A JustForFun page reserved for all the creative ways Red Forman threatens to put his foot up someone's ass. And believe us, he's surprisingly creative in this regard.

* You'd better ask his permission if you're going to install home electronics in his house in a manner that requires you to vandalize it on the inside.
-->'''Red''': You drilled a hole in my floor! My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass!
* When Eric fails to put his car in the garage:
-->'''Red''': It's funny how you always manage to pull up the car right up to the garage, but not in it.\\
'''Eric''': Yeah, it takes a keen eye and a sure foot.\\
'''Red''': How would you like your keen eye to watch my sure foot kick your smart ass?
* Red doesn't really like the Jedi Order, and he makes his view pretty clear:
-->'''Eric''': May I suggest the teachings of the Jedi?\\
'''Red''': May I suggest the footing of your ass?\\
'''Eric''': This is not the ass you're looking for.
* Of truths and ass-kickings:
-->'''Bob''': Well, I guess the truth hurts.\\
'''Red''': So does a swift kick in the ass.
* Red's probably more concerned about your girl than you are, and he would like to prove it:
-->'''Eric''': I don't know why Donna's mad at me.\\
'''Red''': You'll find as you go through life that if you try to turn your girlfriend into a prostitute, she gets cranky.\\
'''Eric''': But she's all that's standing in between me and the rest of my life.\\
'''Red''': You're lucky this table is standing between my foot and your ass!
* "If it isn't my son the vandal. You know I oughta vandalize your ass with my foot."
* This guy's got no appreciation for the classics:
-->'''Eric''': I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic ''On The Road''. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?\\
'''Red''': You have got to be the laziest non-Communist I've ever met, and you are about to read a book that my foot wrote: it's called ''On the Road to In Your Ass''.
* Even Red can turn this threat into SelfDeprecation:
-->'''Red''': Today was a total disaster. I didn't send one muffler, and I drew a dozen customers into the hands of my competition. If I were a younger, more flexible man, I'd shove my foot up my own ass.
* Nothing upsets Red more than the smell of stoning:
-->'''Red''': Dumbass! Do you realize that you put your entire future at risk? What kind of a moron would go and take the fall for some little... Crying and crying and crying. When she's upset, I'm upset. And the next thing you know, I had to have tea with that greasy old hippie, and now I have hippie stink on my couch. Let me tell you something else: if you ever do anything like that again, I will kick your ass so hard your nose will bleed!
* A good, hard math lesson from Red:
-->'''Eric''': So, looks like I'm gonna spend the weekend with Kelso, tutor him in math.\\
'''Red''': Really?\\
'''Kitty''': Hmmm.\\
'''Red''': So, you're allegedly tutoring Kelso in math?\\
'''Eric''': Yes sir.\\
'''Kitty''': Are you good in math?\\
'''Red''': What's the square root of x?\\
'''Eric''': Um, I really can't answer that.\\
'''Red''': AHA!\\
'''Eric''': No, see, X is a variable, so until you define its parameter the only possible answer is the variable or x if you prefer.\\
'''Red''': Is that right?\\
'''Kitty''': Sounds good. Will Michael's parents be home?\\
'''Eric''': Yes.\\
'''Red''': Are they as dumb as he is?\\
'''Eric''': I can't lie. Yes. Yes, they are.\\
'''Red''': Right answer. ''[aside, to Kitty]'' That was a trick question, I know they're dumb.\\
'''Eric''': So, I can go?\\
'''Red''': You can go, but I'll be watching the news, and if anything gets vandalized, or explodes, or catches on fire, X is gonna equal me kicking your ass.
* All Red wants for Christmas is his foot in your ass, but Kitty will have none of it:
-->'''Bob''': If I had mistletoe, I'd kiss you.\\
'''Red''': If I had mistle-foot, it'd be in your ass!\\
'''Kitty''': You know what I want for Christmas? No more talk of you putting your foot in people's rear ends.
* "You better shut up, or I'll launch a nuclear foot to the city of your ass."
* He can beg, borrow or steal all he wants, but it takes an ass-footing threat (most likely jocular this time around) for him to secure the last Eggo waffle of the morning:
-->'''Eric''': Hey... leggo my Eggo.
-->'''Red''': Hey... leggo my foot in your ass.
* Red wants to wish you a good night in style:
-->'''Red''': Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs put their foot in your ass!
* Having just caught Eric and friends stoning, Red can barely control himself in his threat to kick their asses.
-->'''Red''': I wish I had! 2000 FEET! So I could put 500 of them, ''in each of your asses!''
* Later, when he's chewing out Kelso and Fez as he and Kitty are executing a search-and-destroy operation on the aforementioned hard drugs:
-->'''Red''': You morons just hung vacancy signs on your asses, and my foot's looking for a room!
* "Get under there or you're gonna get a spider the size of my foot in your ass!"
* More Yuletide Scrooginess from the King of Ass Footing:
-->'''Bob''': You name 5 reindeer, and I'll step down.\\
'''Red''': I can name 5 toes that are going to be in your ass!
* "How'd you like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?"
* "How bout I drive my foot into this thing called your ass?"
* "You know we could call in a specialist to find my foot in your ass."
* Red interjecting something into Kitty's methods of getting help for Eric:
-->'''Kitty''': We can help get you clean. There's counseling, hospitalization...
-->'''Red''': My foot kicking your ass.
* Sometimes, Eric gets the jump on Red:
-->'''Red''': Bend your knees and lift with your legs, or else I'm going to--
-->'''Eric''': Kick my ass, put your foot in my ass, make my ass a hat... Yeah, yeah, yeah...
* Or when Eric pretends he's Red:
-->'''Eric''': I wish I was an octopus, so I could put eight different feet in eight different asses, [[EvilLaugh AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!]]
* "I have a prank, too: one where my foot ''doesn't'' plow through your ass. Let's hope it doesn't go horribly! HORRIBLY! WRONG!"
* Kitty gets one when she finds out Red buys her presents "in bulk."
-->'''Red''': No, it's more of a vast inventory of love.
-->'''Kitty''': Well, you're about to get a vast inventory of ''my foot in your ass.'' Yeah, I can do that, too!
* The [[spoiler:next-to-]]last "foot in ass" of the decade:
-->'''Kelso''': Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
-->'''Red''': Sure, and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
* The actual last "foot in ass" of the decade?
-->'''Kelso''': You know, with all this time away, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.
-->'''Red''': You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
* Hyde asks Red a question in the finale:
-->'''Hyde''': Have you ever actually done that with your foot?
-->'''Red''': [[spoiler:Once, on Iwo Jima. [[NoodleIncident I can't talk about it.]]]]
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