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[[quoteright:250:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/If_Looks_Could_Kill_movie_poster_6815.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:250:Male teen fantasy wish-fulfillment story #1,991]]

->'''Mariska''': ''They're gonna kill your friends. They're gonna kill me. And they're gonna kill you.''
->'''Michael''': ''Talk about peer pressure.''

Mostly forgotten 1991 film in which (barely) high school graduate Michael Corben of Detroit goes on a class trip to {{France}} and winds up being mistaken for an American CIA agent of the same name who is killed at the airport. Upon arrival he is immediately shanghaied into service by British Intelligence and tasked with stopping DiabolicalMastermind Augustus Steranko from conquering all of Europe.

Has nothing to do with the song by band Music/{{Heart}}.
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!!Tropes:
* AffectionateParody: To an extent. While the story is more or less presented seriously, it isn't above occasionally poking fun at some of the tropes of the spy genre, but in a kindhearted way.
%%* AirVentPassageway
* AnimalAssassin: A scorpion is used in an attempt to kill Michael.
* ArtificialLimbs: Zigesfeld's [[RedRightHand golden robotic hand]].
* AxCrazy:
** The word "subtle" isn't in Zigesfeld's vocabulary - in fact, [[TheSilentBob very little is in his vocabulary]]. For example, sent to kill Michael ([[spoiler:and Areola]]) at his hotel, [[spoiler:he just walks in and blows the place up with a rocket launcher]].
** Ilsa is an obvious nod to the Rosa Klebb variety of TheBaroness.
* BadassGrandma: Ilsa Hunt may be old, but she is a ''lethal'' fighter and assassin, not to mention a clever MasterOfDisguise who can improvise very quickly.
* BadassTeacher: Mrs. Grober, in the final act.
* BelligerentSexualTension: Between Michael and Mariska, and to a lesser extent Kent and Melissa.
* BillionsOfButtons: On [[WeaponizedCar the Espirit]]. The gag is that none of them are labeled (apparently Intelligence followed a standardized design for them that the "real" Michael Corben would have known) and because of this Michael ends up accidentally triggering the car's weapons (saving him from Ziegsfeld) during the car ChaseScene (while looking for the one for the power windows).
* BoardToDeath: Steranko's EstablishingCharacterMoment is killing the Franch Prime Minister during one of this, in retaliation for the PM refusing to hand over his country's gold. Steranko's EvilPlan was to pull one of these ''on the leaders of every country on Europe''.
* BottomlessMagazines: Averted. Michael reloads his machine gun multiple times.
* BrilliantButLazy: Michael is consistently shown to be a bright and clever young man, however never lives up to his full potential due to his desire to slack off. Even the film's BigBad, Augustus Steranko, tells Michael to his face that while he (Michael) might have "good intentions", he doesn't "follow through".
* CaliforniaDoubling: The movie takes place in the USA, France and Orenbourg, and was completely filmed in Canada (Québec, to be precise).
* TheCavalry: Subverted; Richardson and the British army show up ''after'' the villains have all been dealt with and the mansion destroyed.
* ChaseScene: Various through the movie, but the interesting twist of the ''car'' chase is that Michael doesn't even knows it's happening -- Mariska tries to warn him and Ziegsfeld tries to blow him up with the concealed weapons of his car, but Michael fights Ziegsfeld off with the concealed weapons of ''his'' car, which he doesn't actually knows he's activating while he tries to find the switch for the power windows amongst the BillionsOfButtons.
* ChekhovsArmory: As is standard [[SpyFiction of this type of movie]], every device presented to Michael during his briefing ends up being used.
* ChekhovsGun: HotScientist Vendetta Galante presents Michael with a tuxedo fitted with "standard hands-up protection." Later, upon being cornered by two of Steranko's {{Mooks}} while in the tux, Michael is told, "Put up your hands." He complies. HilarityEnsues as knockout gas sprays from the armpits of the tux.
* CombatPragmatist: Subverted. When confronted by Zigesfeld, Michael initially attempts to retrieve a gun from a dead {{Mook|s}} rather than face his opponent hand to hand. This fails, though, when Zigesfeld grabs him from behind.
* ConvectionSchmonvection: Mrs. Grober and the French class spend an awful long time hanging in a cage over a giant vat of molten gold, apparently without the heat or fumes bothering them at all.
* CoolCar: The red Lotus Esprit. Once Michael sees it, he stops insisting that he's a high-school student.
* CreatorCameo: Director William Dear as a scientist testing out a bomb-proof suit.
