is a 2009 film featuring the heartwarming story of a group of college girls who, in the process of helping their jilted friend find love, find true love themsel...Wait, are you actually believing this crock of shit?
Okay. Sorority Row
about the ragtag bunch of dumb
sorority sisters of Theta Pi who, on the night of one of the biggest sorority parties of the year, plan to prank
Garrett, the ex-boyfriend who dumped their friend Megan (Audrina Patridge) for another woman. They plan to do so by telling Garrett that Megan overdosed on a drug he gave her and died, with Megan faking death herself
. Of course, shit happens and Garrett kills Megan, taking the suggestion of one of the girls to stab her with a tire iron
and dump her in a lake inside a mine so nobody finds out. Everybody pledges to never reveal the details of Megan's death, so obviously
somebody finds out, I Know What You Did Last Summer
-style, and starts killing off each of the sisters (and Garrett
) using the same tire iron used to kill Megan in a fit of revenge, presumably because it would make the killings more ironic.
Contains examples of:
- Affably Evil: Andy.
- Air-Vent Passageway: Mickey tries to escape this way. It fails horribly.
- Ambiguous Disorder: Jessica. Seriously she displays a good few sociopathic tendencies given that it's her idea to cover up the murder, she kills Garrett without a second thought and attacks Maggie for supposedly sleeping with her boyfriend. Add that her snarking at every situation involving the killer.
- Ambiguous Syntax: When Jessica and Cass find Mickey, after abovementioned escape.
Jessica: Do you think it's the same tire iron that killed Megan?
Cass: You make it sound like the tire iron killed Megan by itself.
- An Axe to Grind: Kyle's death.
- Asian Airhead: Claire.
- Asshole Victim: Almost everyone really; maybe one or two of the victims are somewhat sympathetic but most are clearly horrible people. The killer even explicitly details this as part of his motive. He says this is especially true in Mickey's case. The others had to die because they knew the truth about Megan's death, he admits that Mickey might not have known, but was too much of an asshole to live anyway.
- The plot is set in motion because the girls wanted revenge on Garrett... except as one of the sisters points out to Megan "Didn't you cheat on him first?" The-soon-to-be-murder victim contemptuously waves away these "details".
- Bitch Alert: Each of the sorority sisters from their opening scene. Of course Cass, Ellie and eventually Claire turn out to not be as bad.
- Bloody Hilarious: Cass and Jessica find Megan's decayed body in the shower. Jessica's response? "She doesn't look too good".
- Bondage Is Bad: One of the first few fatalities is first seen Chained to a Bed.
- Cannot Spit It Out: Ellie, after Mickey's death.
- Car Fu: Happens to Garrett. He lives.
- Catfight: Jessica and Maggie, after the latter claims to have slept with the former's boyfriend.
- Chekhov's Gun: The braclet that Cass got from Mrs. Crenshaw winds up saving her life. The shotgun that Mrs Crenshaw reloads just before she is stabbed comes in handy when Ellie saves Cass from Andy.
- Crapsack World: See Asshole Victim.
- Cool Big Sis: Megan was apparently this to Maggie. Cassidy to Ellie, for a non-biologically related example.
- Conveniently Timed Attack From Behind:
- Kyle deals Jess one in the face and is about to kill Cass, when Andy puts the axe into his head.
- Just as Andy is about to cut off Cassidy's finger to make her fall into the flaming pit beneath her, Ellie shoots him from behind.
- Blonde, Brunette, Redhead: The main girls - Jessica, Cassidy and Ellie.
- Dead Star Walking: Audrina Patridge.
- Deadly Prank: Megan dies this way.
- Deadpan Snarker: Jessica.
Cassidy: Does anyone have a weapon? Mace? Anything?
Jessica: Yeah, there's a chainsaw in the glove box.
- Cassidy is also shown to be so: "I love you, Jessica, because you make being a bitch an art-form."
- Death by Irony: Chugs' death.
- Death by Sex: All the girls have sex but Cassidy is the most chaste which is why she's Final Girl.
- Ellie, another character who survives, mentions being a virgin in one scene.
- Averted with Maggie. She survives despite sleeping with another girl's boyfriend for revenge
- Developing Doomed Characters: An hour and a half with mostly jerks and a lot of idiots.
- Didn't Think This Through: Yes, pretending your friend died is a very unwise action, especially when you ask the prank victim, who is clearly losing his mind, to carve up the body.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Faking ones own death is probably not the most suitable way to get revenge against a cheating boyfriend. Of course, said boyfriend's reaction certainly does not help.
- Dr. Jerk: Doctor Rosenberg, who exchanges drugs for sexual favors.
