- The Santa Claus. "HOOOO! HOOOO! HOOOO!"
- Also the scene where he pushes Ralphie down the slide with his foot as Ralphie shouts an unforgettable Big "NO!".
- Ralphie's brutal beat down of Scut Farkus is both this and a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
- "Did you hear what Ralphie said?"
- According to Peter Billingsley, all of the Angrish during the scuffle was directly scripted by Jean Shepherd. In the DVD Commentary he reveals he still has it all memorized and casually recites his favorite phrase from it.
- In the stage show, adult Ralph remarks that he saw Scut years later at a school reunion. "He tried to sell me life insurance."
- "I CAN'T PUT MY ARMS DOWN!"
- Mom tries to put Randy's arms down but they keep popping back up and tells him "Well, put your arms down when you get to school!"
- "My kid brother looked like a tick about to pop."
- Randy waddling to school in his snow outfit and how he continually falls down.
- "Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense."
- Mom wrapping Randy's face with his scarf to muffle his whining.
- Ralphie as he receives the pink bunny pajamas for Christmas: "Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl."
The Old Man: He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny!
Mrs. Parker: He does not!
The Old Man: He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare!
- There's also Randy laughing at Ralphie while he's wearing the pink bunny pajamas and Ralphie mumbling at him, "Shut up."
- Ralphie drops an F-bomb in front of his father.
Ralphie: Oh FFFFFFUUUUUUDDDDDGGGEEEE...
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating]
Only I didn't say fudge. It was the
word! The big one! The queen mother of dirty words! The "F dash dash dash
The Old Man: What did you say?
Ralphie: [mutters incoherently]
The Old Man: That's what I thought you said...
Ralphie as Adult: It was all over... I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Huh. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. (Long pause.) Lifebuoy, on the other hand...
- Pretty funny especially due to the fact that it's basically a Gilligan Cut to Ralphie just calmly sitting there, with a neutral expression and a big red piece of plastic in his mouth (until '...Lifebuoy on the other hand...*yecch*!')
- When asked where he learned the word, Ralphie panics and names Schwartz (rather than the true culprit, his old man), leading to a hilarious phone conversation between Mrs. Parker and Mrs. Schwartz.
[Mrs. Parker covers the mouthpiece to whisper the word Ralphie said]
Mrs. Schwartz: NO, NOT THAT!!!
Mrs. Parker: Do you know where he heard that word?
Mrs. Schwartz: Probably from his father!
Mrs. Parker: NO! He heard it from your son!
- Followed by Mrs. Schwartz practically BEATING her son within an inch of his life... which Ralphie's mom can still hear over the phone.
- Followed by Ralphie's mom nervously hanging up the phone as Schwartz continues to scream.
- It's even funnier because Mrs. Schwartz correctly guessed where he got that word from.
- After sending Ralphie to bed following his punishment, Mrs. Parker gives in to curiosity and she sticks the soap in her own mouth... and immediately spits it out in disgust.
- Ralphie's fantasy in which he is blind as a result of "soap poisoning" from having Lifebuoy soap in his mouth. Made even funnier thanks to the Narmtastic / Melodramatic reaction of Ralphie's parents after discovering the cause of Ralphie's blindness and the sly smile that Ralphie has at the end.
- Look closely, and you can see Darren McGavin, Melinda Dillon, and Peter Billingsley all struggling not to laugh.
- "I told you not to use Lifebuoy!"
- "You'll shoot your eye out!"
- "OH MY GOD, I SHOT MY EYE OUT!"
- Flick being "triple dog dared" to put his tongue on a frozen flagpole, which he does do thinking that tongues don't stick to frozen metal. Needless to say, he finds out that his prediction is wrong.
- Then, when he doesn't come in from recess:
Mrs. Shields: "Has anyone seen Flick?"
Ralphie as Adult: "Flick? Flick who?"
- "That is the ugliest lamp I have ever seen IN MY ENTIRE LIIIFE!"
- "YOU USED UP ALL THE GLUE ON PURPOSE!"
- Realizing that sending out for that decoder pin was all for naught, as the "secret message" broadcast on the radio was Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. And Ralphie's reaction:
- The classic leg lamp scene.
The Old Man: Fra-geelay. Huh, must be Italian!
- "DADDY'S GONNA KILL RALPHIE!" *sob*
- Made funnier (and rather sweet) by the mom letting Randy stay in the cupboard until he was ready to come back out, and asking if he wanted a glass of milk before going on with her own activities.
- And the Old Man's reaction to Randy coming out.
- The tree salesman. "This here's a tree! Ain't no needles coming offa this here tree!"
- ....*shakes tree...a ring of needles on the ground*..."HELL! This ain't no tree!..." *tosses tree to the side*.
- Ralph Breaking the Fourth Wall after fooling his mom that an icicle broke his glasses when he actually stepped on them after the BB Gun recoil knocked them off.
Ralph: I had pulled it off! *smiles at the audience*
- Ralph's old man trying to get the furnace going again.
