So I'm going to the land of the tulips, where I'm gonna make the best two years.
The Best Two Years is a 2003 comedy-drama film, written and directed by Scott S. Anderson, about the various experiences of four Mormon missionaries in the Netherlands. The story addresses one missionary's crisis of faith, along with the rather universal themes of annoying roommates, frustration at one's job, being the new person, and public embarrassment.
The movie opens with a brand-new missionary, Elder Calhoun (Kirby Heyborne), arriving in Holland on a train. He is a very gung-ho cowboy/nerd from Oklahoma who can't speak a word of intelligible Dutch and understands little more. His companion is Elder Rogers (K.C. Clyde), a rather lazy missionary who likes photography. Rogers used to be a hard worker, but news from home about his girlfriend's abandoning him for another man has made him wonder just what he's doing.
The other set of missionaries are Elder Johnson (David Nibley) and Elder Van Pelt (Cameron Hopkin). Elder Johnson is the righteous one who keeps the other guys in check, but in a nice way. Elder Van Pelt is a snob who wears silky pajamas and has a funny exercise tape to which he jazzercises every morning.
This film provides examples of:
- Ambiguously Gay: Elder Van Pelt, with his silky pajamas and morning exercise routine. On the other hand, he is writing three different girlfriends.
- Armor-Piercing Question: Elder Rogers says Elder Johnson only works hard because of support he's getting from home and would mope around like Rogers if he got dumped by his girlfriend. Johnson doesn't deny it, but says he'd get over it:Elder Johnson: I know why I came out here. Do you?[Elder Rogers has no reply]
- Bait-and-Switch: Near the end of the film, Kyle asks to meet with Elders Rogers and Calhoun. He's quiet and solemn, so the elders expect he's about to tell them he doesn't want to meet with them anymore. Instead, he asks to get baptized.
- Blatant Lies: Elder Van Pelt is seen rocking out to music in his headphones while shining shoes. When asked what he's listening to, he says it's the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
- Book Ends: The movie begins with Elder Calhoun arriving on a train and ends with Elder Rogers leaving on a train.
- Chekhov's Skill: A
Deleted Scene shows Elder Calhoun teaching Elder Johnson how to tie up a calf, explaining how Elder Johnson knows how to tie up Elder Van Pelt later. - Crazy-Prepared: Elder Van Pelt wants to impress mission leadership, so in a pinch his three girlfriend pictures can be flipped over to show photos of the at-the-time First Presidency of the LDS Church.note When President Sandberg visits the apartment, he picks up the Hinckley picture and is about to see the girlfriend on the other side. Van Pelt then shows he's even more crazy prepared: underneath the girlfriend picture (which he hides down his pants) is a photo of him with President Sandberg.
- Cringe Comedy: Elder Calhoun is extremely awkward, clueless, and bad at Dutch, so a good chunk of the movie is laughing at all the embarrassing things that happen to him.
- Crisis of Faith: Elder Rogers, as signified by his unwillingness to pray in the morning.Elder Johnson: I remember when I first came out here, you and Richardson used to lead the mission every week in teaching discussions. Now look at you! You haven't picked up your discussion book in over a year. I don't even see you kneel down to pray at night, elder. I wonder if you even have a testimony.Elder Rogers: Oh yeah, well so do I... I mean I used to, I just don't know anymore.
- Cue Card: During Elder Calhoun's first discussion, he holds up cue cards so Kyle Harrison answers "yes". Calhoun soon gets the cards mixed up, showing the seventh commandment.note
- Darker and Edgier: Compared to Halestorm Entertainment's previous films, The Best Two Years focuses less on comedy and explores more thoroughly (and seriously) the topic of Crises of Faith.
- "Dear John" Letter: Elder Johnson gets a new "Dear John" cassette tape from his girlfriend.
- Deadpan Snarker: Elder Rogers and Elder Van Pelt.
- Early-Bird Cameo: Both President Sandberg and Kyle Harrison are briefly seen in the opening sequence where Elder Calhoun gets on the train, long before they're named or spoken with.
- Easy Evangelism: Kyle Harrison is Elders Rogers and Calhoun's "golden investigator." Despite an awkward first meeting, a cringey second encounter in a local grocer, and getting smashed behind a door by an angry Elder Johnson who thinks he's Elder Van Pelt, on the whole he is incredibly receptive. He's moved to tears by Elder Roger's testimony during the first discussion, readily attends church afterward, and asks the missionaries on his own if he can get baptized.
- "Eureka!" Moment: While teaching the first discussion to Kyle, Elder Rogers remembers why he's a missionary at all, snapping him out of his funk for the rest of the movie. This is a Call-Back to the Armor-Piercing Question Elder Johnson asked him earlier in the movie.Elder Rogers: We testify to you that God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, appeared to Joseph Smith and spoke with him, and that's why we're here. [Beat] That's why I'm here.
