- After Roger tells him about the real Angels.
Knox: Great! A psycho kid. David, you'd think they'd screen these people.
Knox: (arms folded and a sour look on his face) There's been a mistake - this team can't win.
- Before that, Knox has a response to the photographer telling him to smile and, thinking it'll cheer Knox up, reminding him that the Angels had just won the game.
- "It could happen." Later evolves into a moment of heartwarming.
- David Montagne, the Un Funny.
- When JP took Wilder's card and started to chat.
Wilder: Hey. I'm Ranch Wilder. The voice of the Angels.JP: I know who you are. I heard you on the radio. You sure do have a big chin.Wilder: Everybody's a critic.
- After Roger finishes his prayer.
Roger: Amen. Oh... and A-woman, too.
- Al the Boss Angel to Roger, "Please don't drink me!" Not as weird as it sounds.
- Knox sucker punching the interviewer during a pregame report.
- "It's God's thumbnail!"
- Whitt Bass, resident pitcher and wisecracker.
- Hemmerling for Mitchell?! Go back to Cincinnati!!!
- Uh oh, seems the (other) Angel's may be sponsors of Political Correctness Gone Mad!
Knox: Hey, let's keep the profanity down!All The Players: HUH!?Knox: I mean it! No swearing!Ray Mitchell: That eliminates all speech for most of the team.
- Al playing hacky-sack to control the ball in order to prevent the other team from trying to get it, after Danny Hemmerling is just barely successful in hitting the ludicrously-slowed ball, let alone a home run.
- When readying the photo of Knox and Roger, the photographer notes how uncomfortable they all look and deadpans, "It looks like a prison photo." JP makes the same remark when he sees it for himself.
- Bass going to a Magic 8 Ball before a game:
Will I win, will I win, will I winwinwin?!(Magic 8 Ball: No)Aww. *shakes*(Magic 8 Ball: Maybe)YEAH!
- Knox's tirade is utterly hilarious.
Mapel: (singing while taking off his baseball team jersey) We are the boys of summer, and it's a big bummer. No matter who we play, we give the game away. 'Cause we can't win. That would be a sin. We even lose the games before they begin—Knox: SAVE IT MAPEL! (Knox stomps over to the snack table, then tips it over in a rage, sending all the food rolling on the floor)Players: Ohh!Messmer: Bummer.Knox: ONE MORE LOSS! One more loss which could've been a WIN! Do you call yourselves "professionals?!" I have never, ever seen a worse group of 25 players! You don't think as a team, you don't play as a team! You don't even lose as a team! You've all got your heads so far up your butts, YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY! One more loss and I'll-and I'll do this... (throws a chair at a bat rack and the bats go flying all over the whole locker room, as the players duck for cover) to each and every one of you! (Whit Bass dodges as a bat misses him, only to be hit in the face by another one.) I want you here in uniform at 9:00 tomorrow! We're goin' back to work on fundamentals!Norton: Fundamentals!? In the middle of the season!?Bass: I thought the game started at one...Knox: It DOES start at one. And you're a JACKASS!Bass: No, I'm a pitcher.(Knox turns around, puts his hands to his head, and storms off, groaning angrily)Martinez: You're a pitcher and a jackass.Garcia: Sí, it's very common.(Bass nods...then faints, since apparently it's only now did he realize that one of the bats that catapulted off the rack after Knox's tirade had hit him in the head)
- When George teaches the boys in the neighborhood how to play ball. One young player named Marvin gets on base and when his team scores a run George tells him to run home. And that's exactly what he does.
- David and the nacho incident, which prompts him to tell Knox he'll buy the kids anything but nachos.
- And later, when J.P. warns Roger that David is returning from the concession stand with this gem: "It's Nacho Butt!"
- At one point, Roger needs to report an angel sighting and tells David he needs another drink. When David asks what Roger wants, Roger goes blank and then orders coffee. David is understandably skeptical, which causes JP to threaten, "Gimme a cup or I'll SCREAM!"
Funny / Angels in the Outfield
1994 Disney Version