Alone In The Dark - Television Tropes & Idioms

reason: none given

18/Nov/09 at 10:08 PM by Etheru 70.252.86.205

Added line 57:

** To be fair, that means that at least ''someone'' wanted to make a true adaptation, but Boll gets in the way, meaning ''Boll'' doesn't care, then again, when has he ever?

reason: none given

18/Nov/09 at 06:03 PM by fastzander4 121.214.132.113

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** One critic remarked that this would be like casting Dame Judi Dench as a crack whore.

reason: none given

18/Nov/09 at 02:40 PM by NielJacoby 98.226.149.46

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[[caption-width:350:We're ''soooooooooo'' scared...]]

to:

[[caption-width:350:Where's the shitty movie? Where's the shitty movie? Peek-A-Boo!]]

reason: none given

13/Nov/09 at 07:49 PM by WillyFourEyes 207.172.125.27

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** Boll actually says in the commentary that ''the glasses and her hair in a bun make her look really intelligent''. R.I.P. those who read that.

to:

** Boll actually says in the commentary that ''the glasses and her hair in a bun make her look really intelligent''. R.I.P. the brain cells of those who just read that.

Changed lines 39 from:

* {{Narm}}: Several points, but special note has to go to an attack the main character does, where he jump kicks a jewel out of a mook's hand, ''when he was on the ground, which is virtually impossible''.
** [[ThatGuyWithTheGlasses Unless, of course, the main character was played by]]...(*AsideGlance*) ''ChuckNorris!''

to:

* {{Narm}}: Several points, but special note has to go to an attack the main character does, where he uses a [[StreetFighter Guile-style Flash Kick]] to dislodge a jewel from of a mook's hand, ''when he was on the ground, which is virtually impossible''.
** "[[ThatGuyWithTheGlasses Unless, of course, the main character was played by]]...(*AsideGlance*) ''ChuckNorris!''"

Deleted line 41:

* NightmareFuel: The fact that this movie was made is nightmare fuel.

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* NippleAndDimed: Encase you're wondering, Reid doesn't get nude for the sex scene. Just strips down to a bra. For Pete's sake, Boll; the movie is already gonna be rated R, Tara Reid readily does nude scenes, Tara Reid's physical appearance is [[WTHCastingAgency the only reason she's in the movie at all in the first place and everyone knows that]], and the movie's intended audience are shallow 15 year-old male video gamers; why not give the audience what they want and the movie ''one'' redeeming quality by having her show her tits? You sure as hell had no problem with nude scenes in ''House of the Dead''...

to:

* NippleAndDimed: Reid doesn't get nude for the sex scene. Just strips down to a bra. For Pete's sake, Boll; the movie is already gonna be rated R, Tara Reid readily does nude scenes, Tara Reid's physical appearance is [[WTHCastingAgency the only reason she's in the movie at all in the first place and everyone knows that]], and the movie's intended audience are shallow 15 year-old male video gamers; why not give the audience what they want and the movie ''one'' redeeming quality by having her show her tits? You sure as hell had no problem with nude scenes in ''House of the Dead''...

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* [[strike:ShoutOut]] {{Plagiarism}} / ClicheStorm: The movie is basically a wannabe clone of ''{{Blade}}'' / ''{{Underworld}}'' / ''{{Hellboy}}'' / ''{{Constantine}}'' / ''{{VanHelsing}}'' / ''{{GhostRider}}'' only even more two-dimensional and with every slight margin of coolness summarily extracted. Grumpy, cynical, misanthropic AntiHero protagonist with PermaStubble and BadassLongcoat? Check. Lame, unspired, computer-generated slimy biomechanical H.R. Giger monsters? Check. Protagonist meeting up with ex-flame to be initially seemingly warmly received only for her to then hit him à la ''RaidersOfTheLostArk''? Check. Ending scene from monsters' point-of-view of it advancing through the air and ambushing the protagonists à la ''EvilDead''? Check. We could go on and on...