* CutLexLuthorACheck: That sure is one advanced robotic hand Steranko got made for Zigesfeld. Such a device would revolutionize the prosthetic industry and make Steranko a zillion times richer than he already is, but he would rather steal gold from common market nations as part of a harebrained scheme to unite Europe under his rule.
* DeathByCameo: Singer Roger Daltrey appears as superspy Blade long enough to get his butt handed to him by [[Film/KindergartenCop Linda Hunt]] as Ilsa, who kills him using a [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome necklace that unfurls into a whip]].
* DiabolicalMastermind: Augustus Steranko. The EvilPlan was all ''his'' idea.
* DiesWideOpen: Happens to British superspy Blade at the beginning.
* DisneyDeath: [[spoiler:When Steranko's mansion blows up, everyone thinks Michael and Mariska have died. Poor Mrs. Grober wonders despairingly what she's going to tell Michael's mother, only to have the pair emerge from the fiery ruins unscathed. Cue the cheering.]]
* TheDragon: Ilsa. Interestingly, she ''loved'' killing people for Steranko and tries to use that to keep Steranko from killing her.
* EightiesHair: Proof that the 80's briefly bled over into the 90's.
* FearsomeFoot: When Michael is climbing the cliff to the chateau, and Zigesfeld's feet come into frame.
* FemmeFatale: Steranko's arm candy, Areola Canasta.
* FictionalCountry: Orenbourg, which seems to be a slight {{Expy}} of any number of Germanic countries. Though there is a real Orenbourg, it's a Russian city.
* FrenchJerk: The doorman at the casino. Averted with most of the other French characters however. Generally except for the casino doorman most of the French people encountered in the film are quite nice.
* GratuitousFrench: Unsurprising, considering it's mostly set in France and is about a French class. Mrs. Grober in particular loves speaking French whenever she can find an excuse.
* GratuitousGerman: The German finance minister says some stock German phrases, as does the guy left to guard Michael and Mariska in the dungeon (things like "Mach schnell!" and so forth).
%%* HeKnowsTooMuch
* HelicopterBlender: When Steranko's getaway chopper crashes, the rotor section detaches and chases after Michael and Mariska like a giant buzzsaw.
* HellishCopter: Corben machine guns the bottom right out from under it during the ShortLivedAerialEscape, sending all of its gold cargo (and Steranko, [[[spoiler:KarmicDeath who ends up being crushed to death by said gold]]]) dropping to the roof before falling down itself (and then the propeller rips itself off and chases after Michael and Mariska).
* HoistByHisOwnPetard:
** Steranko, who ends up dying by [[spoiler: being buried alive by the tons of gold coins he just ''had'' to overload his helicopter with]].
** Areola ends up [[spoiler:getting stung by her own pet scorpion, with which she tried to kill Michael.]]
* ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy: Steranko's {{Mooks}}.
* ImprobableAimingSkills: Michael fires around a corner without looking and hits one of Steranko's {{Mooks}} ''dead center'' in the chest. Somehow.
* ImprovisedWeapon: A tea tray is used to murder the French finance minister.
* IronicEcho: Both Michael's father and Steranko scold Michael for having "No follow-through."
* LateToTheParty: The British military shows up at the end after the villains have already been defeated.
* LoadBearingBoss: Ziegsfeld ends up falling on the vat full of molten gold during the FinalBattle, and somehow this (and some amount of super-cooling) brings the melting mechanism so haywire than it blows up the whole mansion.
* LovesOnlyGold: Steranko, to the point that [[spoiler:Ilsa doesn't even has a chance when Steranko is forced to decide between her and the gold in order to make his helicopter lighter in order to escape, and when Corben shoots the chopper's underside and the gold starts to fall off, he tries to stop this even if it means falling off the chopper himself (or keeping his hands on the controls).]]
* ManOfWealthAndTaste: Steranko wears some nice suits.
* MarketBasedTitle: This movie is also known as ''Teen Agent'' in some places.
* MistakenForBadass: The whole plot, in a nutshell. Not only does Michael Corben is mistaken for American superspy [[NamesTheSame Michael Corben]], but Mrs. Grober is somehow assumed to be a top-notch agent code-named "The French Teacher" (''[[WhatAnIdiot by all sides]], [[CriticalResearchFailure including the CIA]]'').
%%* TheMole: Kelly.
* MurderTheHypotenuse: What Ilsa has Zigesfeld do to [[spoiler: Areola]] for her.
