Ralphie as Adult:[narrating] Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. (Long pause.) Lifebuoy, on the other hand...
When asked where he learned the word, Ralphie panics and names Schwartz (rather than the true culprit, his old man), leading to a hilarious phone conversation between Mrs. Parker and Mrs. Schwartz.
[Mrs. Parker covers the mouthpiece to whisper the word Ralphie said]
Mrs. Schwartz: NO, NOT THAT!!!
Mrs. Parker: Do you know where he heard that word?
It's even funnier because Mrs. Schwartz correctly guessed where he got that word from.
After sending Ralphie to bed following his punishment, Mrs. Parker gives in to curiosity and she sticks the soap in her own mouth... and immediately spits it out in disgust.
Ralphie's fantasy in which he is blind as a result of "soap poisoning" from having Lifebuoy soap in his mouth. Made even funnier thanks to the Narmtastic / Melodramatic reaction of Ralphie's parents after discovering the cause of Ralphie's blindness and the sly smile that Ralphie has at the end.
Made funnier by the mom letting Randy stay in the cupboard until he was ready to come back out, and pausing to re-open the door and see if he wanted a glass of milk before going on with her own activities.
Raplhie touching the leg lamp in a sensual manner and his mother continually getting him to stop it.
Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
That weird kid in the mall that claimed he/she loved Santa but started screaming his/her head off once they were put on his lap.
Randy snorting in his food like a pig and Ralphie's and the Old Man's disgusted reactions to it.
"Meatloaf, speetloaf, double beetloaf. I hate meatloaf."
Ralphie finally remembering what he wanted to ask Santa for, complete with his big cheesy grin after he says it.
Santa: You'll shoot your eye out, kid!
The ending of the lamp saga:
With as much dignity as he could muster, the Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered major award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of "Taps" being played, gently.
In line to see Santa:
Wicked Witch: What a tasty little boy!
Ralphie: Don't bother me. I'm uh...thinking.
Wicked Witch: *shrugs*
Scut Farkus (to Ralphie): "Listen jerk, when I tell you to come, you better come!" That's What She Said.
Narrator: My old man was one of the most feared furnace fighters in northern Indiana.
The first time we see the Old Man go toe to toe with the furnace: He grabs his gloves, and heads downstairs in a hurry. He makes it a few steps down before stepping on a rollerskate, and going flying down the stairs into what sounds like a pile of paint cans. Then, of course, once he actually starts the battle properly and the swearing launches into overdrive, everyone just stares at the vent, lost for words.
When the family goes to a Chinese restaurant for Christmas dinner. It seems likely Melinda Dillon (Mrs. Parker) cracked up for real when the duck was brought in and the director decided to keep that shot.
There's also when the guy chops off the head of the duck and the mom screams.
Anytime Scut Farkus and Toadie chase Ralphie and friends.
Randy and Ralphie getting socks on Christmas morning, looking at each other, and promptly tossing the socks behind them.
Randy falling asleep on the ground with his toy and the Old Man telling him to wake up, Randy staying asleep and the Old Man's response to this is to raise his eyebrows, shake his head and mutter something that sounds like "God".
Toadie scaring Ralphie, his friends, and Randy away by roaring at them.
In one scene before they go see Santa Ralphie wants to see Santa before the mall closes but his parents and Randy are trying to watch a parade and tell him to be quiet every time he tries to get them to leave. "SHADDAP RALPHIE!"
"What kind of parents would name their kid 'Scut?'"