to:

* [[strike:ShoutOut]] {{Plagiarism}} / ClicheStorm: The movie is basically a wannabe clone of ''{{Blade}}'' / ''{{Underworld}}'' / ''{{Hellboy}}'' / ''{{Constantine}}'' / ''{{VanHelsing}}'' / ''{{GhostRider}}'', only even more two-dimensional and with every slight margin of coolness summarily extracted. Grumpy, cynical, misanthropic AntiHero protagonist with PermaStubble and BadassLongcoat? Check. Lame, uninspired, [[ConspicuousCG computer-generated]] slimy biomechanical H.R. Giger monsters? Check. Protagonist meeting up with ex-flame to be initially seemingly warmly received only for her to then hit him à la ''RaidersOfTheLostArk''? Check. Ending scene from monsters' point-of-view of it advancing through the air and ambushing the protagonists à la ''EvilDead''? Check. We could go on and on...

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* SoundtrackDissonance: During the sex scene, "''7 Seconds''" plays, this would have been fine, had it not been for the fact "''7 Seconds''" is a song about ''racism''.

to:

* SoundtrackDissonance: During the sex scene, a song called "''7 Seconds''" plays. This would have been fine, had it not been for the fact "''7 Seconds''" is a song about ''racism''.

reason: none given

13/Nov/09 at 07:28 PM by peter1@netspace.net.au 58.110.113.189

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Boll's adaptation has precisely dick to do with either of these two continuities or any of these games. It features a few names and basic plot elements from ''Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare'' mangled with Boll's own impenetrable plot that he thinks is briliant, and [[InNameOnly that's about as much of an adaption as it is]]. The plots of ''[[TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey 2001: A Space Odyssey]]'' and ''MulhollandDrive'' combined are easier to explain than that of this movie, but let's try anyway...

to:

Boll's adaptation has precisely dick to do with either of these two continuities or any of these games. It features a few names and basic plot elements from ''Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare'' mangled with Boll's own impenetrable plot that he thinks is briliant, and [[InNameOnly that's about as much of an adaption as it is]]. ''[[TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey 2001: A Space Odyssey]]'', ''Begotten'', ''{{Eraserhead}}'', ''MulhollandDrive'', ''NeonGenesisEvangelion'', ''VaseDeNoces'', ''What Is It?'' and ''{{Zardoz}}'' combined are easier to understand than the plot of this movie, but we'll try and explain it anyway...

Changed lines 25 from:

There's another Xenos attack. Bureau 713 drops down from the ceiling and there's an endless fight scene consisting of a lot of guns firing and lights flashing and CGI monsters roaring. Then, they go the gold mine where Doctor Hudgens' lab is. Some [[{{Redshirt}} Redshirts]] get killed. The gate is reopened. Some guy we don't care about [[HeroicSacrifice heroically sacrifices]] himself to shut the gate. Edward and Aline outrun the big explosion. They climb up a shaft. They emerge through a trapdoor and find themselves at the orphanage. The nun has been murdered by... someone. They go into the city. Everyone's disappeared. Evacuated in one night, an entire city, without a trace. The two go for a solemn walk and are attacked by another Xenos, [[PlotHole despite the fact that it is day and it has previously been established in the movie that Xenos can't survive in sunlight]]. The end. [[MindScrew If you're thinking "WTF?", don't worry, so are we]].

to:

