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Film: Race to Witch Mountain

Sara: "My brother and I... We are not from your planet."
Jack: "Well you don't look like aliens."
Sara: "What does an alien look like?"

Race to Witch Mountain is a 2009 Disney action film starring former wrestler Dwayne Johnson. It is a remake/reboot of the Witch Mountain movies from The Seventies (Escape To, Return To, and Beyond) The story consists of two aliens (who look just like humans) crash landing on earth. The Government takes their ship to a top-secret research facility, Witch Mountain. From there the two aliens; Seth and Sara hail a cab, brandish a large wad of money, and tell the driver, Jack Bruno, to go "that way". They end up at a run-down house. The cab driver follows the teenagers inside (against their wishes). The teenagers activate a secret passage and end up at a lush, tropical paradise. They find a large, gooey orb and extract a device from it. Then they get attacked by a large, mechanical "suit of armor".

This film includes examples of:

  • Alien Abduction: Subverted. In this case, it is the aliens who are captured (by humans).
  • Aliens Speaking English: Albeit Spock Speak.
  • Are We There Yet?: "good in any universe".
  • Bavarian Fire Drill: How Dr. Friedman cleared the area where the spaceship was being stored and studied.
  • Cast Incest: Annasophia Robb and Alexander Ludvig dated at one point after playing brother and sister
  • Convection Schmonvection: Escaping the exhaust vent fire.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: Jack Bruno. At least he's attractive.
  • Disney Villain Death: The Siphon doesn't exactly fall to his death - he falls into the exhaust port of the kids' spaceship and is disintegrated.
  • Dragon-in-Chief: The Siphon was sent by parts of the kids' home world's government that don't want them succeed and isn't operating of its own accord. Despite this, we see next to nothing of whoever sent the thing, making the Siphon the main villain of the film.
  • Drives Like Crazy: Jack. Justified as part of his Dark and Troubled Past.
  • Elaborate Underground Base: Witch Mountain.
  • Everything Is Online: The Government can pull up every Magical Security Cam in Las Vegas in just a few seconds.
  • Expy: The Siphon is basically a Predator. Their masks and even their faces beneath the masks look alike. It also bears an uncanny resemblance to a Kull Warrior.
  • Five Rounds Rapid: The alien assassin hunter just stands there for an entire fight scene with the military as bullets ineffectually bounce off his armor. Nobody thinks to get a bigger gun.
  • Fly-at-the-Camera Ending: With the flying saucer.
  • Flying Saucer: The design of the kid's spaceship.
  • Gilligan Cut: After the dog enter the cab there's a scene where Sara says that the dog "needs to go" and it ends like this:
    Jack: "... conversation with a dog(!) so my answer is still no."
    Cue the scene where the dog comes back from where he had to go.
  • The Guards Must Be Crazy: Nor does anyone seem to have wondered why the guards who were supposed to remove Jack and Alex from the facility never checked back in.
  • Human Aliens: Seth and Sara, and presumably the rest of their species
  • I Have Brothers
  • Hot Scientist: Dr. Friedman
  • Implacable Man: The Siphon. Nothing does anything more than slow it down and it tracks the cast down no matter where they are. It takes being thrown into the exhaust port of the kid's saucer to take it out.
  • In Name Only: Has almost nothing in common with the original 1968 novel Escape to Witch Mountain by Alexander Key except for the "Witch Mountain" name and two human-looking children who are actually alien in origin.
  • Inspector Javert: Henry Burke.
  • Intangible Man: Seth
  • Inventional Wisdom: The Flame Throwing Air Vent
  • I Should Write a Book About This: Jack Bruno does just that.
  • Manly Tears: Jack Bruno at the ending where he says goodbye to the children; Dwayne Johnson is more willing to be openly sentimental than his predecessors Schwarzenegger and Stallone.
  • My Sensors Indicate You Want to Tap That: Sara reads Jack's thoughts concerning Dr. Friedman
  • 90% of Your Brain : the kids explain that Earthlings are capable of telekinesis too and don't because "you don't use your full brain capacity".
  • Papa Wolf: Jack Bruno
  • Pedestrian Crushes Car: Human Alien Seth increases his density just before a car hits him, causing it to smash against his body without harming him.
  • Plot-Induced Stupidity: No limit is really set as to how often the children can use their powers. Because of this, it isn't made particularly clear why the bounty hunter is a threat to them when Seth can become an Intangible Man and actually apply this power to people he's in contact with. On the other hand, the Siphon was created by their home world, so they probably know more about it than we do.
    • The villains have this when an SUV full of four presumably armed government agents just sit there while Jack threatens them with a tire iron. They let him go unquestioned.
    • How about the way the entire main cast hugged the Idiot Ball. The children and Bruno and especially Dr. Friedman. They have multiple chances face to face with Brurke exactly why it would be an excellent idea to let them return to their own planet and stop the alien invasion. For that matter, if I were government agent who has found aliens with interstellar capability have landed in my balliwick, I would do everything in my power to try and initiate a friendly non-threatening contact. Drugging them and threatening them with guns, not so much.
  • Poor Communication Kills: Burke's people go after the cab. They don't use their godlike government powers to have the dispatch call the cab and ask Jack to stop for the government people.
    • Burke does it again in the small town. He brings in a small army to capture the aliens but doesn't contact the local sheriff and law enforcement to assist.
  • Power Creep, Power Seep: The children in this movie are vastly overpowered compared to the originals in the Alexander Key novel.
  • Puny Earthlings: Seth and Sara have Psychic Powers
  • Remake Cameo: Kim Richards (Tina the waitress) and Ike Eisenmann (Sherriff Antony), who played the kids (Tia and Tony) in the original Escape To Witch Mountain
  • Save the Villain: During the final fight sequence, Jack looks like he's about to do this to the Siphon. He then winks at it and punches it in the face, causing the Siphon to fall into the exhaust port and die.
  • Sequel Hook
  • Spock Speak: Seth and Sara
  • Swiss Cheese Security: Burke says to his team as they walk up to the restaurant that he wants all the exits covered. Everyone on his team files into the restaurant behind him, thus getting held up. When Jack and the kids escape the top of the building, there's no one at the back entrance.
    • And again in Witch Mountain. The high tech facility has no surveillance on the ventilation shafts.
  • They Would Cut You Up
  • Those Two Guys: Two of the scientists, bumbler and straight man.
  • Unspoken Plan Guarantee
  • Viva Las Vegas
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: Treating the 90% of Your Brain line as a Chekhov's Lecture, Sara gives Jack a 'parting gift' by apparently touching a hand to his head... we never see what effect this had.
    • For those of us who actually paid attention to the scene, we notice that Sara's last words before she left didn't actually include her mouth moving.

Charlie and the Chocolate FactoryCreator/ABC FamilyChitty Chitty Bang Bang
PushFilms of 2005 - 2009 Raging Phoenix

alternative title(s): Race To Witch Mountain
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