Ralph as an adult: In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.
- The thick, black smoke emanating from the furnace seems to be a visual representation of all that profanity.
- "Deck the harrs with boughs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra. Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!"
- "SONS OF BITCHES! BUMPUSES!"
- Ralphie touching the leg lamp in a sensual manner and his mother continually getting him to stop it.
Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
- That weird kid in the mall that claimed he/she loved Santa but started screaming his/her head off once they were put on his lap.
- Randy snorting in his food like a pig and Ralphie's and the Old Man's disgusted reactions to it.
- "Meatloaf, speetloaf, double beetloaf. I hate meatloaf."
- Ralphie finally remembering what he wanted to ask Santa for, complete with his big cheesy grin after he says it.
Santa: You'll shoot your eye out, kid!
- The ending of the lamp saga:
With as much dignity as he could muster, the Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered major award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of "Taps" being played, gently.
- In line to see Santa:
Wicked Witch: What a tasty little boy!
Ralphie: Don't bother me. I'm uh...thinking.
Wicked Witch: *shrugs*
- Scut Farkus (to Ralphie): "Listen jerk, when I tell you to come, you better come!" That's What She Said.
- "DON'T A-NY-BO-DY MOVE! A FUSE IS OUT!"
- The Old Man's Christmas wish.
Ralphie: I bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas!
The Old Man: *gets glassy-eyed* A new furnace.
Ralphie: Haha, that's a good one, Dad.
Narrator: My old man was one of the most feared furnace fighters in northern Indiana.
- The first time we see the Old Man go toe to toe with the furnace: He grabs his gloves, and heads downstairs in a hurry. He makes it a few steps down before stepping on a rollerskate, and going flying down the stairs into what sounds like a pile of paint cans. Then, of course, once he actually starts the battle properly and the swearing launches into overdrive, everyone just stares at the vent, lost for words.
- Scut Farkus's incredibly hammy Evil Laugh.
- When the family goes to a Chinese restaurant for Christmas dinner. It seems likely Melinda Dillon (Mrs. Parker) cracked up for real when the duck was brought in and the director decided to keep that shot.
- There's also when the guy chops off the head of the duck and the mom screams.
- Any of Ralphie's Imagine Spots.
- Anytime Scut Farkus and Grover chase Ralphie and friends.
- Randy and Ralphie getting socks on Christmas morning, looking at each other, and promptly tossing the socks behind them.
- Randy falling asleep on the ground with his toy and the Old Man telling him to wake up, Randy staying asleep and the Old Man's response to this is to raise his eyebrows, shake his head and mutter something that sounds like "God".
- The Frankenstein's Monster mask laying behind Randy's head is a nice touch. Who gets their kid's Halloween masks as a Christmas present?
- Grover scaring Ralphie, his friends, and Randy away by roaring at them.
- Ralphie getting a C+ on his essay, seeing the line "You'll shoot your eye out!" at the end, and imagining Ms. Shields (dressed as the Wicked Witch of the West) and his mom (dressed as a jester for no ostensible reason) singing "You'll shoot your eye out!" and then laughing evilly. Bonus points for Ralph assuming a conspiracy between his mom and Ms. Shields.
- Before that, his hammier-than-ham imagine spot in which he envisions getting an A+. There, Mrs. Shields grades themes and despairs over F after F, only to swoon dramatically when she gets to Ralphie's. Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet overture swells as the other kids carry Ralphie around the room on their shoulders and Mrs. Shields continues to write A+'s — long after the chalkboard ends and the wall begins.
- In one scene before they go see Santa, Ralphie wants to see Santa before the mall closes, but his parents and Randy are trying to watch a parade and tell him to be quiet every time he tries to get them to leave. "SHADDAP RALPHIE!"
- "What kind of parents would name their kid 'Scut?'"
- "Adults love to say things like that, but kids know better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught."
- As mean as it sounds, the shot of the dog's ear caught in the door, and the howls of pain accompanying it.
The Old Man: Serves you right, you smelly buggers!
- While playing with the Christmas tree lights, the Old Man pops one of the lightbulbs in his mouth and sucks on it.
- He was wetting the base of the bulb to improve electrical contact with the socket. Used to be a fairly common gesture before screwing in lightbulbs (whether it was ever really needed due to poor precision in early lightbulb manufacture, or was just a reflection of people having less faith that technology would work without help, I don't know).
- When The Old Man pulls his spare out of the trunk, there is absolutely zero tread on it.
Adult Ralphie: The Old Man's "spare tires" were tires only in the academic sense: they were round, they were once made of rubber.
- The running gag of Ralphie checking the mailbox for his decoder ring and ignoring all the other mail. When it finally comes in, he leaves the box open.
- "Maybe Ms. Shields, in her ecstasy, would excuse me from theme-writing for the rest of my natural life!" And Ralphie gets a shocked expression as he only now realizes the profound implications of the brilliance of his theme.