There's another Xenos attack. Bureau 713 drops down from the ceiling and there's an endless fight scene consisting of a lot of guns firing and lights flashing and CGI monsters roaring wherein you can't tell who is where or who is doing what or ''WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON''. Then, they go the gold mine where Doctor Hudgens' lab is. Some [[{{Redshirt}} Redshirts]] get killed. The gate is reopened. Some guy we don't care about [[HeroicSacrifice heroically sacrifices]] himself to shut the gate. Edward and Aline outrun the big explosion. They climb up a shaft. They emerge through a trapdoor and find themselves at the orphanage. The nun has been murdered by... someone. They go into the city. Everyone's disappeared. Evacuated in one night, an entire city, without a trace. The two go for a solemn walk and are attacked by another Xenos, [[PlotHole despite the fact that it is day and it has previously been established in the movie that Xenos can't survive in sunlight]]. The end. [[MindScrew If you're thinking "WTF?", don't worry, so are we]].

reason: none given

07/Nov/09 at 08:30 PM by Etheru 70.249.191.18

Changed line 52 from:

** Comparing an... [[{{InNameOnly}} Adaptation]] of a [[{{HouseOfTheDead}} horror shooter]] to a ''romantic epic'' and a freakin' ''war movie''? Boll, YouSuck

to:

** Comparing an... [[{{InNameOnly}} Adaptation]] of a [[{{HouseOfTheDead}} horror shooter]] to a ''romantic epic'' and a freakin' ''war movie''? Boll, YouSuck.

reason: none given

07/Nov/09 at 08:30 PM by Etheru 70.249.191.18

Added line 52:

** Comparing an... [[{{InNameOnly}} Adaptation]] of a [[{{HouseOfTheDead}} horror shooter]] to a ''romantic epic'' and a freakin' ''war movie''? Boll, YouSuck

reason: none given

07/Nov/09 at 05:16 PM by peter1@netspace.net.au 114.78.130.59

Changed line 50 from:

* [[strike:ShoutOut]] {{Plagiarism}} / ClicheStorm: The movie is basically a wannabe clone of ''{{Blade}}'' / ''{{Underworld}}'' / ''{{Hellboy}}'' / ''{{Constantine}}'' / ''{{VanHelsing}}'' / ''{{GhostRider}}'' only even more two-dimensional and with every slight margin of coolness summarily extracted. Grumpy, cynical, misanthropic AntiHero protagonist with PermaStubble and BadassLongcoat? Check. Lame, unspired, computer-generated slimy biomechanical H.R. Giger monsters? Check. Protagonist meeting up with ex-flame to be initially seemingly warmly received only for her to then hit him à la ''RaidersOfTheLostArk''? Check. Scene from monsters' point-of-view of it advancing through the air and ambushing the protagonists à la ''EvilDead''? Check. We could go on and on...

to:

* [[strike:ShoutOut]] {{Plagiarism}} / ClicheStorm: The movie is basically a wannabe clone of ''{{Blade}}'' / ''{{Underworld}}'' / ''{{Hellboy}}'' / ''{{Constantine}}'' / ''{{VanHelsing}}'' / ''{{GhostRider}}'' only even more two-dimensional and with every slight margin of coolness summarily extracted. Grumpy, cynical, misanthropic AntiHero protagonist with PermaStubble and BadassLongcoat? Check. Lame, unspired, computer-generated slimy biomechanical H.R. Giger monsters? Check. Protagonist meeting up with ex-flame to be initially seemingly warmly received only for her to then hit him à la ''RaidersOfTheLostArk''? Check. Ending scene from monsters' point-of-view of it advancing through the air and ambushing the protagonists à la ''EvilDead''? Check. We could go on and on...

reason: none given

07/Nov/09 at 05:15 PM by peter1@netspace.net.au 114.78.130.59

Changed line 50 from:

* [[strike:ShoutOut]] {{Plagiarism}} / ClicheStorm: The movie is basically a wannabe clone of ''{{Blade}}'' / ''{{Underworld}}'' / ''{{Hellboy}}'' / ''{{Constantine}}'' / ''{{VanHelsing}}'' / ''{{GhostRider}}'' only even more two-dimensional and with every slight margin of coolness summarily extracted. Grumpy, cynical, misanthropic AntiHero protagonist with PermaStubble and BadassLongcoat? Check. Lame, unspired, computer-generated slimy biomechanical H.R. Giger monsters? Check. Protagonist meeting up with ex-flame to be initially seemingly warmly received only for her to then hit him à la ''RaidersOfTheLostArk''? Check. We could go on and on...

