Funny / Alice's Restaurant

  • This moment during Arlo's induction ordeal:
    And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench there...
  • Telling the psychiatrist that he wants to kill as a way to avoid the draft and jumping up and down screaming "Kill, kill, kill", only for the psychiatrist to join him and a Sergeant declare him to be suitable for military service.