's Funny humor at its finest.
(we see a flashback of a six year-old George Michael accompanying Michael to work) Narrator: Michael had first made this joke when George Michael was six. Michael: Well, sheís not my daughter, but itís about as close as Iím going to get. Young George Michael: Iím a good little girl! (curtsies, as Michael's co-workers laugh) (we see another flashback, of George Sr. leading a meeting in a boardroom) Narrator: It was a joke that Michael was starting to grow concerned about, as it had not worn well with age. (George Michael pokes his head into the boardroom) George Michael: Hey, Dad! Theyíre out of sanitary napkins in the ladies' washroom! (laughs) George Sr.: Weird kid...
"How much clearer can I say that THERE IS ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND?!"
A classic from the very first episode, so much so that it is given multiple Call Back/Call Forwards in Season 4:
George Sr.: No Michael, if I'd put you in charge you'd be wearing an orange jumpsuit. It had to be your mother. *Motions for him to lean closer* They can't arrest a husband and wife for the same crime! Beat Michael: Yea, I don't think that that's true dad. George Sr.: Really? God, I have the worst f***ing attorneys.
This one happened within the first few minutes of the series:
Michael: So, this is the magic trick? Gob:Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money. [Michael gestures to nearby children] ...Or candy!
Even better in the Director's Cut on the DVD: "Or cocaine!"
A Call Back to this in season four plays with it—Gob gets cut off before he can get past the "c" in the last word.
Tobias' audition to announce a fire sale.
Tobias: Oh my God, we're having a fire!... sale. OH THE BURNING!
This exchange in the season 1 finale:
Michael: What kind of job? Lindsay: Beads! Gob: Bees?! Lindsay: Be-eeds. Gob: Beads! Michael: Gob's not on board.
In the third episode the moment that Tony Hale (Buster) said was his favorite on the show.
Buster:[impersonating Lucille] I'm an uptight [bleep] BUSTER! [longer bleep that continues on and on for an extremely long time while Michael GOB and Lindsay watch on with increasingly horrified expressions] YOU OLD HORNY SLUT! [beat] Michael: Well no one's gonna top that.
Plus, Maggie comes home but can't reveal that she knows he's there without giving away that she's not blind, so both of them are forced to spend quite some time awkwardly moving around each other, neither acknowledging the other's presence.
In Top Banana
Michael: You burned down the storage unit? T-Bone: Oh, most definitely!
The head of the Magician's Alliance calls Michael over to his limo:
Rollo: If you care about your brother, get in the car. Michael: ...which brother? Rollo: ...Gob. [Michael jumps back on his bike and cycles off]
"I threatened her at a restaurant, but, you know. It's a restaurant."
Lucille on the phone to George Sr, after his earlier declaration that he is "having a love affair with an ice cream sandwich"
Lucille: Well why don't you MARRY an Ice Cream Sandwich!
This bit from the pilot:
Lucille: Don't play favorites with me Michael, I love all my children equally! * Earlier that day* Lucille: I don't care for GOB.
Gob: Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear. Michael Bluth: G.O.B., weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act? Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.
Mrs Featherbottom's (i.e. Tobias') attempt to give Maeby a "magical entrance" Mary Poppins-style by jumping off a landing into the living room holding an umbrella. It doesn't end well.
Aw, is this our little bundle of TWO GAY COPS' BABY??
The narrator's constant jabs at his competition on Scandalmakers. "And that's how you narrate a story!"
It Ain't Easy Being White.
IT AINT EASY BEIN' BROWN!
From "The Righteous Brothers":
Gob: Dad kissed me! Michael: [horrified]...he was unconscious. Gob: I didn't say he was totally into it! Michael: [incoherently horrified]
One such time, Michael nonchalantly tells him to shut up and cuts off the piano music.
George Senior dressing up in a turban and delivering a threatening video to his employees. We only see one part of it, which has him imitating Osama bin Laden with the phrase, "This is my demand", complete with finger pointing.
When Rita apparently walks on water.
Michael: Hang on, that's your trick, isn't it? Gob: No Michael. That's not my trick. On the next Arrested Development... Gob: It's my illusion!
In one episode, previously unrelated subplots regarding a jetpack, a mole, a model city and Japanese investors inevitably build towards a completely unintentional kaiju battle being staged. Probably one of the funniest punchlines in the history of the show.