- Does This Remind You of Anything??: Practically every female character dies by having something violently shoved into their mouths.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Cassidy's boyfriend Andy is revealed to be the killer, and that he killed everyone so Cassidy would not be charged with Megan's murder. When he asks if she is with him, she says yes. Until he says their going to kill Ellie, then she immediately objects. Though to be fair Ellie was clearly nicer than any of the victims, and Cassidy was probably saying that to placate him anyway.
- Expy: The killer's appearance and motivation brings to mind Ben Willis.
- Eye Awaken: Garrett in the alternate ending.
- Final Girl: Averted, as Cassidy, Ellie and Megan's sister all make it through the film when normally one would only expect one girl or a guy and girl to survive.
- Genre Shift: The first part of the film is pretty much played straight like any other slasher film. As soon as the murders start happening it shifts into Black Comedy territory.
- Grievous Bottley Harm: Chugs' death, combined with Slashed Throat.
- Idiot Ball: The entire group of girls. First because they fake a girls death which leads directly to her actual death and second because they decide to blame the murder on Cassidy because she wanted to confess. This goes hand in hand with the Idiot Plot.
- To be fair, one of the girls doesn't want to blame the actual murderer because he's her brother and it was an accident, which could be sort of justified. However, every other character immediately agrees with her idea for no explained reason.
- Girl #3: Cover up your brother's murder of our best friend just because you tell us to? Sure! I don't see why not.
- Not really, it's closer to Jessica, Claire and Ellie wanting to pin all the blame on Garrett but Cassidy and Chugs standing against them (Cassidy because she's too moral to absolve the girls of their role in the murder and Chugs because she's defending her brother). That's going to tear serious holes in the 'Garrett did everything in cold blood and we had nothing do with it' party line so Jessica drops it out of pragmatism.
- Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Megan's death.
- Improbable Weapon: The "pimped-out tire iron", used sometimes as a simple three-pronged stabbing-implement, sometimes as a disk-of-death, and at one point as a Killer Yoyo. Gotta give 'em an A for creativity.
- Instant Death Bullet: Averted. The shotgun blast doesn't instantly kill Andy, but falling into a flaming pit certainly did.
- Jerkass: The great majority of the cast. In fact only Cassidy, Ellie, Maggie and Mrs. Crenshaw seem to be non-jerkasses, and only one of them get killed.
- Jitter Cam
- Karmic Death: Jessica, who constantly tries to fast-talk or snark her way out of a situation, gets a tire iron shoved into her mouth.
- The Killer Becomes the Killed: The main girls find Garret at the scene of Megan's death after the killer calls them, blackmailing them into returning. Suspecting Garret of being the killer due to his being at the original scene of the crime as well as covered in blood and generally acting crazy (in reality he was grieving and cutting himself), they hit him with their car, seemingly killing him... until he seemingly reappears at the end. Sequel Hook?
- The Lad-ette: Chugs has elements of this, being hard drinking (hence the nickname), sexually aggressive and having poor personal hygiene ("You taste like vomit", quoth one boy after she sticks her tongue down his throat). It gets to the point her answering machine instructs callers to leave a message after the *BURP*.
- Mama Bear/Never Mess with Granny: Mrs. Crenshaw.
- Meganekko: Ellie, though she eventually loses her glasses.
- Modesty Towel: Subverted when one girl is forced to remove her towel and walk back to her room (on the other side of the unrealistically large dorm building). The girl runs back in the buff gleefully (because she probably had to go get ready for one of the sex parties).
- Molotov Cocktail: Used to set the house on fire.
- Only Known by Their Nickname: Chugs.
- Reasonable Authority Figure: Mrs Crenshaw has apparently turned a blind eye to about five times the shenanigans she's had to deal with herself.
- Red Herring: Garrett and Maggie.
- The Remake: Loose remake of The House On Sorority Row (respectably noted in the credits as being based on the same script).
- Rich Bitch / Alpha Bitch: Jessica fits these to a T.
- Screw the Rules, I Have Connections!!: Kyle tries pulling this on Jessica, resulting in an epic Insult Backfire.
- Shadow Discretion Shot: Doctor Rosenberg's death.
- Shower Scene
- Slashed Throat: Most of the killer's murders involve stabbing and/or slicing the throat.
- Token Minority: Claire. It's even lampshaded.
Jessica: Claire, I like being you're friend because it makes me multicultural, without having to do anything.
- Took a Level in Badass: Ellie, at the very end.
- Unflinching Walk: At the end.
- Wacky Sorority Girl Hijinx
- You Just Told Me: Invoked when Mrs Crenshaw apprehends the girls with a shotgun - for trashing the house, rather than the business with all those dead teens.