Film: Track of the Moon Beast
"Your movie this week is Track of the Moon Beast. It stars nobody and features nothing. I hope you gag on it."Track of the Moon Beast is yet another transformation movie where radiation from a meteorite strike causes a professor to be turned into a murderous monster. This time the bland, uninteresting scientist is some guy named Paul; beyond that, no one knows anything about him, including the screenwriter. There's also a bland, uninteresting Love Interest dressed in terrycloth named Kathy. Their bland, uninteresting romance is hampered by Paul's refusal to just stop transmogrifying into a killer lizard, meaning the intrepid, stew-making shaman Johnny Longbow has to step in and move the plot along.Can Paul be cured? Can Longbone save the day? Do we really care? No, yes, and no, respectively, but don't miss a special performance from The Band That Played California Lady -featuring the talents of The Fish-Lipped Guy, The Eskimo and The Friendly-Looking Backup Singer- playing their #-1 hit "California Lady." Or do; whatever's cool.For the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, please go to the episode recap page.
Tropes present in this film:
- Artistic License – Biology: The picture of the T. Rex in the biologist's office wouldn't convince a 4-year-old.
- Artistic License – Nuclear Physics: Everything surrounding the "explanation" of the radiation from the meteor, mixed in with some Artistic License – Astronomy.
- Basement-Dweller: Paul lives with his mother at age 24, and Kathy feels he's a very lonely man, his clear friendship with Johnny Longbow notwithstanding.
- Better To Die Than To Be A Bipedal Lizardman
- Big "NO!": Kathy shrieks it when she realizes Paul's fate is inevitable.
- Don't Explain the Joke: After Longbow and his students play a prank on Paul at the movie's start, Kathy goes on to explain the prank and how they came up with it in excruciating detail. She even starts describing his reaction to the prank. Inaccurately.
- Dull Surprise: "Moon rock? Oh, wow." See also: every other line Kathy says.
- Also, the "prank." Drawn out into the open and brought down by multiple packs of hound/dingo crossbreeds with baseball bats by the long, convoluted and completely unnecessary apology because of his "reaction."
- Dumb Blonde: Kathy, in spades. This was probably not what they were going for at all.
- Dying as Yourself: When he finds out that he not only turns into a murderous lizard man, but he's going to burn up and die in due time anyway, Paul tries to find several ways to kill himself. He fails each time and ultimately dies as a murderous lizard man.
- Failed a Spot Check: A pair of cops obligingly just keep staring in the exact opposite direction from where Paul is sneaking up on them.
- Fan Disservice: A good look at the drunken bowler's asscheeks.
- Fanservice: Say what you want about Paul, but he's got a great body. He spends 1/3 of his screentime topless.
- Fashion Dissonance: Everything Kathy wears.
- From Nobody to Nightmare: Paul would presumably have become one if not stopped in time. He comes across as more of a nobody than was probably intended.
- I Love Nuclear Power: And radioactive meteorites.
- Imagine Spot: Paul has a fantasy of getting into the mountain lift and jumping out of it while it's in the air.
- Large Ham: Johnny is maybe slightly softer-spoken than your average ham, but he still has his occasional moments of Chewing the Scenery.
- PAUL IS NOT PAUL ANYMORE!!!
- Leitmotif: The stereotypical theme for Johnny Longbow.
- Lizard Folk: Johnny becomes one.
- Made of Iron: Paul jumps off a ski lift, plummets several stories, falls on rocky ground, and inexplicably comes out no worse for wear.
- Averted. It was an Imagine Spot with him considering doing so.
- Magical Native American: Johnny Longbow.
- Mundane Made Awesome: The prank and Johnny Longbow's stew, made with corn, chicken, green peppers, chilis, *sigh* onions...note
- Fans who've tried Johnny's recipe report back that it's really quite delicious. The hair, rattlesnake & Velveeta are best left out, but can be added to your tastes.
- Notable Original Music: "California Lady"
- Our Werebeasts Are Different: Were-lizardman!
- The Seventies: Make it stop.
- Sex Equals LovePaul: Do it because we love each other...
- Shoot the Dog
"Moon rock? Oh, wow."