Michael suggests that Lucille borrow the family cabin.
Michael: Maybe you can take a date up there. Lucille: How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap? [loong pause] Michael: ...ah yes, the cabin!
Gob's new plan for his ventriloquist act: to have a recording of the phrase "My name is Judge" used for all of Franklin's lines.
Franklin: My name is Judge. Gob: Whose name is Judge? Franklin: My name is— Gob: That's a silly name. Franklin: Judge. My name— Gob: Yes, I do judge your name. It am silly. Franklin: is— Gob: Oh, now you're correcting my grammar?
Narrator: Hey, let's see what some of the other folks are up to. [cut to George Michael doing homework] Nothing there. [cut to George Sr. clipping his toenails] Or there. [cut to a nurse getting into bed with a "comatose" Buster] Oh my! ...Let's get back to Michael.
Tony Wonder's magic act. Just, the way it blatantly panders to his homosexual audience.
Tony: I'm here! I'm queer! Now I'm over here!
Tobias gets the term "Anus Tart" thrown at him several times on account of his new license plates (which were meant to read "a new start"). When Lucille calls him "Anus Tart" though, the narrator adds, "And she hadn't even seen the license plates."
The giant "HER?" sign above Ann's head at her wedding.
In what is possibly the most controversial joke in the series so far, close to 100 registered sex offenders are gathered in and around a communal pool. When a six-year-old boy dives in, they all flee for their lives. (The camera angles and editing are what sell the joke.)
The "SHOW STEALER PRO TRIAL VERSION" watermark on clips from the previous three seasons.
A Freeze-Frame Bonus on the last such flashback of the season reveals a demand to fully purchase Show Stealer Pro before cutting out.
The promotional material for season 4 includes an audition reel by Tobias Funke called "Insert Me Anywhere". The YouTube excerpt is uproariously pitiful.
Tobias accidentally getting himself arrested on a To Catch a Predator type show looking for his daughter Maeby.
Tobias: Is there a little girl here all by herself? Narrator: And perhaps it was this that would finally get him to admit that he sometimes did speak in a misleading way. Tobias: Daddy needs to get his rocks off! [...] Tobias: I'm here to see my little girl. I need to show her daddy's Thing!
"So watery...and yet, there's a smack of ham to it."
Undoubtedly this exchange, which was the culmination of an episode's worth of rock/paper/scissors jokes:
Narrator: G.O.B. charged at Michael with the scissors, but Michael... Michael: Put it down. Narrator: ...as he always did, picked rock... G.O.B.: Make it collapse. Make me look foolish. Michael: G.O.B., donít do this. G.O.B., the scissors! Narrator: ...which beat scissors. Unfortunately, the whole incident was covered by the paper.
Tobias coaching Michael on expressing himself;
Tobias: Michael, sometimes our emotions can come out in the most unexpected way. [checks fridge] WHERE THE *** ARE MY HARDBOILED EGGS? [Tobias walks away sadly with Charlie Brown music playing]
George Sr. informing Michael that they killed J. Walter Weatherman "when you left the door open with the air conditioner on."
Michael:[to GOB] I want you to get rid of The Seaward. Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready!
Note that GOB's other yacht in the initial finale is actually called ''The C-Word,'' so written.
The content is awful, but the delivery is perfect.
Earl Milford: Please don't send me back. They abuse us, it's not pleasant! GOB: Earl, I have to take you back. It's the only way to clear my name. Earl Milford: You'll have a new name! Hero!
Gob's wife (whose name he doesn't know) falls for Tobias and struggles to make Gob understand the pretty unambiguous statement "I'm in love with your brother-in-law":
Gob: You're in love with your own brother? The one in the army? Wife: No! Your sister's husband. Gob: Michael? Michael! Wife: That's your sister's brother. Gob: I'm my sister's brother. You love me. Me! Wife: I'm in love with Tobias! Gob: My brother-in-law? Wife: But I know it'll never work out so I'm enlisting in the army. Gob: To be with your brother?
When George Michael chastises his father about stealing a chair from work, Micheal tries to use "I'm the one that taught you stealing is bad" as an argument.
Oscar's constant over-the-top hints that Buster is his son, and Lucille's just as constant eye rolls.