Film / Vampires Suck

This also includes the Seltzer and Friedberg saga.

"Some sagas just won't die."

— Tagline

A 2010 film by Seltzer and Friedberg, and the first one to concentrate on parodying a single franchise, rather than the usual system of parodying a single genre like Scary Movie or just parodying everything they could think of like Epic Movie (2007) and Disaster Movie (2008). As usual, the film is pretty trope-heavy, with most of them being lampshaded. It stars Matt Lanter, Jenn Proske and Ken Jeong.

The movie is a parody of The Twilight Saga, and got quite a bit of success at the box office, perhaps indicating that if there's one thing the public loves to mock more than Seltzer and Friedberg, it's Twilight. While most critics panned the film overall, many of them noted that Jenn Proske's dull-eyed Kristen Stewart impression almost saves it. In early 2011, the film also earned the distinct honor of competing with Twilight itself for four Golden Raspberry Awards, including Worst Picture.

Not to be confused with Your Vampires Suck. Definitely not to be confused with the other Vampire parody, Suck: Vampires Rock.

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This film contains examples of:

• Advertised Extra: Notice how "Lady Gaga" is on the cover of the movie itself (the page picture above). She (or rather an actress playing her) appears for a single throwaway joke that's actually in the trailer almost in its entirety.
• Artistic License – Biology: Becca can rip her biologicial father's moustache off. It comes off in one piece, leaving behind a moustache-shaped injury.
• Artistic License – Physics: Played for Laughs, with the vast majority of the jokes in the film not having any sort of logic behind the physics in the slapstick gags.

• Beard of Sorrow: Edward starts growing one after breaking up with Becca.
• Better than a Bare Bulb: Pretty much every single trope to be played straight in the Twilight Saga is lampshaded in this.
• Black Comedy: Edward at one point is forced to juggle an apple, a bowling ball and a baby before he catches them in Becca's bag, with the baby landing in second place. Makes Just as Much Sense in Context, to be honest.
• Blatant Lies: The trailers actually went so far as to make up acclaiming reviews by "reviewers" with punny names such as "Oliver Klozeoff".
• Book Ends and/or Flashback: Like the Twilight films, the film starts with a scene from later on. Here, though, it's played for laughs.
  Becca's narration: Oh, wait, you've already seen this bit.
  • There's a hard zoom on Becca's mouth at the beginning and end.
• Butt-Monkey:
  • Becca's father. The guy in a wheelchair can kick his ass.
  • Becca herself. She gets violently picked on first day at school, gets bricks falling down on her when in her room and Jennifer throws a champange bottle in her face while screaming "bitch!"
• Camp Gay: All of the werewolves except Jacob. Being a Seltzer and Friedberg film, expect gay stereotypes to be in this film as well.
• Compressed Adaptation: The film covers both Twilight and New Moon in less than 80 minutes and mocks them relentlessly.
• Dominatrix: Becca dresses in this outfit at one point as a random gag some point in the film.

• Emo Teen: Lampshaded constantly, as it mocks the fact that all the characters in the film are emos.
• Fan Disservice
  Edward: The only thing that doesn't stop aging is your ass. It gets pretty wrinkly down there...
• Fanservice:
  • Lampshaded by Jacob.
  Becca: Why'd you take your shirt off?
  Jacob: It's in my contract [gives camera unimpressed look]
  • Played straight with Edward's exposing scene.
  • And Becca in the leather dominatrix outfit.

• Gross-Up Close-Up:
  • When Edward uses Derric as a Human Shield, there are some disturbing close-ups of his injuries.
  • Edward's naked, 109-year-old butt. It takes up the entire frame. Twice.
• Hammerspace: Becca's backpack
• Hand-or-Object Underwear: The infamous sparkly vampires of Twilight are parodied by Edward having a disco ball covering his, um...
• How We Got Here: The opening.
• Karmic Death: At the end of the movie, a Jacob fangirl kills Edward, only to die by a vampirized-just-then Becca.
• Kryptonite-Proof Suit: The SPF 500 sunscreen, which all the vampires used to prevent them for dying in sunlight.

• Parody Names: As with Seltzer and Friedberg's other films, all the characters names were changed, with Edward and Jacob only having their last names changed.
• Product Placement: All over the place, though Bland-Name Product also comes up.
• Protagonist-Centred Morality: Edward's "keep Bella safe at all costs" attitude in Twilight is parodied by giving him a tendency to actively put random people in harm's way every time Becca is threatened. Including Becca herself.
• Redundant Parody: The constant lampshade on Jacob's constant shirtlessness? The Twilight movies already did that, several times.
• Romantic Vampire Boy: As with everything else parodied being Played for Laughs, as it is a parody of Twilight after all.
• Our Vampires Are Different: They obey multiple vampire 'rules', but only the ones that can be played for laughs at the time.
• Our Werewolves Are Different: Some of them are actually chihuahuas...
• Rule of Funny: The only reason why anything happens in this movie, with so many of the non-sequiturs, slapstick, and pop-culture references being shoehorned in for the sake of a joke.
• Shout-Out:
  • In addition to the entire plot being based off of the first two parts of the Twilight Saga, there are also references to Alice in Wonderland, Jersey Shore, The Vampire Diaries, True Blood, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Wizards of Waverly Place, Lady Gaga, and The Black Eyed Peas.
  • The Team Edward vs. Team Jacob fight is a Shout-Out to Twilight's infamous Fan Dumb.
• This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: "Team Jacob, bitch!"
• Visual Pun: When the Chinese takeout guy is sacrificed so Edward can get Becca out of there.
  Edward: "Hurry! They'll be hungry again in half an hour!"
• Warm Bloodbags Are Everywhere: Played for laughs, with a lot of the vampires all wanting to stereotypically suck on people's necks for their blood.
• Your Vampires Suck: This is literally stated in the film's title. Being a harsh parody of Twilight, it's to be expected.

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