People go up river, big snake is very hungry. Guess what happens.Anaconda
—The NZ Listener's twelve-word review of Anaconda
is a 1997 monster movie with an All-Star Cast
ranging from Owen Wilson to Jon Voight to Jennifer Lopez
to Ice Cube
on the hunt (in their own various ways) for the eponymous giant snake. Largely notable for Jon Voight as Paul Sarone
, chewing up scenery
with a far greater appetite than any serpent could muster.
There were three sequels which oddly enough Arc Welded
itself across three movies:
- Anacondas The Hunt For The Blood Orchid (2004): Which had a company sending a team into Borneo to find a flower that was supposedly the fountain of youth. Not surprisingly they have to contend with the numerous anacondas to get it.
- Anaconda 3: The Offspring (2008): In which one of the anacondas was captured and experimented on to find out its longevity. It escapes, breaks out its mate and goes on a rampage (made more deadly due to the fact that these anacondas have spear tails from the experiments...no we're not making that up) some mercenaries are sent to get it back. Notable for staring David Hassleholf
- Anacondas: Trail of Blood (2009): Which continues where 3 left off. The offspring of the previous anaconda is found and used to help make the flower. The anaconda breaks out once again while the employer from the last movie sends more mercenaries after the scientist who took the anaconda for his own to get the fountain of youth serum. All the while a previous character from the last movie is looking to destroy it. Yeah its just as confusing and convoluted as it sounds. Oh the snake can regenerate in this one.
The latter two movies were direct-to-video, and all three sequels are considered worse than the original. A fourth sequel which will also be a crossover with Lake Placid
will be released in 2014.
Anaconda provides examples of:
- All-Star Cast: Jennifer Lopez, Jon Voight, Ice Cube, Eric Stoltz, Owen Wilson, and Kari Wuhrer. Yeesh.
- Artistic License - Biology: Oh so very much, all in the name of the Rule of Scary. Among other things:
- Anacondas don't grow that damn big.
- They don't move at the speed of a cheetah in chase.
- They don't predominantly prey on humans, especially after encountering life-threatening resistance each time.
- They don't eat multiple preys the size of a human being one after the other. After consuming a meal like that (which can take hours), the snake will find a secure location where it will remain immobile for months to digest its food.
- They hiss, but they don't squeal/roar.
- They certainly don't regurgitate their prey just so they can hunt again out of sheer sadism. They sometimes do this for safety purposes, such as when they're threatened by a predator and they can't afford to be lethargic by having such a big meal in their stomach.
- They're constrictors, they don't just grab their prey and swallow it. Even when they find a dead animal, they'll usually constrict it first just to be safe.
- The Amazon
- Better to Die than Be Killed: Danny Trejo's nameless poacher.
- Big Bad: The anacondas, Paul Sarone.
- Black Dude Dies First: Averted. The Token Black guy is one of only 3 people to survive.
- Determinator: Sarone.
- Didn't Think This Through: Even if Sarone had caught the snake there was no way he could have kept it alive and transported it.
- Dwindling Party
- Fanservice: Very early on in the movie, there is a scene of Jennifer Lopez in a see-through slip with nothing on underneath.
- Five-Man Band:
- Hazardous Water
- Honey Trap: Jennifer Lopez tries one of these to get the crew out of their predicament. Works, if only as a temporary distraction.
- Impending Doom P.O.V.: Played with, as the looming creature coming after Owen Wilson and Kari Wuhrer turns out to be a wild boar, not the snake. She'd turn up later.
- Instant Drama, Just Add Tracheotomy
- Kill It with Fire: "Hold on, I think I can blow it up!"
- Large Ham: Jon Voight. Oh, god, Jon Voight. Let's just say, he's the main reason to watch this movie. By far.
- MacGuffin: The native tribe.
- Mouth Cam: Sarone eventually meets his end to one of these.
- Murderous Thighs: Sarone provides one of the rare male examples of this trope, showing that he and the anaconda are Not So Different.
- The Mutiny: The crew eventually figures out what Sarone's up to. Unfortunately, he swiftly gets out of it via being a Magnificent Bastard.
- Not So Different: Sarone gives Kari Wuhrer's character some friendly advice on murder. And then he promptly breaks her neck. His method of execution parallels the other villain of the film.
- Obviously Evil: Sarone. Jon Voight does everything but cackle with an Evil Laugh or swirl a mustache.
- Reptiles Are Abhorrent: "You brought that snake... you brought the devil!"
- River of Insanity: The search for the Amazonian tribe doesn't go quite as planned....
- Smug Snake: Sarone, full stop.
- Super-Persistent Predator: The eponymous snakes. And Sarone.
- Up to Eleven: After having managed to kill the first one, the second anaconda they encounter (at the abondoned factory) is even bigger than the already enormous first snake.
- We Can Rule Together: Owen Wilson's character bites on this. And gets bitten for his troubles.
- With My Hands Tied: The crew ties Sarone's hands behind his back, but they didn't count on his Murderous Thighs.
- Your Mom: Said by Ice Cube to the British guy.
Anaconda 3: The Offspring provides examples of:
Anacondas: Trail of Blood provides examples of:
- And I Must Scream: The main villain, right after giving himself immortality, gets eaten by an immortal snake, and never gets out.