to:

* [[strike:ShoutOut]] {{Plagiarism}} / ClicheStorm: The movie is basically a wannabe clone of ''{{Blade}}'' / ''{{Underworld}}'' / ''{{Hellboy}}'' / ''{{Constantine}}'' / ''{{VanHelsing}}'' / ''{{GhostRider}}'' only even more two-dimensional and with every slight margin of coolness summarily extracted. Grumpy, cynical, misanthropic AntiHero protagonist with PermaStubble and BadassLongcoat? Check. Lame, unspired, computer-generated slimy biomechanical H.R. Giger monsters? Check. Protagonist meeting up with ex-flame to be initially seemingly warmly received only for her to then hit him à la ''RaidersOfTheLostArk''? Check. Scene from monsters' point-of-view of it advancing through the air and ambushing the protagonists à la ''EvilDead''? Check. We could go on and on...

reason: none given

07/Nov/09 at 01:20 PM by WillyFourEyes 207.172.125.27

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{{Film/Alone In The Dark}} is a film adaptation of the AloneInTheDark franchise...

to:

{{Film/Alone In The Dark}} is a film adaptation of the ''AloneInTheDark'' video game franchise...

Changed lines 11 from:

Yes, UweBoll made an adaptation of Alone In The Dark, [[{{Discontinuity}} but fans of the games will tell you he made no such thing]], it's ''that'' bad.

The original 1992 ''Alone in the Dark'' was set in the 1920s, and centered on private detective Edward Carnby investigating the suicide of Jeremy Hartwood, the owner of the Lousianan mansion Derceto (or alternatively Jeremy's niece Emily), thereby being beset upon by a plethora of horrors inspired by the works of HPLovecraft and uncovering and exorcising a curse pertaining to a pirate/voodoo priest who was killed at the mansion long ago and now seeks his resurrection. The game was followed by two sequels; ''Alone in the Dark 2: One-Eyed Jack's Revenge'' in 1993, having him investigate the mansion of Hell's Kitchen regarding the kidnapping of young girl Grace Saunders and the disappearance of fellow detective Ted Stryker, and again contending with a pirate lord and a voodoo queen; and ''Alone in the Dark 3: Ghosts in Town'' in 1994, having him investigate the disappearance of a film crew and friend Emily from the first game at the old western ghost town of Slaughter Gulch, contending with undead gold prospector Jed Stone.

In 2005, a reboot of the series was released with little connection to the original three games; ''Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare''. Set in the present day, it centered on a new incarnation of Edward Carnby visiting the mysterious Shadow Island to investigate the death of a friend, accompanied by anthropologist Aline Cedrac, who herself sought some writing tablets of the lost Native American Tribe the Abkani, in addition to the possibility that Obed Morton, the son of the family owning the island, the Mortons, was her father. The two eventually become embroilled in a plot involving Obed's brother Alan attempting to open a gateway to the World of Darkness and take over the world.

Boll's adaption has precisely dick to do with either of these two continuities or any of these games. It features a few names and basic plot elements from ''Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare'' mangled with Boll's own inpenetrable plot that he thinks is briliant, and [[InNameOnly that's about as much of an adaption as it is]]. The plots of ''[[TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey 2001: A Space Odyssey]]'' and ''MulhollandDrive'' combined are easier to explain than that of this movie, but I'll try anyway... In this version, ten thousand years ago the Abkani opened a gateway to the World of Darkness and something got through before they could close it and scatter the pieces nescessary to open it all over the world. In 1967 remnants of the civilization were discovered and the paranormal research agency of Bureau 713 was established to study it, headed by Lionel Hudgens. Lionel Hudgens' research was eventually shut down, so he 
established his own lab in an abandoned mine and conducted experiments on a bunch of children from an orphange in which he implanted these centipede creatures (presumably these are the "things that slipped through before the Abkani could close the gate") in their spines. Now, whenever Hudgens wills it, or ''something'', Hudgens can control them and make them turn into these monsters called "Xenos". Edward Carnby was one such child. He however, ran and hid in a high voltage box that zapped the centipede in him, so unlike the others Hudgens can't control him, but he is granted certain superpowers (see {{Narm}}, below). Anyways...

