- "You morons just hung vacancy signs on your asses, and my foot's looking for a room!"
- "You drilled a hole in my floor! My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass!"
- When Eric fails to put his car in the garage:
Red: It's funny how you always manage to pull up the car right up to the garage, but not in it.
Eric: Yeah, it takes a keen eye and a sure foot.
Red: How would you like your keen eye to watch my sure foot kick your smart ass?
- Red doesn't really like the Jedi Order, and he makes his view pretty clear:
Eric: May I suggest the teachings of the Jedi?
Red: May I suggest the footing of your ass?
Eric: This is not the ass you're looking for.
- Of truths and ass-kickings:
Bob: Guess the truth hurts.
Red: So does a swift kick in the ass.
- Red's probably more concerned about your girl than you are, and he would like to prove it:
Eric: I don't know why Donna's mad at me.
Red: You'll find as you go through life that if you try to turn your girlfriend into a prostitute, she gets cranky.
Eric: But she's all that's standing in between me and the rest of my life.
Red: You're lucky this table is standing between my foot and your ass!
- "If it isn't my son the vandal. You know I oughta vandalize your ass with my foot."
- This guy's got no appreciation for the classics:
Eric: I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-Communist I've ever met, and you are about to read a book that my foot wrote: it's called On the Road to In Your Ass.
- Even Red can turn this threat into Self-Deprecation:
Red: Today was a total disaster. I didn't send one muffler, and I drew a dozen customers into the hands of my competition. If I were a younger, more flexible man, I'd shove my foot up my own ass.
- Nothing upsets Red more than the smell of stoning:
Red: Dumbass! Do you realize that you put your entire future at risk? What kind of a moron would go and take the fall for some little... Crying and crying and crying. When she's upset, I'm upset. And the next thing you know, I had to have tea with that greasy old hippie, and now I have hippie stink on my couch. Let me tell you something else: if you ever do anything like that again, I will kick your ass so hard your nose will bleed!
- "You can go, but I'll be watching the news, and if anything is vandalized, or explodes, or catches on fire, X is gonna equal me kicking your ass."
- All Red wants for Christmas is his foot in your ass, but Kitty will have none of it:
Bob: If I had mistletoe, I'd kiss you.
Red: If I had mistle-foot, it'd be in your ass!
Kitty: You know what I want for Christmas? No more talk of you putting your foot in people's rear ends.
- "You better shut up, or I'll launch a nuclear foot to the city of your ass."
- He can beg, borrow or steal all he wants, but it takes an ass-footing threat (most likely jocular this time around) for him to secure the last Eggo waffle of the morning:
Eric: Hey... leggo my Eggo.Red: Hey... leggo my foot in your ass.
- "Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs put their foot up your ass!"
- "I wish I had! 2000 feet! So I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!"
- "Get under there or you're gonna get a spider the size of my foot in your ass!"
- More Yuletide Scrooginess from the King of Ass Footing:
Bob: You name 5 reindeer, and I'll step down.
Red: I can name 5 toes that are going to be in your ass!
- "How'd you like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?"
- "How bout I drive my foot into this thing called your ass?"
- "You know we could call in a specialist to find my foot in your ass."
- Red interjecting something into Kitty's methods of getting help for Eric:
Kitty: We can help get you clean. There's counseling, hospitalization...Red: My foot kicking your ass.
- Sometimes, Eric gets the jump on Red:
Red: Bend your knees and lift with your legs, or else I'm going to—Eric: Kick my ass, put your foot in my ass, make my ass a hat... Yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Or when Eric pretends he's Red:
Eric: I wish I was an octopus, so I could put eight different feet in eight different asses, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
- "I have a prank, too: one where my foot doesn't plow through your ass. Let's hope it doesn't go horribly! HORRIBLY! WRONG!"
- Kitty gets one when she finds out Red buys her presents "in bulk."
Red: No, it's more of a vast inventory of love.Kitty: Well, you're about to get a vast inventory of my foot in your ass. Yeah, I can do that, too!
- The next-to-last "foot in ass" of the decade:
Kelso: Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?Red: Sure, and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
- The actual last "foot in ass" of the decade?
Kelso: You know, with all this time away, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.Red: You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
- Hyde asks Red a question in the finale:
Hyde: Have you ever actually done that with your foot?Red: Once, on Iwo Jima. I can't talk about it.
Foot In Your Ass / That '70s Show
A Just for Fun page reserved for all the creative ways Red Forman threatens to put his foot up someone's ass. And believe us, he's surprisingly creative in this regard.