%%* NoMrBondIExpectYouToDine
* NotAfraidToDie: Michael tells himself this. Or at least he tries.
-->'''Michael''': I'm not afraid to die. I'm not afraid to die. Who am I kidding?
* OneSteveLimit: AvertedTrope, and it is this aversion [[MistakenIdentity that starts]] [[MistakenForBadass the whole plot]].
* OrdinaryHighSchoolStudent: What Michael ''really'' is. By the time the movie ends, he graduates with honors from the ActionSurvivor academy.
* PairTheSpares: Subtly implied with Kent and Melissa at the end.
* PunchPunchPunchUhOh: Let's just say that [[DavidVersusGoliath Michael wouldn't win in a straight-up fight against Ziegsfeld]], and Michael discovers this the ''hard'' way.
* PsychopathicManchild: Zigesfeld. He's very feral and violent and rarely speaks except to growl, but also behaves like a simple little boy around Ilsa, who he seems to regard as some kind of mother figure.
* RefusalOfTheCall:
** Initially, Michael is your typical teenager in such a situation - scared and confused and hesitant to cooperate with the agents. He flatly refuses to do what they say... [[JumpedAtTheCall until he sees the]] CoolCar, that is. Then he's all too happy to go on the mission.
** This is then inverted - once Steranko's assassins start trying to kill him, he Refuses The Call ''again'' and intends to back out and run off. It's only after he meets Mariska that he realizes the full scope of what's at stake, and agrees to help her avenge her father.
%%* ScaryBlackMan: Agent Kramer.
* ShortLivedAerialEscape: Steranko attempts to leave in a helicopter at the end, but is shot down by Michael and Mariska using Uzis.
* SigilSpam: Steranko's awesome-looking scorpion emblem is on literally ''everything'' associated with him, from the coins he mints to his helicopter.
* SlapSlapKiss: Averted. Michael and Mariska ''almost'' kiss after she hits him a couple of times, but they're interrupted by a {{Mook|s}} at the door.
-->'''Cell Guard''': Very touching.
* SpyFiction: Of the Martini variety (with some bathroom Gin), often veering into AffectionateParody at times.
* TeenSuperspy: What everybody [[MistakenForBadass assumes Michael to be]]. The British lampshade this Trope via assuming that he's probably OlderThanTheyLook.
* ThrownFromTheZeppelin:
** During the BoardToDeath scene at the beginning, Steranko and French finance minister Lafevre have this exchange, leading to the latter's demise:
--->'''Lafevre''': France's gold must remain in France.\\
'''Steranko''': Well, I'm very sorry you feel that way.
** A much more ''literal'' interpretation of this occurs when [[spoiler:Steranko throws Ilsa out of their helicopter]].
* TooDumbToLive:
** Michael's classmates. They continually ignore their constantly changing bus drivers and ultimately wind up caged over a giant vat of molten gold.
** Additionally, the German finance minister, upon learning of Steranko's evil plan (because ''[[EvilGloating Steranko tells him]]''), boldly threatens, "I'll tell the world!" While ''in Steranko's house''. Surrounded by ''Steranko's {{Mooks}}''. Small wonder he's last seen getting dragged off to an implied offscreen demise.
* TookALevelInBadass: Mrs. Grober. From meek schoolteacher who lets herself get bullied by Steranko, to grabbing an Uzi and crashing his party very noisily. She even captures several of his {{Mooks}} in the climax.
* TheUnfavourite: Michael's parents (his father especially) clearly prefer his younger brother Brad. However, they don't treat him badly and his father tells him he loves him and just wishes he'd be more productive.
* UtopiaJustifiesTheMeans: Steranko believes that, with him in charge, Europe will become an even greater superpower than it is now. All it needs be done is kill everybody that gets in the way...
* VictimizedBystander: The [[AcceptableTargets snobby French doorman]].
* VillainWithGoodPublicity: Steranko is one of the richest men in Europe and a high-class philanthropist, when in reality he wants to take over Europe.
* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: Kelly disappears from the movie after being thrown off of the bus by Zigesfeld.
* XRayVision: Built into the sunglasses. He uses it to cheat at the casino to see the next card, before being told to stop looking degenerate.
* YouHaveOutlivedYourUsefulness: [[spoiler:Steranko does this to Ilsa at the end.]]
* YouKilledMyFather: Said verbatim to Steranko by Mariska (although it was actually Ilsa who did it).
-->'''Ilsa:''' No, dearie, ''I'' killed your father!
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