...Carnby has grown up. In the movie, he isn't a private detective. Just what the fuck he is at all isn't exactly what one would call clear. The centipede in his spine is giving him headaches. He thinks that the Abkani are somehow connected to these headaches. He's been traipsing the world, looking for Abkani artifacts that turn out to be pieces needed to reopen the gate. On his way home from the airport from his latest traipse, there's an impromptu car chase and some superpowered mook gets dispatched in a try-hard gun-fu/kung-fu scene that would make the Wachowski Brothers weep.

Carnby goes to the museum where his old girlfriend, Aline Cedrac, is the curator. Nevermind the fact that there was no romantic plot between these two characters in the game. Some ship rolls into the harbor with Hudgens aboard plus an Abkani artifact. That night, the artifact is activated. The other people who had centipedes implanted in them as children turn into Xenos and go after Carnby. They corner him and Aline in the museum. Some guy rescues them. It turns out that Carnby was once himself a member of Bureau 713. So how come he doesn't know about the Abkani and Doctor Hudgens? Carnby and Aline go back to his place. They have sex. Oh, who are we kidding? There's nothing even vaguely resembling a plot here!

There's another Xenos attack. Bureau 713 drops down from the ceiling and there's an endless fight scene consisting of a lot of guns firing and lights flashing and CGI monsters roaring. Then, they go the gold mine where Doctor Hudgens' lab is. Some [[{{Redshirt}} Redshirts]] get killed. The gate is reopened. Some guy we don't care about [[HeroicSacrifice heroically sacrifices]] himself to shut the gate. Edward and Aline outrun the big explosion. They climb up a shaft. They emerge through a trapdoor and find themselves at the orphanage. The nun has been murdered by... someone. They go into the city. Everyone's disappeared. Evacuated in one night, an entire city, without a trace. The two go for a solemn walk and are attacked by another Xenos, despite the fact that it is day and it has previously been established in the movie that Xenos can't survive in sunlight. The end. [[MindScrew If you're thinking "WTF?", don't worry, so are we]].

to:

Yes, UweBoll made an adaptation of Alone In The Dark, [[{{Discontinuity}} but fans of the games will tell you he made no such thing]]. It's ''that'' bad.

The original 1992 ''Alone in the Dark'' was set in the 1920s, and centered on private detective Edward Carnby investigating the suicide of Jeremy Hartwood, the owner of the Louisianan mansion Derceto (or alternatively Jeremy's niece Emily), thereby being beset upon by a plethora of horrors inspired by the works of HPLovecraft and uncovering and exorcising a curse pertaining to a pirate/voodoo priest who was killed at the mansion long ago and now seeks his resurrection. The game was followed by two sequels; ''Alone in the Dark 2: One-Eyed Jack's Revenge'' in 1993, having him investigate the mansion of Hell's Kitchen regarding the kidnapping of young girl Grace Saunders and the disappearance of fellow detective Ted Stryker, and again contending with a pirate lord and a voodoo queen; and ''Alone in the Dark 3: Ghosts in Town'' in 1994, having him investigate the disappearance of a film crew and friend Emily from the first game at the old western ghost town of Slaughter Gulch, contending with undead gold prospector Jed Stone.

