Jonathan Ross: Okay, we've established - John can act. John can push a dog in a pram. John's got his own not-particularly-well-crafted action figure. He can sing, so on and so forth. But can he choose the right movies to be in?
(beat)
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon is one of those
So Bad, It's Good movies you hear about.
Terrible acting,
terrible SFX, stupid premise. Even the
title font is bad. Basically, it is a rip-off of
Jaws 3-D, but the shark's a
prehistoric beast! Ooo!
It should be noted that the character Ben Carpenter is a somewhat early role for
John "Captain Jack Harkness" Barrowman of
Doctor Who and
Torchwood fame. He
admitted
on
Friday Night With Jonathan Ross that he
did this movie to pay the bills. Barrowman takes to this role with
some gusto.
This movie provides examples of:
- Corrupt Corporate Executive - Tolley, the real villain in the piece. He knew about the sharks and did nothing!
- Fanservice - Bikini shots, cleavage shots, nude skinnydipping, lustful references to Jennifer McShane's bum, a hot Shower Scene and John Barrowman. Just...John Barrowman.
- Fridge Logic - all the strange things aside, why was civilian submarine carrying torpedos? Are torpedos just a part of standard submarine equipment? One would think military would keep weapons of this caliber to itself.
- Karmic Death - the above mentioned Mr. Tolley. And an executive steals his girlfriend's lifevest and dives overboard straight into the mouth of the shark.
- Logo Joke: The logo of Apex Communications features a bright red arrow plunging downwards, lampshading its impending financial prospects. Though one doubts even bad investors expect to be eaten.
- Megalodon
- Monster Is a Mommy - Or in this case, Monster Has A Mommy. One big mother of a mommy!
- Noisy Nature - Sharks do not roar. Especially underwater.
- No Time to Explain
- So Long, Suckers!: The Corrupt Corporate Executive abandons his sinking yacht on a jetski while giving an Evil Laugh only to drive right down the throat of the giant shark.
- Somewhere A Paleontologist Is Crying - Megalodon were thought to be shallow water predators. So surviving millions of years in a deep sea vent? Not very likely. Surviving millions of years without anyone noticing? Also not likely. At least the latter point gets a lampshade on it.
- Subverted by the fact that this is one of the most predominant theories espoused by proponents of the Megalodon's survival. The latter is somewhat justified considering how little of the ocean we've actually explored. Having said that, it's still unlikely.
- Steel Eardrums - Carpenter suffers no apparent ill-effects from an underwater torpedo explosion.
- Too Dumb to Live - In the climactic yacht attack scene, the passengers, upon realizing their predicament, proceed to fetch life preservers and begin jumping INTO THE WATER with the shark.
- Throw It In
- Barrowman's ad-libbed line (referred to by many "fans" simply as "The Line"), which remained in the movie despite initially only being a joke, he said, hoping to "loosen up" his female co-"star", Jenny McShane, on the request of one of the production staff. The line is a bit lewd, and Barrowman was surprised they decided to leave it when he went back for ADR. Here it is, in its "not safe for work" glory.
0 reviews