Foot In Your Ass / That '70s Show

A Just for Fun page reserved for all the creative ways Red Forman threatens to put his foot up someone's ass. And believe us, he's surprisingly creative in this regard.

  • "You morons just hung vacancy signs on your asses, and my foot's looking for a room!"
  • "You drilled a hole in my floor! My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass!"
  • When Eric fails to put his car in the garage:
    Red: It's funny how you always manage to pull up the car right up to the garage, but not in it.
    Eric: Yeah, it takes a keen eye and a sure foot.
    Red: How would you like your keen eye to watch my sure foot kick your smart ass?
  • Red doesn't really like the Jedi Order, and he makes his view pretty clear:
    Eric: May I suggest the teachings of the Jedi?
    Red: May I suggest the footing of your ass?
    Eric: This is not the ass you're looking for.
  • Of truths and ass-kickings:
    Bob: Guess the truth hurts.
    Red: So does a swift kick in the ass.
  • Red's probably more concerned about your girl than you are, and he would like to prove it:
    Eric: I don't know why Donna's mad at me.
    Red: You'll find as you go through life that if you try to turn your girlfriend into a prostitute, she gets cranky.
    Eric: But she's all that's standing in between me and the rest of my life.
    Red: You're lucky this table is standing between my foot and your ass!
  • "If it isn't my son the vandal. You know I oughta vandalize your ass with my foot."
  • This guy's got no appreciation for the classics:
    Eric: I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
    Red: You have got to be the laziest non-Communist I've ever met, and you are about to read a book that my foot wrote: it's called On the Road to In Your Ass.
  • Even Red can turn this threat into Self-Deprecation:
    Red: Today was a total disaster. I didn't send one muffler, and I drew a dozen customers into the hands of my competition. If I were a younger, more flexible man, I'd shove my foot up my own ass.
  • Nothing upsets Red more than the smell of stoning:
    Red: Dumbass! Do you realize that you put your entire future at risk? What kind of a moron would go and take the fall for some little... Crying and crying and crying. When she's upset, I'm upset. And the next thing you know, I had to have tea with that greasy old hippie, and now I have hippie stink on my couch. Let me tell you something else: if you ever do anything like that again, I will kick your ass so hard your nose will bleed!
  • "You can go, but I'll be watching the news, and if anything is vandalized, or explodes, or catches on fire, X is gonna equal me kicking your ass."
  • All Red wants for Christmas is his foot in your ass, but Kitty will have none of it:
    Bob: If I had mistletoe, I'd kiss you.
    Red: If I had mistle-foot, it'd be in your ass!
    Kitty: You know what I want for Christmas? No more talk of you putting your foot in people's rear ends.
  • "You better shut up, or I'll launch a nuclear foot to the city of your ass."
  • He can beg, borrow or steal all he wants, but it takes an ass-footing threat (most likely jocular this time around) for him to secure the last Eggo waffle of the morning:
    Eric: Hey... leggo my Eggo.
    Red: Hey... leggo my foot in your ass.
  • "Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs put their foot up your ass!"
  • "I wish I had! 2000 feet! So I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!"
  • "Get under there or you're gonna get a spider the size of my foot in your ass!"
  • More Yuletide Scrooginess from the King of Ass Footing:
    Bob: You name 5 reindeer, and I'll step down.
    Red: I can name 5 toes that are going to be in your ass!
  • "How'd you like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?"
  • "How bout I drive my foot into this thing called your ass?"
  • "You know we could call in a specialist to find my foot in your ass."
  • Red interjecting something into Kitty's methods of getting help for Eric:
    Kitty: We can help get you clean. There's counseling, hospitalization...
    Red: My foot kicking your ass.
  • Sometimes, Eric gets the jump on Red:
    Red: Bend your knees and lift with your legs, or else I'm going to—
    Eric: Kick my ass, put your foot in my ass, make my ass a hat... Yeah, yeah, yeah...
  • Or when Eric pretends he's Red:
    Eric: I wish I was an octopus, so I could put eight different feet in eight different asses, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
  • "I have a prank, too: one where my foot doesn't plow through your ass. Let's hope it doesn't go horribly! HORRIBLY! WRONG!"
  • Kitty gets one when she finds out Red buys her presents "in bulk."
    Red: No, it's more of a vast inventory of love.
    Kitty: Well, you're about to get a vast inventory of my foot in your ass. Yeah, I can do that, too!
  • The next-to-last "foot in ass" of the decade:
    Kelso: Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
    Red: Sure, and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
  • The actual last "foot in ass" of the decade?
    Kelso: You know, with all this time away, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.
    Red: You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
  • Hyde asks Red a question in the finale:
    Hyde: Have you ever actually done that with your foot?
    Red: Once, on Iwo Jima. I can't talk about it.