In 2005, a reboot of the series was released with little connection to the original three games; ''Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare''. Set in the present day, it centered on a new incarnation of Edward Carnby visiting the mysterious Shadow Island to investigate the death of a friend, accompanied by anthropologist Aline Cedrac, who herself sought some writing tablets of the lost Native American Tribe the Abkani, in addition to the possibility that Obed Morton, the son of the family owning the island, the Mortons, was her father. The two eventually become embroiled in a plot involving Obed's brother Alan attempting to open a gateway to the World of Darkness and take over the world.

Boll's adaptation has precisely dick to do with either of these two continuities or any of these games. It features a few names and basic plot elements from ''Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare'' mangled with Boll's own impenetrable plot that he thinks is briliant, and [[InNameOnly that's about as much of an adaption as it is]]. The plots of ''[[TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey 2001: A Space Odyssey]]'' and ''MulhollandDrive'' combined are easier to explain than that of this movie, but let's try anyway...

In this version, ten thousand years ago the Abkani opened a gateway to the World of Darkness and something got through before they could close it and scatter the pieces necessary to open it all over the world. In 1967 remnants of the civilization were discovered and the paranormal research agency of Bureau 713 was established to study it, headed by Lionel Hudgens. Lionel Hudgens' research was eventually shut down, so he established his own lab in an abandoned mine and conducted experiments on a bunch of children from an orphanage in which he implanted these centipede creatures (presumably these are the "things that slipped through before the Abkani could close the gate") in their spines. Now, whenever Hudgens wills it, or ''something'', Hudgens can control them and make them turn into these monsters called "Xenos". Edward Carnby was one such child. He however, ran and hid in a high voltage box that zapped the centipede in him, so unlike the others Hudgens can't control him, but he is granted certain superpowers (see {{Narm}}, below). Anyways...

...Carnby has grown up. In the movie, he isn't a private detective. Just what he is at all isn't exactly what one would call clear. The centipede in his spine is giving him headaches. He thinks that the Abkani are somehow connected to these headaches. He's been traipsing the world, looking for Abkani artifacts that turn out to be pieces needed to reopen the gate. On his way home from the airport from his latest traipse, there's an impromptu car chase and some superpowered mook gets dispatched in a try-hard gun-fu/kung-fu scene that would make the Wachowski Brothers weep.

Carnby goes to the museum where his old girlfriend, Aline Cedrac, is the curator ([[PromotedToLoveInterest nevermind the fact that there was no romantic plot between these two characters in the game]]). Some ship rolls into the harbor with Hudgens aboard plus an Abkani artifact. That night, the artifact is activated. The other people who had centipedes implanted in them as children turn into Xenos and go after Carnby. They corner him and Aline in the museum. Some guy rescues them. It turns out that Carnby was once himself a member of Bureau 713. So how come he doesn't know about the Abkani and Doctor Hudgens? Carnby and Aline go back to his place. They have sex. Oh, who are we kidding? There's nothing even vaguely resembling a plot here!

There's another Xenos attack. Bureau 713 drops down from the ceiling and there's an endless fight scene consisting of a lot of guns firing and lights flashing and CGI monsters roaring. Then, they go the gold mine where Doctor Hudgens' lab is. Some [[{{Redshirt}} Redshirts]] get killed. The gate is reopened. Some guy we don't care about [[HeroicSacrifice heroically sacrifices]] himself to shut the gate. Edward and Aline outrun the big explosion. They climb up a shaft. They emerge through a trapdoor and find themselves at the orphanage. The nun has been murdered by... someone. They go into the city. Everyone's disappeared. Evacuated in one night, an entire city, without a trace. The two go for a solemn walk and are attacked by another Xenos, [[PlotHole despite the fact that it is day and it has previously been established in the movie that Xenos can't survive in sunlight]]. The end. [[MindScrew If you're thinking "WTF?", don't worry, so are we]].

Changed line 49 from:

* SoBadItsHorrible: General Consensus.
** Said consensus is correct.

to:

* SoBadItsHorrible: General consensus says "this movie sucks".

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