- Failure Montage: The "Falling" sequence. We see Elders Calhoun and Rogers knocking on multiple doors without success, and Elder Calhoun ultimately sits down on the ground in discouragement, which prompts Elder Rogers to help him up.
- The Film of the Play: Anderson based the movie on his stage play The Best Two Years of My Life.
- Foreign Queasine: Shown in a montage, where Elder Calhoun eats some stinky fish thing. On the other hand, those Stroopwafels they keep eating look really good.
- Four-Temperament Ensemble: The four elders.
- Elder Calhoun is Sanguine: enthusiastic, gullible, and optimistic.
- Elder Van Pelt is Choleric: ambitious, vain, and cynical.
- Elder Rogers is Melancholic: brooding, standoffish, and apathetic.
- Elder Johnson is Phlegmatic: modest, realistic, and reasonable. (Mostly.)
- Fun with Foreign Languages: Elder Calhoun hardly knows Dutch when he gets to the mission field, but he tries really hard to speak it. For example, at the bakery he tries to ask for a cut loaf, but instead asks for a circumcised loaf.
- Gosh Dang It to Heck!: Elder Johnson keeps using the word "flip" as a mild expletive, much to the annoyance of Elder Van Pelt.
President Sandburg uses it, too. - Good-Times Montage: The "Don't You Know" sequence. It includes Elders Calhoun and Rogers setting mission records and Kyle Harrison getting baptized.
- Grammar Nazi: Elder Van Pelt insists others use "Books of Mormon" instead of "Book of Mormons".note He's also annoyed by Elder Calhoun's dangled participles.
- Knocking on Heathens' Door: After Elders Rogers and Calhoun decide to break the mission record on handing out copies of the Book of Mormon, they go from door to door, at first with little success, but they soon catch on.
- Misplaced Retribution: An unintentional example. When Elder Johnson snaps at Elder Van Pelt for hitting him one too many times, Van Pelt hides in the apartment. Johnson follows, catching Kyle behind the door. Rogers hurriedly tells Johnson, "He's behind the door," but Johnson misunderstands "he" to mean Van Pelt and slams the door on Kyle multiple times before Rogers and Calhoun can clarify and rescue Kyle.
- Naïve Newcomer: Elder Calhoun arrives in the mission field ready to preach (but having no real idea how.) His companion, Elder Rogers, isn't as enthusiastic.
- Nerd Glasses: Elder Calhoun wears a pair, until the end when Elder Rogers gives him less conspicuous glasses as a parting gift.
- Nervous Wreck: Elder Calhoun really wants to talk to passing strangers, but at first he's nearly scared to death to do so (it also doesn't help that he doesn't really know Dutch.)
- No Antagonist: The movie has no villain. The elders' own struggles—not knowing the language, testimony issues, incompatibility with companions—and the general difficulties of missionary life are the sources of conflict.
- Not Good with Rejection:
- Elder Rogers started slacking off on his mission after his girlfriend married his former mission companion Elder Richardson.
- Elder Johnson also has a hard time when his girlfriend sends him a "Dear John" tape.
- "Not So Different" Remark: Rogers claims Johnson would lose his desire to work if his girlfriend dumped him. Johnson doesn't deny it, and it's later proven right when it actually happens.
- Only Sane Man: Elder Rogers likes to think he is this, but for most of the movie it's Elder Johnson. He's the only elder who isn't comically inexperienced and naive (like Calhoun), brown-nosing and snooty (like Van Pelt), or pessimistic and moody (like Rogers).
- Professional Butt-Kisser: Elder Van Pelt wants to be a district leader like Elder Johnson, so he constantly tries to impress or flatter the zone leaders and assistants when they call. He also keeps a photo of himself shaking hands with President Sandburg in order to impress him.
- Rage Breaking Point: Eventually Elder Johnson's patience with Elder Van Pelt punching him wears thin and he decides to get some payback.
- Reality Has No Subtitles: A few lines of Dutch get subtitles, but for much of the movie it goes untranslated for the audience.
- Reasonable Authority Figure: President Sandburg. In a few minutes he's able to diagnose and set straight many of the problems the four elders are facing.
- Ring-Ring-CRUNCH!: One of the elders apparently smashes his alarm clock when it wakes him up.
- Scenery Porn: Shots of Dutch fields and windmills.
- Slice of Life: The film is a glimpse into the life of turn-of-the-millennium LDS missionaries, focusing on their daily activities, hardships, and successes.
- Swapped Roles: Briefly near the end of the film, Elder Johnson becomes the missionary who's lost his drive while Elder Rogers becomes the motivated hard worker.
- The Swear Jar: Elder Johnson tells his companion Elder Van Pelt to hit him each time he uses the word "flip". Van Pelt kind of gets carried away with the hitting, at one point almost hitting the mission president for saying "flipping".
- Tempting Fate: During an argument, Elder Johnson tells Elder Rogers that if his girlfriend dumped him, he'd get over it. Johnson gets his chance to find out for real later in the movie.
